how to keep it up

[blackie]

Hiya all

I have been having real trouble trying to get over agoraphobia. First time i started going out was about a year ago, then something very stressful happened and i had to see a relitive in hospital. After that i stopped going out for nine months. Then before chrsitmas i started going out again and was getting on well but had a terriable meeting with a lady as i had to talk about things that i found disturbing, in a place i found new and scary. Since then i have not gone out again. I have spent the last 2 days in bed alone and the total amount of human contact i have had ammounts to about 5 mins. I am so lonly and scared i will never beable to get better. Feeling so hopeless and full of despair only makes me more anxious and stressed. I have no energy so that even doing simple things like brushing my hair makes me feel like i am going to faint. I have had little or no exercise for the last 2 years.
I really do not know how to keep up the good work of going out and visiting different places. Something always seems to happen to knock me flat on my face. Its very hard to go out everyday as i live in a village where i do not feel comfotably walking around because there are some people that are not perticuly pleasent. To get anywhere else requires a car and i cannot drive. My parents work all week so that only leaves the weekends to go out.
I have been thinking about joining a gym. There is one close by,only 2 miles up the road thats small and quite. Then i could go at lunchtimes with my dad. Only promblem is i am very unfit and feel embarrased about going.Maybe i should say i am recovering from an illness that has prevented me from exercising. After all thats not exactly a lie. if i go with my dad i will feel like i am a burden. He will want to go more in the afternoon and work out for hours so i will feel bad asking him to come at lunchtimes as well. i just do not know how well it will work. Also its alot of money and i do not know if i will even be able to go and do it. I am thinking about doing a weeks trial but first i need to be able to leave the house. i think i can do that though.
Ok sorry i am rambling. I just have it all swirling around in my head and needed to get it down to try and make some sence of it.
There is also an allotment at the end of my road. I was wondering if i could get a patch there but i have no idea how to find out about it. My parents say i shouldtalk to my next door neighbour but i am scared of doing that which is silly as she is a lovly lady.
Anyway i will stop rambling:blush:

Blackie
p.s. sorry about the title. I have only just realised how dodgy it sounds:ohmy:

[Pink Panic]

Hi Blackie,

First here's a big hug from me hun :hugs:

I can remember reading your posts from before when you were talking about getting out and i remember you making good progress. What you are prob having is a little blip as many of us anx sufferers seem to go a few steps forward then a couple back.
You sound positive in that you have ideas and you want to start again by getting out so that's really good. I'd start with small things then build it up as you get more energy and confidence. What about trying short walks each day to begin with just to accustom you about going out again.
Also are you getting any professional help now hun?
It is really hard as everything seems too much but try to break it down into small areas that you can work at bit by bit. My partner is my safe person but he works offshore for 2 weeks at a time and until recently i couldn't to anything without him but after many long months i'm now getting out myself..... I still shake and have bad anx but i cope and the more i do it the easier it gets.
I think both the gym and the allotment idea are great by the way.
Hope this is of some help and hope to hear back from you.
Take good care.

Love & Hugs
Pink
x

[blackie]

Hiya pink
Thanks for your reply. Well done on getting out on your own. Thats a great achievement. I cannot get profesinal help at the moment because the place i started to go to is a long way from home. About 40mins in the car and i just cannot make it. It was doing more harm then good and as i am out of the catchment area they cannot come out to me like she would like too. She was meant to phone me but hasn't yet and i do not hold out much hope. i think i am just going to have to accept i am not going to get any help other then medication (which i have no stopped) so have to do it on my own.
I know the only way to get better is to take action and start trying really hard. As you know though you have to go through alot of pain to get there which i guess is why its so hard.
i will really try the gym idea as it will hit two birds with one stone.(no actual birds where harmed in the writting of this post).
Hugs back to you pink and many thanks for taking the time to reply.
Blackie

[clickaway]

Hi Blackie,

The gym sounds a good idea and don't worry about being so unfit. Any decent gym will give you an assessment anyway.

Another possibility is swimming. If you can go in the pool, you will not be subjected to the sight of superfit people training on weights which can be offputting to some.

As regards the allotments, enquire to your local council. Sometimes, they are run by the local parish council if you live in a village. In any case, the council will be able to tell you a contact number.

Cheers,

:hugs:

[blackie]

Hiya Ray
Thanks for your reply. I would love to go swimming but i have too many scars on my arms and the pool is in a huge complex and is futher away. Thats why the gym should be good.
They also do offer a free assesment and weeks trial so thats my goal for the moment. I am going to try and go to the village shop today as i havnt left the house for months.
Take care
Blackie

[Pink Panic]

Hi again,

Good luck with going to the shop today hun :hugs:

Please leave me a message and let me know how you went (if you want to that is)
I'd be happy to hear from you.

Love & Hugs
Pink
xxx

[blackie]

Hiya

thanks Pink. I havent made it round the shop yet. This weekend i have been feeling really bad and constantly anxious. It just makes getting through each hour hard so i have put off going round the shop. My parents are innoyed saying i have to try and its only the village shop. I do try but its just so hard. I think i am going to have to back on the prozac. Looking backi realise that it did take the edge of my anxiety making it abit easier.I just get fed up of every doctor wanted to constantly change my medication so i stopped taking any all together, iknow that was not the best idea but i got through it. my doctors very kind but i always feel like i am wasting his time as there is nothing physically wrong me. Lucky for me is the fact that he is a 1 min walk away from my house but i still find it extreamly hard to get there.

[blackie]

Hiya
Just had some more bad news today. The person who is meant to be offering support cannot anymore because i live outside the area and so are refering me back to the local mental health team. These people refuse to help me which is why i was transferred anyway. So basically its back to square one. Its just so annoying because if i livedin the catchment area i would get a suport person to help me start going out aswell as seeing my person who also wants be to speak to a phycitrist. So thats 3 people that could help me with different expertise. But that can't happen. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!
Sorry just needed to rant. I think i just have to accept i am alone in this but i seem to live in the worst area when it comes to mental health care.
Blackie

[Pink Panic]

Hi there,

Just caught up with you again and so so sorry to read that things are still bad for you hun :hugs:

Don't worry about not getting to the shop as you will do it in your own time. I know people used to pressure me and say get out there but that always made me feel worse, so you take it at your own pace. You parents are prob just coming across as being annoyed but they are prob worried about you as us parents never stop worrying.
Why won't the Local MHT help you hun ?
As for the Doc., i'm sure he won't think you are wasting his time as you aren't! If you feel that you might be best going back on the meds then you are doing the right thing by going to talk it over with him.

Let me know how you get on hun and good luck.

Love & hugs
Pink
xxx