Wanting to go back to college/Uni

[Super_Simon]

Ok, firstly hello! I am new on these boards, but not new in the anxiety area. Have been suffering for most of my life since a teenager (without realising to begin with), avoiding situations until it got to it's worst when I was about 22/23. I would not even be able to go into a shop, or walk to town, down the highstreet etc. All I used to do was walk my dog, and I would be very careful what streets I went down (in case of friends houses, might bump into them) and would wear my hat all the time, so people might not recognise me. I have had CBT, and it helped to an extent. It got to the point where I wasn't learning anything new, and wasn't pushing myself hard enough and blamed it on the therapist being a wolly! So that's where that ended.

Well, I am now 25 (nearly, in February anyway). Having moved out of home and into a rented place (a very long story), I was kinda forced to do things I hadn't/couldn't do before. I can now do most of the things I used to do, go into shops/banks, stand in ques, go on the bus etc. Although, things are a little depressing as I've moved to a new area, and I don't have any old friends who I could contact to help me out, I would like to go to college or uni to make friends and get a good qualification, but it's that first step! I must admit, getting back into the swing of things like school, would feel really wierd, being as it's now nearly 7 years since I was in that kind of environment. I know it would be the best thing for me, but I can see myself stood at the open evening alone, like a lemon! I don't have any family other than my mum, and my aunt (who lives abroad). Obviously it would be out of the question for my mum to come along as I'd be pretty embarressed, as any bloke would understand at my age!

I don't work, that's another hurdle I need to overcome. I am starting my driving lessons again, and need to pass as I know this will be a big boost to my confidence. I just thought I'd post a message on here, as I've found it very comforting and inspiring in cases, to read posts by other members. At least I know I'm not alone, and not the only twenty-somthing year old who's going through this.

P.s If anyone wants to chat, please add my MSN, it's in my profile. I like rock music, movies, sci fi, games (xbox, ps3, pc) most stuff really. :yesyes:

[Richie]

You have done very well Simon, keep up the good work:) :) :)
Richie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Don't give up not now you've come this far

[june]

Simon, you have read some of these pages so you must realise there are a lot of people who feel like 'Lemons' out there.
Go to an open day - you do not need to talk to anyone exept a tutor.
They will only want to know what you want to study.
(You must have an idea of what you want to even have the thought.)
I went back to Uni at the age of 57.
It was a wonderful time.
I have suffered panic/ anxiety most of my life.
JUST HAVE A GO. If it is no good this time - at least you will have tried.
You can always have another go next term.
GOOD LUCK
june

[sagey]

Simon. go for it, make the most of any opprotunity you get and take all the help you can get. good luck and be sure to come back and tell us your plans. Sagey.

[peach]

hi!

im no longer a 20 something, just entered the 30s...but i can give you a big thumbs up :yesyes: and say 'you can do it!' as i just did. ive just finished a three year full time university course....im so proud ive done it, and although it was really hard at times....there were moments i i felt soo sick and dizzy, but stayed and managed to get through...i even attended my graduation exhibition opening night!!!!!!! and yes i felt like throwing up the whole way there and for the first hour, but soon felt ok...

all i can say is, keep pushing yourself....know that if ever you cant cope you can always just head home....i garantee you that you will find most days you will stay and feel ok. also, good luck with the licence!!! i couldnt survive without my car........

[PUGLETMUM]

:yesyes: hi super-simon, my situation is similar to yours so i know exactly where your coming from. i think maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself? could you do something short first instead of jumping straight into a degree? im going to an assement on wednesday and then an interview to do an nvq in childcare, im pooing my pants:blush: already. i dont even really want to do this course now as ive started to think i could do more academic stuff, but really from an agoraphobic point of view ill be lucky if i even start this course,so i think ill just try to walk before i can run. i know that im going to be riddled with anxiety and the next week is going to be very hard - but what choice do i have, stay still with my agoro or keep pushing and pushing against it? the other thing is im prob going to have to take my mother-inlaw on wednesday(so still depending) but the choice is take her or not go, i think i can live with doing wha ti feel i need to do. could your mum just sit in the car, or gointo somewhere close by so you know shes around? im gonna ask my mum-in-law tojust bring a book and go in the collegs cafe or go around some shops close by, could you do that? dont miss out on your chance because of this,if you take someone with you, wha tdoes it matter what other people think, really,why do you care? i think this sort of shame and embarassment can greatly hamper your recovery. ive ben with my husband or mum-in-law and they will openly discuss what is wrong with me,and in ear-shot of everyone else! ive been so embarassed by them at times - but why, dont have the problem, its me, their not trying to hide it away and they dont feel ashamed by me, maybe this is why they dont suffer? who knows?
anyway good luck with it emma

[Super_Simon]

Hmm, having a real up and down time lately. I guess a lot of people on here feel this way? Just can't seem to stay positive, and focussed, for more than a day at a time. Things aren't great at home, which doesn't help obviously, and I literally don't have one person to talk to. Trying to do it on your own just seems to take that bit more effort. At the moment I just can't visuallise myself in college, or anywhere.

Wish I could just turn my brain off sometimes, I'm sure people here relate to that one! :winks:

[Ivy]

yup, i can relate to what your saying completely. i'm having problems with focusing and being motivated for more then a day at a time. i had to drop out of college, but am going back in april, maybe? and i too am learning to drive! i just passed my theory! wohoo!!
i'm gonna add you to my msn, hope thats ok!
ivy
xxx

[Nibbles]

Hi Simon and :welcome:

Congratulations on all you've already achieved. :yesyes: Moving away from home is a huge achievement whatever the circumstances and something you should feel very proud of. That shows that you have the strength and determination to overcome anxiety. It will obviously take time but you are thinking about pushing your boundaries all the time with college, driving etc which is really encouraging.

Perhaps you could approach an open day as an exercise in itself and the first step to achieving your goals. I'm sure your mum would take you and stay nearby but out of sight like Emma says. Also, open days are about chatting to tutors and picking up leaflets so the amount of talking you do is purely what you feel comfortable with. If this feels like too big a step at the moment then perhaps you could consider a more relaxed course such as evening classes or an Open University qualification.

I thought I'd tell you a little about me in the hope it makes you feel less alone. I'm 24 and work Saturdays as a library assistant but did have some time off sick 12 months ago. I would like to work more hours and this is a challenge because of my anxiety. To overcome this I have been accepting extra work to cover for colleagues who are off sick.

I graduated from Manchester University in 2004 and spent my time at uni living at home. My panic attacks began on fieldtrips while at university and has made travelling on holidays and trips difficult. I am hoping to apply for a PhD this February but feel very uncertain as to whether I would cope.

Like you I get good and bad days which I think everybody does whether they suffer with anxiety or not. On the bad days I can't see myself making progress but I try to relax and wait for these days to pass. If you want to pm me for a chat feel free. :)

Take care,

Mike :)

[Super_Simon]

yup, i can relate to what your saying completely. i'm having problems with focusing and being motivated for more then a day at a time. i had to drop out of college, but am going back in april, maybe? and i too am learning to drive! i just passed my theory! wohoo!!
i'm gonna add you to my msn, hope thats ok!
ivy
xxx

Yeah no worries, be nice to chat to anyone + everyone! :yesyes:

Well done passing the theory, I'm not nervous about that, but I know I'm gonna struggle, I've never been a study/revise type, always took tests by rush-revising, seemed to work for me I guess :shades:

Cheers Mike, thanks for the info, it has helped just coming to a website like this, seeing that other people my age go through this too. I just have this massive feeling of loss, loss of what some could say are the best years of my life. I remember thinking on my 23rd birthday, this year it's gonna change. Now it's my 25th, and it's pretty much the same. You know, all celebration events (like xmas, easter, new years) pi**es me off quite frankly! :winks: Well done on your qualifications though, I'd love to get to that stage alone. I guess the only way to to this, is to jump right in. A pychiatrist I saw a while back said there's a new way of looking at anxiety, to just accept it. I sort-of get that. It's never gonna go away, really, so there's just one choice, accept it, or don't. I find making appointments helps a little bit. Then it's half done, and I'm already there in my mind. I think I'll phone the college first, and speak to someone, maybe they'll even understand a little bit. It'll put me at ease I guess.

Don't know if anyone else has had this, but I've been having these dreams of all my old friends, places I knew lately. I can say, it is quite disturbing for me, as it's like a reminder of everything that's happened. Sets me up wrong for the rest of the day.

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi simon, i do have these dreams and also the feelings of having 'lost' alot of my life, but i have learnt now to turn it around and look at the positives.nobodys life is all good or all bad. if you are depressed, which with agoro is likely, then you will see things in a negative light. if you can deal with both issues a little at a time you will get there. just doing little things builds into bigger things, and helps to shift both problems. doing nothing really is the only thing you can do wrong, other than that you could do anything.i would recommend you go to a site called 'uncommonknowledge' so you can learn about depression.and id suggest starting setting yourself little acheivable goals, which is what the site advocates for ppl with depression. you can get over this, as there are other agoros on here myself included who are turning their situations around, and some are like you very well aquainted with it as have been suffering for many many years. it is never too late to conqeur your problems. take care emma

[Nibbles]

Yep, I've had those sort of thoughts on special occasions too. The thing is it is so much harder to notice our own achievements. I'm guessing you lived at home when you were 23 so moving out is a huge step forward. You've overcome many other obstacles too so are making great progress. What you've said about ringing college sounds like an excellent first step. I'm sure they'll be very understanding because they were with me at university.

I've had dreams about people from school too although I wouldn't call them friends because I didn't have a great time there lol! It does surprise me that they pop up in dreams but I brush them off as daft dreams that are a load of nonsense!

Take care,

Mike :)

[lucy0927]

Cheers Mike, thanks for the info, it has helped just coming to a website like this, seeing that other people my age go through this too. I just have this massive feeling of loss, loss of what some could say are the best years of my life. I remember thinking on my 23rd birthday, this year it's gonna change. Now it's my 25th, and it's pretty much the same. You know, all celebration events (like xmas, easter, new years) pi**es me off quite frankly!

Don't know if anyone else has had this, but I've been having these dreams of all my old friends, places I knew lately. I can say, it is quite disturbing for me, as it's like a reminder of everything that's happened. Sets me up wrong for the rest of the day.

Hi Simon,

Just seen your post and I'm going through pretty much the same thing at the moment. I turned 25 last year, I remember turning 22/23 and thinking, I'm still only young and I've got plenty of time to get rid of this anxiety and still enjoy myself. By the time I hit 25 I suddenly realised that i feel like i'm getting left behind.

Seeing what old friends have acheived in the past 10 years since leaving school just makes it worse and there's no way I could ever go to any reunion because I just don't feel I've done myself proud. I have lots of dreams about old friends from school too and it sets me up wrong for the rest of the day as it reminds me of how free and easy things were back then and how much I wanted to achieve and haven't.

I recently did a qualification, though I did it via distance learning and found that really helped. I didn't have to go to a night class etc and sit there worrying what people were thinking about me or whether I'd end up sitting on my own like a lemon with everyone laughing at me because I don't like making small talk. I have good days and bad days, on the good days I feel I can do almost anything, on the bad days I feel I can't do anything and just want to sleep so it all goes away.

I have problems with travelling abroad, I haven't been on holiday since 2001 and I worry every year that people will ask me where i'm going on holiday this year and I have to make excuses every year for not going away. For gods sake a holiday is suppose to be relaxing, what's wrong with me.

Anyway, after all my ramblings, I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone in thinking that each year it's going to get better and when it doesn't you get disappointed. I hope you manage to get through your course and enjoy it.

Take Care
Lucy xx

[Super_Simon]

Hey Lucy.

Wow, so much of what you're saying is true for me. I know exactly what you mean, on all points of discussion.

If it helps at all, the last time I went on holiday was in 2005. It was an 8 hour flight, and I was nervous. I hadn't been on a holiday since I was 16, quite a few years ago. I felt ok, once I reached the airpot, and even better once I'd got on the plane. Once on the plane, there's no going back, eh. Although I've never had worries about flying, quite enjoy it actually.

Are you going on holiday (or, hoping to) with friends? Because I can understand your fears, I've never been on holiday with friends, and it would scare me ****[insert swearword that you know goes here if you want]less..

I know it's strange to say, but I'm glad I've met some other people like me. It is a funny life, that's for sure. I never expected things to turn out like this, but expectations are always high.

Hey well done for the qualification, it's an achievement after all! Congratulations. :)

[june]

About holidays - you are just being eco-friendly and holidaying in England for a change.
Good luck
june