I needed to prove to myself!

[jude]

Last night I was sat outside having a cigarette in the dark.
I was wondering how bad DP/DR could get...as I do from time to time.
Right on cue, the feelings started! But I thought NO, Im not running this time.....I usually run back in the house and do something quick to make it go away.
So I sat there and concentrated on it. It got worse and worse. I felt like a complete stranger to myself...like nothing of me was familiar...like Id just met myself. It was terrifying....but I needed to know if it would just go...without distraction.
On I sat, worse it got until it peaked, nothing existed and I was slipping away.
I said aloud SH*T SH*T. Total fear.
Then I said aloud. NO, It will subside. Calm down.
It did subside and I survived to tell you all today!
I still feel a little shaky and lost, but I survived and Im still sane.

Right or wrong, I just had to prove to myself that I would come back, no matter how bad.

Now I sit and wonder whether anyone else has done this. Its a very unnerving feeling when you dont recognise yourself inside. Your mind own mind feels unfamiliar. I was so scared of this feeling that it has been holding me back. I needed to see what it would do to me if I just 'let it'

Did I do the right thing?

Jude x

[bluebottle]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Did I do the right thing?</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Of course, you were in a safe environment and you faced your fear. You beat it as well which always helps. ;o)

Now treat yourself Jude, you deserve some "me" time.

Regards,

Blue
--
This Years Love - David Gray -
If you love me got to know for sure, Cos it takes something more this time than sweet sweet lies

[sal]

Hi Jude

Well done and you see you did come out the other side. I have done exactly like you on many occassions rather than trying to distract myself or taking a diazepam. And however hard it get once you have faced it you know after a while it goes away.

You did really well.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[jill]

Well done Jude for facing your fears[^]
I know how hard it is and now that you have done it always remember
that it will only go so far then it will stop.

TAKE CARE LOVE JILLXX

Believe in yourself. You gain strength courage and comfidence
by every experiance in which you stop to look fear in the face.
You must do that which you think you cannot do.

[FAN]

well done on facing the fear and winning, now you have done it once you can do it again and each time will become easier hopefully

fan x

[Meg]

That was totally the right thing to do Jude !!

Well done - so now you know that there is a peak of how horrible it can be and then it passes ..

No stopping you now



Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[SickofIt]

Good for you, Jude.
:)

[Karen]

Well done Jude. You did really well to sit through it and let it pass.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[jude]

Thank you for the encouragement. I really do appreciate it.

Its very difficult to know whether you are taking the right steps sometimes. This illness is so unpredictable and there seem many different faces to it.

Although it was terrifying, Im glad I did it. I dont need to be afraid any more.

I hope people who are feeling desperate can read this post and find some hope. I really am not a brave person, so If I can do it, anyone can.

Love to you all ( in a friendly way of course.);)

Jude xx

[mojo5]

Well Done Jude !

[doddy]

you are so brave and correct in what you did.

just think you faced the worst and came out the other side feeling pretty good about it. well done to you.

i think when you do what you did then you are well on your way.

only a matter of time im sure.

ive just kept telling myself its just worry, let it be there but carry on.

i also love having a fag outside at night!!!

take care.

doddy

[nomorepanic]

Jude

I tried a similar thing once - read this post ..

Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)

Well done you!

Nicola