A Proper Apology

[Gordon]

Ok I'm calm now.

No mention of illness, who likes me, who hates me, none of that.

I'm just very very sorry.

I just got the angriest I have been in a long long time and I am scaring myself right now.

Not an excuse this but the truth, a few years back I was getting anger management. They stopped it cos there was only 5 of us attending and it was being provided for more people - so they said it wasn't cost effective or something. It was helping me lots.

So over time I've lapsed back into this hotheaded vitriol filled person.

I DO have a right to be annoyed at what I feel to be injustices against me but that doesn't mean I can rant about it to peeps I don't know.

When I'm calm I'm nice. When things get on top of me I just explode at times.

It's not nice. I know that. But it happens and until I can get professional help I'm going to have to stay away from a computer.

Now for the main part:

I am sincerely sorry to Trac67 for what I said.

I am sorry to Nic for the "sabre rattling" and my behaviour.

And I am sorry to each and every NMP member for my last couple of posts there.

I read them back and I am appalled at myself - appalled that I let my demons control me like that :(

Thankyou

Gordon

[Gordon]

One more thing, please try and understand about BPD - the more people who are clued up about mental health issues the better. I have a bad enough time trying to deal with the general public. We're all in the same boat right? We just get given diiferent labels.

[kazzie]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Gordon

Kaz x x x:hugs:

[Jaco45er]

Gordon chap.

I know you are not a bad lad ;) but you need to curb that temper chap. Those last outbursts were bang out of order but Nic and the crew will be forgiving as it is in thier nature I am sure.

Just try to think before typing mate, think things through. No one here is out to upset anyone knowingly.

TC Bud

Jaco

[Gordon]

That's my problem.

I don't think. I just let the anger control me.

I need to get that help pronto but looks like I gotta wait a bit yet.

Gordon

[nomorepanic]

Gordon

I appreciate the apology - I know it was hard for you to do that.

I even went into chat to see if anyone was in contact with you to make sure you were ok. Would I do that if I didn't care:shrug:

I am not being self-opinionated here but I am actually a very forgiving person as at times I have had a go at people that I care about and never meant to upset them and they forgave me despite me upsetting them.

I think we all do it at times and we blow our tops and see red:blush:

People sometimes tell me I am too soft and tolerate far more than they would on here with the abuse and threats of legal action etc.

It is very tiring and with a full time job as well I am drained at night and it is hard to focus and concentrate and deal with so much stress and hassle.

I didn't ignore your mail today - I just didn't know how to reply without getting mad at you so I let it rest for now.

I know you suffer and I do understand how hard and frustrating it is to suffer - I am 14 years into panic/anxiety and know all too well what it is like. Ok I don't have BPD but I do have daily issues with driving and have to face them every day to get out to work.

I just find that at times you can go mad at the wrong people. Your anger is not at me or people on here - it is at the system and maybe yourself but maybe your posts come across wrong.

Gordon - I mean no-one any harm on here but I have to defend the site and sometimes I do get really hurt with the PM's and mails and threats I get and I will respond to them as I see fit.

I hope we can resolve this and I truely do hope that you get the help you need asap.

Cheers

[Gordon]

Thanks Nic and sorry once again.

Sometimes I just get into a frame of mind that it's me against the world....

I came here as it's much more relaxed than the dedicated BPD forum (if you think I'm hotheaded you should see some of the people there :ohmy:).

I appreciate the mostly relaxed aura of the place and I'll refrain from getting political and stuff again. (I blame the fact that The Sun is brought into the house).

Gordon XX

[nomorepanic]

Gordon

Well that is fine and glad you feel more comfortable here.

Let us help you all we can ok and work with us not against us.

At the end of the day we are all on the same side to be honest.

I think it would be good if you got to a meet-up as well to see the real people behind all these posts.

[Dying_Swan]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:Mista:hugs::hugs::hugs:

You're a good guy Gordy. I know you're having a rough time at the moment and I really hope you get the help you deserve soon.

xxx :flowers:

[flinty90]

chin up gordon no one has committed a crime here mate, hope you feel better soon

Flinty

[trac67]

Gordon,

I appreciate the apology, thankyou :hugs: :hugs:

Love

Trac xx