View Full Version : Embarrassed about having anxiety/panic disorder
Does anyone else feel embarrassed about having anxiety/panic disorder?
I am really suffering at work at the moment, having severe anxiety most of the day, and dreading each day when I have to go back and put myself through the stress of having to deal with my anxiety/panic. Some days it gets really bad and I just want to run away.
I would like to tell my colleagues what I am suffering, but am not only embarrassed that I am suffering from mental health problems but the place where I work if very bitchy and I know if I opened my mouth, the whole place will be talking about me behind my back etc and I will be totally paranoid which will just add to my stress/anxiety.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I on my own?
Or has anyone told their colleagues and had a positive outcome?
Hi Ann, I don't work but I'd take a guess that if you told your workmates, there would be at least one who would know something about it and show you some sympathy. I have kids and I'm embarrased in front of them for my weakness and feel so guilty about not driving them all over the place like I used to.
I'd suggest you don't mention it to your colleagues unless you are quite confident that you would meet with a positive response and support.
You are not alone in how you feel. I also have kept it a secret and when I couldn't work due to bad panic/anxiety would just say it was the flu etc.
I am sure some people would be very understanding and it is more common than people think but I also think it is greatly misunderstood and as you said, people might talk about it behind my back or I might be denied a promotion because of it.
Ann,
I told a couple of my colleagues about my social anxiety and panic attacks and they were very sympathetic. Obviously managers vary a lot, but it's part of their job to deal with problems their staff are having. I wouldn't rule out telling someone what you're going through, even if it's just the personel manager. Sometimes people can surprise you with their kindness, even if they don't fully understand your problem.
nomorepanic
08-01-08, 23:24
I told my previous employers - bit obvious when I was in a full page spread in the Daily Mail - some knew already, some didn't
I have chosen not to tell my new employers - been there since March.
I just don't want the odd looks and the fake sympathy like last time and I am not sure I can tell them now so far down the line.
When I first suffered really bad my employers were hopeless and so were my team members and I carried on working to prove I could do it to them.
Hard one to be honest!
Over the years I've got to the point where I don't care what anyone thinks any more! Anyone who matters will understand, everyone else can go take a running jump. I tell anyone who will listen, LOL
It's far more common than you think. Many people will admit to similar, or knowing someone else with it.
If you don't trust your workmates to react well to it, keep it hidden. All depends on what they're like, I suppose. I'm lucky to work in a friendly office.
all the best
i feel the same as messed up,in as much as i am no longer embarassed by what i suffer with. but for alot of my life i was utterly ashamed, i think if you feel like that about yourself, really your denying who you are and it can only make things worse. however just telling anybody can cause problems, although i would now not care how people reacted so i would tell them,but not in the hope that you would get any support, because unless theyve experienced it they wont support you. best to deal with it how you are and have more faith that you are coping well and that you wont feel like this forever.
I do get very embrassed by it and try to only let my husband know if I am having an attack. I really dont want anyone else to know because it actually increases the intensity of it for me
ginnungagap
09-01-08, 17:42
How other people relate to the condition does vary greatly because I suppose it's not that well understood and quite a lot of folk - in my experience - just see it as a silliness or exaggeration. The other thing to consider is how you want (the people who know) to react or respond to you if you're actually having an attack. Real problem ground for me (and I suspect many sufferers) because when it's happening, I just want to be AWAY from EVERYBODY. Even if they are being as nice as can be and trying to help, that sense of embarassment and fear makes it very difficult to stick around.
I think them knowing MIGHT actually increase your own stress, just that whole expectancy thing or them constantly wondering when or if you're going to "go off one one"...
Personally I dont think I would tell them, or at least very few, and try not to think too much about the whole thing. Just my thought tho....
Hi
I totally empathise with you and find myself in a similar position. My problems only really got bad about a month ago when i had a panic attack and just could not get myself back on track. I started to be scared to go out, due to being off over xmas and having Flu i was able to be off for about 2 and a half weeks but had to go back today which i was dreading. I decided to confide in my closest working partner who i trust and feel much better for it. I was surprised to find out he had a panic attack a few years ago out of the blue and still vividly remembers the feelings so was very sympathetic. It also means he will cover for me and know whats going on if i ever feel the need to make a quick exit.
I dont intend for anyone else to find out about my anxiety (except my husband) for fear of being judged and that it could affect my work prospects.
I have been on Citalopram now for 2 weeks and im starting to feel the benefits after awful initial side effects.
I think it would be helpful to you to confide in someone you trust at work but if you really start to feel you cannot cope with keeping it secret then just be open about it. At the end of the day you dont want to cause yourself even more stress, its an illness just like any other and you need to put your needs first. Having managed to get through today and feeling more confidant i am glad i did not tell work excatly what i was off with but its an individual thing.
Best of luck. Do what is right for you.
Donna
:) hi all, i dont want to be perceived as being argumentative because im not being - i just would like to point out that MAYBE the people who have suffered the longest are the ones who have come to take other people out of the equation? i have been through all of this - the needing people to cope, the avoiding people to cope, the caring so much about what other people think that you spend vast amounts of time worrying about them. nobody can 'make' you deal with the situation any differently than you are dealing with it now, but over time you may come to view the situation differently and that may help you? one thing i would like to point out is that worrying about other people will always make you stressed out, so intensify your anxiety - but like i said ive been there so i know you cant seem to help it, but i can compare myself now with how i was then and say without doubt that now i dont think about other people i am no longer anywhere near as troubled - i mean i have a phobia, but what is going on with other people is irrelevant now and so my situation isnt complicated and its just about me and my relationship with panic. emma
I have been working for years now and only told my most recent employers about it because they asked me to go somewhere and obviously I couldn't. I then decided to stop hiding it, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it's not my fault so now I tell everyone, not just the people who need to know but anyone who might ask if i have any holidays planned or that kind of thing.It's too stressful to hide it and lie all the time
i agree with you eva may and it also i feel adds to the 'shame' you can feel because you feel you may be 'weak' , when in reality anybody can suffer from this and it is no measure of who you are as a person, and also when somebody does begin to suffer they too struggle with it, this is not ordinary anxiety we are talking about, and i defy anybody to instinctively know that there isnt something to worry about- something i wish id realised a long time ago and then i may have recovered quicker?
Hi All
emma what did you mean "defy anybody to instinctively know that there isn't something to worry about". Sorry I didn't get that bit.
Ann, I personally would resist all temptation to tell people at work. If you have a close friend who you know is not one of the bitchy types, one you can trust and who you know is totally understanding, then I would tell that person. However, if there is no one you can fully trust then don't bother.
If you do announce it to the whole of the office then it may make you feel paranoid and you will be thinking that they are thinking you are "not right" at times when you feel fine and you don't want that.
This is the illness isn't it? It's the not wanting people to know and the knowing that we would be so humiliated if people were to witness us in real panic - what would they think? Would they judge us? Would they think we were very badly mentally ill? Would they jump to the conclusion that we must have lots of skeletons in our cupboard? Would they assume that we must have some dreadful kind of life to be suffering this "strange" illness??
These are the questions that would go through our mind if we thought that people knew. Isn't it sad because none of the above reasons have to be true for a person to be suffering this illness. Panic disorder/depression can happen to anyone at all.
It's what keeps the illness alive - this wondering if people will notice - the girl on the checkout at Sainsbury's, the optician, the dentist, etc. This is why we are like we are. We worry too much about what others think!!!
I had a bad experience where I used to live, at the time I had no option but to tell a close neighbour and then found myself telling a couple of other neighbours. Well I wish I hadn't. I think I was seen as "different" for sure. Reason; Because they had no idea about the illness! I also got this barrage of "How are you feeling" all the time which was said in a sympathetic type voice.
Non sufferers have no knowledge of this illness which is not "visible" from the outside. That's another thing, we look so normal - but what's going on inside is not normal! And these people are the ones that say things like "you should pull yourself together" or "you got two legs aint you" - "my sister is in a wheelchair and still gets herself to the supermarket". These are the sort of things that stupid people say who don't know anything about this illness.
I have thought about this a lot and if we could all have the courage to go and tell everyone (including the girl at the checkout at the supermarket) - that if we do appear a bit dithery or a little "scared" looking it's because we are having a panic attack. Now wouldn't it be terrific if we could do that. But what would they think?
I have a great idea actually and I may decide to market this idea. I am going to have T shirts made, and printed on the front and back in huge red capital letters it will read "I'M PANICKING YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!".
If we took the "stigma" which is attached to this illness out of it and we did all wear these T shirts and then we saw others wearing them down the high street I reckon we would all feel SO much better.
Take care all.
PS No-one steal this idea cos I'll know lol
when you go into production can I have the first tee shirt
Joy
You my darling will get yours freexxxxxx
Thanks for the advice - I really do appreciate it.:hugs:
I am going to keep my 'secret' to myself. I will just be wondering what people are thinking everytime they look at me. "Does she look anxious today", "I wonder if she is feeling panicky now" etc, etc, etc. Plus I dont think I can cope with the talking about me and judging me behind my back. I am sure that if I did tell people though, that there will be a few people who will have their own experience of panic and will probably be supportive - but I just cannot risk it.
Yvonne - can I have one of the t-shirts too when you have them produced. What a great idea.:yesyes:
hi yvonne, what i meant was when you develop GAD or another anxiety disorder, at first you dont go ' oh yes this is nothing to worry about, this is a phase im going through brought on by too much stress,i just need to slow up a bit or find enjoyable things to do and i know it wont last long' no ANYBODY who experiences emotional problems of this kind (btw it isnt an illness) automatically starts to question EVERYTHING, 'what does this mean' 'am i going crazy' 'am i ill' 'will i cope' - the list is endless. all the worrying about things that arent happening is your minds way of trying to'ground' you, to make something real. my main one when i was at my worst was my obsessions with germ warfare, and more recently bird-flu (i stocked up on large bottles of water ha ha). however this period of anxiety/depression has been much less severe because of all the work ive done over the last 15 years and all of the info ive read on the subject. but if i was new to these feeling i would be very very worried, which is natural. i believe there is a process you have to go through, but it is known now that getting help quick,( i also believe that the help can be self-help and support from here) you will be less likely to suffer for years and years.i started with this 20 years ago - so no internet to instantly communicate and feel less alone,just loneliness and isolation making things worse - we are social animals so being alone doesnt really help matters but being with people who have no concept of wha tyour going through can equally be very hard to deal with.in fact i did have claire weekes books back then, but without human connection it didnt really help. for me it could have been no other way,given my circumstances, but today there is hope for people who are new to this, to know there is nothing wrong with them and it doesnt make them any less of a person and they can recover and get on with a full life despite panic. emma
hi yes im embareesed bout having anxiety disorder i go to work partime in a nursery and no one notices im anxious .ive now exepted i got anxiety and ppl have get used to it its something we all go threw i suppose at at least ppl on this site understand me and im not going nuts .tc elaine xxx
Thanks Emma I do see what you're saying - and you are right that when we know that we have this "problem" of course we question every single bit of it.
Thank you for the explanation, I can see you have immense knowledge of this condition and I will now look out for your posts.
Ann with the T shirt idea - it would take courage to actually wear one and therefore we would be half way there I reckon. Do you see what I mean.
I used to hide the fact i had panic attacks for a long time i didn't want people to see me as "weak" it added a huge amount of pressure onto myself to try and hide my anxiety.
I stopped having panic attacks then didn't think anything about it, I started having them again about 4 months ago and this time i have been very honest about it and i was really suprised to find that 3 out of 5 of my friends have suffered some sort of anxiety as for work i went in and spoke to them explained the situations and they were really good, told me to take as much time as i needed to sort myself out.
I feel much better now that people know that it's anxiety that makes me act a little weird sometimes not just me lol
Lindalou64
11-01-08, 12:58
I Think More And More People Know Of This Disorder I Understand What Ya Saying And Would Be Lying If I Said I Wasnt Embaressed .......at Some Things I Am Liike Meeting New Poeple....i Just Dont Bring It Up.....but On The Other Hand Like Others Said I Dont Care What Others Think....so Its Catch 22....i Do Care In Ways I Dunno Good Question............linda
Hey there,
I had been going to the same dentist for years and he didnt have any patience with me, one time I was there he seemed crabbit and asked what the problem was and if I was having trouble breathing through my nose, I felt embarassed but I told him about the panic etc and since then he has been slightly more understanding however I agree I think its a hard thing to discuss with people..I sometimes talk about it but tend to always 'underplay' it......its like Im thinking theres a 'stigma' attached to having problems. Hubby gets told all the gruesome details though lol
Shaz x
crazychick
12-01-08, 23:00
I've found this thread really interesting to read - most people in my workplace know about my panic attacks because they have seen me take one at some point or other but in a way i wish they didn't as some people are nasty and make sarcastic remarks so i got really self conscious for a long time and tried to hide the fact i was taking attacks (at the time i had an understanding PM and line manager who allowed me extra breaks which i logged and worked the time back but certain people saw me as getting special treatment) So if i started to panic i would take five and i would tell them later or tell someone can you tell "managers name" i'm taking five and that worked well but i stopped doing it because i was embaressed and had an increase in attacks so went back to that.
Sadly my line manager and /PM left and i got new ones who think it is an attention seeking illness and have told me i must enjoy taking severe attacks (i don't as they are not nice as i am sure you understand and because when i hyperventilate it brings on my asthma and gets serious) I have been signed off work for over six weeks now as i am worried and embarassed about suffering from this.
Hey crazychick,
Thats so bad, your new line manager should be understanding of your needs, you could probably take it higher and speak to someone in personnel/HR or something cause they must have some kind of policy in place where they have to be understanding to their staff's needs, its terrible they think your attention seeking................no wonder your embarrased. Do see if there is someone else at work that you can speak to about it.
Shaz x
bambileo1976
13-01-08, 21:09
hi everyone i am new to the forum so hope i do this right. I have had panic, phobia and axiety for 17 years things are now really bad as i have been agoraphobic for 4 years. 2 years ago i couldnt leave the house but i am now able to take my kids to school and work close to home but i wont go any further. i am so tired of it all it hurts my body so much. i have recently upped my dose of citalopram but i seem to be more anxious i am drinking to try to numb my body and brain but know im not doing my body any good i feel like im hitting a brick wall and want someone to pull me up and out of it all but thats just wishing. i just want to be 'normal' to be free anyone got any tips.
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