Worry

[delta]

Hi everyone

I am sorry to burden you all with my problems but I don't know where else to turn at the moment.

I have spent the last few days feeling that I have taken a major step backwards. I have gone back to reading my Dr Claire Weekes book for reassurrance, something I haven't needed to do for ages. I just feel so low, I feel like my life has spiralled out of control and I can't do a thing to get out of the mess. I don't know where to start but everything seems to be going wrong at the moment. I have to go into hospital in a few days time for a minor operation, I am sick with worry over that, I am shaking, I feel sick and dizzy, I can't eat, I have a permanent headache, I seem to have forgotten all my usual techniques for coping with my panic attacks etc.

To add to this we have major money problems, it's a long story but we got into debt when DH went back into full-time education as a mature student 10 years ago to improve his career prospects, he now has a well paid job but we are left with the debt and with a young family the debt seems to be ever increasing. DH has a full time and a p/t job so I can be at home with the children, problem is there still isn't enough money and I have been unable to find work that will fit in around the children that will allow time off in school holidays etc. We NEVER have any money left over for treats, we NEVER go out, I never buy clothes or have money for haircuts etc. I feel powerless to do anything about the situation.

I just feel so anxious all the time, I never hear from my parents and basically they couldn't care less about me, is it possible to be married and be a mother but feel so alone?

Once again I am so sorry to burden you all with my problems and I don't expect anyone to have the answer I just needed to get it off my chest.
bye for now
Donna

[sal]

Hi Delta

sorry to hear you are feeling so down, but not surprising as you have a lot on your plate. Firstly try not to get yourself too worked up about the operation i know it is daunting and remember everyone gets anxious about operations, and i am sure you will be fine.

As for the money worries, i know how hard it is having no spare cash, it seems never ending and are you ever going to get out of the whole you are in. Im left with nothing due to debts i got after i split with my ex and now am at the stage where i am struggling to and it worries me sick. It will take time to pay of your debt no doubt like me but there is an end to it even if it is going to take a few years.

I can understand how lonely you feel even though you are married and a mum, but you arent. You have a lovely family and all the support you need on here. Are there no part time jobs in schools that you could try for that work around the children. I know childcare makes it so hard for parents to work but the government do now pay 70% of it now, if you found a job you liked and needed child care. Just a thought.

Take care.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[FAN]

hi sorry you feel so down right now but at least you know we are here to listen, no wonder you feel like this with everything your juggling at the moment and the worry of hospital but try get every thing into perspective,once you been to the hospital all the worry and symptoms that go with it will leave and you can set about tackling other problems, the debt can be sorted out im sure if you ring the people/companys you owe to explain the situation and offer a low payment (i owed thousands and did this, they are happy to get small regular amounts rather than hound you constantly for the full) how about if your home with your kids to try get a childminding job for other peoples, well if you can face loads of other kids too lol
im sure it will be ok let us know how it goes

fan x

[nomorepanic]

Donna

Sorry you are having a bad time of things at the moment. It seems as though everything piles on at once doesn't it.

What you need to do is break it down into smaller steps and issues and deal with each one in turn rather than try to tackle the whole lot in one go.

Start with some chill out time - try to give yourself some "me" time and get a relaxation CD and listen to that.

Tackle the money issues by sitting down and working through what needs paying when and work out all the finances for the month and put money aside for them.

I hope the operation goes ok for you too.

Nicola

[jude]

Hello Donna,

Your life sounds like mine. No money, never going out etc etc.

Try to take some comfort from the small things in life. Look at your kids and think how beautiful they are, how proud you are of them, how much they love and need you.

This is what I do. I go and sit on thier bed when they are sleeping and think about how much I love them and how proud I am to be their mum. It helps to get things into perspective.

I know its hard being broke, but lots of rich people suffer from exactly what we are going through and their money doesnt help.

Once your operation is over, Im sure you will feel better again.
Im glad you had a good moan and got it off your chest. We all need to now and again

Jude x

[delta]

Thank you so much everyone for your reassuring words [^] I have taken on board everything you've said, I know I need to take things one step at a time, I'm just not very good at thinking straight when I feel everything getting on top of me like this.

Jude - The children are what keep me going, I love them so much, they have brought so much joy to my life, I often sit and watch them whilst they are sleeping.

Thank you so much everyone for being here.
Love Donna
x

[sal]

Donna

I do that with Sam and am so grateful that she is here. She gave me the reason to take the bad days and fight through.

You will get there hon you have so much going for you and in time it will come right.

Here if you want to talk.

Take care.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[bluebottle]

Hi Delta,

Regarding your money worries, and I share them so your far from unique in this respect, try contacting these FREE organizations.

http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/

http://www.cccs.co.uk/

These people will do all the contacting of your debtors and arrange for you to pay managable amounts that you can afford. Be honest, don't overstretch yourself and be tempted to say you can pay more than you realistically can.

Don't despair Delta, there is a way out of money problems and by contacting these organizations you will find it. Good luck.

Regards,

Blue
--

[lisarose]

Hi Donna,

I know exactly how you feel as I am in the same position at the moment with money and it is like a constant uphill struggle isn't it and things never seem to get any easier. I feel constantly anxious, uptight and feel like crying all the time and wonder when it will all end. Sorry to hear you have to go into hospital but I am sure it will be fine. If ever you want to have a moan about anything I am always here to listen, you can send me a PM or email me at lisarosemoore@msn.com.

Maybe we can help each other through this.
Take care
Love Lisaxx

[Karen]

Hi Donna

Money problems add to the anxiety. The Citizens Advice Bureau can also help out with contacting creditors and working out a schedule of payment that you can afford.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[henri]

hey donna,

i'm not married and don't have children so i can't relate to that part of your post, but i had serious debt problems when i graduated from uni - took me nearly 8 years of not going out/shopping etc to pay it back. i did something similar to what blue is suggesting - i spoke to the debt people and agreed a reasonable amount that i felt could be taken from my account each month - i know it seems like the debt will never get paid off but at least that way you are not in trouble with anyone and are working towards paying it off.

i really hope everything goes well with your operation this week - i'm very scared of operations too - can't even go to the dentist without freaking out - so i can understand where you are coming from. i'm sure everything will be fine, let us know how it went.

take care,
henri x

[angieb]

Hi Donna

I hope that you are now feeling a little better. Do take debt advice, I did four years ago and it made all the difference. You are entitled to a decent standard of living, you will just need to get your creditors to agree to reduced payments - they will do if you ask I promise.

Re the job situation, working is a great way for you to get some time for you, I have two children and have always worked, sometimes part time and most of the time full time. My eldest is 13 and youngest is five. I worked on the basis that even though child care would cost me half of my wages we would still have the other half...which was a lot more than we had with me at home. Working gave me time to become another person that was not housewife, mother, cook and cleaner.

School holidays are a challenge, but most schools, sports centres etc offer care during these breaks. We always take our family holidays during the school holidays and they add up too.

I have just left a very high powered job through stress at work, my fault, I let it happen but it has not put me off working, I love working, getting my wages every month and seeing my family all benefit as a result. Perhaps you could try for a school dinner lady or classroom assistant to start with.

Whatever you do I hope that you are happy[^]

Take care of you, you are obviously a lovely mummy:D

[delta]

Hi everyone
I'm back from hospital, the operation went well and I should start to see some improvement over the next few weeks.

I'm still very anxious over money, I've tried talking to dh about it but it nearly always ends in a row. I used to take care of the money side of things in our relationship and then when the children came along I handed it over to him, I should never have done this because his attitude to money has been different to mine. Everything is such a mess and we are living beyond our means with no budget to stick to. I feel that a wedge has been driven between us and I feel numb inside, I feel that I have lost my identity, I am no longer a person, I fear I have become invisible to everyone. :(
Thank you everyone for being here.
Donna

[delta]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi Donna

Re the job situation, working is a great way for you to get some time for you, I have two children and have always worked, sometimes part time and most of the time full time. My eldest is 13 and youngest is five. I worked on the basis that even though child care would cost me half of my wages we would still have the other half...which was a lot more than we had with me at home. Working gave me time to become another person that was not housewife, mother, cook and cleaner.

School holidays are a challenge, but most schools, sports centres etc offer care during these breaks. We always take our family holidays during the school holidays and they add up too.

I have just left a very high powered job through stress at work, my fault, I let it happen but it has not put me off working, I love working, getting my wages every month and seeing my family all benefit as a result. Perhaps you could try for a school dinner lady or classroom assistant to start with.

Whatever you do I hope that you are happy[^]

Take care of you, you are obviously a lovely mummy:D

<div align="right">Originally posted by angieb - 08 March 2005 : 14:53:41</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Hi angieb
Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you've had to give up your job. Are you working at all at the moment? I always worked up until 2 years ago, I had another operation and I was out of action for quite some time and had to give up my job, I was self-employed so there was no sick pay etc. I kind of thought that another job would come along, it always did in the past but I'm finding it difficult now. Also the nature of my operation meant I couldn't stand for long periods of time so shop work was out. It doesn't help that the town we live in doesn't have any good kids clubs/holiday activities, I don't have family willing to take the children at short notice and it has usually been accepted that I will be the main child carer. I am happiest when I am working p/t, it seems to give me a focus away from my other problems, instead I have far too much time to mull things over and I have lost all confidence being stuck at home.

At the moment I help out in school and would like to progress further with that to a paid job, the qualification I need to get a job will cost £600, IF I was on benefits I could get the course for free but there isn't anything I can claim, it all seems so unfair, surely the fact that I am unwaged says I cannot afford to pay it. Anyway thanks again for your suggestions and your kind supportive post.
Donna :D

[angieb]

Hiya Donna

So pleased that you are back and have survived the stress of being in hospital. I am in my notice period at work (still being paid on full pay for another six weeks). I am however going to get back to work ASAP as I don't seem to be doing well having too much time on my hands (or rather too much time in my head[:O]).

We lost a business to foot and mouth some 4 years ago and had terrible debts, always robbing Peter to pay Paul. Looking back I cannot believe how we survived. We did though, I faced up to the money situation (not easy but a very good move), re-scheduled all our debts and regained a standard of living. It can be done I promise you. I was lucky though, we sat down together and as scary as it was we dared to admit how big the problem reallt was - HUGE[}:)]

If you would like any detailed advice about your options i'd be happy to offer. Firstly though you do need to get everything written down to see the full picture.

Re a part time job, have you thought about doing something from home? I've been selling all our old junk on ebay and made a small fortune this week. Rob and I have set up a little competition for fun. We are going to a car boot sale on Sunday and we have £20 each to buy stuff to sell on ebay to see which of us makes the most profit!!!!!

Where there is a will there is a way Donna:D

Take care for now hunny.

Have a good Friday.
Angie