Going out again

[LucyA]

Ok this is probably more of a rant/feeling sorry for myself/getting it off my chest kind of a post.

My boyfriend of 4 and a half years split up with me yesterday and it's come as such a shock. He's doing a very hard degree (aerospace engineering) which means he will probably have to work abroad, and he wants to go travelling with all his friends and not be tied down in a relationship. I always thought that he couldn't live without me, I guess I was wrong.

What scares me the most is the fact that I need to start going out, having a social life and getting on with sorting my life out. I'm not great at coping with being single, and having been in such a wonderful relationship since I was 16 means that I'm really not used to it. I'm excited to go out and meet new guys but at the end of it all I just want him. He used to ask me to marry him all the time (not an actual proposal, just asking) and I'd always say yes. I suppose it was stupid of me to think that it meant something and make that mental lifetime commitment.

Another thing that is annoying me is the fact that I just want to get over him as soon as possible but I know that its gonna take ages. Anyone know any good ways to just forget about him and just get on with it?!
I suppose this break up could be a good thing. We had a great relationship and I love him but I never really felt that love that completely blows u away (if that exists at all). Also, now I need to start looking after myself, going out into scary places that would usually make me nervous and take responsibility. I guess it could mean getting over anxiety. Lets hope so!

Anyway, sorry for rambling on.
Lucy xx

[yorkylover]

Hi Lucy Im sorry to hear of your break up.I cant really give you any advise sweety as I havent been in this position.But I would like to say dont look at it as bad thing to try things on your own,I know it will be scarey.

I have been with my better half since I was 16,and Im 41 now.I know Im very dependant on him.I used to do alot of things on my own,then my anxiety ect got worse and I became very dependant on my partner.He is my best friend and we do most things together,which is lovely.I wish I wasnt so dependant because if anything happend I would be in a terrible mess.But I think we would manage and have to cope.
stay strong.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[GemmaAnn]

Hey Lucy, im so sorry about you breakup :hugs:

My boyfriend of 2 and a half years split up with me on Boxing day and I was completly lost as to what to do, but I had exams to get on with and uni to finish so I had to pick myself back up again. I guess what im trying to say with that is that keeping busy is the best thing to do, I know all I wanted to do was sit in a daze and wonder why but it really is better when you are out and about.

Its been a really big journey for me since we broke up, I was very dependant on him and I loved him so much, but like you I never felt completly blown away and I take comfort in that fact because im sure there is somewhere out there who will blow me away and make me realise that perhaps me and my ex wern't true love. And thats a good thing!
From your post you sound like you are coping a lot better than I ever did right at the start! so thats good ... im really looking forward to the future now and I feel a lot more free to do the things I want, to travel and get a job where I like.
Im sure that somewhere down the line, and not too far away you will feel like that aswell. We always assume that it will take ages to get over loving relationships but maybe sometimes we just needed that break to find out what we really want in life and go for it!

Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat ... I have msn and stuff :)
Gem xx :noangel:

[LucyA]

Thankyou so much guys!
You've all made me feel so much better. Chat cheered me up too lol.
As you said Gem, I always wondered if there was someone out there who was going to blow me away and it would be awful because I would still be with this guy. Sorry to hear about your break up but it seems your doing so much better for it and you're a really strong person.
Unfortunately, I'm coping with it so well because it happened 3 years ago. He was in his first year of uni and cheated on me and we broke up for 2 weeks. I made myself really ill worrying about it and the doctor said it sounded like I was in shock. I am determined not to let that happen this time! Although I still have a couple of physical symptoms...I'm not longer interested in food and just seem to want alcohol and cigarettes and my eyes keep leaking! I'm keeping up the eating though.

I am at uni too and although I'm not doing too well at it, I have just been offered to start writing articles for a music magazine (don't get paid but it could lead onto better things) so hopefully that'll be my big break. Maybe I'll become a roadie journalist and end up with a rockstar lol.

Anyway, thankyou so much for your words of encouragement. They've definitely helped me see the better side of this break up. Tons of love and hugs to u all!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[doglover]

Hi
I'm sorry about your breakup. Im 38 now and have been through a few in my time. I know it doesn't really help but when i look back now i see that every relationship that ended was for a reason and was not right. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with at the time because all your hopes and dreams for the future are suddenly changed and thats as hard to come to terms with as losing the person you loved.
However, better late than never, i am now married to a wonderful man who i would never would have been with had i stayed with any of my exes.
My advice would be to try and enjoy being 'you' for a while and think about what you really want to do with your life. When you are single, its much easier to realise who 'you' are without having to worry about keeping someone else happy.
Cry whenever you want to, its great to let it all out.
I hope you feel better soon. Don't feel you have to put on a brave front.
Donna x

[LucyA]

Thanks Donna, I'm definitely beginning to see the plus sides of this break up. If we had stayed together it would have meant being in a long distance relationship for at least a year and a half. Having been through that with him before, I don't think I'd have the patience to do it again.

Also, I've been on 3 trains in the past two days without any sign of anxiety! One of them was very crowded and I had to sit backwards but I was fine, so it looks like I'm over the train thing. Now just doctors, dentists, buses and lectures to go lol.

I still get a little down every now and then but I have amazing mates who are always there to give me a cuddle and a shoulder to cry on. Thanks for all your help everyone, I feel like the worst is over now! :hugs:

xxxx