Have hope & sending you all love x

[fionabc]

Im writing this post because I want to share something with you all, Ive not been on medication for around 10 years, back then it was for depression. I wont touch any medications now, even on bad days, I have to relax, accept what I am.

Being out of work is the main cause for my panic attacks, but its effecting my driving, going out, meeting people.. everything. Some days im strong, others days Im pathetic. Im married to a good man, with three teenagers, who bring their own worries, but Ive accepted who I am, and what I am and I will always be this way, but I used to be so different once, I used to feel so different once, where did it all go?. I cant help but look back at them days and feel fustrated.
Do you remember a time when you were free from all of this? I do, as a child, well kind of, my problems stemmed from a abusive childhood, but I dont remember having panic attacks! So why did I change?
Ive had a few small nervous breakdowns, (Ive never been admitted into hospital though) problems with family etc which I know practically screwed up my body, but it doesnt stop me thinking of what I used to be able to do without feeling any fear!

Well I dont want to bore you all with why's and if's, I wanted to say what a fab site this is, and what a great help its been for me personally. Most of you sound like me, confused, scared, and so tired of it all. Taking the good days, with the bad.
If i could hug you all I would. It makes me sad to think there are so many other people going through the same thing. Dont you feel like my life is passing you by while we worry about crossing the street!.

Take care all xxxxx

[groovygranny]

Hellofiona,

I'm glad you're finding the site helpful - it certainly has helped me too, such a lot.

It is comforting to know you're not alone, and to read about people's progress, but at the same time saddening to think there are so many who suffer still.

Yes, we must never ever give up hope....because sometimes that is all that remains.

Big hugs and lots of love to you too, take care.


http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z214/beth8973/hugs.gif


:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

:flowers:

[Bill]

Hello Fiona,

as a child, well kind of, my problems stemmed from a abusive childhood,

Ive had a few small nervous breakdowns, (Ive never been admitted into hospital though) problems with family etc which I know practically screwed up my body

around 10 years,......back then it was for depression.

Being out of work is the main cause for my panic attacks

I used to feel so different once, where did it all go?. I dont remember having panic attacks! So why did I change? I cant help but look back at them days and feel fustrated.

I've tried to break down what you've said and put it into an order.

Obviously you had a bad childhood and as you're probably a sensitive person, you wouldn't have been allowed to gain confidence.

You've had problems with the family which would have been very stressful and knocked any confidence you had.

Perhaps it were all the stresses you were feeling that made you suffer a depressed state.

I'm guessing you had to give up your job because of your depressed state but being out of work made you lose confidence in your abilities so that when you venture out now, you feel panicky.

Now, you look back to how you used to be and feel frustrated, and frustration often causes us to tense up and resist our anxious feelings.

However, I wont touch any medications now, even on bad days, I have to relax, accept what I am.........you know now to "accept" and not fight the feelings.

All you need now is keep building your confidence by persevering but to learn not to "think" about having a panic or if they happen, dwelling on but instead to "draw a line" under them, focus on your good days and what you've achieved and not get frustrated by the fact they still occur.

With time and practise you'll undo all the bad things that have caused them.:hugs:

Does the above qualify me for a hug too??? :bighug1: :) :whistles:

[Yvonne]

Hallo Fiona

What a lovely post that was and all so true.

It is this grief we feel that we have lost ourselves isn't it. I know cos I feel exactly the same. I do dwell on h ow I used to be and it does make me feel very sad.

You seem to have accepted the way you are which I think is a real triumph in itself. I can't accept it although I do try hard.

You said that you won't touch meds, I have had issues with meds which I won't go into now but I do believe that if there is something that can help youjust get a leg up on the first couple of rungs of the ladder to wellness then we must go for it.

Lots of love to youxxx

[fifi]

Hi Fiona,

I too had the abusive childhood bit, and for years I hit back at the world, used it to drive me, nothing fazed me. Then under a lot of pressure and probably as a result of being incredibly hard on myself, one day it all caved in on me. I remember asking my counsellor, Why am I feeling like this now?,I always use to cope, use to be so strong.

And she explained that as a child nobody had built my self esteem, nobody had paid into it and any I had was a result of my own belief. It was alright all the time that I was fighting back, but I'd run out of steam and couldn't do it anymore. It also made it that much easier for people to knock it down.

I am pleased that you are coming to peace with yourself, and I guess that is the answer. I am not sure that I would really like to return to the old me, I was often told I was too hard and unforgiving and placed tremendous pressure on myself.

Just would like a happy medium!

[fionabc]

Thanks for your comments folks, I keep stopping by to the site, and read up on who people are coping.

fiona xxx