Dating dilemma

[celeste]

I met a nice guy through work.
Don't ask me how but we've been on 3 dates.
First one bowling...i could see the door at all times
Second one, pub...as above!
Third one...the beach..errr...not so good.

We go to the beach which is about 3 minuts by car from my house. I figure i can race back to the car in a event of panic.
I meet him there. I can't travel with other people.
We walk along the seafront for quite a way (i surprised myself) & then it happened. The dizzying, stomach churning which makes me seek out the nearest loo feelings.
We headed back towards the car. He didn't have a clue. I must have been feeling a bit peculiar, maybe lack of oxygen to the brain! But i asked him back to my house, despite feeling the way i did.
Starts well. We sat in my lounge had a coffee. And then IT happens again. I ask him to leave telling him i have an appointment. I then shut the door & cry as he drives off.
I have spoken to him on the phone since. He hasn't mentioned it & probably didn't notice anything wrong...we are very good at keeping up the pretence!
He has since told me he takes anti depressants, mainly because of the break up of his marriage. I told him i take them too. BUT i haven't told him about the anxiety & panic.
He's such a nice guy but would need to be a saint to put up with me. I don't really want a 'serious' relationship having been severely hurt by ex, just nice times . He says things like 'going away' together & my stomach starts going....i couldn't possibly consider that right now.

So i guess what i want to know is, how on earth do i get out there?
Do I tell him?
When do i tell him...in the middle of a major panic wouldn't be appropriate would it? :D
Do I dump him?

Any dating disaster stories welcome. I am trying so hard to get out there & make a new life for myself. But boy its tough.

[erialc]

Well.... to start with congrats sounds like you did well to go on the 3 dates :)

He told you he took anti- depressants so he trusts you enough to tell you that and be honest :yesyes:
Just be honest and if it is meant to be he will come back for more

Tc Claire xxxxxx

[louwilliams]

Hi Sweetie

Aw you sound like your in a bit of a dilema!!

Personally, I'd tell him if/when you feel comfortable (if there is such a time lol) At the end of the day, he will either sit, listen and make his own mind up or he will make excuses and run a mile-but isnt that prefferable to you living a lie and leading him on in to thinking your not the person you really are? You are a wonderful person, this illness is just a part of you, just like his depresion is a part of him. The longer you dont tell him, the longer you will be stressing in case you have another "episode" when your with him. This is what I did when i was applying for jobs recently-I told them everything about my illness in the application, that way they could make their own mind up about me and i got interviews for both applications lol. I got the second job i was interviewed for and havent looked back-this was i wont be worrying in case I have a "wobble" at work and worry in case i lose my job over it. This is the only thing I can relate it to hun , sorry I know its not the same but its the best I can come up with lol.

I hope it all works out-he sounds like a nice chap and the dating game is hard enough without having to pretend your someone your not-and at the end of the day, if he doesnt like you for who you REALLY are, then he's not worth it anyway

Good luck hunny-keep us informed :yesyes:

Lou xxxxxxxx

[Pink Panic]

I had a dating dilemma similar to yours about 2 years ago now.

I was a member of an internet dating site and was hoping to meet a fella and just have him as a friend or companion. You know ...... someone to go for a drive or a coffee with. Anyways, i started talking to this guy from my local town and we got on really well. We spoke on the phone and MSN and i was dying to meet him BUT at this stage i was hardly able to get out of the house at all so i invited him round for a coffee at my house. Now i know all the internet safety rules about inviting strange men to your house etc., but he just seemed so nice.
On the day he arrived with a massive bouquet of flowers and we had coffee and chatted and got on great then he left.
I thought oh heck what do i do now so my daughter said text him and ask if he likes you so i did and he replied by asking me out for a meal.
At this stage i thought i have to come clean as there NO way i can do that so i told him i had an anxiety problem and he would be better off looking for someone else!
He said NO way, he liked me so we had a meal at my house and from then on started dating. At first i was hardly able to go anywhere and it was about 6 months before we did eventually have our meal out.
Two years on and we now live together and i love him to pieces. He really is my rock and i thank god that i did tell him as he actually saw past my anxiety and saw me.

I'd say be honest with this guy and if he really likes you he will understand.

Wishing you loads of luck and love. :hugs:

Pink
xxx

[AceR1mmer]

Anxiety is not a "dirty lil secret" its a part of you and your life, people who react badly to knowing you have anxiety are'nt worth knowing, so you'll be doing yourself a favour by being honest.

Never alienate anxiety, its a normal thing, just in our cases its stuck in the "on" position.
:)

[celeste]

Thanks so much for you help.

Pink...what a lovely story....congrats for finding such a great man. :)

Lou, Claire & AceR1mmer...I agree honesty is the best policy. Thanks.

Like Pink, although we've only met the 3 times...we've chatted for hours on the phone & msn. I've dropped hints that life with me might not be particularly 'easy'! lol

I just have the grab the bull by its horns...as it were....& just tell him. Thats going to be very difficult. But like you say if he likes me as much as he says he does then he'll give it a go. I'm still pretty bruised from my marriage when my husband gave up on me...so I'm very wary. I'll make sure the paths clear for him to run off on!

I keep saying i'm very nervous etc. But when we've met he's said i'm so confident. OMG if only he knew the thoughts racing through my head!

[celeste]

So now i'm panicking again.

He's coming over on Saturday evening when i finish work.

I'm anxious already & getting my knickers in a twist.
I'm so silly. I should feel OK because its my house & usually i feel alright but because of the last time I'm anticipating...which i realise is not a helpful thing to do.

I was thinking of cooking something. Putting something in the slow cooker before i go to work so when he's here we eat....distraction works well for me.

omg i don't know what to do with myself.
Feel so stupid.

Any tips?

[Lilith1980]

Hi Celeste

Good to hear about him coming over hun :)

If you feel you need to prepare some food to ease the situation then putting something in the slow cooker sounds like a good idea.

Or maybe a stirfry - you can cut the veggies and meat up beforehand, put them in the fridge and then all you have to do is cook them and the noodles and chuck a sauce in?

It will be fine hun, he wants to see you again so you should try not to worry about last time.

Are you anxious because you feel you have to tell him about your anx? Because you dont have to tell him until you are ready hun. Although I think if you tell him now at least its "out in the open" and you wont be worrying about telling him anymore.

I really doubt he will run a mile and if he does he's not worth it anyway hun.

Jo

xxxxx

[Lindalou64]

Hi Celeste I Would Def Tell Him When Your Feeling Calm ........if He Cares Enough It Wont Bother Him I Know Its Hard....but He Sounds Like A Good Man Just Be Honest And Take It From There I Wish You All The Best .............linda

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi celeste, i agree with the others - i was on prozac when i met mark, and i didnt really tell him everything about me, but 16 weeks later i was pregnant!!!! and we have been together now for 11 years, despite my probs and alot of heartache we are closer than ever and trying for another baby.

could you try to take a step back maybe and not rush things in your mind? you dont have to go away, he will have to go alone or with freinds if your not ready, or hell have to support you to go to places, dont try to run before youve walked? also if hes on anti-depressants then he must have some idea about emotional suffering so he may be really understanding, and at the end of the day what will be will be - if its meant to happen it will ,if not it wont? could thinking like this maybe get things into perspective a bit? also congrats for being brave enough to do what youve already acheived, its really not easy opening yourself up to new experiences when your not feeling great, so id give yoursself a break and a big pat obn the back:yahoo: emma

[AceR1mmer]

I'm so silly. I should feel OK because its my house & usually i feel alright but?

Its not silly, your feeling nervous because its a change from the norm,
Just think about the fun you will have and dont keep your mind on the anxiety, keep yourself busy and listen to relaxing music. you will be fine :)

[clickaway]

Hi Celeste!

You know what? Has it occured to you that he is hiding some 'emotional secret' too? Maybe he has panic attacks or suffers from depression, or at least used to. These things aren't always apparent on the surface.

Get to know your safe place with him. Somewhere you'd both feel comfortable. I'd probably choose a coffee shop myself. Then come clean!

It will be a real test of your friendship!

Take Care :)