greguk
03-01-08, 16:22
Well here I am having found this place from another site and it looks like it covers everything I have!
Let me tell you a bit about myself first. I'm 33 married with two great kids. I have what most people consider and good job being self employed (I do not consider it much fun!) and a nice house and very little it would seem to be down about.
I once remember saying to my Dad who had suffered some form of breakdown that I would never suffer from any form of mental problem like he or my Mum ,who did and still suffers from panic attacks, did, I just wasn't that sort of person...how wrong I was!
I used to be very care free, considered good fun and would spend little time worrying about what if anything I had done wrong.
It all started to change nearly 9 years ago. Unfortunately my Dad died very suddenly from a heart attack aged 51. We worked together and socialised together and he was not just my Dad but my friend, so it was a massive blow and was made even worse by another 5 family deaths in a few years. It was a very bad time.
After he died I was obviously very upset but the first Christmas after he died, my mental state started to change. I started to feel anxious in social situations and then came the fear I was going to have a heart attack. I would get bad chest pains, pins and needles, heart racing etc and was convinced I was dieing. This lasted for a good few months and came back from time to time over the next few years. I still have a massive fear of dieing and being ill.
I also am now a very negative and pessimistic which was not me but I just can't shake it and have very dark thoughts and moods.
When the heart worry was less I started to suffer more from anxiety and it was really bad when I was away from home. I still dread going away and the hours spent in the loo or room worried that I can't cope with normal everyday situations. I have managed to put up with this over the years have just accepted it and avoid going away when i can.
I also seemed to suffer badly from anxiety the next day after a few to many to drink. I realise that I probably drank too much and I'm working on cutting down. I accepted that the alcohol was partly to blame and this seemed to make me happy knowing the feeling would go away.
Unfortunately, over the last few months, the frequency has been getting worse and I have developed this fear about not being close to a loo. If I am not it sends me into more of a panic and I feel really uneasy and my stomach starts to go.
Just before Christmas everything came to a head one day after a night out. I went to pick my daughters up from school and had a major panic attack. Then the next day I couldn't play golf with my friends which I enjoyed and the feeling of anxiety and a sense of foreboding was unbelievable. This carried on for the next few days and I dragged myself to the doctors.
I told him that I just felt I couldn't cope with normal everyday things and just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. He has given me some tablets and I have an appointment with a councilor next week.
I managed to do what I feared over Christmas with massive effort and not really enjoying anything. I went Christmas shopping, had people over Christmas Day and went away for a few days which was the hardest as I had a car journey (no loo) a panto and dinner with strangers every night, all things I was dreading.
I just cant help thinking about it, feeling down, feeling anxious and just having this sense of foreboding and negativity. I don't seem to have any energy be able to motivate myself to do anything and don't look forward to anything. I feel muzzy and every little ache or pain buts me on edge.
Will it ever go away!!
Thanks for reading.
Let me tell you a bit about myself first. I'm 33 married with two great kids. I have what most people consider and good job being self employed (I do not consider it much fun!) and a nice house and very little it would seem to be down about.
I once remember saying to my Dad who had suffered some form of breakdown that I would never suffer from any form of mental problem like he or my Mum ,who did and still suffers from panic attacks, did, I just wasn't that sort of person...how wrong I was!
I used to be very care free, considered good fun and would spend little time worrying about what if anything I had done wrong.
It all started to change nearly 9 years ago. Unfortunately my Dad died very suddenly from a heart attack aged 51. We worked together and socialised together and he was not just my Dad but my friend, so it was a massive blow and was made even worse by another 5 family deaths in a few years. It was a very bad time.
After he died I was obviously very upset but the first Christmas after he died, my mental state started to change. I started to feel anxious in social situations and then came the fear I was going to have a heart attack. I would get bad chest pains, pins and needles, heart racing etc and was convinced I was dieing. This lasted for a good few months and came back from time to time over the next few years. I still have a massive fear of dieing and being ill.
I also am now a very negative and pessimistic which was not me but I just can't shake it and have very dark thoughts and moods.
When the heart worry was less I started to suffer more from anxiety and it was really bad when I was away from home. I still dread going away and the hours spent in the loo or room worried that I can't cope with normal everyday situations. I have managed to put up with this over the years have just accepted it and avoid going away when i can.
I also seemed to suffer badly from anxiety the next day after a few to many to drink. I realise that I probably drank too much and I'm working on cutting down. I accepted that the alcohol was partly to blame and this seemed to make me happy knowing the feeling would go away.
Unfortunately, over the last few months, the frequency has been getting worse and I have developed this fear about not being close to a loo. If I am not it sends me into more of a panic and I feel really uneasy and my stomach starts to go.
Just before Christmas everything came to a head one day after a night out. I went to pick my daughters up from school and had a major panic attack. Then the next day I couldn't play golf with my friends which I enjoyed and the feeling of anxiety and a sense of foreboding was unbelievable. This carried on for the next few days and I dragged myself to the doctors.
I told him that I just felt I couldn't cope with normal everyday things and just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. He has given me some tablets and I have an appointment with a councilor next week.
I managed to do what I feared over Christmas with massive effort and not really enjoying anything. I went Christmas shopping, had people over Christmas Day and went away for a few days which was the hardest as I had a car journey (no loo) a panto and dinner with strangers every night, all things I was dreading.
I just cant help thinking about it, feeling down, feeling anxious and just having this sense of foreboding and negativity. I don't seem to have any energy be able to motivate myself to do anything and don't look forward to anything. I feel muzzy and every little ache or pain buts me on edge.
Will it ever go away!!
Thanks for reading.