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Jac
08-03-05, 12:26
Hi my name is Jacqui, I am 37 and the mother of Chaz. I used to suffer from bad depression but about 8 years ago the doctor put me on prozac and they seemed to help a lot. I am still on them and can't seem to come off them, every time I try to come off them after a few weeks the horrible depression feelings start coming back, I've tried about 3 or 4 times and each time the same.

So now i don't try to come off them and I think I may be on them for life. The doctor says they don't know the long term side effects but I definately don't want to feel depressed again like I did it is the worst feeling in the world, I'm not bothered about the side effects as long as I am not depressed.

I still do have bad days now and again but no where as bad as before, the main problem these days is anxiety especially around people, I don't enjoy talking because unless the topic is about something I am interested in and know a lot about, I find it difficult to know what to say and always feel I either say the wrong thing or look stupid and nervous which makes me feel worse and it goes round in a vicious circle.

Anyway now I've bored you all with my moans and groans i'll wait and see if you have any advice for me on socialising confidently, please give me advise on being confident about what I say.

Thanks for listening talk soon

Jacqui

Tracy68
08-03-05, 12:32
Hi Jacqui
I was on prozac a while back and like you started to feel loads better, so i decided to take myself off them and BANG i hit rock bottom again and it felt even worse than it did when i first went on them. Went back to the doctors got a telling off which i guessed would happen. But they always say if you feel better let the doctor advise you and take you off them gradually.
I'm sure you'll find plenty of help and support on here.
Take care
Tracy
x

rachel25
08-03-05, 12:46
Jac,

You can't just get your confidence back at the click of your fingers. Have you thought about asking to be referred to therapy to discover why you lost your confidence and how you can get it back? (hark at me!!!!)

Rach xx

Jac
08-03-05, 12:47
Thanks for your reply Tracey, when I did try to come off prozac I did it very gradually and was ok for about a couple of months but then back I went to feeling crap again, I can't be bothered with anything, even a simple thing like making a cup of tea is such hard work, and because you can't be bothered to do anything the guilt gets you then and makes you feel worse because your family suffers too, and the house is a mess and things don't get done and organised then you feel even worse don't you, so again it is a vicious circle.

jacqui

Jac
08-03-05, 12:52
Hi Rach, yes I have thought about therepy but I have to make the effert to go to see someone and that in itself is hard for me, I'd rather just stay in on my own, and I think a lot to do with my lack of confidence is I have put weight on over the years and hate myself and the way I look,
I always think people hate fat people, I don't know why but I get the impression that they think we are thick and stupid, I have tried load of times to lose weight but I just love eatting it makes me happy.

Jacqui

Tracy68
08-03-05, 12:57
Like you say its all a vicious circle, eating makes you happy at the time but then you get all down and depressed when you realise all its doing is just making you miserable.
What bought the depression on, do you know?
I think this site will help you out more than you think. It has me. Made me realise that i wasn't the only one suffering and that in itself helps. You will get better but it will take time, but by just concentrating on each day and not worrying about tomorrow.
Tracy
x

vernon
08-03-05, 12:59
Hi Jacqui. Welcome to the site hope you and chaz will find plenty of help and support here. I have suffered anxiety, bad fears and depression (but not so much depression as the others) For about 40 years, but have had good years between. And now when I look back and think hard I was so nervous and afraid even as a child, so I do think some of us are born with the problem. I got over my social phobia by drinking heavy since I was 16 until 15 months ago when I stopped drinking. I drank heavy and daily just to hide from the anxieties and fears. But I now realise I should have faced them and learned to cope without alcohol. So when I look back over the years I didn’t really have a nice life just drunk and addicted to hide from the real world. When I stopped Drink I felt really ill for months the anxiety and depression was unbelievable. Over the years I have tried so many Meds and therapies but didn’t seem to do any good. I was on high doses of Vallium and sleeping drugs at one time, which only made things worst, as you are not in the real world then? It’s been years since I took any Vallium or sleeping meds though, but I do have the odd Vallium maybe once a month if I have to go somewhere where I am really scared. I am 56 and am married with 5 children but only 3 left at home now and them and my wife are such a great help. I started taking Cipralex, which is same type of med as Prozac about 3 months ago, they make me feel tired in the morning when I need to get up but I think overall they do help me. I used to wake so scared and shaking had to get up really early because I just couldn’t calm down and sleep from these fears. I don’t really see a problem if you have to take a medication all your life if it makes you feel better why not? So many people are on some med or other all there life’s, Like asthma. Diabetics and many more? I have one son with asthma and he has been on meds since only a few years old and is still on them now at 18, so whets the problem at our age taking if they help. I also found deep relaxation and using suggestions and affirmations seem to help me a lot but they didn’t when I was younger. I also read Clare Weekes book Essential help for the nerves helped me lots, Its a 400 page book but well broke up and easy to read, I read a little each night before going to sleep. Well sorry for a long post but hope some of this helps you. Take care for now. Vernon

Jac
08-03-05, 13:16
Thanks for that Vernon, it has helped a bit, like you say you drank alcohol to block out life, well I don't like booze much, much I have started to take quite a lot of painkillers, sometimes they make me feel better, I always seem to have some pain or other every day, headache, neckache, etc, I do try not to take too many because then I worry about the damage they might be doing, but sometimes after a hard day I like to sit down with my dinner and take a couple of pain killers and it kind of makes me feel at ease and relaxed.

Jacqui

lisarose
08-03-05, 13:17
Hi Jacqui,

Welcome to the forum, you will find it very helpful and everyone is very friendly. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for the last 5 years and when it first started I didn't go out of the house for 8 months. I lost my confidence and when I did eventually start going out again found it very hard talking to people, even people that i knew and used to avoid getting into conversations because I was scared of saying the wrong thing.I was previously a very confident outgoing person and couldn't believe that this illness could change me so much as a person and I just used to cry all the time with frustration becuase I just wanted to be the old me again. It has taken me about 2 years to slowly build up my confidence again and the turning point for me was going on new medication which has allowed me to feel alot more normal again and I even felt confident enough to start a part time college course last september, it was very scary at first meeting new people and especially having to join in with class discussions but I got through it and it has boosted my confidence no end. I tried to come off the medication a few weeks ago becuase I felt so much better but came crashing back down to square one again, feeling very depressed and anxious with horrible withdrawal symptoms so had to go back on it again. I am slowly starting to feel better again, but have been stuck in the house for the last 3 weeks as my kids have had chickenpox and I now have shingles so can't go out for another couple of weeks and I do feel like I have lost some of my confidence again as I haven't had contact with anyone but my family and am worried about going back to college as I've missed the last 3 lectures and am behind on my work but I know that once I am over the shingles I will get out there again and try to build my confidence back up. I refuse to be beaten by this illness again when I have worked so hard to overcome it. I promise things do get easier it just takes alot of hard work and determination.

Hope to hear more from you soon, How is Chaz by the way?
Take care
love Lisaxx

rachel25
08-03-05, 13:21
Theres nothing worse than hating it when you look at yourself in the mirror, it destroys your confidence.
I wish you all the luck in the world Jac, and maybe try talking to your doctors again.

Lise, are you ok? What medication are you on?

rach xx

razocaine_07
08-03-05, 14:21
hi jac, i used to be anti-depressants for a few years when i was in my early teens. It took nearly everything i had to give to get off them. I think the only reason i wanted off them was because i just wanted to be free of medication. Im now 20 and not on anything. Depression and anxiety still cripples me at times, but i dare'nt get hooked on pills again. Good luck in what u choose to do, take care

sal
08-03-05, 15:42
Hi Jac

Firstly welcome to the site. Sorry to hear how hard it has been for you trying to come of prozac. I am sure other people on her that have taken it will be able to offer you their valued support.

Hope chaz is okay, she is lucky to have such a supportive and understanding mum.

Talk soon.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

vernon
08-03-05, 16:44
hi again jac. LOL i take the odd pain killer too i get so many physical symtoms like you too. Must be a comforter becouse I am sure the cant realy do anything for our codition. I get the bad physical symtoms to, last year i was so bad with tummy pains even passing blood and got refered to a gastrologist, had Barium enema. Sigmoidoscopy, xrays, blood tests and all sorts over the period of that year and was happy in the end to find it was just IBS, which can be triggered buy anxiety etc too. But after all them tests and knowing there isnt realy anything wrong my tummy is good as ok again. Then it seems to pop up as another symtom? I think Its just trying to trick us into making us think there is something wrong. Take care. Vernon.
PS Its good you dont drink it only causes more probles.

FAN
08-03-05, 19:03
hi welcome to the forum im sure you will find it really helps to read and also post your views on things, i do take medication and have to say that if taking 3 tablets gives me the chance to be sane and quite in control of my life then i can live with that, i suppose somewhere down the line i should come off them but for now im happy to take them, every one has different views i suppose but thats just mine

fan x

lisarose
09-03-05, 11:22
Hi Rachel, I'm feeling alot better, thanks for asking. I am on Effexor 75mg, have been on them since August last year, had no side effects when I started taking them but awful withdrawals when i tried to stop.

How are you today Jaqui - have you found this site helpful so far?

Take care
Love Lisaxxx

Jac
09-03-05, 12:08
How are you today Jaqui - have you found this site helpful so far?

I'm not too bad today thanks, I have to go into work this afternoon so I am a little anxious like I always am when going to work, but I'll get ready and put on a smile, and walk into work. I'm sure I'll be fine

sal
09-03-05, 12:33
Hi Jac

Thats the way hon. Hope it all goes well at work.

Take care.

Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

Tracy68
09-03-05, 15:44
Hi Jacqui
I think once you actually get to work it does help. I'm always having to drag myself to my job but once i'm there and get stuck in with things i don't seem to be as anxious anymore. I just feel its because i'm having to train my thoughts elsewhere and not on how i'm feeling.
Hope work was ok for you today.
Take care
Tracy
x

lisarose
09-03-05, 15:53
Hi Jac, I really admire people who are able to hold down a job whilst suffering from anxiety etc and think you are doing really well. I have thought about looking for a job but it is difficult as I would have to get one that fits around school hours. I returned to work a couple of years ago in the local convenience store but had a return of my panic attacks after a few months and had to take time off and couldn't face going back which is a shame as i actually quite liked the job and it fitted in with the kids, it was 5pm-10pm but it meant i didn't get to see alot of the kids and my boyfriend as they were always in bed by the time i got home.

Hope work went o.k and you didn't feel too anxious - what is it you do?

Take care
Love Lisaxx