School Run Panic Attacks - Why?

[Panicky Me]

Hello

I am new on here and am getting very distressed. I keep getting panic attacks, always on the school run - I feel bad from the minute I get in from work until I have picked up the kids and am back home.

I had severe PND when my son was born five years ago, coupled with anxiety and panic - since then I have returned to work and live a pretty normal life except for this Fear of Fear that I have - its starting to wear me out - I know you should'nt run and that you should ride the fear out but at the time my rational mind does not work and I just want to run as fast as I can to get out of the situation.

Does anyone else suffer with anxiety and panic - why is it that it always happens at the same place - I must look a right miserable cow at the school - I turn up and cannot wait to get away - I must also look very flustered.

Knowing if anyone else has similar feelings would really help

Thank you to any one that replies.

[lorac]

Hi Panicky Me.

I can really relate to this one. I have had panic disorder and anxiety for about six years now and think that the hardest thing I have had to overcome is the shcool run. I have struggled so much with this one that I have to take my husband or my Mum with me. I don't know what it is, maybe it's all the crowds that make us feel like this. I have to say the more I keep doing it the easier it becomes anything to do with going to the school sends me into panic. I feel that everyone thinks I am a miserable woman coz I don't talk to many people, I am so busy dealing with my panic at the school I just don't feel able to talk to others, just want to get it over and done with.

Carol

[louwilliams]

Hi

I am exactly the same as you on this one-and believe me you are not the only person to feel like this. Often in the chatrrom there are a few of us in around the school run time and we help support each other and offer each other words of encouragement.

I have been known on more than a few occasions to invent fake appointments in order to pick the kids up early just so i dont haver to wait around for the school run or I ring around people to see if they can get them! I'm not embarased about this as i know i'm not the only mother, or perhaps father, who does this lol

I find that taking my dog with me helps, just something to shift the attention to, or I listen to music or play games on my mobile-try to find a distraction technique until you feel comfortable.

Lou xxxxx

[ladygrom]

hi your certainly not alone on this one i panick on school runs school plays im even guilty of keeping my son off school because of it i felt realy guilty its like lou said ther a few on here in the chatroom who feel exactly the same tc elaine xx

[Panicky Me]

Thanks for the replies and kind words.

It helps knowing others feel the same way. I just cant understand how at work I can cope with anything thrown at me, but thinking about the school run and doing it turns me into a wreck!

I will try using the mp3 player to listen to music to distract myself, may help as sometimes sounds around seem to set of the panic.

Will keep trying and stop trying to avoid the situation - fortuanately I only do the pick up from school husband takes them in the morning - but I do spend a lot of the day worrying about the pick up.

Thanks again for the kind replies and I sincerely hope you too start to get over the panic attacks or at least learn to live with them better - they take so much energy and are so cruel - after the last lot I want to learn to get over these without the Dr prescribing drugs and trying to sign me off work - I want to do this without the tablets - I will keep trying & try to stop running.

Will have a look at chat room some time.

Take Care,

Thanks again

Krissie

[Allye]

Maybe you could try to work out what exactly sets off your panic. Is it speaking to other mums and dads, waiting around without doing anything, or something else?

[julieb]

i too suffer with this but rarely have to do the school run as i work. the stupid thing is i work in a school and like you can do anything im asked but absolutely dread having to take my daughter to school on the odd occasion go. i've always been the same though with my older children too. i'm not an expert but with me i think its the fact that i cant get out if it. i've got to go and i've got to wait no matter how awful i feel and so feel trapped.
dont know if thats any help?

ju x

[mirry]

for me it was the dizziness that made it difficult , so many people , hate it !

[cassi23]

Hi Krissie,

just a quick question! Did your panick and anxiety begin when you had your son as I've been suffering panick and anxiety...particularly about me health since the birth of my daughter in sept.???

Just wondered if this could be what brought it on?

Cassi

[julieb]

definately the birth of my son started my panic attacks which went on to agorapobia

[Panic1971]

Hi there,

My panic/anxiety started a couple of months after I had my daughter. She is 7 now.

[alihud]

My panics started after i had my first daughter 11 years ago,i also dislike the school run as i have to go to two schools now but i tend to try and take my dogs and distract myself.
Ali xxx

[Panicky Me]

Thanks for the replies

In answer to your questions, the panic and anxiety started eight weeks after my son was born - he is now five years old. I was fine with my daughter and used to help in playgroup and was a stay at home mum for years with no panic.

I had very bad depression, panic, agrophobia etc for a long time, was on medication, saw a phyciatrist - you name it I tried it.

I then got a job and my life back on track, but the panic attacks never really went away. My doctor recently tried to put me on medication so strong, I would have to have time off work. My work have no idea I am such an anxious person. I am very organised and in control and clear a lot of work in a insurance sales job - they do not know how out of control my mind is. I hide it well.

The panic isnt about the people at the school - its the journey getting there. I only live half a mile or so away, walk and live in a nice little town - there is no rational reason for the fear - except its where I had my first full blown panic attack. I dont even know what I am frightened off. Just that awful feeling.

Im so sorry to hear you are all suffering too - especially when we all have young kids and should be enjoying things more.

I will keep trying and looking back at this forum as it really helps to know of others who feel the same.

Thanks again to you all. We must all keep trying to beat this.

Knowing what makes us feel like this helps and after my son was born and I got over the depression, i did go a long time with no real bad panic attacks, but my hours at work did mean someone else picked up my child - avoidance. I now have no choice but to do myself.

We all need to be kind to ourselves and have some ME time. I am determined this time to get rid of this horrible feeling and start to enjoy life to the full again - I hope you all manage it too.

Krissie

[sandramick]

the school run has bin my biggest fear for years . like someone above i think the worst thing is it has to be done . no matter how bad u feel u have to get there for the kids it a big pressure when u suffer with anx . most things u do u can do when u feel up to it but not the dreaded school run half past 3 youve got to b there !. im lucky now my kids are a bit older an i just have to sit in the car an they come to me . but i still panic about driving there . is it safe to drive when u feel so dizzy an shaky . never had an accident yet so that should tell me something but it so hard to nrationalise . it will get betta one day x:shrug:

[Bill]

I may be able to shed some light on Panicky Me's cause. There are 2 sections from different posts that I've copied here .....

1)there is no rational reason for the fear - except its where I had my first full blown panic attack. I dont even know what I am frightened off. Just that awful feeling.

2)but I do spend a lot of the day worrying about the pick up.

My guess is that one day you were having a really stressful day or perhaps a few stressful days before the very first panic attack.

Performing the pick up is stressful in itself because it's something that Has to be done and so there's no escape. Therefore you would have felt trapped into doing the pick up which then causes stress.

This stress was the icing on the cake on top of the "bad day" or "days" you'de been having and so you had a bad panic attack that appeared to come out of the blue.

It frightened you so much that you now fear it's going to happen every time you do the school run. Therefore, every day at work you worry it's going to happen.

This worrying all day means that this fear is building stress up within you so by the time you do the school run you're already so wound up and prepared for it happening that you actually create the panicky feelings.

It's because it happened once that you now fear it'll happen every time and it's the worry of it happening that brings them on.

You need to convince yourself it was just one of those things as you were having a bad day so that you don't worry about it just as you don't worry about going to work.......because you've never had a panic attack at work.

The cause is often simpler to explain than the cure but it's a case of learning not to be afraid of panics because it's the worrying about them that creates them, although the very first one is often brought on by stress that may no longer be present.

As you say, Fear of feeling Fear because your mind keeps replaying the feelings and where it happened.:hugs:

[Panicky Me]

Wow - you have really got into my mind. What you say makes a lot of sense.

I had my first big panic attack several weeks after my son was born. Immediately after he was born I was excited, energetic and even hyper - I could have faced anyone or anything - then suddenly out of the blue I had the most horrible panic attack (I did not know at the time that is what it was). I saw things, smelt things that were not there and had hallicinations - I genuinely beleived me and my children were in real danger at the time (this was the stuff nighmares are made of). I saw the health visitor who said I had post nattal depression/anxiety. I then saw GP who also mentioned Post Natal Physcosis. It was a terrifying time and panics happened on a daily/nightly basis. I became agrophobic and was treated for depression and anxiety. I took amitriptyline, trazadone (made me spaced out) and finally venlaxafine (worked) with the tablets and the support of my Husband, family, excellent post natal group and Physciatrist I got better and put my life back on track. I went back to work and things went back to normal. That was five years ago.

The first real panic attack I had was on the same walk to the school that I now do. I had someone do the school run for me for a while and this avoidance probably made things worse. But its almost as if its inevitable its going to happen again - its like I get half way and then something (me) probably sets it off again..

You are right in saying about building fear in ourselves - It is very hard to stop this though - however much distraction/keeping busy - the thoughts seem to creep in from nowhere. Five year ago was such a dark place to be so the panics are a constant reminder.

I am working hard to try to beat them and making sure I do the walk daily and I am pleased to say did today, on a nice sunny day and did not seem so bad so hoping to de-sentisise myself by keep doing and get to the stage where I just go out and do not even think about it - after all nothing bad is really going to happen - just my mind and that horrid hormonal chemical imbalance working overtime again.

Thanks again for your comments - they make sense - its just hard to tell the mind that when its in its irrational state. I will try to stop building fear within myself. I think its because it wasnt just a bad day before but a year or so of my life that was taken up with depression and anxiety and fear.

Thanks

Krissie

[Bill]

Hello Krissie,

When I was going through my bad time I started to get panic attacks related to home and work but I couldn't make the connection at the time between the panics and the pressures I had.

I would get nightmares about the office as my fear had become so intense of going back so I started to avoid by staying home. Avoidance though can make our fears even more fearful and so it can take a long time before we learn to adjust to how we used to be. However, I think perhaps the longer and more intense the "bad spell", the more patience we need in getting better.

Also I feel it's very difficult to learn to counteract panic if the stresses that are creating them are still present. Sometimes we need to deal with the stresses which then help us to treat our panics.

Your bad spell lasted a year about 5 years ago and now I believe you're coming through it by what you're doing and saying. I'm very hopeful things will only get better for you. It does take time, patience, determination together with knowledge but I feel you're getting there.

You will get good and bad days but after the bad days, don't despair. Just keep reminding yourself of this -I am working hard to try to beat them and making sure I do the walk daily and I am pleased to say did today, on a nice sunny day and did not seem so bad so hoping to de-sentisise myself by keep doing and get to the stage where I just go out and do not even think about it - after all nothing bad is really going to happen.:hugs:

Well done for today Krissie.:hugs:

[liddylou]

Hi

This is just my personal opinion from experience but I truly think that u suffer from panic on the school run because that is where you 'once' had a panicc!! I find that alot of my anxiety symptons can be area or time specific. i.e. I had a bad panic once in Tescos and hey presto I get one every time I go there, I also had a panic once picking my daughter up from day care and - yep u guessed it that one stuck as well, alot of people say their anx is worse at night (me included) and spend from about 4pm winding myself up about the darkness coming!!!

I think our mind holds onto past experiences and increases the fear factor the next time that situation is due.

I am sure that if someone phoned you in the middle of the day to pick the kids up (if they were poorly for example) you would go to the school and back again with no anxiety at all.

I can honestly say that in my case the pre-anticipatory side of anxiety is probaly worse than the actual panic itself.

I am sure we have all wound ourselves up from time to time when going out somewhere and when we have actaully arrived after days of worrying about it we have the most wonderful time and wonder why we were ever concerned.

My only bit of advice would be......when it is coming to school run time, say to yourself, come on lets get this over with, hit me with it, this will give the fear less importance and hopefully in time the school run will become less difficult for you.

[fifi]

Hi Panicky me,

I just had to post having read everybodys threads as I can't believe how many people who have had severe PND go on to have ongoing problems with panic and anxiety.

I had my second daughter at 21, and even after needing a transfusion and being heavily anemic for many months after, I was totally hyped and over the moon at her arrival. 6 weeks to the day later, I woke up with an impending sense of doom, shook all over and became convinced that something terrible was going to happen. In the car on the way to the baby clinic that morning, a thought popped into my head that I was going to throw myself out of the car, the panic rose, became convinced that I was going totally and utterly crazy and by the time I got to the clinic I was a total and utter wreck! There the Health visitor picked up on the state I was in and sent me straight to the GP who diagnosed PND. 3 days later I was admitted to a mother and baby unit as by then the panic had reached such intensity that I could no longer function at home. Once in the unit I became convinced that I was going to harm my children, not because I had any urge to, but because there were mothers in the unit that had tried, I convinced myself that as they had PND and wanted to harm their children then maybe I was going to do the same too! I spent the whole time trying not to be on my own with my daughter as the panic would become so intense when I held her, with the constant fear and thought that I would do the same as the other mums. I would see clear images in my mind of what I thought was going to happen and spent every day in a permanent state of anxiety with panic attacks that would make me vomit. After 7 weeks in the unit and many unsuccesful attempts at treatment, with me begging them in the end to administer ECT, anything to get me better, stop this panic, my psychiatrist recommended progestorone suppositories. I remember being highly negative about this treatment, convinced by that stage that I was so crazy that I would spend the remainder of my days in a psychiatric hospital. Started the treatment, 3 days later I was well enough to go home, the speed of the recovery amazed me that was until I came near my period where for 2 days before hand out of the blue the anxiety, images and thoughts would return.

That was 13 years ago now and although the thoughts relating to my children no longer exist the anxiety has remained and gone on into other areas.

Five years ago, whilst near my period, highly anxious and panicky, I had a disagreement with another mum up at the school, her daughter was upset that mine didn't want to play with hers! (mother well known for being highly strung and emotional). My usual stance was to never get involved with this kind of petty nonsense as long as there was no bullying or unkindness involved and a great believer in kids needing to learn how to deal with these kind of problems. That morning as she came towards me I had a huge panic attack, not brought on by her initally, but I found myself struggling to cope with the adrenalin rush and getting my breathing under control and turned and fled. In my non panic state I would have given her short shrift and thought nothing more of it, that particular day I coldn't deal with it at all. From them on just going up to the school, still till this day fills me with dread. I know that this is highly irrational and that I'm being ridiculous but that association for me is always there.

I am without doubt that hormones have a lot to answer for! but have now realised that to get myself well (short of a hysterectomy), CBT is the answer and have had some success with this so far. It's been really good to read these posts though and know that although the reason might be different there are other people like me that dread that school run and that I'm not alone.

Fifi

[fifi]

Hi Panicky me,

I just had to post having read everybodys threads as I can't believe how many people who have had severe PND go on to have ongoing problems with panic and anxiety.

I had my second daughter at 21, and even after needing a transfusion and being heavily anemic for many months after, I was totally hyped and over the moon at her arrival. 6 weeks to the day later, I woke up with an impending sense of doom, shook all over and became convinced that something terrible was going to happen. In the car on the way to the baby clinic that morning, a thought popped into my head that I was going to throw myself out of the car, the panic rose, became convinced that I was going totally and utterly crazy and by the time I got to the clinic I was a total and utter wreck! There the Health visitor picked up on the state I was in and sent me straight to the GP who diagnosed PND. 3 days later I was admitted to a mother and baby unit as by then the panic had reached such intensity that I could no longer function at home. Once in the unit I became convinced that I was going to harm my children, not because I had any urge to, but because there were mothers in the unit that had tried, I convinced myself that as they had PND and wanted to harm their children then maybe I was going to do the same too! I spent the whole time trying not to be on my own with my daughter as the panic would become so intense when I held her, with the constant fear and thought that I would do the same as the other mums. I would see clear images in my mind of what I thought was going to happen and spent every day in a permanent state of anxiety with panic attacks that would make me vomit. After 7 weeks in the unit and many unsuccesful attempts at treatment, with me begging them in the end to administer ECT, anything to get me better, stop this panic, my psychiatrist recommended progestorone suppositories. I remember being highly negative about this treatment, convinced by that stage that I was so crazy that I would spend the remainder of my days in a psychiatric hospital. Started the treatment, 3 days later I was well enough to go home, the speed of the recovery amazed me that was until I came near my period where for 2 days before hand out of the blue the anxiety, images and thoughts would return.

That was 13 years ago now and although the thoughts relating to my children no longer exist the anxiety has remained and gone on into other areas.

Five years ago, whilst near my period, highly anxious and panicky, I had a disagreement with another mum up at the school, her daughter was upset that mine didn't want to play with hers! (mother well known for being highly strung and emotional). My usual stance was to never get involved with this kind of petty nonsense as long as there was no bullying or unkindness involved and a great believer in kids needing to learn how to deal with these kind of problems. That morning as she came towards me I had a huge panic attack, not brought on by her initally, but I found myself struggling to cope with the adrenalin rush and getting my breathing under control and turned and fled. In my non panic state I would have given her short shrift and thought nothing more of it, that particular day I coldn't deal with it at all. From them on just going up to the school, still till this day fills me with dread. I know that this is highly irrational and that I'm being ridiculous but that association for me is always there.

I am without doubt that hormones have a lot to answer for! but have now realised that to get myself well (short of a hysterectomy), CBT is the answer and have had some success with this so far. It's been really good to read these posts though and know that although the reason might be different there are other people like me that dread that school run and that I'm not alone.

Fifi