struggling [Archive] - No More Panic

sarah

11-11-03, 13:29

Hi
I know exactly how you feel. At the beginning of my panic i used to lay on my sofa for hours at a time just staring out the window with my heart pounding wondering when it was going to end and thinking to myself what was the whole point of being on this earth.My friends kind of gave up on me and stopped inviting me out places(which was fine as i didnt want to go anyway) and i ended up being too afraid to leave the house. It took me a long time to get rid of these feelings and although they surface every once in a while, i try to ignore it. I used to think i couldnt go on any more but ive made so much progress and in some ways im more stronger than i used to be.
Believe me you arent alone
keep in touch
Sarah

Laurie28

11-11-03, 13:36

Hiya Shy guy,

I remember a few months ago when my anxiety got really bad i thought i had all sorts of mental illnesses including schizophrenia (excuse the spelling) I haven't my anxiety is just on overdrive. I don't know exactly what is wrong with you but alot of people have strange or alarming thoughts but doesn't necessarily make them neither 'sick' or 'peculiar'
I'm sorry if that is the reaction u are getting from so called friends but alot of people don't understand.

This forum is great because most people have been through anxiety/panics or depression and even those who haven't have great advise to give.

I would agree with twister though try and go to the doctors and tell them exactly how you are feeling. It will be a weight off your shoulders

Take Care
Lucky

Lottie32

11-11-03, 15:05

If they are saying horrible things, then they aren't true friends! Please don't give up. Visit your doctor, it may help. Try not to take the things your "friend" said to heart, and stick with those who accept you as you are. All my friends know about my "madness" and let me carry on with my irrational obsessive anxiety ridden behaviour as though it is completely normal (well it is for me)! Feel sorry for your "friend" that they didn't have the intelligence, empathy and tolerance to appreciate you for who and what you are.

Take care

Charlie

Charlie

Meg

11-11-03, 18:45

Hi Shy-guy,

It's very hard to be disappointed by those you trust especially when you're at an age where you're exploring the world and wondering where your private space in it is and what you're supposed to be doing here anyway and worried that you may be a bit diferent because of your shyness.

This happens to most of us along the life journey sooner - like you - or later when, as they say , it's further to fall .

Try to learn from this by getting to know people much better before trusting them with secrets- and ask them theirs too- and know that whatever is going on within you is absolutely fine within yourself and it's just that you've shared things that perhaps others wouldn't volunteer.

We all have thoughts that others could describe as strange and peculier - I know I do , Does anyone else ????

If you need to just talk it out there are several places to do this . The 24 hr ones are the Samaritans.
I used to ring them frequently to just talk to about nothing to get me through whilst having a panic attack. They were great people. They are not just a crisis line - I can assure you.

Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

Shy_guy21

12-11-03, 12:44

Hi,

I know that quite a few people have responded to me and I'm very grateful to you all.

I am feeling a bit better today now that I have had time to think. i know I can't end my life as much as I want to at times.

I will try and learn from this. it's not the first time it has happened. When i was 14 I was bullied by my best friend. It caused me a lot of problems - at first I became suicidal and I've become a lot more withdrawn. i find it impossible to make new friends. When I started at university I made a few new friends but it seems people just don't want to know me after a short while.

I was being called strange and peculiar because I worry a lot and often feel down.

i e-mailed the Samaritans yesterday. I've got an email back from them so hopefully that will help. I have problems talking on the phone - it's very hard for me and I start stammering and hyperventilating. That's a major problem in itself because I often have to make phone calls so I tend to panic a lot.

I don't think i'm going to kill myself. I have days where I feel like killing myself and days that I can just about cope. yesterday was one of my bad days because i heard what the girl had said about me. Then I went to university and felt so alone. i just want to have some of the life I used to have. Go places with friends and not always feel so nervous in social situations. I used to be so happy even though I was always shy.

Thank you all of you.

Take care,
Scott.

Meg

12-11-03, 13:17

Dear Scott,

Good to hear from you. Thank you for coming back here to say Hello.

I'm pleased that you recognise that this time in your life is not permenent and will pass and you will be able to get back to being who you used to be. Happy and cheerful.

If you don't really open up to people they won't be able to disappoint you. We all know that having strange thoughts are not unusual but if you're young and haven't met it before - like some of your peers - it may come over differently.

Do you think you could perhaps find a hobby and a club for it so you'll have something to chat about and find a connection with people without it being too heavy.What subject are you doing at Uni and what year are you in ?

You know that lots of people at Uni have issues something like this- you will certainly not be alone- and most Unis are very well set up with doctors and counsellors that may be able to help you with your previous bullying issues.
If your stammering is a daily problem then you can go and have some speech therapy which is really so beneficial.

Well done for doing the email route. I'd forgotten the Samaritans had started that new service.

I think most people have had days when it all seems too much but it's on those days most when you need to remember who you really are and that it's still there - if a bit masked today.

Getting some regular exercise will really help - there are so many martial arts around now that you may find one that has the right mix of aggression, strength and tactics that may do you lots of good. And you don't have to talk much - just learn and practice.

Find a positive mantra for yourself that you feel very comfortable with and know to be true and say it over and over and over and over to yourself . You will believe it and especially say it if very black thoughts reappear..

Look forward to hearing from you soon Scott.

Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

nomorepanic

12-11-03, 17:29

Hi all

I have just read the posts in here and pleased to see that Shy Guy is feeling a little better.

I was just going to mention that if he doesn't like talking on the phone, then he could try the chat room on the site. It will give him chance to talk to others and ask questions but none of the stress of having to talk.

We would love to see you there one night Shy - after 9pm is the best time.

Stay positive and like Radar says try some exercise or take up a new hobby to focus your mind on the good things in life.

Nicola

Shy_guy21

12-11-03, 20:57

Thanks for your messages

I like writing - I'm a writer so I joined a university society for news. Unfortunately it doesn't give me the chance to really meet people because we only have one meeting a week (as it's all done over the internet - we e-mail in our stories). Also there aren't many people. i also joined a christian group because it sounded liek a good idea - meetign new people, playing football for the societies team etc but in the end I felt so left out of the group. One of the workers made me feel so uncomfortable that i haven't dared go back.

I don't get a huge amount of time. i'll try joining more groups. I have thought about Tai Kwon do (not sure if that's spelt right). it's supposed to be the sport to do if you want to build up your confidence. but unfortunately there is noweher near where I live that does it.

There is a counselling service at the university. I'm just apprehensive about going and seeing someone looking at me listening to my problems. it sounds daunting. I'm goign to email them. it's students who do the counselling though and I just find that worrying because it's people who are my own age. it's hard to explain but I feel I'll be judged more by my peers than by someone older than me. i find it easier to talk to older people. I tried talking to a friend a while ago about my problems - she did mental health nursing at university, so I thought she'd be able to listen. She didn't speak to me again. That's made me worry about telling people I know because they'll ignore me if I try talking about my problems.

My stammering isn't a daily problem. It only happens when i'm very nervous - like when i have to give a presentation or speak in a seminar or tutorial. it's not constant stammering. i just find it hard saying a few words. Like once I had to give a discussion of an article from a book and for some reason I just couldn't say article. It's worse when i'm on the phone which makes it difficult because I have to phone people for the news site I work for. It only happens when i'm nervous.

I'm rarely on the internet after 9 (although i will be tonight). I'll try to visit the site at some point soon. i don't mind talking if i'm accepted. i just find it hard talking to new people.

I'll check my email now. Hopefully the Samaritans will have contacted me again.

Thank you very much.

Take care,
Scott

Shy_guy21

12-11-03, 21:34

I forgot to say what I study. I'd rather not say exactly what it is because my university is the only one in the country that does that course and I'm the only Scott in my year and so it might lead to people finding out my problems. Lets just say it's history related.

Take care,
Scott

Meg

12-11-03, 21:37

Hi Scott,

I can completely understand about not wanting to be counselled by students... I certainly wouldn't have wanted or have gone through with that. Perhaps visit your doctor and speak to them about a different avenue of counselling if you think that might help..

A writer - excellent - no wonder you have a very vivid imagination and associated thoughts.
When thinking of all our most remarkable authors, I often wonder where it all comes from, they have the most fabulous insights and pure genius inspiration. I am hugely admirational.

It is common though, that they are not always accepted as the most social of people - mainly because people cannot keep up with their thoughts or they seems so different. A bit like you're describing. Try to use your talents wisely and not blurt things out so quickly and focus on the thoughts and images in ways that you can do so well. Write them - give them freedom and life that way instead of on a personal basis.

Try to keep things on a very light note with new people and just chit chat socially rather than anything heavy. What you don't tell them they cannot refer to later.

I'm so single dimentional myself. WYSIWYG. It may be more common but it's not nearly so exciting or motivational as yours can be I'm sure.

It would seem that younger people just don't have the life experience to accept your thoughts and that may be why you feel more at ease with older ones.

Tai kwan do is supposed to be good. If you do find a group I would be inclined to meet the tutor first and discuss with him your reasons for joining.

Good about the stammering only being occassional- but if it will hamper you through Uni do discuss with your doctor. I know a debating group may sound horrendously scary but it will certainly address that issue very quickly.

Glad to catch up again.

Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

Shy_guy21

13-11-03, 11:43

Hi,

I haven't had very much published - just a few articles on the net and some articles in magazines and for student websites.

I enjoy it. it helps me relax.

Writing is always considered as a lonely activity because it takes up so much time. But using my imagination helps me to escape temporarily.

I'll take your advice. Thanks.

What do you mean by being one-dimensional?

Sorryt his is so short - I have a lecture very soon. I'll write a longer reply later.

How are you?

Thanks for caring.

TAke care,
Scott

Shy_guy21

13-11-03, 13:58

Hi,

Sorry my last message was so short.

I will contact the counselling service at uni even though it will be daunting. No pain no gain though I guess. It won't hurt just to send them an e-mail for more information and see what happens. I don't trust my doctor really. i know she talks about people who are not her patients. She tells my mum all about my aunty and so I'm sure she would tell my mum about me. Also she is quite hopeless at her job - she couldn't even diagnose conjunctivitus when i had it and didn't have a clue what to do. She also refused to refer my dad to a hospital when he complained of problems and as a result his terminal cancer wasn't dealt with until aroubnd a year later than it could have been.

Like I said in my last post I have only had a few pieces published and they have been non-fiction. I hope to have my fiction published soon. I find that helps me a lot. I do campaign work through my writing - I feel helping others takes my mind off my own problems. I also write about my own problems but fictionalise it. And sometimes attempt poetry to show how I'm feeling but I ca n never do it, but still writing something is the next best thing to talking to someone about everything.

Many authors have mental health problems or are isolated in some way from society. Their upbringing and there isolation can be inspiring plyus the fact they are alone means they have more time to think and write. I know that I tend to use my imagination to escape and fantasise about how things could have been.

I watched a programme once where a very unconfident man was being taught to be more confident. he had to do Tai Kwon Do. I have books on it and it seems good. There isn't anywhere near me though that does it at the moment. Not sure if my uni has a society.

How are you? I feel selfish talkign about me all the time.

Take care,
Scott

Lottie32

13-11-03, 14:37

Dear Scott

Do you have to stick with your GP? If she is as useless as she seems, it might be a good idea to change your practice. It doesn't sound like you'll get much help from her. Is there not a doctor on your campus you could enrol with? My GP has been fantastic, and has provided CBT on the NHS, so please persevere with this - there are many more good professionals out there than there are bad!

I have a friend who did Tai Kwon Do, and he says that ALL/ANY martial arts would have the same focusing theraputic effect, as they are all based around the same ethos. So why not try another group. I'm sure your Uni must have some sort of Judo/Ju Jitsu etc club (apologies for spelling).

Have you thought about joining some other clubs where not quite so much interaction is required. Like swimming. Then, if you are having a bad day, but feel like some company, you could say you have an appointment, and just swim 10 lengths, then go home. If you are having a good day, you could join in more, and maybe have a coffee etc. after your swim, with other members of the club. Either way, you get a bit of companionship, but can control the amount of contact you feel able to deal with that day.

Also, have you thought about e-mail pen pals? It's always nice to get a letter or message from somebody, and as you enjoy writing, it might be fun to do a "Letter from America" style composition. You do not have to tell your new friends anything that you don't want to. I have two good friends I have made on the internet, but have chosen not to meet them.

Also check your local drop in centres, yellow pages etc. There are quite often local charitable organisations who offer counselling for free, and who will be manned by adults.

Try not to think that everybody will be the same when you get to know them. Your friend, the mental health nurse may have found it difficult to deal with your issues because she was attached. I can deal with alsorts of things when they don't concern people who I am close to, but don't cope at all well when something happens to those closest to me.

Good luck Scott, and don't give up

p.s. If you discover what "normal" is, maybe you can tell the rest of us!

Charlie

Meg

13-11-03, 14:44

Hi Scott,

Look into changing your doctor. There is no point having a doctor you have no respect or faith in. Sounds like you are at a uni near home - do they have one who visits the campus ? As you say nothing to be lost in emailing the counselling service.

You sound much brighter today ..

Good luck with finding a martial art club or similar.

I understand that you want to feel connected with more people - all I can suggest is that your imagination is way in excess of where most peoples are and what people cannot understand - they get scared of and see as abnormal, when in fact - it's just different.

Be proud of your talents, use them well and let us know when you're in print. Just don't rush to share these thoughts with others so much. They cannot keep up or don't understand. It does get easier as you get older as people have a wider life experience and are more open to different persepectives and visions.

I'm fine thanks - just back from a whizz up to Manchester this morning .

Take care Scott. Let us know how you're doing when you want to.

Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

nlancashire

13-11-03, 21:32

one day at a time !

Neal

Shy_guy21

14-11-03, 11:37

Thanks for your response Charlie.

I don't have to stick with my GP really. I've thought about changing doctors even though my parents will wonder why I did it. There is a doctor at uni that I'm allowed to see I think. I'm not sure really. I'll check.

What is CBT?

I'm kind of worried about going to a doctor because I expect I'll be prescribed with drugs and at the end of the day the drugs won't change anything I don't think. It won't remove my problems. Maybe I'm wrong.

I'll look in to some of the martial arts classes. It might be a good idea to go along to some of them.

I'm going to have a look at some of the other groups. Swimming isn't really for me. i feel self-conscious at swimming baths. But there is bound to be something that is worth looking in to. I'll check soon.

I do have e-mail pen pals. I've had a few problems with that although the idea is a good one. usually people stop using the internet so we lose contact. but I've been writing to one girl for 4 years now so that's good. She knows some of my problems. i do write to quite a few people also, due to my campaign work. i campaign to help certain people so i write to them and other people involved in the campaign although that is very work related, not really social chat. I'd like more e-mail pals if anyone's interested.

I think I might conbtact that old friend (the mental health nurse) at some point just to see things from her side. i know that she did use me in many ways - she even sent me her uni assignment once and asked if I could do it for her while she went off abroad on holiday!

If I discover what normal is I will let you know.

Thanks,
Take care,
Scott

Laurie28

14-11-03, 11:43

Hiya Scott,

CBT is Behavioural Therapy to try and change the way you think.
I go every 1/2 weeks and it looks and your thought patterns and what you can do to change these patterns. I am really bad at explaining this stuff you will probably get alot better replies!!

Concerning the drugs
Some people take anti-depressants and such like as it can help break the vicious cycle they are in by giving them relief from some of the symptoms and thoughts that anxiety brings, but you are right it doesn't solve the problem but may help along with CBT.
Others prefer not take take any drugs it is totally your choice go with your gut instinct

Lucky

Shy_guy21

14-11-03, 11:47

Hi Meg,

I'm replying to the messages separately.

There is a doctor on the campus. i live in the town next to where i study so I still live with my parents and travel each day to university. I'll contact the counsellings ervice very shortly. i received a response from the Samaritans so i'll respond to that first.

I do feel brighter now, thanks. I have never been able to discuss my problems with people who understand what i'm going through. I've bottled so much up and although i've told people before they have never understood so I have kept a lot bottled up. I'm glad i found this group. I've been leaving messages on other message boards and it helps so much to know that I'm not the only person who suffers these problems. All my life I've been made to feel different because nobody i knew was like me, but now I feel like I'm not so different after all.

I am proud of my talents. I like using them and it gives me a chance to relax and do something I enjoy. and it's good when people tell me they like my writing. It makes it all worth while. I'm already in print. Have had quite a few printed in magazines - I wrote the introduction for a student magazine for Sheffield. And I have a few articles that will be in print but at the moment are just on the internet - they relate to my campaign work. I'm just trying to get some of my fiction published. I'll be sending off some of my stories soon. i've been concentrating on my non-fiction just recently.

Do you live around the Manchester area? i was there the other week seeing a friend who is originally from there. Glad you're ok.

Thanks for your reply. it really means so much to know people are there.

Take care,
Scott

Meg

14-11-03, 11:50

Hi Scott,

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy- learning to change your thought patterns to more positive and beneficial ones.

There's lots on this site about it, if you go back to the Home page and look down the options on the left or use the search facility at the top of this page to check previous threads mentioning it.

Medication may give you a break - a bit like the ready brek glow feeling - but you're right, they don't intrinsically change anything so unless you make changes within yourself when you're feeling better enough to do it, often when you come off them the previous issues remain, although just sometimes your life may have moved on and the old issues no longer exist. That's when antidepressants are deemed as being truly sucessful but in reality for most people it buys them time.

CBT with medications is a powerful combination, if it's too hard going it alone. CBT is now proved to very effective alone too. Check it out.

Take good care

Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

Laurie28

14-11-03, 11:53

THAT'S WHAT I MENAT TO SAY!!! - I KNEW SOMEONE COULD EXPLAIN IT BETTER - LOL

LOVE LUCKY

Shy_guy21

14-11-03, 11:54

Thanks Lucky. i think I have heard of Behavioural Therapy I just didn't know that it was CBT.

I've made some self-hypnosis tapes and I'm going to try and use them. i got a book from a library that had the scripts - you just record yourself reading them and listen to it and it is supposed to help you relax. I made loads of them to try and help various issues. So hopefully that will help changing the way I think. Some of them were about helping you to think more positively etc. I haven't had a lot of chance to use them. i've listened a couple of times but teh book said you are supposed to listen every day for a couple of weeks, when you're in the right mood. So when I get time I'll try that. If that doesn't work I'll try and find out about CBT.

Thanks for your resposne.

Take care,
Scott

Shy_guy21

14-11-03, 11:57

Thanks Neal.

Lottie32

14-11-03, 11:59

Dear Scott

I know what you mean about drugs. They can be very scary. I have been prescribed beta blockers and diazepan. I never took the diazepan because I worried I'd get addicted, and anyway it wasn't a long term answer, but do on occassion use the beta blockers. However, so long as you aware of the dangers and side effects, drugs can be useful to "kick-start" you. I have some friends who have used medication very successfully, so try to keep an open mind. With my beta blockers, if I think I want one, I try to see if I can go another 10 minutes before I take one. Usually, I manage to refrain for long enough for my panic to go, then I don't need to take one anyway! However, my beta blockers are for a very specific purpose, to control my panic attacks, so this form of self dosing may not be appropriate to you.

CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Very basically it involves listing all the things you don't/can't do, (i.e. eating out), and then setting small targets to help you reach your goal (i.e. having a meal out with friends). You record your thoughts/actions, and once you have got there, obviously have to keep doing the thing(s). Simplistically, you are training your brain that eating out does not equal panic attack. There are also breathing exercises and other methods to help you achieve what you want to achieve.

I'm sure that Meg can explain it better, but this is a simple resume of what it involves. I see a very nice lady, and have actually started looking forward to our sessions!

With regard to your mental health nurse friend - and please do not take this the wrong way - but it sounds like you were a bit of a door mat there. I too spent most of my free time "doing things" for other people, and just couldn't say no. This was down to a lack of confidence and wanting to be liked. Eventually I realised that some (although not all) people were using me, and had no appreciation for what I was doing. I learnt to say no, my confidence is improving, and my panic is residing!

Understand completely about swimming - I hate it too, but was just trying to suggest something that you could do where you could opt how much you got involved.

What do you campaign for? I have written a couple of articles which have been published in the national press, and I really enjoyed writing them. Unfortunately, my subject area appeals to a very small audience, or else I would have loved to have made a living from it. I would be interested in writing to you - but I don't know if we can just swap e-mail addresses or not. Is it allowed on the site? Sure Meg can advise.

You sound much more positive today - why not go and see the Uni doctor. You don't even have to tell your parents, and if they ask, just say it's more convenient to see the doctor when you are at Uni. Remember, you only have to tell people what you want them to know, and your medical problems should remain your own unless you choose to share them with others.

Good luck with finding a martial arts class.

Take care

Charlie

Shy_guy21

14-11-03, 12:17

Dear Charlie,

I'll try and keep an open mind about the drugs. i lknow that there are so many different types that all have different effects so it's worth considering. Ideally I'd like to sort the underlying problems though and I think if I can somehow manage that then drugs won't be necessary. I'll keep it as an option though. It does scare me. I know if I go to a doctors I'll end up being diagnosed with something. It probably sounds weird. Finding out what is wrong with me is such a daunting prospect even though I want to know so I can get help.

CBT sounds really useful. i think I read something about it, but I'm not sure. Do you have to go to a doctors to start that therapy?

I didn't take it the wrong aeway about what you said regarding that friend. I realised that she was treating me like a doormat. Its eemed thats he would only ever meet me when her other friends were busy and if she wante dtos ee a movie that no one else she knew wanted to see. In the end I think I'm better off without people like her even if it means having no friends. I have one friend who lives many miles away so i don't see her very often. I'm hoping to see her at Christmas though.

i'm glad you're confidence is improving.

I think members are allowed to e-mail each other. When I joined this group there was an option that said include your e-mail address if you want people to contact you. if you check a person's profile there is an option to send them an e-mail without revealing their e-mail address.

I do actually love swimming but I only like swimming in the sea because there aren't so many people around - I can swim far away from everyone else. where as in swimming baths they always seem to be so crowded and I'm self conscious of the way i look so it doesn't really jhelp being in swimming shorts and lots of people seeing you.

There are lots of groups at uni so I'll try and find something suitable.

I'm not sure if I should say what i campaign for because it's a controversial subject. i try to help those wrongly convicted of crimes. That's what some of my writing involves. a lot of the cases are very high profile and so I get a lot of abuse from people who are angry that I support the people involved (even though I know they are innocent).

What do you write about? It sounds impressive that they were published in the national press. I have a few books that have contact details for newspapers and magazines. maybe what you write about has a magazine devoted to it. Then perhaps you could write for the magazine. There are so many publications on the market.

Thank you for your help.

Take care,
Scott