Advice Anyone?

[MJDancer]

Hi - Im in quite a tricky situation. I have been dealing with stress for about 2 1/2 months having panick attacks etc etc.. (Can you believe i had one watching Matrix 3 - lol). Ive been trying to deal with it as most of us do but now my girlfiend has been diagnosed with pre-natal depression (baby no.3 :D). Part of my stress was caused by screaming kids as soon as i walk through the door from work and also my girlfriend stressing at me because shes had a bad day. Now she got this and i feel as though im cracking up, I want to be there for the kids as well as her and shes talking about going to groups and having time away from the kids which i dont have a problem with except i never get any time to relax or anything myself. The thing is she said I was being melodramatic and took th p**s and now she got probelms and wants my full support yet she moaned when i said i was going to a councillor to sort my self out 2 months ago.

Anyone have any advice? (apart from having the snip)

[Meg]

Hi MJDancer,

Open honest communication between you both and remembering why you're together , coupled with lots of compromise, understanding and mutual support.

Can you off load numbers 1 and 2 onto anyone and have a day out together ?

...and it will take committment on both your parts.

It's a difficult one - book in now for the snip.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[benoo5]

mj,

have you read your own post?

its all about me,me,me...what about your girlfriend,have you given her a second thought?

we all have stress in our lives,some worse than others,at least your able to go out to work,many on this site would love to be able to leave the house,let alone go to work.

all children are noisey,all children irritate each other,and argue with each other,its called being a child...maybe its there way of saying...we want some quality time with you dad...

as for your girlfriend...well,pre-natal depression is more common than post natal,and she needs a break as much if not more ,than you do,as radar says try to get a weekend away together.

a word of advice...at the moment ,your girlfriends condition could be more serious than yours...she needs to rest,she needs fresh air,and gentle exercise...the last thing your girlfriend needs in her condition is stress and anxiety,as this can often lead to complications in pregnancy.

take care of her...bryan.

[twister]

Hi MJ

I think you might have been saying that when you wanted to go for counselling for your panic attacks your girlfriend ridiculed you but now she wants your support for her depression?

It's not the time now to be bitter about this - many people are guilty of not understanding mental illness and you and your girlfriend need to support each other now that you are both having a hard time. Have you tried explaining to your girlfriend exactly what your panic attacks entail?

I had a similar, though not so acute situation with my partner. I was suffering from panic attacks when he suffered a bereavement in his family and was knocked for six. We also had other stressful situations going on and he said to me 'I dont think I have the strength to support you anymore' which obviously terrified me. We ended up having a long talk about it and we realised we needed to support each other - we loved each other and we both needed the other one to be there for us. Since then we have both had bad times and good times and have supported each other in the necessary way.

I think you and your wife need to escape the kids together as a couple for a day or two and have some fun as well as discuss your situation without any demands for your time. Do you have anyone that can look after them - even if its just for an evening once a week.

Good Luck in supporting each other and I hope you feel better soon.

Emily

[kate]

Hi MJ,
It must be quite an eye opener to your girlfriend to now understand the feelings that you were experiencing before her. I can understand that you are feeling annoyed that she now wants sympathy that was not previously give to you, but this is of course not helpful to the situation. You both need time off, both on your own and with each other.Once you get over your resentful feelings, I am sure that you will in fact gain comfort from the fact that you both understand the feelings you have and that the experience can in fact bring you closer together.
Keep us posted on how things are going
Kate x

[Laurie28]

Hiya MJ,

I was diagnosed with post natal depression but I mainly suffered from anxiety. I was aware of how my partner must be feeling as he was having to cope with kids and me!! I know it must be very difficult and stressful and the last thing your family need is for you to be ill.

Do you have a supportive health visitor, I know everone was always on at me to take time for myself but I was the woman and no-one seeemed to think of my partner

As radar says can you get someone to look after the kids and give you both a break. My sympathy goes to your partner but also you as you are clearly upset and in deperate need of a break (i know how i feel when i get home from work to screaming children!)

Take care of yourself
Lucky

[MJDancer]

Thank you everyone for your advice, its good to have alot of opinions. Me and my girlfirend have spoken about this and we're going abroad next year together for a week but in the meantime she will be going to groups with other 'mothers to be' to have some more escapism twice a week. I might as well help her through this, at least for my childs sake then sort myself out eventually.

Twister - We go out twice a week as it is socialising all night and she also now has her mothers group twice a week at night. So 4 nights out of 7 isnt bad, its more than most people have including myself.