help\Support for Carer

[Yatesee]

Hi all,

Let me try and breifly explain the situation...

My wife has emetaphobia, and has done for many years. It came about after having her gall bladder removed at the age of 20ish. (Now 29). When she had the operation she got down to 6st due to not being able to eat properly, and being scared to eat. The nutritional experts told her to eat chocolate and high sugar foods in order to pack on the calories. She did this, and managed to come out of it when i meet her, and slowly she was managing to eat other foods etc.

Years past, we got married, 2 kids arrived, and she has always been able to just about cope with it, although in the past 4 years things have got progressively worse (in my opinion). We were living my my parents and myself and my dad had the winter vomiting virus real bad, and it all kicked off. This triggered it all off, and life was difficult. We tried Hypnotherapy to help her deal with it, which didnt really help, but it did show her some interesting techniques, e.g. EFT.

Her family have pretty much disowned her, and the main reason (along with others) is we believe is that they dont understand the problems, and since marrying me, it seems like she has been "past over to me". They dont help or make contact any more, and this upsets her greatly. We have tried talking, but to no avail.

She did manage to get CBT last year, but she found it so difficult to go, and the therapist was not easy to talk to, the Mental Health centre wrote and pretty much cancelled it all. She is on citalapram - 30mg/day, and diazapam (when it gets really bad)

Anyway, this year she has been asking me to come home from work most days, as she has been finding it v.hard to cope with the day. This makes us snap at each other, as she thinks i dont understand, yet i do - but i cant leave work everytime she asks.

Tonight has been particulaly hard - she had her first CBT chat\session today after managing to get back on it via the GP etc. I went with her, and while waiting there was a women being sick in the toilets. This naturally made her panic, she was ready to leave when we got called in. Since this morning she has been convinced that she has the winter vomit virus. She's has gone to bed now saying she wishes she was dead.

I just dont know what to do. I try my best to reassure here, but when she explains how she is scared to go to sleep and scared to wake up in case she is sick etc, what the hell can i do? There have been times so stressful that she has been suggesting that she "sections" herself. Is that right, or wrong? I dont think i could cope if she did? What about the kids? what about the steps to come out of hospital?

I guess i'm just asking for help\support as a carer, who also does 40+hrs/week as the main breadwinner, who cant do less hours as we need every penny we can get. Are there any other carers out there in the same situation as me? I get so upset and cry most days at work or at home at night. She knows i do, but i am just at a total loss where the woman i love actually doesnt want to be here any more.

There is so much i have missed to the story above, so i have tried to keep the main points in there. I feel better already for writing it out, in the hope that someone else knows what i am going through as a carer.

Thanks in taking the time to read this,

Yatesee

[Angel64]

Hi yatesee.

I am the one with the 'problems' as to say.

I know how hard it is because I have watched my boyfriend try so hard
to help me. We have been seeing each other for a few years. I change so
much with my mood swings. I also had a stage of calling him at work to
come home or collect the children from school.

I think being the 'carer' is sometimes more difficult because it hurts so
much to see the one you love suffer.

It is good that you have come on here for support, your wife would find
loads of support as well.

I only joined NMP in december but already wish I had found it years ago.

The information is great, and everyone is so friendly and caring.

Christine

:)

[belle]

Hi there...

Sorry to hear your wife is having problems with her emetophobia. I have emetophobia (since i was 4 i am now 32!!) too and this time of the year is just fueling my panic and anxiety to the highest its been in a long time. I am trying to avoid situations that could possibly put me in danger of getting ill.

Its not fair that her family are leaving down to you to cope with. Family SHOULD be there...saying that, only mum mother bothers with me, my husband, step father and my sister and her family just thing i am putting it on because i am "lazy"...!!! My husband is the least supportive person in the world, he says i am a waste of space and not a proper wife and he would NEVER come home if i called him. My ex would come to my rescue whenever i called him...but it got silly in the end because i was spending my whole day panicking and could not be left on my own.

I understand when you say your wife is scared to sleep...i have spent about a month on and off sleeping downstairs because of the fear. I feel more comfortable down there. I got sick twice last year with the winter bug, HOWEVER (and tell your wife this) i did NOT throw up! I was very close and i had the runs for hours and hour and i was gagging the entire night and i felt horrid...BUT for me the worst bit was the next day when i had the flu symptoms that come with it and not being able to take a painkiller because of my stomach being upset!

As far as your children are concerned, when my boy was ill, i found i went onto automatic and just did it. I did have a scarf around my face as i was cleaning up but you do it. You have to.

It sounds like you are a really caring man...if you want to drop me a Private message feel free, i could perhaps talk to your wife too :)

x