View Full Version : More Pressure!!
Things never go smoothly do they, so the saying goes.
Got myself totally anxious as more pressure has been put on me. As you know my brother and me eventually got mum moved, with a lot of hassle and some unkind things said. So at present we both feel we want a bit of distance. We werent close and now we realise that mum and dad did a lot to prevent us being close. So thats the good news to come out of it.
Well mum has gone skiing for the week, hence why i have got her dog as i was off work and i couldnt justify her paying for a kennel when she doesnt work and will soon realise (i hope) that she will have to curb her spending so she doesnt use all her savings in one go.
Well she has phoned me just now from Italy to tell me she has broken her ankle and snapped her crucia (cant spell) ligament. So who will be the one that has to run around and pick up the piece - ME.
I know it isnt her fault but she had a knee operation 6 months ago and we did advice her that maybe her skiing days were over. My mum has been really nasty to my sister in law so she wont have anything to do with her and i cant blame her. My brother is busy gutting the old farmhouse where mum lived before they move in. It may sound selfish, but i will hopefully be back at work by the end of next week and with having sam full time how am i going to cope looking after her and her dog as she wont be able to have him for at least 6 weeks.
I know people will say dont let her put on me, but she has a pot on all the way up her leg and wont be able to do a thing.
I had a vision that something would go wrong on this skiing holiday.
As one problem solves another one arises. I seem to be one of these people that just gets over one thing and another one slaps me right in the face.
Sorry to twist but got my i cant cope with this head on.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Sal,
So sorry to hear the latest development & how it is being dumped at your feet again.
Is there no-one else who could look after her, at least take it in turns with you? Has she any friends who could help out?
Maybe on this occasion you will have to be a bit selfish, if it's possible! As you say you have enough on with work & fitting in with Sam's care. You are right--your mum probably shouldn't have gone skiing 6 months after a knee op & she was a bit selfish to do so.
I broke my leg badly a few years ago, crutches for 5 months, no weight bearing in the affected leg for 3 months---& I lived alone then, steep stairs, loo etc upstairs. I had to manage. Had some help from good friends but still had to manage--it's amazing what you can do with one leg & arms slung over crutches!! What I'm trying to say---is don't let her put on you totally.
Hope there is some resolution/easier way to deal with it.
Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
nomorepanic
04-03-05, 19:52
Sal
What a put-on for you eh?
Can anyone else rally round and help too so you don't have to do it all.
She has to understand that you are busy with your life too and have Sam to look after as well.
I hope it works out ok Sal.
x
Nicola
bluebottle
04-03-05, 20:01
Sal, there are two siblings here and it mustn't fall on you to carry the burden just because you always have in the past. Your brother has to do his bit and that is something he has to understand.
Would you like me to come around Sal and have a word? One look at me and he'll be putty in your hands. ;)
Regards,
Blue
--
hi Sal,
You poor thing!! No wonder it seems like it's just one thing after the other..Hopefully your brother will try to do a little bit to take some of the pressure off you. Let me know if you want me to have Sam at all - it wouldn't be a problem at all!!
Sarah :D
hi sorry to hear you got more to contend with, i find that like you i get all the responsibility piled on me and always took it but now i point out that although i will do my share i cant be responsible for everything, i know its hard to tell them you cant do it and they must help but in the long run you have a life too, i hope you find a way of getting your brother to help you
fan x
Hi Guys
Thanks so much for your replies. The distance between my mum and brother isnt something i could mend, so it will be down to me. She is home on sunday and rather than going to her new how it will be better to stay here so on monday morning i can get her straight to the hospital.
I know this is going to be a nightmare, but although she hasnt given me the childhood i would have like, its no time to decide to let her down when she needs me most.
Im too soft but i will do my best to give her all the support she needs, maybe one day she will see how she let me down. But thats another story.
Thanks again.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
bluebottle
04-03-05, 23:52
I think our parents letting us down is a common theme with people who suffer from anxiety/depression and other mental health issues. Its not always that way, but more often than not it is.
My mum and dad both let me down as a child Sal so I know how you feel.
(((Sal)))
Regards,
Blue
--
Thanks mate. I cant understand how they did having a daughter myself, but thats a different story, just pleased i didnt follow in their parenting skills. But still me that picks up the pieces. Is stressful enough with looking after a parent that you respect but one that you have major doubts about but still feel they are reliant and expect, is a completely different story. Would be happy to do it even if caused me stress if there was a relationship worthy of it.
But not one to back away from the right thing to do, so she wont be let down.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
bluebottle
05-03-05, 08:08
If it helps Sal, ask yourself honestly if you love her. Not if you like or respect her. I suspect the answer will be yes, in which case it is something to hold on to. Not much I know, but it may help, I hope so flower.
Regards,
Blue
--
Hi Mate
A question i dont really want to answer, but i know exactly what you mean and i guess deep down i must. Suppose you can love someone but not like them.
I must have broken a mirror some where along the line as got up this morning, trying to be positive and there is a letter from work. After moving out of the detail office i have been working on all wings part of a flexi group and was told i would be going to B wing so did a lot of my shifts on there and got to know the routine and the staff are brilliant. Well got a letter today stating i am going to D wing, noone wants to work on there as it is the bronx. There is no discipline and there are a lot of new staff on there so the prisoners basically run rings around them. Supposedly the reason putting staff that have been in the job a lot longer on there to sort it out. Yep and im one of them they have targetted. Relish the thought, roll on sick note, it runs out on thurs and was going to get signed back on to work, but this letter has made me think the other way.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Hope you are ok, Iv'e replied to this on my other post.
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
cheers will have a look. Get yourself dust busting LOL
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Done some cleaning already, but not picked up a duster yet, seem to be getting a bit of a phobia to yellow material! lol.
Elaine x
Ha ha
Me to!!! God something else to worry about!!! LOL
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Sorry to hear about work. This is extra stress you don't need at the moment, what with having to look after your Mum as well.
If you don't feel like going back to work when your sick note runs out then I would see if the doctor will sign you off for a bit longer. You have a lot to cope with at present and don't want it all to get on top of you and make you ill.
Take things easy and look after yourself.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
thanks hon. Will see how it goes when mum gets back tomorrow, if it is going to be too stressful working for next few weeks until she gets sorted my doctor will probably sign me off. My finger is still very swollen, although my finger doesnt hurt a lot now, its gone into the palm of my hand and i cant straighten it properly, but havent got a clue what that means. The thought of D wing is a challenge but there arent enough experienced staff on the wing to pull it off and i cant stand telling one No and they go to another member of staff and they say yes but apparently that is what is happening. Suppose i will only say no once and it will spread round to not ask me.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I hope everything is ok when your Mum gets home today. I know how difficult it is going to be having her to stay and looking after her.
Have you got a follow up appointment for your finger? It does take about 6 weeks for a broken bone to heal.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
Thanks hon. I feel dreadful this morning, slept badly and feel like crawling under a stone and hiding. The work issue is really getting to me aswell. I have a follow up appointment in the morning but will have to cancel it until later in the week to get mum sorted. I am back at my doctors on Thursday to get signed on or off depending on how my finger is.
Feel like ive gone back months how i feel today and those stupid thoughts about what if ... are creeping back in.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I'm sure the way you are feeling today is just a blip, probably an accumulation of everything that has been going on in your life recently. You have done very well to cope with it all, especially being a single parent as well.
Try and distract yourself from the what if... thoughts, take the dog for a long walk with Sam, or dare I say it , how about a little dusting !!!! lol.
Pecker up chuck
Take care
Elaine x
Thanks hon.
Been out for a walk and it took my mind of things. Sam has gone to her dads to see the twins, so now im left stewing. Feeling really anxious and down. Think i am going to opt for the easy option here and see if i can get a couple of hours sleep.
Not a duster in sight!!!
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
What's a duster??? ;)
Kate x
nomorepanic
06-03-05, 13:40
I found this remarkable invention - she is called a cleaner and does it all for me lol!!!!
I am so lazy!
Nicola
Kate
It one of those things that lurk in cupboars or drawers!!! LOL
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Sal,
Seems a bit of a silly thing for your bosses to do - I would have thought it would have been in their interests to give you less stressful assignments.
Are Personnel and the managers that count aware of your true vulnerability??
Have you spoken to them at length about your issues?
Take Care,
Ray
Hi Ray
Yes they know about it all, but honestly all the staff feel the same at the moment, management and personnel really dont care about our welfare at all. Hence no contact since i had my accident at work. They open themselves up for complaints and allegations all the time.
Sick of fighting with them, you ask for one wing and the put you on the one that is nothing like the one you want to work on. We keep telling they are better having staff on a certain wing that want to be, but it makes no odds to them. Trouble is our work is so different to what they do and the have no understanding of this at all, they couldnt until the worked a landing.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Tried to get some sleep this afternoon after last nights disturbed sleep, dozed of for a while, but woke up feeling worse. Very tearful at the moment and just waiting for Sam to come home from visiting her dad, then i can go out for a walk. Mum had to fly into Manchester rather than Newcastle as there were spare seats on the Manchester flight for her to put her leg up. She is due back about 7 now, so i want Sam to be bathed and sorted so that is one less thing to do.
Definately think i will need a glass of wine tonight to get me through it.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
never mind the glass of wine get to the bar for a bottle lol
fan x
Cheers fan think i will
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Sorry you are having a bad day. This is just a blip and you haven't gone back months.
You are under a lot of stress at the moment and anyone would be feeling the effects of it. Lack of sleep doesn't help either.
I hope you are feeling a little better tonight.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Oh Sal
What a time you're having, so sorry to hear that all these things have happened to you.
You really must ask your brother to help out as it seems like your mum is going to need a whole load of help while her leg heals, you just can't do it on your own chuck. Would he be able to have the dog for some of the time??
Isn't there anything you can do about D wing - like saying you don't want to do it, or is that out of the question???
Once Sam is in bed try a nice long bath and very large glass of wine :D
Thinking of you, calming thoughts are heading your way right now...
Love Jo xxx
"courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear"
hi Sal,
Why do all these things have to happen at once??
I hope that things are going ok with your mum - or at least as well as possible.
Give me a call if you need to vent or if you need some help with something, ok?
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
Tonight went worse than i imagined, which normally you hope it will go better as we think the worst. As soon as she came through the door i felt inadequate, wanted to take her to the hospital tonight to secure an appointment at the fracture clinic tomorrow but no she wouldnt here of it, but now she is complaining all the time.
Sams have really bad feet with splits allover them and mums dog Hamish had poorly paws, so have to deal with them all tomorrow but they have all forgotton how i am supposed to be at dryburn with my finger and will have to cancel the appointment to sort them all out.
Mum has just told me she wants to be at darlington hopsital by 8.30 so how am i supposed to get Sam to school.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Jo
Thanks for your post, yeah i can have mums dog whilst not at work but then again as old as he is he could cope fine when i am at work. The D wing issue ive decided to let it go, i am quite happy to work there, i know it will be hard but wont let personnel think they have one over on me as i know they wont change it.
Seems to be one long hard fight at moment and mum has given me a run for her money tonight and still is. Text my brother but no reply so will call him in the morning. Just need to get her through to Darlington about 8 and then get Sam to school and go back and sort her out. They have all forgotten that i should be at dryburn for my finger at 9.25 but that is the last thing on their minds.
Hope you and Steve are doing well and the dogs are fine. Hope we can meet up soon.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Hope this morning goes ok for you, they may well admit your Mum as she may need surgery so that could ease some of the pressure. She will feel better after the hosp today as she is probably in a lot of pain, but she should understand that you have other things to deal with as well.
I am glad you have sorted out the work issue, positive thinking!!
Hope you manage to get hold of your brother so that he can share some of the responsibilty.
Speak later
Take care
Elaine x
Hiya Sal
You really do have a lot on your plate at the moment, did you manager to get to the Dryburn re your finger? As hard as it is, you have to put yourself and Sam first as you simply can't do everything. I appreciate how much you want to help your mum but I'm sure she can understand that there is only one Sal and only 24 hours in any day. You have a daughter and a job to deal with too.
Always here if you need to natter, I'm now working (p/t lecturer no less) to help pay my way through my masters so I'm at uni all day Monday, Tuesday and Thursday but home on Wednesday's and Friday's so hopefully we can catch up soon?
Lots of love
Jo xxxx
"courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear"
Hi Jo
No didnt manage to get to my appointment by the time i had juggled getting my mum to darlington memorial and Sam to school. But i have another one on monday coming and i am at the docs tomorrow night. I was going to ask to go back to work but apparently before i see the consultant it isnt worth it. But at last sorted with my sick and it has been excused so that isnt a worry.
Would love to come through to town to meet you, as im off work when is the best time for you and that will be fine with me. I could pick you up and we could do coffee or lunch somewhere. Let me know.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
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