I was doing great UNTIL..

[seh1980]

last night when I was in bed reading a book and drinking my Horlicks like every night happy as can be. It was about half past midnight when suddenly I felt this overwehlming sense of panic and this feeling of extreme dizziness in my head (I always feel it in my head first) and then the panic attack started. I did manage to control it after a few seconds, though it seemed like an eternity, and calm down by doing my breathing. I called Ed into the room and we chatted for a bit in order to keep my mind off things. I know that I should feel ok about the whole thing as I managed to control it but I can't help feeling very frustrated and angry with myself. This is the first time that I have had this feeling in my head since January 2004!! I thought I was over all that. When I tried to go to sleep afterwards, every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was myself having a panic attack..
I am coming off my meds at the moment and am almost completely off them.I'm now thinking that maybe I will never be able to survive without them and might have to be on them forever..:(
Ed says that I had a panic attack because of the book that I was reading. It's called "Another Bull**** Night in Suck City" (sorry!). He says that I should be reading something called "Another Amazing Night in a Wonderful Metropolis". lol Bless him, I think he was just trying to make me laugh..he is right though when he says that something in my subconscious made me panic and I can't help but wonder what it was..
I have had a very stressful four months or so. The PhD that I am doing is getting to be far too much. I'm not sure what I am doing and I don't even know why I'm doing a PhD anymore. My best mate at uni, my ONLY mate at uni, is thinking of quitting because she hates her supervisor who IS an idiot, to put it nicely. I don't think I have told any of you yet but I will be going to Bremen, Germany ALONE in January 2006 in order to carry out 6-7 months of research. I'm dreading it at the moment and just don't see how I will cope...
Sorry to have moaned and bored you all to death. Am just not feeling myself at the moment..

Sarah

[lainey]

Hi Sarah

So sorry to hear about your bad night, I'm sure it's got a lot to do with all the stressful thoughts and worries going around in your head at the moment, enough to give anyone a panic attack. You are doing so well with coming off the meds, I'm sure this is just a minor blip , you are obviously really worried about going to Germany, but just remember it's 12 months away and look how much better you are to this time last year.

Take care

Elaine x

[sal]

Hi Sarah

So sorry to hear you had a bad night. I can understand how frustrating it is when you havent had an attack for so long. But you know yourself you got yourself pulled out of it very quickly. I know it will have unsettled you and coming totally out of the blue will make you worry if it will happen again. But remember you are only human and you have had a lot going on since before christmas, and stress does build up. Could be just a friendly warning to take time out and relax. Have some time away from uni work and have a nice day out with Ed.

Dont forget how well you have done and it will only carry on getting better even if you do get blips.

Take care and here if you want to talk.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[bluebottle]

I know this is like telling my grandma how to suck eggs, but here goes anyway.

You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Your afraid of having panic attacks again Sarah, but nobody in the entire world can say if you will or not. So your frightened of something unknown, just like people are afraid of ghosts. Your fear is a ghost Sarah, it belongs in the past. Don't allow it to influence your future.

Regards,

Blue
--
Japanese Proverb:
Fall seven times; stand up eight.

[kate]

Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear you had a bad night.

Tell yourself this is just a small hiccup on the road to recovery. Think of all the brilliant positive things you have done recently and try not to worry that you are back to square one again as this will just fuel the anxiety.

Hope things get better soon.

Kate x

[nomorepanic]

Sarah

Sorry to hear that you had a scare last night. I have had a few of them over the years and each time I wondered if I would be ever free from them and I accept that I am almost over it completely but sometimes it comes back.

It does knock you for 6 at the time cos you really can't believe that it can come back instantly without warning.

What is important now is how you handle it and move forward again. Tell yourself it was a "one-off" and it is not going to beat you this time. It is not all coming back and it won't as you have done so well in the past.

I hope you are feeling better today and try and get some chilling time today so you are back fighting fit again.

Chin up ok and let Ed spoil you today.
xxx

Nicola

[vernon]

hi Sarah sorry to hear this, but as you know it takes setbacks to get better? how els would we learn to use the tools we have without? I think maybe slightly it could be that u came off the meds as when i stopped drink i had real bad times for a few months. But u are also worried about uni and January 2006 this all adds up in your head weather u realise or not. You have only had one bad panic in a year and you coped well with it so I think you should look at it on a good note u have been ok all that time and only had one bad panic which you dealt with? u should be saying well done not thinking its all starting again? Just look back to a year ago when u had them all the time and couldnt cope. Sarah you are ok and have done realy well, You even made me come a long way with cipralex so thanks and keep on the way u r doing. Take care u and Ed Vernon

[lisarose]

Hi Sarah

Sorry to hear you have had a minor setback but I don't think you should worry about it too much as you seem to be coping really well. I have been through this before and have been fine for months and then suddenly out of the blue when I thought I am at my most relaxed the panic feelings would surface again and it would really knock my confidence and I would just want to go and hide from the world. Hopefully this won't happen in your case as you seem to bedoing really well but I think that sometimes there just isn't an explanation as to why it suddenly rears its ugly head again, maybe it is to do with our unconscious thought processes. Sometimes I feel like I take 2 steps forward and 3 back but my life never seems to run smoothly. I have only been coming on this site for 2 weeks and already it has helped me so much to understand more about anxiety/panic attacks etc and I am so glad I found it and everyone her has been a real inspiration to me and I now know that there is light at the end of the tunnel even if there are blips along the way.

Hope you feel better soon - don't let it beat you and keep your chin up girl.

Love Lisaxx

[Karen]

Hi Sarah

Sorry to hear about your bad night with the panic attack. You are doing so well and even though you had a panic attack, you handled it well and coped with it.

I hope you are feeling better today and are having a relaxing day.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[FAN]

hope your feeling a bit better now

fan x

[seh1980]

hi guys,

Thanks a lot for your support and words of wisdom. I have managed to calm down a little and view the whole episode in a much more positive way. I have just been sitting around the house today as I wasn't really up for going out or doing work. Ed and I have been watching the rugby and playing board-games and I've been drinking my non-alcoholic wine lol. Thanks again for all your support!!

Sarah :D

[Meg]

Having read the review of the book you were reading - it seem sthat it could have got a touch too graphic and realistic..plus all the stuff reeling round in your head .

Glad you're feeling better now. Do stay on your current dose for a bit longer now rather than taking it down any more just yet .



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[henri]

dear sarah,
i really hope that you're feeling better now.
speak soon,
henri x

[sal]

Hi Sarah

Pleased you have had a better day. You know i am off work and you and Ed are welcome to come over whenever it suits you. Sam would love to see you and she has plenty of board games to play. Hope to see you sson.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[seh1980]

hi all,

Thanks a lot for your support!!

Meg - I will do that.

Sal - I would love to. Trouble is that Ed's dissertation is due in a couple of weeks and he is working like mad but it would be good to take an afternoon off and come see you both. I will let you know.

Sarah :D

[sal]

Hi Sarah

No probs when it is convenient for you both.

Just wanted to remind you how well you have done coming of the tablets with no set backs at all. Shows me how well you are doing hon.

You should be well proud of yourself and remind yourself that this was only a blip.

See you soon.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[lainey]

Hi Sarah
Hope you are feeling better

Take care

Elaine x