View Full Version : Panicking and i cant do this
My mum came home and as you will know from my ealier post with a broken ankle. I never assumed it would be easy the relationshop we have but it has been worse than i imagined.
Sam played up as attention wasnt on her, mums dog has been settled all week and has played up tonight, keeps barking and i have to go and calm him down. Mum is in pain and wont settle and wants to be at the hospital before 8 tomorrow. Yeah fine but i have to get Sam to school was supposed to be at the hospital myself over my finger but that now is trivial and why twist about it. Then the letter from work, where does it ever end.
Crying , confused and sick of it all. Plus may sound selfish but as Sam doesnt stay at her dads on a night anymore when do i get my time?
Mum asked me when i would walk her dog so said would let him out in garden then take Sam to school then walk him and her reply was is that fair on him. Thought i had looked after him well but obviously not well enough.
This is all too much for me
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Oh! you poor thing, what an evening you have had, so much for Mother's day eh!
You are not being selfish, you should be allowed me time.
Perhaps once you have dropped your Mum at the hospital and Sam at school , could you have an hour to yourself, maybe a nice hot bath.
It must be so hard for you having your Mum to stay on top of everything else you are having to contend with.
You will get through this and we are all here to help.
You know I am here if you need me.
Take care
Lots of love
Elaine x
Thanks. I know you are both here if i need you. Feeling crap today, got up at 6 and got my mum through to the hospital and then rushed home to get Sam sorted for school, just managed to get her there on time and she started crying, so there seems to be a problem about school, but its her parents afternoon on Wednesday so will see how it goes.
Walked the dog and he didnt seem to bothered about waiting!!!!
So now have to wait for mum to phone me. Got a carpet cleaner coming out which seems a waste as the dog is still here. Cancelled my appointment to sort mum out and i cant get one until next monday. And on top of that rang work to get some shifts for next week and asked what other staff are going on to D wing, yet again staff that have only been in the job for about a year. So going to ring personnel and ask why they have moved me.
Thanks for listening.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Sorry you're feeling crap today, you have had alot on your plate so it's only natural that you feel like you do. I hope Sam will feel happier when she comes home from school, over the last 12 months Alys has had a lot of tears in school but seems to be getting better, I put her problems down to hormones !
How old is Sam? Alys is nearly 10. I bet she was fine once you left her.
Good for you for ringing personnel, go for it girl!
Speak later
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Sam is 10 on the 12th May. I guess it could be hormones to.
Rang personnel and its a big fat NO i am definately going to D Wing, so thats that.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Alys is 10 on April 24th, so not much between them. I also have a son of 13, mega hormones bursting there let me tell you!!
What a pain that personnel wouldn't give in, I'd have a few more weeks off sick if I were you to pay them back!!!
BUT, at least you tried, so well done you.
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Sal,
Hope you are feeling a bit better (don't mean to sound patronising) and i know i don't know you that well but any time you need an ear ...
Rach xx
Hi Sal
(Big hug) to you. Everything happening all at once. Unfortunately nobody tends to think that you need quality YOU time and its not easy. I have an 11 year old daughter who is the same and i think it definately is hormones. You may find that she will be fine later on.
We're all here for you.
Take care
Tracy
x
Sal,
Its true - these things come at once or so it seems.
Sam will be picking up the tension at home and that you're sad at present so will be feeling a bit unsettled herself - thus the tears earlier
I'm sorry that you couldn't attend your clinic for your finger..
Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
Thanks to all of you for your supportive posts.
Well i have ran around all day after my mum and she has physically and mentally exhaused me. I have got my brother to take her dog, so that is one less worry, he was happy to do that as long as he doesnt have to run her around.
Havent been in long and got a letter from personnel saying that i will not be paid, as had some time off before with anxiety. Spoken to the union and i have to put a paper in to get sick excusal, which i am sure i will, but how inconsiderate of them when they know i am off with an injury sustained at work. Feels like a never ending battle with them. Two horrible letters and not how are you etc.
So more hassle to go through now, before this gets sorted. Feel like i drowning in problems.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Work are not very supportive are they! I'm sure once you have a sick note you should get paid, especially as work is the cause of your being absent.
Glad your brother has taken the dog, one less thing to worry about.
How is Sam, has she been ok after school.?
You will not drwon in your problems, feel free to vent to me at anytime, we will all support you through .
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Sal
I'm sorry you are having such a bad time of things at the moment, what with your mum and now all this hassle at work too. No wonder you are finding it difficult to cope at present.
Work saying they are not going to pay you is really terrible, especially as you are off with an injury sustained at work. I had the same problem when I was still working and off sick following surgery for my RSI developed as a result of my work. It is the last thing you need.
You know where I am if you want to text or talk on msn. Sorry I'm not up to phone talking at the moment.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
07-03-05, 18:58
Sal
What a day you are having mate.
I truly hope it gets better and you get a break from all these issues soon ok?
Don't forget the "me" time that you still need as well.
Hope tomorrow goes better.
xxx
Nicola
Thanks for all your replies. Blue i should get fully paid when an accident occurs during a fight with a inmate, its in the contract to get a sick excusal, but having had time of with anxiety and time off when i was assaulted, which should have been removed but as yet hasnt, but nevertheless it was only three years ago when that happened.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Elaine
I know your are there if i need you, you have been great. Thanks.
No dusting though!!!
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Nic
Thanks, i hope i have a better day tomorrow. Nothing planned as i fancied a day chilling.
Hope Alex enjoyed his birthday.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I hope you are able to have some time for you and just chill tomorrow.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
07-03-05, 21:21
Sal
Alex's birthday is tomorrow so still to come!
Nicola
Well you better have got Tescos best corned beef in for him.
Had a lot of hassle from mum tonight, but i shouldnt call it hassle as she was breaking her heart. She had had a drink but i couldnt console her. I am struggling here as dont know what to say. Can appreciate how she feels about moving from the farm but she is in a lovely house that my brother bought her. He wont talk to her so i am getting in from both sides.
Plus she feels her dog wont be looked after as well at the farm, i know he wont but what do i do. Think i should go and get him back as tonight she told me by giving him to brother i have let her down. Cant win either way, but regardless of that i feel like i have let her down.
For all we havent got a proper mother/daughter relationship i am worried about her after the phone call.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Sorry things are not getting any easier or you.
Don't feel guilty about your brother having the dog to look after. I'm sorry to say it but I'm afraid it sounds to me like your mum manipulating you by making you feel guilty. You have enough to cope with already without looking after your mum's dog too. I am sure the dog will be fine on the farm and it won't hurt your brother to do something to help. You are already shouldering too much of this yourself.
I know it is easier said than done, but try not to let her get to you. You have not let her down no matter what she says. You need to look after yourself too and you can't be like superwoman doing it all for everyone.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Sal
Is your Mum staying with you or in her own house?
You haven't let her down by sending the dog to the farm, you have a lot to contend with at the moment, I'm sure he'll be ok.
As for work, I think they are treating you dreadfully, it's just typical of the system. I used to be a nurse in the NHS and it was the same there, have one day off sick and your name was mud with the sister!!
Had great plans to dust today, even dreamt about it last night, how sad is that! Decided to go out in the car instead and felt much better!!lol.
Hope you will feel better tomorrow
Take care
love Elaine x
Hi Karen
Thanks for the reply, please dont apologise for saying what you think, i know i need that but she really got to me tonight when she was crying down the phone. Only human and cant help that. I know she is playing with my head but give her that she is good at it and has won tonight.
I feel like i have let her and her dog down and yet again she has put me right in the middle of it all.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
You know she is just crying down the phone because she knows she can get to you this way. She knows she can get her own way by making you feel bad. It is exactly the same ploy dad uses with me. He makes me feel guilty and bad about things so he will get his own way.
Try not to let her get to you. I know how difficult it is when you are in the situation because I find it too hard to say no to my dad too.
I think you are taking on too much and all the combined stress from it all is not good for you. You have to look after yourself too. You can't do everything for other people.
Really think carefully before agreeing to take the dog back as well. I'm worried that this is going to get too much for you. The dog will be fine where he is.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Thanks Karen
Just feel like such a failure. I love her dog i grew up with him and feel selfish but once get Sam to school have day to entertain him and have no time on my own. Sorry to say to get back in pjs and have time on my own. But how i feel isnt the dogs fault and mum making me feel so guility tonight has really got to me.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Don't feel like a failure Sal because you most certainly are not a failure. You are coping with a very stressful situation at work, looking after Sam, looking after your mum and dealing with your own issues and recovering from your injury. You are doing all this single-handed and you are really strong and capable to be able to do all these things.
Of course you need some time for you and there is nothing wrong with getting back into your pjs if that is what you feel like doing at the moment.
Some parents are really good at laying on the guilt and we fall for it every time. I know it isn't the dog's fault, but it isn't like he's not being looked after. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hiya Sal
Sorry you are having it naff at the moment hon.
im sure the dog will be fine, they are more resilient than you think and can look after themselves to a large extent.
As for everything else, do what you can but pull back and look after yourself. Your main concern is you and Sam. everything else is extra.
remember that and take care of yourself!!!!
love Sarah
xx
Thanks Karen
Just worried sick about Hamish and how my mum made me feel tonight.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sarah
So pleased with how well you are doing, and i hope it gets even better for you.
Mum upset me and hamish is such a lovely dog i feel guilty that i havent kept him here as i know mum thinks i have let her down.
He isnt hard work but i just need my time alone when Sam is at school and all i feel now is selfish.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
thanks hon I just hope it gets better for you!!!!
wont Hamish come to bed and cuddle up with you for a bit of comfort when u need to hide away?
I always drag my cats on my bed and cuddle them when im feeling bad...works a treat. animals can be a great healer!!
just a thought
love Sarah
xx
Yeah Sarah he would but need to get him back from my brothers as dont think he has settled there at all. When i left him he tried to run after me, that made me feel like ****.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
If its making you feel that bad, go get him back and give him a big snuggly hug.
I cant even begin to count the times ive dribbled and sniffed into my cats fur when ive been crying. They unconditionally listen to all your problems and help more than humans with opinions can.
love Sarah
xx
You need to do what will make you feel happiest Sal. I just don't think you are being selfish by needing time to yourself, but if you need to go and get the dog then that's what you need to do.
Sorry this is upsetting you so much.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Sarah
Will go up and see him today, i am sure he will settle afterall it is where he has lived all his life. I think it is mum putting the pressure on me and making me feel guilty, she has a tendancy to be good at that.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Karen
I know i need some me time, i have nothing at all planned today and it feels nice knowing i have got until Sam finishes school to have a day to myself.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Are you feeling any better today?
I'm glad you are able to see that it is your Mum trying to make you feel guilty and that her dog will be perfectly OK where he is.
It is good that you are having some time to yourself today.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
'she told me by giving him to brother i have let her down.'
You stand your ground Sal.. she is wrapping you round her little finger and you know the dog is safe and well.
There is a limit to what you agree to take on and you have ensured there are provisions for the rest.
You be very proud of how much you are doing and do not allow yourself to be violated.
Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
Hi Sal
Hope you are feeling better today chuck!
Have you had a nice me day? I hope you have, you deserve it.
I have to agree with Meg over this, and you should feel very proud about what you are doing considering how much you have on your mind right now.
Speak later
Elaine x
Hi Meg
I know she is trying to make me feel guilty. I have been up tonight to her house and done some jobs and taken her some shopping. So she cant complain, but come 9 tonight after she has sank her gin or vodka i get it in the neck. I try to ignore her calls later evening but Sam sometimes picks them up and i cant explain to her why i dont want to talk to her.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Turn the ringer off or pull it out of the wall when you're feeling the pressure.
Hi Elaine
Had a quiet day, just been around the house not doing much. Got Sam from school and popped up to my mums. Hope you have had a good day.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I agree with Meg, turn the ringer off on the phone or unplug it. That's what I do when I am not feeling up to talking to anyone.
Don't let her get to you or make you feel guilty. You are already doing all you can for her and you don't need the extra pressure.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
I know if she calls tonight i am going to tell sam just to leave it. Done my fair share for today.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Tried to post earlier on but something happened on the PC, God knows what !!
I hope you have had a less stressful night tonight, and not had any phone calls.
I'll PM my phone .no. if you want to ring or text for a chat tomorrow as I have a day off.
Take care
Elaine x
Thanks Elaine
Did turn the ringer of but it still bleeps so Sam took a call from her. She was ok ish but the i rang my brother and he told me she had rang again asking him to take the tarporline from her garden that he had covered it in until the gardener could come and do it. She forgot to tell him that i spent an hour tonight taking it up and removing all the bricks holding it down. I put it behind her garage where she cant see. I told her i had done it so she couldnt hassle my brother John. Cant believe she rang him after i did that. She is just messing with my head.
The dog is fine although she says she is worried about him. She assumed John would keep him locked in the porch but when i rang tonight he was in the living room with their labrador playing with a toy.
How can someone be so shallow and nasty.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Sorry your mum is still giving you a hard time. It sounds like she is trying to play you and your brother off against each other again. As long as you and your brother keep talking and know what she is up to then her ploy won't work.
Her dog seems perfectly happy at your brothers and I'm pretty sure this was just another thing she was using to try to manipulate you and make you feel bad.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Sal
I don't know why parents do things like that. It seems like a control thing and possibly jealousy? She doesn't want you and John to have a close relationship but wants each of you to herself.
At least you both now know what she is doing and so you can make sure her ploys no longer work.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
True
Just such a shame it has taken us all this time to see it. Im 34 now and only now is he my brother and that upsets me thinking of what we have missed out on.
Oh Sal!
She is playing with your emtions big time, as if she is trying to play you off against your brother.
Perhaps she is jealous that you are now getting on with your brother.
I'll ring you tomorrow for a chat
Take care
Elaine x
I know Sal. I can understand that and you will have regrets about the past. But remember it isn't your fault because you didn't know what she was up to.
You can the most of your relationship with John now and make sure she doesn't get between you again.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Elaine
Thanks hon, i know she hates us been close but wouldnt a normal mum want that.
Hope you are ok, dont want to bog you down with how i am.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Karen
You have been a great support, just wish i could give you better feed back.
Thanks for listening and helping me.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Bog me down as much as you want, what are friends for eh!
Elaine x
Weird isnt it how you connect to people on here that you dont know. Feel like i have know you for years and you have been there all the time.
Mind i wont talk is you talk about yellow cloth or dust mites LOL
Thanks you are a good friend.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
It's true, I feel the same, I'll ring you tomorrow.
Must go to bed now as Gareth has to be up at 7 for school, roll on the weekend.
Take care
Elaine x
Sweet dreams. Im off to bed soon as Sam wants her hair straightening before school.
Night xx
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I just want to help in any way I can. I don't have all the answers but glad it helped.
Knowing you understand and the fact that you listen does help me.
I hope you sleep well.
Do you use straighteners on Sam's hair. I'd be lost without mine. Best invention ever!
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
Hope you are feeling better today.
I only use them now and then as she changes how she has her hair everyday.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Are you feeling better today?
How did the hairdressing seesion go?
When I straighten my daughter's hair it takes about 2 hours as she has corkscrew curly hair which is halfway down her back, very stressful.!!!
Take care
Elaine x
Sam would die for hair like that!! I Wont tell her. Didnt take long, she is useless at brushing it but wont let me so i think i was straightening more knots that hair.
Its her parents afternoon today so we will see how she has been doing.
She has a friend staying tonight and straight after school i am going to drop them of at the swimming pool then she rings when they are ready to be picked up. They think they are so grown up dont they. Last week when i took them they came back and knew all the names of the lifegaurds, flirting at that age!!!!
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
I know the feeling, Alys went shopping for Mother's day pressies on Sat with some older friends she thought she was so grown up.
Alys won't let me brush her hair as the brush will only go through when it's wet so we always have lots of tears on hairwash day, which really winds me up.
We had parent's evening last week and Alys is doing fine, she's very bright so there were no problems, must be taking after her mother, not!! lol.
Take care
Elaine x
Its scarey how quick they are growing up isnt it. There is only a couple of weeks between them. Maybe they might want to email each other.
Sam is terrible about her hair, she screams like i am really hurting her when i brush it.
Well we see how parents afternoon goes LOL
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hope everything goes well sal, and i am glad to see you seem to be feeling a little better
Rach xx
Hi Rach
I am sure it will thanks or else she will be for the highjump LOL
Yeah i am feeling a little better, got a few friends coming round tomorrow night for some wine and nibble and Sam is going to a friends for the night. So thats cheered me up, given me something to look forward to.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Hope everything goes ok this afternoon, will keep your mind off everything else.
Hope you have a nice evening tomorrow night too, I did that last Wednesday at someone else's house made me feel normal again, well sort of!!!
I think you better sit down for this next bit, Iv'e actually done some dusting this morning with a yellow duster so sadly that phobia has been cured!! lol.
Take care
Elaine x
What a let down using one of the dreaded dusters!!!
Just about to go so will be in touch later.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Elaine
Sams parents afternoon was a great success, im sure she had her mixed up with someone elseLOL
She reckons she is top of the glass and keen to learn and making a great foundation for her future education!!
She is polite and helpful, asked her if she wanted her for the week!!!
So thats a relieve as i was worried the way she plays up at times before school that she wasnt happy. But there doesnt seem to be any problem there.
Hope you are okay.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Glad parent's evening went well, you've obviously brought her up well. Alys plays up before school too, takes her ages to wake up in the morning then she's grumpy, just like her Dad, lol !
Iv'e actually done loads of cleaning and tidying up and feel much better for it, only problem is I have used so much bleach it's given me a headache. Thought I'd try a tip I ssaw on a daytime programme to clean bathroom tiles with a mixture of bleach and bicarb, it worked brilliantly but I should have worn goggles, couldn't stop crying, how sad is that.
I think I better start going out in the mornings as I don't really want to get hooked on cleaning,lol!!!!
Take care
Elaine x
You better go out in the morning, i cant be dealing with you with a cleaning habit.
Catch up with you soon.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Lol!!!
I have to go to town anyway and then to work, hope you get on ok at the GP's tomorrow.
Take care
Elaine x
hi Sal,
Am glad to hear that Sam is doing really well in school - good that there has been a little good news in your otherwise stressful week or so!! I'm well proud of her - give her a big hug for me, ok??
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
Thanks for that and i will give her a hug from you. Think she is the teachers pet, bless her!!!
Hope you are okay, at Dryburn on monday, so if your about could call and see you.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I must say you certainly seem more chilled now than you did at the beginning of the week.
Enjoy tonight and try not to drink too much !!!
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Sal
Enjoy your lie in, Iv'e forgotten what that is as can't seem to lie in even on the weekend, I like to have an hour on my own before everyone gets up in the morning, only peace I get.
Work will be ok, only thing is I'm getting really bored with it, I know I can do better but it's finding the right job. My hubby has told me to give the job up, have 6 months off and then look for something completely different,which would be nice in one way but I think I would get bored at home too and would have to do more cleaning, I think not !!
I don't want to go back to nursing as it has changed so much since I left ( I used to be a theatre scrub nurse ).
So, school will have to do until I find the right job.
Sorry to go on, didn't mean to, it's just that my brain needs challenging right now and I'm not sure which direction to take.
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Why dont you carry on what you are doing and keep an eye open for something else and see what comes up. I admire anyone that does nursing as i couldnt do it.
I am sure there are loads of things you could adapt to and will give you more of a challenge.
God if your bored at work you are going to start dusting arent you!!!!!
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
thanks mate
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
I went to the doctors/hospital yesterday and have to go back to see the consultant on Monday. They have re exrayed my finger and it doesnt seem to be broken, but the swelling and brusing hasnt gone down. Apparently i have torn the tendons and if by monday the swelling hasnt reduced will need to have a sling and will start physio over the next few weeks.
The doctor said a break would have been a lot let painful and healed a lot quicker as this could take 8 weeks or more to sort out. Gone into a real downer now as cant go back to work and to be honest getting a bit sick of my own company as i have too much time to think.
Plus when i got involved in the fight i hurt my back, but since then it has been getting worse. The doctor gave me some tablets and told me to rest it as much as i can, so cant really do a lot.
Sorry for the moan.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi sal
Sorry you had bad news at the doctors. You could help the swelling go down by elevating your hand as much as you can. Hopefully the physio will help when they arrange that for you next week.
I realise it must be a blow to know you can't go back to work yet and it is difficult spending a lot of time alone. Try to keep as occupied as you can.
Hope you're feeling better soon.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Thanks Karen
Just got Sam from school and i have suddenly gone into major panic, stupid thoughts are going through my head like what if i cant cope with her this weekend, whats the point to it all, i have nothing to look forward to. Gone on a total downer and now questioning if i am getting ill again, i cant cope at all with this.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Gave in at the end and took 5mg of diazepam and went to bed for an hour, felt bit brighter after that and had a bath and tried to carry on as normal.
Feeling a lot better than i did, but cant understand where that panic attack came from.
Feel tired now and a bit jittery but know i can do this.
Thanks for all your support.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Sorry to hear about the panic attack earlier and I'm glad you are feeling a lot better now. This is just a blip. You've had a lot to cope with in the last week and it is not surprising you are feeling stressed.
You can do this. You have done it before and you know you can do it again.
Try to chill out and relax tonight.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Sal
I knew there was something wrong as you hadn't posted, mind you I haven;t either, sorry to hear you are feeling low, it's a blip I can tell you that for nothing. As you say you have plenty of time to think when you are off work which doesn't help, if I lived closer you and Sam could come down for the weekend. Even though my hubby has weekends off my worst time is the weekend!!!
I will ring you tomorrow morning to make sure you are ok.
Thinking of you
Take care
Elaine x
P.S. Are you busy watching Comic Relief ?
Hi Elaine
When i went into the panic attack i was going to text you but didnt want to put on you. It came from no where and i thought my heart was going to explode.
Hope work went okay and have been thinking about alternatives for you. I used to work for the Education Department in Behavioural support as a admin/accounts, that was definately a challenge and just wondered if you would fancy something like that as every day was different.
I know you arent too keen on having 6 months off but it might do you the world of good and give you time to decide what you really want to do.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Karen
Thank you for your response. Where that all came from i dont know but i thought i had lost it and that made me panick worse. I do feel a lot better now although still shaken and feeling rather lonely, which is something i normally cope with well.
Thanks for you support, i have replied to your post but forgot to mention how well you are doing on the other site offering so much support to others who need it.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
No i have nothing planned at all Karen. The way my back is playing up i think i wont do much at all.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Oh Sal, you should have texted me ( is that grammatically correct )
Even when I am in work my mob. phone is on.
Thanks for your advice about work, I quite fancy working i Human Resources, don't know why, am looking out for child friendly vacancies!
Hope your back is better.
I'll be in touch tomorrow, give you something to look forward to, my dulcid welsh tones harmonising over the air waves !!
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Thank you so much for calling me it was great to talk to you.
I will give you a ring tomorrow until then take care and sleep well.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Just sent you a text, been really busy today haven't had much time online, hope yu are ok. Good luck with the project !!!!!!!!!
Catch up with you soon, it was so nice to speak to you last night.
Take care
Elaine x
thanks Elaine, you have been a great support.
Will keep in touch and let you know what is happening with my project, was good to text you tonight and thanks for your wise words.
Will call you tomorrow so we can have a good natter.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
bluebottle
13-03-05, 07:10
((((Sal))))
Don't ever feel your putting on people Sal, we are your friends and you know we like to help. It does us good as well to hear from you, believe it or not we feel honoured to have you as a friend.
Nobody on this site has to feel alone, text me any time or email, and if I'm feeling particularly well you may get a phone call through to me. I'm not great at the phone calls but I'm getting better, lol.
Regards,
Blue
--
http://spaces.msn.com/members/enigmapark/
Hi Sal
Was good to talk to you last night. I hope your back is a bit better today and you're feeling OK.
I'm just going to try to get some sleep. My head is still whizzing round with too many thoughts and don't feel able to sleep but have to try.
Catch up with you later.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
It was good to talk to you, you did really well.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal, Just read this post from the beginning and am sorry you have been having such a rough time. I think it is amazing the way you all support one another and you seem to have alot of very caring friends on here. Hope I can offer you support as well. I am going through a bad time myself at the moment with various things and sometimes don't know what to say to people and am sacred I may say the wrong things but I will try to help all I can.
Take care
Love Lisaxx
Hi Lisa
Thanks for that. I am sure you wont say the wrong things, its just nice knowing people are here to help you and you to help them.
Take care
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
How are you today, hope you are feeling better than last night. You have a day to yourself today so make the most of it.
Thanks for texting last night, haven't been online much as Iv'e been really busy, plus have to book a slot as my son is addicted to MSN at the weekends!
Catch you later
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Yeah i got her to school and she seemed a lot better and she promised to behave herself LOL
Off to the hospital this morning to see the consultant, then i might do some shopping therapy!!!!
Catch you later, have a nice day.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Hope it all goes well at the hospital, enjiy the shopping, trat yourself to something nice, it will make you feel so much better..
Take care
Elaine x
Thanks Elaine
Waited hours last time, so will settle myself with a cup of coffee and a paper, then bet i get straight in LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Lol, Sal.
Catch you later
Elaine x
No the coffee and the paper trick didnt work at all. I thought they were just keeping me there to furnish the place LOL
Saw the consultant and he wants to see me again in 3 weeks and then i was assessed by a physio and she has referred me to the hospital near me, so will just have to wait for appointment.
Havent been on my shopping therapy trip yet as i have 3 weeks to do it so i thought ive already had one treat today by going to the hospital and cant take much more excitement YIPEE!!
Well to be honest im too tired and fancied doing some housework instead. LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Housework! AAAAGGGGGHHHH!
That's what I'm doing too in between reading a book, having a shower and being online !!!LOL
Take care
Elaine x
Ooopps spoke to soon, suddenly aquired an allergic reaction to the duster LOL so i watched tv instead and now i am going out to do some shopping, so it will just have to wait!!!!
Slow down there girl youll get yourself all flustered
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Since when did the word 'fancying' and 'housework' go together? Get a grip Sal :D
Jo xxxxx
"courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear"
Lol! Sal and Jo.
Yep, shopping is definetly better than the duster and I musn't under any circumstances get myself flustered!
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Jo
Sorry about that, given my head a shake LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Been doing so well and thought i was on a good trip Not literally but today it all went pair shaped.
Before i ramble on i must apologise to Meg as i emailed her in the middle of a panic attack and must have sounded like id lost it. Thanks for calling me back Meg but turned my mobile off.
I have used my diazepam today as really didnt feel i could fight it anymore and i actually didnt want to. Although i accept how i feel and what life has thrown at me i cant handle people that care, and have lost a lot through this. I dream off been happy but if that comes anywhere near me i panic and think i am best alone.
Would love to change how i feel and would love not to be on my own anymore but it suddenly hit me today that i am on my own because i wont give anyone a chance to care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi sal
How are you feeling now, I'm worried about you mate, please let me know you are ok.
Think about this weekend and what you can do that is child free, you could even do some dusting, LOL!!
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
the night is getting worse but i have been there before and will get through it. Just need to accept how i am feeling and work on it. You know if i need you i will text you.
Thanks
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
This is just a blip Sal, I can assure you.
Tomorrow is the start of a bright new day, I'll be in touch tomorrow, you know where I am if you need me.
Goodnight chuck
Take care
Elaine x
Thanks Elaine
You have been brilliant, guess i just struggle with people caring when at the end of the day it is al i want. Maybe one day i will get it right, and someone will understand how i am.
Until then, well i will see how it goes.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
You've had loads of extra stress recently & you must have felt like a circus juggler at times what with the injuries, your mum, & the bosses at work throwing in their 10-penny-worth.
Just the stuff to bring all the 'demons' out & to the fore again---& you seem to have been handling it pretty well, with the odd blip.
Maybe, it just all caught up today. One of your demons is people who care or who might make you happy & fear of letting them too close because of the pain this has caused before. That fear, & the fear of always feeling thus handicapped, won out today?
I understand this so much--dreaming about being happy & the flipside where one can't hack the reality of 'possible happy', if it gets too near.
I spent many years alone after a major demoralising job done on me by my then partner of 10 years. I had friends etc but couldn't cope with anything resembling 'a relationship', couldn't trust enough & didn't believe there was much point in that sort of 'happy' because of where it had led before!
Then I met Geoff (14 years ago, at the age of 43)---he had been let down badly, both as a child & an adult. It took a very long time to trust each other, both being fiercely independent by then anyway. Much backing-off & running away on both sides! But--eventually we sorted it out, we are still together, sometimes argue like cat & dog!--but he has been with me through all the 'nasties' of the past couple of years, 'nursed' me for weeks following the surgery(the near death stuff) & stuck with me through the ensuing panic & anxiety.
Don't give up, Sal. today has been a blip that's brought a lot of stuff up, eh. You are a strong, warm, & caring person & there will be someone strong enough to break through that shield.
Thinking of you, & hope things feel a bit brighter in the morning.
Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi sal
Hope you are feeling better this morning.
Catch you later
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Sal
Just sent you a text, hope you are ok chuck!
Take care
Elaine x
How are you feeling today Sal? I hope you are OK.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Linda
Thank you for your support it is really appreciated. I know i will come out the other side and a lot has happened recently but i sometimes feel i have come as far as i can and i just cant get over to the next stage.
Hope you are okay hon.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Well miracles do happen LOL Work has phoned this morning asking if i want a home visit, nice to remember i work there, i said i was fine. Its just formality but thought it was nice of them. Then my old boss, Dave who is a good friend now rang me to say he had asked them to get in touch as they hadnt bothered, so they hadnt done it of their own back. Anyhow Dave wants to get out of been at work all day so the sly git has offered for him to come out as he knows what i have been through etc. So he is coming out this afternoon. He just rang there and told me to get the dinner on!!! Told him to stick it as im the poorly one LOL
But looking forward to seeing him and finding out what has been happening at work, apparently there has been loads of changes.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Hope you are on the up chuck!
Nice to have a visitor to cook for eh!lol.
Thanks for getting in touch last night, Iwas really worried about you.
Catch you later
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Sorry i know i need a kick up the butt as when i feel anxious i just turn everything off and hid away rather than talking through it. I will learn on day it is better to talk when feeling like that. Not having a good day today either.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Sorry you're not having a good day. How was the visit from Dave? Did it help to cheer you up at all?
Text me if you want a chat later.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
Yes it was great to see Dave as he has been a really good friend to me. I was just getting over a panic attack when he arrived so he gave me a cuddle and i had a few tears. By the time he went i felt okay and a lot calmer, but since getting Sam from school she has been wick, was supposed to be at her dads tonight but isnt going so he has come to see her. We have just had words as i am sick of him not helping me out with her.
I told him she wont go because it is never just them two doing something together, he always has a girl in tow and Sam feels totally insecure. I hope she doesnt create tomorrow when she goes to his for the weekend because i think i am about to crack up. Keep panicking that i am going to totally flip and cant get myself calmed down.
I just wish he would try and persuade her to go tonight because i cant do with any of it at the moment.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Sorry I never texted back I was really busy in work, sorry your'e not too good again today, here if you need a chat chuck.
Don't worry about hiding away, we all deal with our anxiety differently, how was your visit from Dave?
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Sal
Sorry you are still feeling so bad. You have been here before and have got through it. You won't crack up.
Your ex certainly isn't doing his fair share when it comes to looking after Sam and I think you were right to point this out to him. I hope she does stay with him at the weekend to give you some time to yourself.
I'm around if you want to talk. Not sure I'll be much help as not feeling too good myself but I'm here if you need me.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Elaine
Thanks hon. I will call you if i need to talk. I cant believe what a self centred person her is. As long as he keeps his girlfriends happy its a case of stuff Sam.
Just need to calm myself down and chill out.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Karen
thanks for your support. Yes she is definately staying at her dads this weekend, i pointed that out to him, regardless he has to keep her and if she wants to come home, he has to do something to entertain her.
Regardless i wont be at home so he cant bring her back!!
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
Sorry to hear that it's been such a mixed day. Must have been good for you to see your friend, Dave---but then all the hassle with Sam's dad...! You did the right thing, pointing out to him that he should give more thought to Sam & less to his 'misplaced pleasures'.
I hope that you now feel a bit calmer. Hope that the weekend goes well & gives you a much deserved break.
Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Linda
I know i need to stand up to him. He has just rang me and said he cant pick Sam up from school so can i bring her round at 5. Told him no as im going away and he had a megga. As i cant have a life!! But stood up to him and said i would make sure she was picked up from school but it wouldnt be me and he has to pick her up from a friends house. Wasnt happy that i wasnt running around after him and Sam, but why should i, i need my time out. Does that make me a bad mother?
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
your definately not a bad mother he just seems to be shirking his responsibilities i bet if you offered to get her from school take her to him every thing would have been fine........glad you stood up to him well done
now get in the bar lets drown our sorrows lol
fan x
Thanks Fan
First time i have stood up to him and he didnt like it.
C u in the bar
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
I think you are an excellent mum---& good for you that you stood your ground with Sam's dad over the "picking up from school arrangements". Sounds like 'daddy' needed a short, sharp shock!
I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you to stand up to him---mums tend to get immediately thrown into guilt trips, don't they? But, of course, you are entitled to some time for you---& needing/wanting that doesn't make you a bad mum. It'll make you an even better mum if you are allowed some space, just for you, sometimes.
I hope it all works out tomorrow---& have a calm & happy weekend.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Sal
No it doesn't make you a bad mother. Well done for standing up to him and getting him to take some responsibility for a change. It will do you good to have some time out to yourself.
Thanks for ringing tonight. It was good to talk to you.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Linda
Thanks. He isnt happy and less than happy that i have come away for the weekend so he cant just pop Sam back home. Ive escaped LOL
Do feel guilty but i need some time and some adult company aswell.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Well couldnt keep panic away forever. Have had a hard day, Sam was supposed to come home this morning, but her dad didnt bring her until after 5, which ruined my day, but aslong as he can see he is still dictating my life it seems okay for him to do so.
My mums dog hasnt settled at my brother, so tonight he has come back to me, i dont mind, but this could be for months and it is so tying.
I hadnt heard from a good friend from work since i have been sick and i have tried to ring her, so sent her an email and she has replied, and it was like reading an email from a total stranger. So that has upset me.
Just feel like this is a never ending battle.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Sorry you've had a bad day. It's typical of Sam's dad to spoil the day for you and like you say, try to exert some kind of control over your life. I hope you told him that it's not on.
You know I'm here for you Sal. Ring me if you want to talk.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
thanks and i know i can call you if i want to talk, just shows how well you are doing with all the talking on the phone we have done recently. Yeah Sams dad is a pure B******* and yet again although i stood up to him the other day i got pay back today.
My brothers wife has been brilliant today and we talked about things that happened when i was younger, and it was nice to know that she wanted to listen and wanted to support me. Weird after years of us not talking. Still find it hard when she calls me just to chat as we have spent so many years not talking. She is becoming a great friend and it is sad that my parents stopped this happening.
Now i have my mother back on my case seen as i have Hamish back. Had my orders tonight to do this and that with him, like i dont know.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
It's great that you and your sister-in-law are much closer now and can chat about things. I know it is terrible how you and your brother were kept apart like that for so long, but try to focus on the future now. You now know what was happening and your mum can't manipulate both of you like that anymore.
Don't let your mum manipulate you about Hamish either. You know she is just trying to control you and using the dog to do it. Dad rang me earlier but I let the answerphone pick it up. He has demanded that I go round there tomorrow, but I'm feeling a bit better today and don't want to see him and have him spoil it so I've ignored the message.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Well done you not taking his call after having a good day. Just like you tell me dont let him pressure you and make you feel guilty. You do what makes you happy.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
Sorry that 'daddy' played up, sounds like he had a big flounce.
You put your foot down re Friday & didn't march to his tune--so, as you say, payback today.
Good news about your sister-in-law, at least that situation has turned around to the positive. I sympathise because my parents & grandparents made it their lifes work to make sure my sister & I didn't get on & it was only after my mum died (when we were both in our 40's) that we both started to work out what had happened!
Shame about Hamish--because it brings mother back into near focus. Try not to let her get "in under the radar", Sal. I know it's difficult--but you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Hope you feel a bit better.
Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Thanks Linda
You have been great. I know she feels she is in control again but i have her dog and she cant drive so it is down to me, but now she has reason for constant contact.
It is great that me and Jane are getting on so well and when she rang me yesterday and said she was just ringing for a chat i was shocked but in a nice way.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Forget to mention linda
Hamish is happy as larry here and when Jane brought him down today he bounded in the house and settled in straight away, bless him.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hamish sounds great & I'm sure he is good company. Shame about his "human baggage"!!!
Love Linda. x
Ps. Hope you manage to have a good rest tonight.
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Linda
Thank you for your continuing support, he is great he is just such a lovable soft rogue.
Think you should add your moto at end of post to Dellas as it is so true
How are you doing at the moment, sorry forgot to ask.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Just caught up with your posts, your ex really knows how to wind you up doesn't he, don't let it spoil the fact that you had a lovely weekend with Blue!
I'm really glad that you and your sister in law are getting on again, shame about Hamish having to come back as your Mum is on your back again, but, just think of all the long walks you can have with him.!!
Here if you need me, take care chuck.
Catch you later
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Thanks hon, i dont mind him been here but its the fact i will have her contact now.
As for the ex he never fails to amaze me and no doubt never will.
Hope you are okay and got your voice back hon.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Yep, the voice is back in full swing.
Hope Sam has been ok since she got back.
Don't let your Mum get you down either.
Take care
Elaine x
Sam is okay but i think my sister in law sensed i was struggling, she didnt say anything but has taken Sam out with her for the day. It is good as my neice becky is just a few months younger than Sam. They are going to the hospital and Sam wants to be there when Becky gets her pot on her arm.
Had Hamish out for a walk so going to chill for a few hours.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
That's nice for her to take Sam out for the day, certainly takes the pressure off you, has she broken up fro Easter already? We don't break up till Thursday.
Feeling a bit wound up this morning as John has the results of his CT scan at 12 and I know he is really wound up but won't admit it, it's just a routine scan to check he is still clear, but it's not nice as it brings it all back !
I'll let you know how we got on.
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Sal hon,
Sorry Iv'e missed your posts. So sorry you have been going through such a crap time of it mate. I'm glad things are on the up for you now though.
Just to let you know I am thinking of you and am always here for you mate. I will call you soon. If they ever let me out of work! LOL
Take Care,
Loadsa Love & Hugs.
PIP'S XX XX
Hi Elaine
Hope you have got the results and they are fine. I understand why you are wound up it is only natural as it will bring things back.
Thinking of you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Pips
Good to hear from you mate. I know you are always here for me. Hope you manage to get time of work soon.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Hope you are ok, and have had a chill out day!
Panic over, scan was clear so we can sigh a breath of relief for another few months 'til the next check up, then after 2 years he'll be in total remission. So fingers crossed.
Catch you later
Take care
Elaine x
Sal,
Hope that you have had a good day. Must have been nice for Sam to spend the day with her cousin too.
You asked how I am---lots better, thanks Sal. Still have the anxiety blips now & again & the strange symptoms they bring with them---but no more major panics! I go back to the dental surgeon in April (dental stuff being what finally tipped me over the wobbly edge last October)--but I go to a new guy now & he's good+he understands the bad stuff I've had with health & is interested in & understanding about the anxiety. Other than that I'm 99% ok on most days. Thanks for asking.
I hope that mother is keeping a reasonable distance & you are able to cope with it.
Big hug for Hamish!
Love Linda. x
PS. Elaine, that's great news, a relief for you.
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Elaine
That is great news and i am so pleased everything is okay.
Big hugs to John and tell him i feel for him now you have your voice back LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Linda
I know about how you felt about the dentist but this guy sounds like he really understands and can help you.
Pleased you are doing well, that is great.
Oh yes the mother is causing hazzle, saying one thing to me and another to my brother, but had this all my life so what is new. Sam had a good day but only stayed until about 2 and started the clinginess that she is so good at at the moment.
Hamish is fine, had lots of walks today and keep going in the river that is near me, so he is in his element.
You take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Lol! John is devastated about my voice, can nag him and the kids again, hooray!
At least you know you have a better relationship with your brother and his wife now, so don't let your mother come between you, as hard as she might try. I am sure they are going to be of some support to you.
I am sure that all that is going on is having a knock on effect on Sam and girls can be sooooo dramatic when they want to be, take it from someone who knows, but at least you had a few hours break today.
Glad that hamish has settled back in, you obviously spoil him!!
Hope you are ok.
Take care
Elaine x
Thanks for your kind words Linda, yo always make people feel better with your posts.
Hi Elaine
After a day where i thought i was about coping i have just lost it with Sam. She is been so selfish and demanding every minute of my time. I have just really shouted at her, i hate doing that but it hasnt even made her flinch. I dont know where to go with her, as she has made it so clear i shouldnt have time alone without her and basically questioned why i need a life. I am trying hard to ignore it and she is laid on the bed in the computer room huffing and puffing, that has made me more determined to carry on answering posts.
Really getting to the stage where i cant cope with how she is treating me.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
nomorepanic
21-03-05, 22:34
Sal
Sorry she is being a naughty girl tonight.
I guess she finds it hard to understand why adults don't devote their whole life to them.
Maybe she doesn't enjoy being with dad - or am I way off the mark here?
Hope it calms down tomorrow mate
x
Nicola
Hi Sal
Don't really know how to advise you here, but Sam must appreciate that you must have time for you. Children have a really good way of making you feel guilty about you having time without them and it works everytime.
Don't let her dictate on this, you are the parent not her, be strong no matter how hard it will be and she will eventually realise rhat she doesn't have you twisted around her little finger.
Hope this helps
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Nic
You are well on mark on that one she hates been with her dad and would never force her to go after she said she wanted to live with me full time but she asked me if she could go for the weekend and she had Ashley her best friend there all weekend.
She also hates me getting a life, even if friends call in for a cuppa she plays up something ridiculous.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Elaine
Thanks for your advice. She just seems to want to upset me at the moment however she can. She says she doesnt want to be with her dad and i have made every effort to sort that for her. Then tonight she talks to me like i am S*** then rings him like butter wouldnt melt. It is down to him how insecure she is as so many people have passed through his life that he let get close to her then disappeared but seems i pay for it, when i am the one who has involved no one and have just kept it me and her.
I am embarrassed to say but today she has really upset me and im so disappointed in her behaviour, as i have always tried to teach her right from wrong but at the moment wrong is the only way forward.
Sorry to twist but she has really pushed it tonight and has said some awful things to me.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
You may be right but how can i change that. I cant change him and i guess i will always have to make up for his faults.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sal dont blame yourself for how your daughter is behaving........she is obviously pushing to see how far she can go does she have any behavioural problems at school? (not sure how old she is) maybe you can get in touch with school and work along side them..... then again she might be as good as gold for anyone else like most kids are and just play up for you..........dont let it get you down
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Thats what i find so hard Fan, her teacher thinks she is wonderful, she is top of the class, polite and always well behaved. Must be something to do with me and her and what her dad has been like.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
thats the usual case sal people dont believe your talking bout the same kid when i have my niece she is great hand her back over she becomes the child from hell...........try a different tactic with her when she becomes loud and in your face instead of getting upset and cross just say "come back and talk to me when your not gonna shout" if she finds she gets no reaction from you she might realise no point winding you up cos it doesnt work
does her father know she behaves like this towards her or is she all sweetness and light when he has her........kids are not daft they know how to make you feel bad and will use it as a way of playing you off against him
hope today is better for you and keep your chin up speak later
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Hi Sal,
Just been reading all the things that have been going on.
I don't know how old your daughter is, mine 14 and can be a right b.... at times.
The rows we have had over the smallest things are unbelieveable but the quietest girland sweetest girl at school.
However when the chips are down she is great. She cheers me up no end when I'm down and depressed.
It's true what the others are saying....she is pushing you to the limit...you got to change your tactics..walk out of the room when she starts shouting...ignore her...she won't like it.
At least you haven't threatened her to chuck her out.
My brother has done with 2 of his as we speak. His 'new', wife told him to choose between her or them!
Hopefully they are winging themselves up to me.
This is where I start to panic and get short of breathe.
Sorry didn't mean to pile the prob on you. You have enough to contend with.
Anyway honey...hope it starts to get better for you soon.
with good wishes
Zena
Hi Zena
Thanks for that and you can talk about how you feel anytime. She is 9 and just seems to treat me like S*** and doesnt seem to respect me at all at the moment.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Fan
Thanks for that. I having a really anxious day today, i have had to give in and take a diazepam. Sam has a friend staying so i let them get the bus (2 miles) in to the town for the first time and they went shopping and have come back with lots of bits and bobs (rubbish) as they do. Now they want to go swimming, so i am going to have to force myself to get dressed and go out, when all i want to do is hide away.
She wants to go to the pool near my mums house 15 mile drive so i will have to take them there and call in to see her, and no doubt she will want me to run all over for her.
Ever get the feeling you just want the day to end and tomorrow be a better one.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
lol sal it never rains but it pours........guess you just werent fitted for a quiet life still all that fresh air will give you an appetite for the pub :D
use your trump card say "i hope your gonna be nice to me once i been nice driving you all over today".........make her appreciate you
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Hi Sal
Sorry you are not having a good day. Yes, I often get the feeling I want to day to be over in the hope that tomorrow is better. Am feeling like that today.
Remember that no matter how bad you are feeling, you still got out and took Sam and her friend out and are going to see your mum which is also stressful for you. Don't let her manipulate you into doing too much though.
Hope the day improves for you.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi ya,
Only 9 years old. Honey where do I begin...
She's finding her feet...testing the boundaries....!
YOU are the person to keep her where you want.
Take a leaf out her book...You will have to be assertive..
Don't overdo things though...
STAY POSITIVE honey.
A better day tomorrow. : )
with good wishes
Zena
hey Sal,
Kids that behave at school normally don't behave at home and viceversa. I guess they need to burn off the steam sometime so to speak. My brothers and I were the same, trust me!!
Hope the swimming goes well and that your mum isn't too demanding. I know that it takes a lot out of you!!
By the way, Ed has finished hios work so if you are still off work, maybe we could meet up one of these days..?
Sarah :D
Thanks for all your replies. Did my duty and went to my mums, could feel the panic rise whilst i was there. She never asked how her dog was and doesnt want him to visit her up there as it will upset the little dog she has that she can cope with.
I asked her if she wanted me to pick her up one day and bring her down to mine to see him. She said no straight away then went onto tell me that she doesnt think she wants him back. How heartless can a person get and she never asked what we should do if she doesnt want him back. I would love to keep him but working full time just would be fair.
No totally chewed as what to do with the poor thing.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
glad you had an ok time
shame about the dog why did she decide not to want it has she had it a while? or does it wreck the house lol
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
No he is as good as gold. She has had him for over 9 years. How can a person be so cold hearted and not even talk to me and ask me if i can cope with him once back at work. God i wish this day would end.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
thats not good then no excuse for wanting rid of him i borrowed a dog once then i had to go out i had a great time missed him when he went back though
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
I know what she is like but she still shocks me.
Just had Sams dad on the phone blasting me saying that Sam has got on the wrong bus from where they have been swimming. I didnt manage to tell him that they were on the right bus and she was just trying to get me into bother with him.
So he got the dialling tone!!
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sarah
It would be great to see you and Ed and i am still off work so if you want you can come over when it suits you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
nomorepanic
22-03-05, 20:00
Sal
Good to chat tonight - thanks for the call.
At least you can laugh about your day from hell!!
I hope it works out with the dog - poor thing.
xxx
Nicola
Poor doggy - I bet Sam wants to keep him!! :D
Hi Nic
It was good to talk to you, we must make more of an effort to keep in touch.
Sam will be on ebay if she carries on LOL
Sarah hope to see you both soon.
You will laugh at this i told Nic tonight my mum has offered to have Sam and her best friend Ashleigh to stay for a few nights, but doesnt want her dog. Take me to her planet for a day pleeeaasssee!!!
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
lol sal it just gets worse doesnt it?
sneak the dog into the bar then do a runner .......it might follow someone home :D
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Doesnt it just
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
Am dumbstruck, Sal! [:0]
They're all having a 'go'--not one of them can cope without you & each is trying, for different reasons, to make you collapse with guilt over it!
You must have that famous expression stamped on your forehead---
"----- & -------- welcome here!"
I don't have kids of my own but I've seen friends go through this & it seems mainly where mum has done most of the 'bringing up' ( well the quality stuff anyway) & daddy goes on behaving like an hormonally challenged 16 year old. All kids play their parents off against each other--but the kids have a 'headstart' when mum & dad are estranged & father is a total ****. When I was teaching (mainly kids of Sam's age, 9--11) mums & I often found "we couldn't be talking about the same child"---either the little demon was great at home or at school, rarely both!! [}:)]
I'm sorry that you are having such an anxious time, it all seems to be landing on you at once---but you are guilty of nothing here, Sal. You are doing your best in a situation that would destroy the toughest.
As other people here have said---you are the boss--& for some reason limits are being pushed by all around you right now! Assert yourself, Sal, & DO NOT feel guilty about doing so! Sam won't thank you if you allow her to get away with it---she will become more confused by it. And, as for 'daddy'---well---you did the best thing when you put the phone down.....
As for mother----she's having a mega-flounce, isn't she? No change there then?
Is it impossible for you to keep Hamish? Could a neighbour or friend let him out in the garden when you are at work?
I'd have him myself but I have a large black fluffy cat (Fluff McTavish) who has said 'no'. (I did ask him!!).
Seriously, Sal, it's another thing to worry about that you just don't need, eh. If all else fails there are dog rescue places that would re-home him---but I'm sure you know that already. It's a shame if you can't keep him because he must be good company & he'll love you when all the humans are a 'waste of space'!
Am beginning to ramble ---so going now b4 I bore the ---- off you.
Thinking of you.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Linda
Thanks you so much for that. She has taken it to the full extent now and i am lost as what to do. I cant believe seh could be so cold but then she brought me up so i have been there and no how it feels
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi Sal,
How are you doing today hun?
I will send you a PM about meeting up.
Sarah :D
Hi Sal
How's it all going today chuck, just caught up with allyour posts from the last couple of days, you poor thing what a day yesterday.!
Hope you are feeling better today.
I'll catch you later
Love Elaine x
Hi Sarah
Got your PM thanks will reply later and let you know what is best for all of us. Do you think the fair would take Sam with them when they leave LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Elaine
Today hasnt been much better, but havent had time to think about it as had Sams best friend and it was her birthday today and her mum and dad were both working away. They have been a handful then i gained my brothers little girls, and sometimes 3's a crowd. They have all had a good day but now Sam and Ashleigh are down stairs watching TV and high as kites. Sam has been a pure git throughout the day and have bitten my tongue on a number of occasions.
Went to physio this morning and there isnt much they can do with my finger as it is hard tissue that has built up so might need to have a op to remove it.
Spoke to my mum and she said she didnt mean she didnt want Hamish back, relieve, then in the next breath she asked if i wanted him. So obviously that was a load of S***.
Can see how easy it was for her to send me to boarding school at 6 now.
Hope you are doing okay and looking forward to your hols starting tomorrow.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sal............think you need to come down the pub and relax , see you there :D
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Definately make mine a large one!!!
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Sorry that you might need an operation on your finger. It seems to be one thing after another sometimes doesn't it?
Your mum seems to be her usual self, trying to palm Hamish off onto you. As if you haven't got enough on your plate already.
You really are coping very well considering everything that is happening. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Thanks Karen
Mum does suprise me but she really shouldnt, but thats life isnt it.
As for my finger will just see what they can do, at the doctors in the morning.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Good luck at the doctors in the morning Sal.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Thanks Karen
Not really worried about it as a bit more **** hit the fan and im wondering how much more i can take.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
Sorry about your finger--on top of everything else...
I hope that the doc is able to offer some treatment/a solution.
Your mum doesn't seem to know if she's on her ---- or her elbow? I hope she makes her mind up soon about Hamish & then, at least, you'll know where you are about "our furry friend"!
You say recent **** has hit the fan. Are you ok, whatever this is?
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Linda
As for my mother i can tell she doesnt want him back as when i asked her she straight away jumped at Do you want him. God love him.
As for recent actions could be me been insecure but i still think how it happened is well out of order, but another one to add to my list of a bad week.
I will get there, im not going to let anything get me to where i was a year ago.
Hope it is all going okay for you.
And thannks for you continuing support.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sal i hope your going ok........least with all the dog walking your gonna be fit as a fiddle :D
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
True
Just been to the doctors and she has given me a 3 week sick note, i asked if she thought i should go back on light duties but she wasnt prepared to let me and went to wait until i see the consultant again in a couple of weeks.
Really getting bored been off now, need to be at work keeping busy.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal, Sorry to read you are still having such a hard time with everything. At least you get to have Easter off now the doc has signed you off again!! Has your daughter broke up from school yet. My kids break up today and I am at a loss as to how I am going to keep them entertianed for 2 weeks, they don't go back till 11th April(I think it is too long!!) I have a hormonal 11 year old daughter and a boisterous 5 year old son and they just don't get on at all and are always fighting so I better get the Valium ready LOL!!!!
Hope you have a lovely Easter without too much hassle.
Take care and I am here if you want a chat anytime.
Love Lisaxx
Thanks Lisa
Yes Sam broke up last Friday, so nearly a week over!!!!
Hope you have a nice easter to.
Take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sal.........3 more weeks off your gonna be tearing your hair out:D
oh well theres always the pub
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
hi Sal,
Sorry to hear about your finger - you poor thing!! I can imagine that having Sam at home 24/7 doesn't leave you with much time to yourself, especially when all her mates are around as well. Hope things get better for you soon hun!! Wish I could take the dog - don't think Jim would be impressed though LOL
Sarah :D
Hi Sal
Sorry it wasn't good news about your finger. I realise it is difficult for you at the moment, particularly being off work and not having anything to keep you occupied.
Are you feeling any better tonight?
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Fan
I know i am. I coped just last time i was off work but that was with my anxiety and i wasnt strong enough to work mentally, but although dont feel great i know that getting back into it will help me loads. I am spending too much time dwelling on things and taking too much to heart. I am one of these people without a routine i am nothing.
Got myself settled tonight after Sam and her friend, who is still here were getting their pjs on and just cried, thought i would never stop. Cant see the point to it all at the moment and feel i have nothing to look forward to as the doctor told me today i would be off for a few months and i know it sounds so stupid with just an injury to my finger.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sarah
Thanks for you reply. Well as you see i have a lot longer off so any time you fancy meeting up or if you and Ed want to come across here one night next week like we did before you would be more than welcome and it would be nice to have some adult company.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Karen
Havent had a good night but mainly feel lost as need to get back to work. Sams attitude is just growing and she has no repsect for what i say at all. But i am sure i will get it sorted and at least one week of the easter hols is now over.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sal just remembered something..did you see "driving mum mad"......apparently it was on itv and dealt with all issues between parents/kids thought maybe they had some factsheets/tips or something you could look at
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
No i didnt see it but Sam watched it and told me how naughty the kids were LOL
Maybe she has taken it on board we will see how tomorrow goes.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sorry you're having a bad night Sal. Hope tomorrow is better for you.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Me to Karen and thanks for that.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
I'm sorry to hear that it's all still "belly-up" & that the news at the docs was pretty disheartening.
Yes, let's hope Sam realised from the TV programme the definition of "naughty kids"! I guess you could always remind her of the programme!
The cry will have done you the world of good, Sal, even though it feels like it will never stop when the tears are flowing.
I hope that tomorrow is a little brighter & easier.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Linda
Yeah i will remind her. She has gone out for the day with Ashleigh's granny so i have the day to myself. I really should tidy the place up but i didnt sleep too well last night so i can hear my bed calling me LOL
Hope you are doing okay and have a lovely weekend. Thanks for all your support
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi Sal,
Hope you manage to have a nice, relaxing day. Feel free to pop over here if you need to chat, ok?
Sarah :D
hi sal ......you got the whole day to yorself again your turning into a lady of leisure :D
see you down the pub
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Sal,
Hope you've had a better day & a chance to relax doing whatever you needed, be it bed or tidying. Tidying usually keeps!?
I'm ok, Sal, coping at present. Thanks.
I hope that your weekend is calmer & you manage to get some sleep.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Guys
Been a really strange day for me, you will have seen me post about my best mate caroline and how she kept having funny turns on me in the past, but that was all forgotten but with her working full time with 5 kids and her boyfriend moving in i havent seen her since before Christmas, i missed her loads but put it down to life changes and we all move on. Well she called round today and i saw her leaving the estate as i came back from a walk with the dog. I had to ring her house to get her new mobile number, that is how close she has been to me, NOT. Well she was in town so i went to meet her for coffee and she acted like a friend but not as close as we were but also like nothing had happened between us. We went to the pub after that and had a few drinks, talked like we used to but in a strange way it felt different, like it shouldnt be like that.
So some positive did come out of it but also some negative as i now know we will never be as close as we were.
Then came home and Sam came home from her day out, as soon as she walked through the door i was the git that looks after her. She has reduced me to tears yet again and is adament that she is going to push me too far. I know she is testing the water but how much do i take. I planned to have a nice day just me and her tomorrow, was going to go shopping, do lunch etc, but no she told me her dad had rang her and was taking her out to a theme park for a day. Good on him, yeah apart from he has the twins and Sam will be the one to look after them whilst him and Jill do as they feel. But what really got me he didnt even tell me, am i wrong to react like i have, but he never wants her and she never wants to see him then suddenly he offers her the day to remember and i am the horrible one.
Was supposed to be out for a friends birthday tomorrow night and was really looking forward to it, but he cant have Sam overnight so had arranged before all of this for her to go to Ashleighs mums but they are at a wedding dance and have to be there by 6.30, would have taken Sam but John says he wont be back until at least 7, so if i stop her going i am just a selfish person according to her. So next plan ask my mum, company for her, but no she cant as she has friends calling to see her. So here i am stuck in with Sam which i know is my responsibility but a mother who says no, whilst i look after her dog. Words astounded me at that one.
Sorry for the twist.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Sorry to hear about the problems with Sam and with her dad again. He should have spoken to you before telling her about the theme park. It isn't on springing it on you when you had other plans. If he can't get her back in time for her to stay with her friends, why can't he have her overnight? I don't think he is treating you very fairly.
You know Sam is just testing to see how far she can push you. It seems to be the parent that had the child full time that is seen as the bad guy as you have to do the disciplining, whilst her dad takes her for days out. I know it isn't fair.
Typical too of your mum not to help you out, but then when does she do anything that doesn't benefit her? Sorry if that sounds harsh but she always seems to be using her and manipulating you to get what she wants.
I'm really sorry you are going to miss your night out. It would have done you the world of good.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
No dont apologise for saying that about my mother, shocked me and hurt me but why after all she has done to me. Im just glad i am not a selfish shallow minded person like her.
So my plans are goosed again for tomorrow night, so have planned to get a take away with Sam, yet again put her first and what suits her. One day she might let me breathe on my own but at the moment it seems so unlikely. I really got cross with her tonight but she turned the tears on and made it all my fault.
I always struggle to show my feelings with people, but how i am with Sam i know i shouldnt i can tell her how i feel even when she pushes me and i know no that i have to do that with others apart from her. It made me think today spending time with Caroline normally we would have a cuddle and tell each other we love each other as best friends, but although i wanted to she didnt even try, so know i no how hard it is on the other side and have learnt alot from that. Dont get me wrong i was gutted but life moves on and we all have to.
As for Sam i did tell her tonight if she carries on she will go and stay with her dad and if she doesnt like it then she will see how i feel. I just feel like disappearing tomorrow, texting him and saying i wont be home until Monday night so sort it like i have to.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
I know i can change things and i will. It wont be over the weekend but i have decided that i am taking the dog back to my mums on monday and she can have Sam for a few days and he can help out with him. Wouldnt want to desert Sam whilst at her dads as wouldnt want him to the option to hold that against me although not wrong. So how about if i can sort that i come down on Monday?
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sal,
A very mixed day again for you? You must be really fed-up & angry with this business with Sam & her dad. Not only has he messed up your plans for your day with Sam but wrecked your evening plans as well. Could this be why he didn't tell you before checking your plans & before asking Sam? As you say, he's probably only taking Sam to mind the twins, once he's home again Sam is pushed back to you.
You are not wrong to have felt & reacted the way you have. You are being treated very unfairly.
If you can possibly sort out Hamish & your mum & get away for a few days next week to see Blue---go for it, Sal. You deserve a break---& it's a good way to show a few of the "significant others" around you that you can, & will, have a life too. I agree it would be better to go away with Sam at your mums rather than give 'daddy' more ammunition!
Thinking of you,
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Thanks for that Linda
You have been great. I cant see why 9 years on he wants to make my life hard, it isnt like i hurt him and he has reason to. Definately decided tonight that mum is taking Hamish back and if she wont have Sam her dad will, he can deny or fob me off anymore. I really need time out and would love to go and see blue but dont want to arrive there wanting to sleep and wanting to chill out when he needs support.
Need some adult company and some wine and a laugh.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
How are you today chuck?
Just been reading through your posts, sorry about your finger but it will be best to be off work until it's sorted.
Sorry I haven't been around much the last few days but you can always phone or text me. I'll always be here for you mate.
Hope you manage to sort a fewdays away, it will do you good.
Hope to catch you later
Take care
Elaine x
hi Sal,
Hope things are going a little better today. You definitely need a break and going down to visit Blue is a good idea!! Hope your mum or Sam's dad help you out - I know I have said this many times before but Sam could always stay with us. After all, Ed and I need practice for when we have kids LOL.
Sarah :D
Sal,
Hope that you are coping & today has been a little easier for you.
Thinking of you.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Sarah
I know you would have Sam anytime for me i just worry that she would play up for you and that is the last thing you two need.
Hope you are having a good weekend.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Elaine
I know i can text or call you whatever and i really appreciate that. Havent felt like talking much today so had my mob switched off.
Hope you are okay and enjoying the weekend.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Linda
How are you doing? So much for a quiet day, her dad decided not to take her to the theme park but didnt think to ring her until 10.30 two hours late. Then he said he would take her swimming to a place where there are loads of slides so the mood lifted a bit, but when she came home he would go on any of the slides with her and kept going on with his girlfriend and her kids.
Have been up to see my brother and his wife Jane and had some crack, even my brother noticed how quiet Sam was but she is always like this when she comes back from his.
She is having a bath now and i bought her a bath bomb so she thinks she is pampering herself, bless her. Just wish i could brighten my mood up.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi Sal,
Don't worry hun, things will start to look better for you soon. It's about time you had some good luck!!
Sarah :D
Sal,
This guy is a right royal stinker, eh, + a total a*******! Really lets Sam down then, as usual, just leaves you to pick up the pieces. Fancy promising her a theme park day......then actually coming up with a brief outing to the local slides. [V]
Glad you were able to see your brother & Jane. It must have given you a bit of a break & a laugh, some adult company.
Hope Sam's bath-bomb helps the general atmosphere!---& your evening, dare I say it, is reasonably peaceful.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Linda and Sarah
Thanks for you kind replies. She is still wallowing in the bath, but at least i know while Casualty is on i will get a hours peace LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
lol Sal - good for you!! :D
Hi Sarah
You know her and know what she is like!!! She is underwater washing her hair and still talking LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Maybe you will have to buy her something new and exciting everyday Sal so that you can ger some peace and quiet LOL :D
Sal,
Geoff reckons that's the only time he gets any peace.....when Casualty
(or Holby) is on! :D
If Sam can talk under water---maybe you should have talks with the circus! [:O)]
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
I know Linda
She has been okay tonight, we are getting a new living room carpet so i pulled some up and she took over cutting it up and piling it up neatly, wore herself out, so she is in bed and asleep at the moment.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Sorry to hear about your day. Typical of Sam's dad to let her down again and left to you to pick up the pieces.
Hope you are feeling a little better tonight and have a better day tomorrow.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Sal,
Good to hear that this evening was a little calmer for you & Sam. Must have been a welcome relief for you. Also that she helped with the carpet---might be mundane stuff but she shared the job with you & that's great.
Hope you get some rest tonight.....& tomorrow continues calmly.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Thanks linda she had been an angel tonight and its me that couldnt cope But hey tomorrow is another day,
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Karen
It is amazing after 9 years that he can still hurt my Sam, however hard i try to stop him. He doesnt hurt me at all it just hurts me that he lets Sam down again and again and i have to pick up the pieces. Wont be long before she doesnt even want to visit him for an hour or so but that is down to her. She respects my brother more than her dad.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi Sal,
Hope today runs a little more smoothly for you. Are you still thinking about popping around?
Sarah :D
hi sal hope your ok, sounds like you had a good night for a change lets hope its the start of many more
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Sal,
I hope that today has continued in a reasonably peaceful way for you & that you are ok.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Sarah
Sorry i didnt call round but my mates asked if i wanted to go to the club where she works, songs for the kids, bingo etc, really didnt want to but felt if i didnt they would completely stop asking me. Had a nice time but after a few hours i came home to walk the dog and debbie brought Sam home later.
See then all having a drink laughing and joking and see that was me in the past and i really need to get back to that. Cant believe how patient they have been with me and still keep asking even though on many occasions i keep letting them down. Enjoyed it but now home i need to get back to where i was when i see how they are today.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi Sal,
Don't worry about not popping around hun. I know what you mean about seeing other people having a good time and realising that that used to be you. I guess that's what we all have to try to achieve again..
Sarah :D
I know Sarah but i watched then and thought i would never fit intothat again. Love them all but they have moved on whilst i havent.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sal i know what you mean by getting back to the person you was but im not sure you can really do that.........by going through what you have you will be a different person not sure if that makes sense though......im not the person i used to be but im getting to like the person i am now
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Well said Fan - I think that is the most important thing!! :D
Sal,
Glad you were able to go out to the club for a few hours. Sam must have enjoyed it.
Sorry that it caused you to feel as if you were not totally part of what was happening, & made you feel sad because you could see yourself in the past.
As to why they haven't given up on you.....well.....you're a lovely lady, Sal, & I'm sure that whatever is going on inside you you are still going to be good company!
I'm not sure we ever go back to what we were because of the experiences we go through with all this anxiety stuff but, in time, you'll be able to feel part of these things again albeit with a wealth of added experience 'under your belt'.
We have to learn to like ourselves again?
I hope that you have had a reasonable day today & are ok.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Thanks Fan i totally understand what you are saying but it does scare me that i wont be me again, whether im a better person or not, you still get that sense of loss dont you.
Sarah you have been great and i know whenever i need you you will be there for me and i really appreicate that.
Blue you have been great too and i appreciate your support but hope you know that i will support you hon.
Linda, you deserve a medal for you advice and how much you have supported me. You have answers to how i feel all the time and i appreciate that so much.
Today has been a hard one, i talked to my brother after years of not getting on and he agreed with how i decided that mum should try and have her dog then if it doesnt work then we know we can look at alternatives.
I arrived at hers and she wasnt pleased as i didnt buy her fags and wine.
We talked and Sam and her friend went out to play. I explained that once back at work it would be fair on Hamish and she turned round and said to her dog Sal is you mum now!!! Took it on board then asked if she could have Sam for a night just to give me time out and she turned round and said i chose to have Sam so why would i want time out. I must admit i bit and said but you chose me more as you went through the adoption channels which is a lot more hard work. She responded that she has done her bit as i am grown up and now i need to take Sam on, like i dont. How can someone feel like that.
Im lost for words by here and wonder why she ever wanted me and John by how she is now.
Sorry for the twist but she is making me feel so ill again.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi Sal,
It really is horrible the way that your mum is behaving hun. There is no reason that she can't help you out, especially when you do loads for her. It's harsh though as there is really nothing that you can do about it as you can't force her to have Sam for a few days. All I can say is that I am here for you when and if you need me..
Sarah :D
hi sal sorry your day wasnt too good but the saying "you can choose your friends but not your family" is very true how many would swap if the had the chance i know i would.............
does she not understand you took the dog as a temporary measure and not for good? could your brother not tell her that she needs to take it back or is she just the same with him?
fan x
"dont wait for the light at the end of the tunnel..........stride down there and light the bl**dy thing yourself!
Hi Sal
Sorry your mum has been upsetting you again. She knew you having the dog was a temporary arrangement so I wouldn't give in to her attempts at control by telling you to take him. You have more than enough to cope with already.
I can imagine how her comments about Sam hurt, as well as about you and John. She was probably doing it get at you because you didn't take her any drink or cigarettes.
Try not to let her get to you or bring you down again. I know it is difficult but you know she does these things to be difficult and get at you. So much for families being supportive eh?
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
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