View Full Version : like to clear some stuff up
congrats nic on the nhs accreditation.
ok something id like to clear up because i get tired of being asked this question every single day,
ok marcus2 and i are a couple yes we both live in the same house and we have 2 comps ( we dont share the same one and log in one after the other to chat with people, thats just silly be sensible people) we are also in the same room and same chatroom.usually when we are in chat we talk to diff people.yes we both have issues regarding anxiety ect but they are diff issues and i cant say i understand all his or him all mine sometimes anothers point of view is handy.
personally im agoraphobic and social phobic that means i dont go out often and b dont really socialise for anxiety reasons, so i like to come to chatrooms.although im in a chatroom im still a bit guarded and a bit shy and id really like it if people could spare me blood pressure from rising by asking why we both come here.
the other thing id like to point out is i refered to a clique.i didnt mention who i felt these people were or why
. an attmosphere seems to creep in at times.chats going along quite normally everyone seems to be having fun but behind the scenes is an undercurrent and a feeling of things not being quite right.its not so much whats said in chat thats the problem its the feeling of it that at times .makes me feel on edge.i explained to some here about empathy ( basically means being able to feel others emotions) its not something i can turn off. and sometimes i really dont like it.but it helps me with psychic and mediumship readings so im guessing i have it for a reason.
i dont mind feeling someones upset, tears,panic,happiness thats nothing really standard stuff. its the judgemental stuff i hate sensing, .dislike as many people as u want as long as that dislike comes from your experience and not the opinion of others.if u dont like my post im not gonna take offence as long as u have the decency to read it yourself and decide for yourself.
often when we dont like people its because we see something in them we cant tolerate in ourselfs.so its good to look at why we react to certain people the way we do,why we feel out of our comfort zone with them.and it only really becomes a problem when u blame the other person and make it thier fault.i appoligise if some of u were left feeling paranoid when i said clique.maybe i just dont understand group mentality?if i was outside and had to pass a gang of people id feel uncomfy and i guess i experience the same in a chatroom 2. .if staff feel this topic needs to be locked to save "debate" thats fine but i know people here are "grown ups" and are capable of responding accordingly.everyone here has fantastic qualities individually.
what more can i say you have covered it all amazing xxx
ps do i get a prize for the longest ever post on here lol just kidding i appoligise for it reading like a novel:blush:
Love you guys - and thank you for making me feel very welcome in the chat room.
SJ
I went in chat last night for the first time in ages. There was something going on but I wasn't sure what or who was involved. I also noticed the clique word being thrown around but I just ignored it and carried on chatting.
The majority of people were just having a good genuine laugh there last night and I must say I enjoyed it very much.
The best thing you can do, Jess, is just keep chatting away to the people that DO respond to you. Ignore anything you don't like and just try and enjoy yourself.
I used to go in chat every single night for hours at a time. It can become your life. BUT, I find now that if you limit your time in there then you aren't aware of any cliques etc cos you aren't so familiar with all the people that visit on a regular basis.
The chat room is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. If this isn't the case for anyone, not just yourself, you are best to steer clear as it does nothing for your anxiety!
Kate
well said jess thats all im saying xxxx
all I can say is if you dont like someone dont chat to them...simple as that, whats the point in getting worked up about it, and as for the clique, I dont personaly think there is, just join in!
hi wen i enter the chatroom everyones realy friendly if i avnt spoke to someone b4 i just join in with ther conversation .everyone is real friendly so come on and join in i cant say i dislike anyone in the chatroom ther all great and sometimes i have a real laugh which takes away my anxiety a bit tc elaine .xxxxxx
Marcus are you trying to kick off yet another chat arguement ?
Trac
bottleblond
23-01-08, 19:54
OK Marcus i'm getting just a bit fed up with this mate!!
now let me explain something to YOU!
CERTAIN people are quite, CERTAIN people are talkative, CERTAIN people come in to chat and sit in the backgroud because that's what they feel comfortable doing, and CERTAIN people love to join in and have a laugh and a good old gab!!
Now if the later get together and have a good old gab then SO BE IT! it does NOT mean there is a clique, it means people are FRIENDS!!!
NOW ENOUGH OK!!!
Lisa
eeyorelover
23-01-08, 19:59
It can take awhile to get to know new people whether it be online or in the 'real' world.
I would say just give it time and you will feel like you are one of the chat room regulars.
You have to understand that alot of the people who frequent chat are in there nearly everyday.
When someone new comes in sometimes they can feel like they are out of the loop but it's just that they are new and becoming friends takes time.
:)
I would like to say that I agree that we should act like adults and have a intellegent conversation about this subject and let everyone voice their opinions without any personal attacks from anyone.
However there comes a point when you have to say 'altho I have a different point of view, let's move on and agree to disagree'.
xxx
Sandy
Hi All,
i've been using the Chat Room for 2 months now.
I have witnessed quiet folks,talkative folks,folks who have clearly become friends over time.The recent tragic passing of Syl showed that there was a group of people who were closer to her than others.This is not something to resent or to cause dissention.The same opportunities exist for us all-to become part of a community.
The term "clique" carries with it an implication of division within the Chat room.
I have not witnessed any clique in the Chat room.
Best wishes,
Chalky
it makes me sad that nyone would think that there is a clique in chat i like to talk to everyone no one has ever upset me always been kind and help me very much i am sorry ppl think there maybe a clique i hope oneday every one feels the way i do so tc all:hugs:
bottleblond
23-01-08, 20:23
AMEN to that !! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
kazzie im not a troublemaker thats the last thing i want to be i just have an OPINION just like every one else
louwilliams
23-01-08, 20:30
Jess
Firstly, may I say that you have been a member of this site for roughly 3 weeks. I think you have a cheek to start this thread after being here for such a short time and accused chat of having a "clique" and putting chat down, when it has been running very successfully for a very long time and before you joined.
The bottom line is that you feel put out because not everyone replies to or comments on everything you have to say. Maybe you are used to being in your own clique and having everyone listen to you and agree with you but in this chatroom and on this site, people have been friends for a long time before you joined. You seem to just expect everyone to stop their conversations the minute you come into chat and demand everyones attention and if you dont get it you start acting like a child and starting silly threads like this.
We all know exactly who the term "clique" is aimed at and who you are trying to cause trouble for but I really wouldnt bother. Like Lisa said, some people are chatty and talkative, some arent and actually enjoy just sitting and watching the chat scroll along without feeling the need to join in or stamp their feet until they are heard. To be honest Jess, I, as well as other members, have witnessed you being patronising, condescending and downright offensive to some members in chat-I have seen people leave when you start talking about things which some people arent comfortable with-maybe this is why you feel there is a clique? Not everyone agrees with what everyone says so maybe the reason you feel you are accusing people of ignoring you because of "the clique" is due to the fact that instead of someone telling you they disagree with something you have said, they chose to act like adults and not comment instead of getting into another row with you.
I know this will get an offensive reply from either yourself or marcus but this is my opinion and I will not be bullied into being quiet when you are attacking people in chat who have enough anxiety issues of their own without you bad mouthing them and also this site in general.
Ok everyone, can we not name call on the thread please as it serves no purpose.
Also the thread is being closely monitered by the admins, so we are dealing with it
Thanks
Trac xxx
bottleblond
23-01-08, 20:40
Lou....Well done! that was a well said!!
Chat is a brilliant place, we can tell that just by the amount of people who use it on a regular basis. For 100 positive comment, we will always get one negative! well in my view, that fabulous statistics.
Lots a love
Lisa
xxxx
eeyorelover
23-01-08, 20:50
Oh for crine out loud!!!!
You know I've tried to be the voice of reason but it just seems like I am wasting my breath !!!
Can't anyone see that the back and forth doesn't accomplish anything but hurt feelings???
That is doesn't make anyone change their opinions??
GEEZ!!!!!
Let's stop the back and forth and move on to something constuctive!!!
xxx
Sandy
Nice one Sandy,
Can I point out also that Admins do have better things to do with their time than have to sit and watch one thread all flippin evening for fear of it 'kicking off yet another arguement'
Personally if we ever get a poll asking should chat be closed I for one would be saying yes, it would make our lives so much easier
Trac x
well well well lmao saying there is a clique in chat is the most stupitest thing i have heard. ive never got that feeling every one is great as far as im concerned. and omg lou you dont mince your words do you. good on ya girl. bye the way am i in this so called clique ? if not then i wanna no why. just kiddin. come on now why is chat getting brought down? this needs to stop. ive always considered it as one big happy family. just my opinion.
kellie xxxxxxxx
I agree Lou, great post:)
Ohhhhhh Sorry Trac:hugs:
Was just voicing my opinion:)
But if my opinion is unsuitable then so be it!!!! lol
Kaz x x x:hugs:
IrishPrincess
23-01-08, 21:16
Well said lou,totally agree.Why is it all of a sudden that there is complaints about chat:shrug: .The majority of people in there will tell you every1 is friendly and helpful and every1 is made feel welcome and it is a good place to go and have a chat and a laugh with great people,i wouldnt like to think that new ppl read these posts first and decide not to come in to chat because of it.Most people there are warm,kind and very helpful.
Karen:hugs:
Ok this is getting people het up and stressed and its just another chat post.
Can I just say I came back to chat recently and felt like an outsider! No I don't blame anyone cept myself for being away but can we all remember that first time we entered the chat room, what state good or bad we might have been in and also whether we felt at ease to chat or not.
Also having been in a few times recently the word 'clique' kinda sums up a 'gang' which i feel is the wrong word and is what everyone here is focussing on, but yes chat does kinda seem very familiar with certain members. Now this use to happen when me, trac etc were in but we didn't leave out the quiet ppl or new ppl. Please just be aware that convos can 'take over' the room so its important to remember that a room of 10 might have more than just 3 wanting to talk but some need co ercing (not pushing) just a neutral convo to allow ppl to join in.
Now over the years we have all seen ups and down in chat, lets cut this short and if replying now please stick to answering Jess who'se post this is and not bundle others into sides! This isn't about sides!
Please lets all enjoy chat and not give the admins more aggro and give nic any cause to think about shutting the chatroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:yesyes:
eeyorelover
23-01-08, 21:40
Sax you are absolutely right!!
Great reply!!!
xxx
Sandy
IrishPrincess
23-01-08, 21:43
Sorry Can i just say im not taking sides just genuinely agree with what lou said and didnt want to repeat what was already said.
nomorepanic
23-01-08, 21:59
I haven't replied all night as I was trying to catch up with the real posts on here that need help and not ones that ALWAYS end being locked cos they get personal and nasty. :mad:
We will never all get on in chat and we will always have issues with people not liking others in there. This is called "human nature".
Can we remember why we use chat in the first place and then think about how we would want it to be :shrug: if we had just joined in as a new member.
There are people in there with in-jokes and these can appear to exclude others. This is why the word "clique" is mentioned I think.
It is worth remembering that the chat room was paid for by the members on NMP a few years ago. It cost us £250 and then about £90 for the mod add-on that we use for the quiz night. I am betting that all those members that donated don't even go in now to be honest.:wacko:
I can guarantee each and every time that we have any post under the chat forum it will end up as world war 3. Maybe it is time to remove the chat room forum and any issues can be just taken up with the admins or posted under the "Message for NMP admins".
I think I am asking for trouble having a forum dedicated to chat and asking people to post if they have issues.
I actually meant if they have problems getting in to chat and not this sort of problem.
Maybe that is one solution:shrug: :shrug:
Come on people - this takes up a lot of time for the admins to monitor and keep an eye on and yes we do have jobs and lives as well.:D
Thanks all
Hey Nic:D
Im sorry if I caused any offence by my post on here that Trac removed(and was her perfect right to do so)
Myself and Marcus have spoken via pm and all sorted now!!!!
Its just like working for a big company lol
Not everyone will get on!!!!
Hope we will not lose chat as a result of this
Kaz x x x
nomorepanic
23-01-08, 22:32
Kazz - cheers - just trying to keep the peace all round.
Glad you and Marcus are sorted - I think that is all it needs sometimes is a quick chat one-on-one and these things get sorted.
Too true Nic:D
Sorry if I have caused Trac a problem:ohmy:
Gotta face her over the diet coke in a few weeks lol
Kaz x x x:hugs:
nomorepanic
23-01-08, 22:48
Caffeine free diet coke Kazz lol
Ohhhh yes forgot Nic:D
Mine will be a vodka loaded one lol:D
Kaz x x x:hugs:
Awww Trac:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: for you too
K x x x x:hugs:
im confused???? i appoligised in my post for using the word clique.yes i was guilty of using it and i owned up to it.i also stated i was mentioning no names,which makes it odd that so many people felt the need to make personal attacks?
the post was written to explain what I FEEL.ME not personally towards anybody it was about ME.so why have so many people made it about THEM when no names were mentioned?
the bit i wrote about disliking others was about something i realised yrs ago.sometimes when we dont like people/authority or anything of the kind its an issue within ones-self,it was actually designed to get people thinking about that,nothing else.nothing sinister there.
this is a fantastic site ive not said otherwise everyone is friendly and helpful ive not said otherwise.
louwilliams prehaps u could ask the people ive been "condecending"towards to have a chat with me about it(by pm) because if i have acted that way i certainly wouldnt like to have caused offence.i am guilty of sarcasm at times and when i type i am using a scottish accent ( i type the way i hear it in my head)and we tend to sound harsh in our speach.i am not an angel but most of the time im nice as pie.
if u have a look at other posts in the chatforum area u will read that im not the only one who has picked up on feelings in chat.
i respect everyones views and i knew this post would be blown out of proportion cause it seems some people feel its about them.which tells me sometimes egos run high here!!!!
eeyorelover
24-01-08, 04:32
I understand that you are posting what you feel and we are all entitled to our feelings.
It did sound like you were saying that there is a clique in chat and then another member agreed with you which kind of reinforced the idea.
Personal feelings aside things like...
"i respect everyones views and i knew this post would be blown out of proportion cause it seems some people feel its about them.which tells me sometimes egos run high here!!!!"
and ...
"i appoligise if some of u were left feeling paranoid when i said clique.maybe i just dont understand group mentality?if i was outside and had to pass a gang of people id feel uncomfy and i guess i experience the same in a chatroom 2."
really do tend to hit a nerve.
I respect your feelings and value your opinion. Sometimes things just come out when typed differently than when we are thinking about them.
Many times I have known what I wanted to say and when I open my mouth it doesn't come out the way I meant it at all :winks:
xxx
Sandy
eeyore i appreciate what your trying to say and yes im guilty of not always being able to put my feelings into words and saying things which sounds fine to me but maybe offensive to someone else.
however ive sat back and watched a lot in the chat in a small space of 3 weeks.ive watched people being talked about when they arent there.which means that person cant defend themselfs.and one person complaining against another in open chat can cause people to take sides, or to think oh well i never really saw that person in that light before but from now on im gonna be wary of that person.fair no not really but gossip travels fast however that could backfire on the person talking about the other person and others being wary of them because they are putting another down.ive had the decency to be honest about how i feel.without pointing the finger at any particular person.and thats all i have to say on the matter.marcus apparently got a lot of stick over my post.id just like to say i wrote it if u got a problem then it should be with the person writting the post not anybody who happens to agree.but as i said before and will say again ive said what ive said and as far as im concerned thats it over and done with.
Hi, I'm never in the chat room at night when most people are because I live in Australia.
But I'd like to tell the UK & US Admins that I wouldn't even be at work if it wasn't for all the support I have been given in your chat room. What keeps me going each day at work is knowing that I can come home, log on and talk to my new friends. Please don't take this away from me. My new chat room friends are the ones that give me the strength to go to work everyday.
SJ
PS: The more I work the more money I make so hopefully very soon I will be able to donate to your fantastic site.
runningman
24-01-08, 07:19
i have not been on this forum for lomg and have been in chat a few times but ive found that people are very very friendly towards me. Im naturally a chatty person and a good typist so maybe its why i dont find a problem getting on as it where.
99 per cent of people have given me support, yes ive come across the odd negative comment but thats not unusual for a chatroom.
im quite a diplomatic person and hope that i have helped people as they have helped me, it would be such a shame to lose the chatroom as i think its a vital part of this site.
ive not found a atmosphere whenever ive been in , yes people get uptight, frustrated, and can seem snappy and not forthcoming but everyone should realise what the primary reason for the chatroom is.
In my eyes its to talk, understand, listen, help, offer advice , share advice, to each other. We are all here for differnt reasons and should never put anyone down or criticise.
lets remember the chatroom is to support each other.:hugs:
What I cant understand is Jess, is if you have a problem in chat why dont you just ask the person or persons at the time instead of coming and putting it on here, Im sure a quick word would clear up anything, I know if anyone had a problem with me Id want them to come to me first, Im sure youd find 99% of the time it would be a misunderstanding, you know your not helping yourself by doing this as all it will do is cause more friction and make you feel more isolated in chat.
:)
EFC you have hit the nail on the head, I think it was proved last night that coming on here and starting a thread like this one (justified or not) will only put others on the defensive and therefore will start to delve deeper into who you are talkin about. Now that in turn will actually create this "Clique" as the people that have been in there and formed friendships will all be together wondering if this post was about them, and as efc says will create a worse atmosphere and in turn make you feel more and more isolated.
Now i have been on this site for almost 3 years and have used the chatroom more than most on here i should imagine. There has always been ups and downs. Simple text alone can not always relay a message in the way it was written, no emotions or facial expressions can be seen which makes it difficult , especially when talking to new people to actually judge wether they are happy,sad,mad,joking or even just not bothered.
Like i said the chatroom has been a life saver for me , and yeah i have got people in there that i would rather talk to than others and those people know who they are. But to say that there is a clique, is quite an attack on myself as well as others as i will listen to absolutely anyone that has a problem , and even if i didnt get along with them the best , if they are in that room and need help i put all my baggage to one side and will actually try and help. which is why the room is there in first place,
Lets all get of our high horses about who is in and who isnt. we all have problems in this room "EVERYONE" and thats the whole bloomnin reason we come here. so like it or not if you want help and you want to help others then please keep going into chat and enjoy the position you put yourself in. If people want to just come in and make big statements and poo poo the facility and the people that use it , then i think you should stay away from it as its only going to take it away from the people that need it.
My rant is over, and it is also not directed at anyone its directed at (ALL OF US).
Lets support each other as we are all in the same boat (WE NEED SUPPORT AND A SHOULDER TO CRY ON)
Lots of love and welcoming hugs
Flinty XX
well said flinty. you deserve a drink for that so meet me in the virtual pub later ill by you a couple of beers , but im not paying for the lapdancers lol.
kellie .
bottleblond
24-01-08, 11:47
Hearing lots of nice positive comments regarding chat here :yesyes:
Love Lisa
xxx
Do you know threads like these always go on and on..... and to me they are pointless :wacko: I'd highly recommend the other threads in the forum the ones where people are asking for advice oh and the arcade is a fun place to be too :D xxx
Ive been a member on this site for what seems like decades lol, and to be honest dont use it as often now, however I did find myself one lonely evening joining into the Chat Room, a place I hardly ever venture, but everyone was friendly and welcoming and all very supportive of each other, me included. Yes there will always be people who are closer to others and thats ok, in real life we dont get on with EVERYONE, part and parcel of life.
NMP is a lifeline for many, and chat is a valuable part of the service that Nic and the admins provide, so lets not get into yet another heated debate, after all we are on this site for a reason.
Let us continue to be there for each other in difficult times and easier ones too :flowers:
Luv Darkangel x
nomorepanic
24-01-08, 19:57
Thread moved to "Messages for NMP admins"
Granny Primark
24-01-08, 21:26
I couldnt have said it better myself dark angel.
I dont go in chat as much as I used to but ive always been made extremely welcome.
I have had so much support and encouragement by the people that do go in there.
Sometimes when are there a lots of people in there it gets a bit much for me to keep up with. (But thats cus im a granny I guess or just a slow reader! lol)
But just going in there if sometimes im quiet (very rare I know) is a comfort and takes away the lonliness when my hubbys working.
I have nothing but praise for the chatroom and the members that use it.
Take care
LYNN xx
hey im a granny to and i get lost in there but have only ever been made to feel welcome, helped, and talked to when ave been in need of a friend, my love and thanks to all.
Emma xxxxx
louwilliams
24-01-08, 22:16
Personally, I cannot believe this thread has generated over 50 replies now when there are hundreds of posts from genuinely, desperate people in need of help and re-assurance.
This is in no way a personal attack but I for one think this thread should be closed.
i agree with you lou
Close it and be done
Emma
nomorepanic
24-01-08, 22:35
There is no point closing it as another one just starts up as we have seen over the last few days. :mad:
We have been over this same ground with every chat room thread so we are leaving this one to run its course.
If people stopped reading it and replying it would die a natural death anyway. It doesn't help when people in chat say "ohh did you see what so-and-so wrote on the chat room thread" so even more come to see what the fuss is about.:lac:
I agree that people replying on here would be better off helping others on the forum and it would be nice to see that happen :yesyes:
I have shut the chat room forum (for posting) now as we are all sick of the same thing over and over again.
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