What's helped? [Archive]

fifi

23-01-08, 14:02

Hi there,

Joined the site yesterday as I'm just desperate to talk to somebody else that knows how I feel.

I'm 35 married with 3 kids and up until 9 years ago never considered myself to have a problem with my confidence, in fact I never even thought about it. I never shyed away from putting myself out there and thought nothing of standing up whilst at college addressing the whole room. Around this time, I went through some pretty traumatic events and ended up severely depressed and remember losing my self confidence and feeling pretty dire about myself. The antidepressants helped with the depression but the anxiety about my acceptability to others remained and eventually became social anxiety, I withdrew from my friends, become highly uncomfortable in social situations and would start to panic if somebody I knew was walking towards me. I did my best to hide this from family and the few friends remaining although they all wondered and often questioned why I didn't seem like my old sociable self. The problem with this illness is that you feel so ashamed to admit that you find hard what most people find so effortless and don't even question. I'm more enlightened to my illness these days and so I guess don't struggle quite as accutely as I once did, but I still have my bad months where even picking up my daughter from school and having to speak to the other mums fills me with dread! and this is especially if there's any kind of problem going on in my life and I'm under extreme stress. It's hard facing that I'll probably never get back to how I use to once feel but I'd be grateful just to be able to manage it. I have had some sucess with CBT (done on my own at home), and I think I'm finally realising that this is no quick fix and needs constant practise.

Would love to hear from other fellow sufferers and what's worked for you.

Fifi

lucy0927

23-01-08, 16:49

Hi Fifi,

Welcome to NMP, there's a lot of people who'll be able to identify with your situation, myself included.

I worry in social situations that I'm not interesting enough to talk to anyone and I worry that I'll have nothing to say and the conversation will stutter and the other people will think i'm stupid. I also worry about not being in control of a situation when I'm out with people, even with friends I still suffer the anxiety.

Personally for me, I've learnt to accept that it happens and that as long as I have some way to control the situation, if I have a get out claus if I need it or if I can set some sort of routine I will be okay. I try to go out in larger groups because while for what seems like the majority of social anxiety suffers this seems to make it worse, I find it better. I don't feel as much pressure to be entertaining so to speak, other people do it instead and I can just sit back, I'm not expected to be as interesting as I would be on a 1-2-1 basis.

It's still taking time and I have many set backs but at least if I notice and work on the occasional step forwards I feel a little better.

Hope this makes sense.
Lucy x

fifi

24-01-08, 00:23

Perfect sense Lucy!

The most annoying, frustrating part of this anxiety is that you know you're being irrational, know that you're the same as everybody else and I envy those people that really are idiots but don't give it a second thought!

Has this site helped? sounds like you're coming to peace with this and accepting yourself more?

Thanks for the encouragement and look forward to talking with others that have the same problem.

Fifi

cece

27-01-08, 21:14

CBT has been what has given me the upper hand with all my anxieties and I ran the gamut from Social to health worries to full blown panic. Keep countering your thoughts in TEA forms and your anxieties will begin to fade but you have to stay on top of them! I do them as part of my routine now and they really do help me keep most anxiety under control now :)

fifi

28-01-08, 11:31

Bill

29-01-08, 02:59

Hello fifi,

If you read some of my posts you'll see I've also been through some traumatic events but I Do now cope ok with daily jobs, mainly by helping myself as you are.

You've been through some traumatic events which have severely knocked your confidence so that when you feel under stress, your lack of confidence causes you to panic more.

As you can see and probably know, the key word is "Confidence" which is what CBT is all about.

If you are still troubled by the traumatic events so that they still upset you to think about, they could still be adding to your anxiety. Perhaps talking to a counsellor or psychologist would help you come to terms with them.:shrug:

Otherwise I feel you're doing all you need to do to learn to cope again.:hugs:

fifi

29-01-08, 12:00

Bill

Thank you so much for your warm response and good sense.

I had six sessions of counselling a few years back and although I found it a tremendous help in identifying and seeing why I felt as I did, it didn't help with the negative thinking patterns. This is where I have found the CBT a tremendous help, challenging those thoughts, gaining a clearer perspective and realising that I need and deserve to take that time out for me.

The encouragement from people on this site has been a real help and seeing the results that other people have had with the CBT has renewed my energy with it.

sarajane

29-01-08, 12:34

:welcome:

Welcome Fifi,
I've only been a member of the NMP family for a very short time.
I have finally found the emotional support here that I never knew existed.
Everyone is really nice and caring because they all understand how we feel because they have the same feelings.

I think a good name for NMP could be
'Empathy Central"

Welcome Fifi, looking forward to talking to you in chat sometime.
SJ
'Remember you are never alone - NMP is here'

cece

29-01-08, 21:44

Thanks for that response. I guess what I was wondering this time is whether it would pay to get some professional help with it. I was amazed with the difference CBT made, but it did take hard work, perserverance, and making that time to do the exercises and stay on top of it, not always possible with 3 kids and found myself at the back of the queue too many times. I know that I can feel like that again, seen the results for myself now and thought maybe with the help of a professional it would keep me more focused and disciplined.

It certainly cannot hurt to get some professional help. But remember that for lasting relief I think it is important that you keep countering your thoughts in the TEA form even when you are feeling better and when your professional help is done. At least that is what I attribute my continued success and growth to:shrug:

mirry

30-01-08, 09:55

one word ............propranalol.

It slows the heart down so you cant panic or you only slightly panic.
I tried them 5 years ago and had side effects then tried them again recently and was ok, they really help.
Brilliant !!!

joy

30-01-08, 12:48

Glad they are helping you, dont me!!!

Love joy

cece

31-01-08, 19:46

Hi Joy, I just answered your question about TEA forms on another post. You may want to give CBT a try.

Franz

02-02-08, 19:28

Hi Fifi. I have recently been trying meditation, and finding it helpful to some extent. I suffer from social phobia - a fear of making other people feel uncomfortable. I've found that meditating for 20-30 minutes each evening puts me in a state of focus and calm, and I can draw on that feeling when I'm around people - at least for a while. I also try to get in 10 minutes of meditation in the morning. Since I started meditating, I've managed whole meetings at work without freaking out. It's a question of mental habits.

I don't meditate according to any book - I just sit in a comfortable place and position and close my eyes and breathe steadily and watch the thoughts drift through my mind, without "chasing" any of them.

I'm still a bit of a mess owing to general panic attacks that started 3 months ago and which aren't really getting any better, but to some extent that's a different story :\

Best wishes,

Francis

cece

04-02-08, 01:24

Any exercise like meditation that gets you to live in the moment and not over think things is beneficial in my opinion.