I'm getting worse not better

[devon_guy]

I was on Citalopram for about a year and gradually weaned off it and finished completely about 2 months ago.

I have been having regular CBT for well over a year now and just nothing seems to be working.

I wake up in a morning and feel lousy, going to work I'm heaving to the point of nearly being sick and once in work I feel dizzy, light headed, hot etc. This also happens if I go out anywhere.

I've read the Claire Weekes books but clearly don't get the lessons in them as I'm getting more and more anxious. Part of me wants to go back on the citalopram but it's only a crutch it's not getting to the route of the problem and I don't want to be on pills for the rest of my life.

I really don't know what to do now.....I hate feeling like this, I want to be able to go out without worrying myself stupid hours before then feeling like crap when I am out. I had to go to hospital in London on Wednesday, I felt so ill I actually wanted to get out of the train at the nearest station and come back again. I felt sick, faint and hot. Deep down I guess I knew it was anxiety but nothing would shift it.

What do I do?

[chalky]

Hi Devon,

Sorry to hear that things are tough.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Have you talked this over with your Therapist or our Doctor?They may be able to tweak your programme to address your concerns.There is a little book-available in Chemists called Understanding Anxiety and Panic Attacks which I found invaluable.It's a BMA publication.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[joannap]

hi devon

the hardest lesson to learn is acceptance - i read claire weekes over and over again and like you did not feel better until i realised that i was expecting to feel better without putting anything into practice!

i feel you have answered your own question by saying "I want to be able to go out without worrying myself stupid hours before then feeling like crap when I am out". if you worry for hours before you go out then all you are doing is releasing huge amounts of adrenalin into your system so no wonder you feel ill when you do actually go out! its just the physical/mental/emotional effects of adrenalin so you are in effect keeping yourself anxious.

true acceptance will let you think - ok - i'm going out and i don;t care how i feel - you will probably still feel unwell for a while but when you stop feeding your anxiety with endless worries and negative thoughts - the adrenalin will calm down and you will gradually start to feel better.

it does sound like you need to discuss this more indepth in your cbt sessions because this is the very thing it should be helping you to tackle. well done for coming off the a'depressants but as it is not long since you have been on them you are probably dealing with a bit of withdrawal as well.

if you read the "i have found a cure" in the success section - you will see that acceptance is the true way forward.

[Deadgirl]

I know the feeling, but hang in there, you`ll be ok, citalopram i think gives u side effects for a while after you come off them, thats what my boyfriend says, i been on mine for about 2 and a half years now, with no chance of coming off them yet, i still get bad days but you got people who you can talk to, have you thought about councelling? could help, if its something deep down, maybe you can come to terms with it, good luck xxx

[sagey]

Hi Devon, sounds like you're having a tough time inspite of the CBT. Is your life full of stress or is your job sapping your emotional strength? It might help to stand back and take an indepth look at how you could reduce the stress in your life so you can gain some strength to find recovery. I guess being newly off the meds will take some adjusting to, so be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up about your progress. good luck.

[devon_guy]

No my job is easy and I only work part-time due to another illness I have. Work is however ok and the people are nice so can't complain.

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi, if your doing cbt you will be doing exposure to situations youve been avoiding and you will be doing them without the help of any crutches? this is tough, this is exactly when the anx goes sky high, this is what people dont get about cbt, why do you think you will feel good doing something that you have previously avoided? you have avoided it because it made you feel 'ill' so when you face it again you still feel 'ill',. because your mind associates the situation with feeling 'ill'.

the only way to break the vicious circle is to just keep going and doing no matter how 'ill' you feel!!! as you are not ill but only feel ill it is only a matter of time before the anx subsides - especially if you start to suppor tyourself instead of frightening yourself with catastrophic images of what might happen. you are doing fine and you will get there, i have been feeling exactly the same as you now for over 10 months, but i will just have to carry on until ive tackled everything ive avoided due to anx - which is pretty much everything, soi think im gonna feel like poop for a lot longer yet, but hey it took me years to get like this so i dont see why it would all go overnight? all the best keep going emma

[sagey]

Emma's right, why would it go overnight? I too read Claire weekes and I often recite to myself "recovery lies in the places and situations I avoid"

[Richie]

You are so absolutely right Emma
cliche i know but things have got to get worse before they get better
and that is obviously going to cause a huge surge of anxiety/panic
But in the long run the anx will settle down.
Rich xxx

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi all, glad you agree:yesyes: it is true - staying away from the situations will not make the conditioned response go away, you will just startt to feel the conditioned response in more and more situations.

im doing exposure now and at times it is really uncomfortable - note that i have changed my attitude from seeing my panic as hellish to uncomfortable?

this is a key part of it, i have been terrifying myself for 10 months with images of me losing control, but it has just made me dependant and avoidant and i have got worse and worse:weep:

so now im facing the situations i fear with the healthier attitude that i have been able to adopt slowly over the months - it helps when the depression lifts if your suffering with it. also it is important to bear in mind that studies have been done that prove that cbt works to remove depression in all but the worse cases, so if your depressed as i was you can get rid of that first and then you can start to work on the phobias,

so you can understand it does work, i have had to seperate myself (they have helped as well by getting sick of the situation) from somebody who was helping me to cope, but who in doing this was having an adverse effect on my recovery, because i have been helped to shield myself from my worst fears. so my husband needed to go to work this morning at 6am and i have been awake since 3am tossing and turning because a)i wont drive to where he is so im cut off from 'help' and b) through this seperation i can no longer pick up the phone to ask for 'help' because my anx is becoming unbearable. so i didnt really wan tmy husband to go because it meant facing a fear that i dont want to face. he came home at 9.30am and i spoke to him a few times, bu tmy anx was at an 6-7 level the whole time, at one point bordering on say 8-9 level where i thought if he didnt answer his phone i would start to panic.

deep down i knew that this was my conditioned response to this situation, which has been going on for about 8 years!!! bu ti know if i am to have any freedom from this disorder i have to 'feel' what i fear, but i have to start to view the situation in a more realistic light - how likely is it tha ti will lose control because of panic? not likely i have never lost control because of panic, and although i have felt really ill, i have never actually become 'ill'. i KNOW that recovery comes when you can face the anxiety /panic symptoms without frighteneing your self anymore. i hope this illustrates what i have learnt about dealing with these habitual conditioned responses to the fight/flight response.it can be done but it takes hard work and commitment. it is tough to know this, when really you just want something to magic you back to where you used to be, but that just isnt going to happen. these disorders are habits not illnesses and like all other habits smoking, biting nails, (cant think of any others, as i don thave any habits) they take hard work, commitment, determination and willpower to conquer them. i want anybody who is struggling to believe that they can get better to know that i have been agorophobic (avoidant and dependant) since i was 14 and i am at last makin gsome progress in reversing this process. it doesnt happen over night, in fact until about 8 years ago i didnt know i was agoraphobic, you can become agoraphobic amny years after first experiencing panic,so you are going to have to reverse all of that behaviour to be free of the fear that lives with you almost permanently, and like ive said you can tjust walk out your front door and be 'normal' you have to re-train yourself in the same way as you trained yourself to be frightened of fear. best wishes to all who are going through this process:yesyes: emmaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Devon_guy

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. It's horrible to feel as though things are getting worse.

It sounds as though your biggest problem is 'anticipatory anxiety' - you're worrying so much beforehand, and you think you will panic, therefore you do.

It's a difficult one to combat. I find it a problem too. Distraction can be useful - when you're worrying about going to work or going out, try to distract yourself. Tell yourself some positive phrases...'I've handled this before, I can handle it again'....'the feelings always pass off'. When you're at work, try to focus on what you are doing, rather than how you are feeling. I know it's really hard, but practice and it does get easier.

Definitely talk to the Doctor and the Therapist about how you are feeling.

Good luck xxx :flowers: