Gryphoenix
08-02-08, 04:33
I was just thinking of something odd recently, there was something or other that was making me feel like I wanted to panic, I think I was feeling poorly and was wondering what would happen, or an upcoming test or anyway I just kept worrying about what would happen if I panicked.
Then I got fed up and tried to dig down deeper, why I felt like I 'should' panic, or I 'had' to panic, or I was 'going to' panic. It was almost like this strange obsessive complusion. I thought waaay back on through what was making me think that way and I think I've found out at least one of the reasons why--
I have this feeling because it's protecting me from panicking! What kind of sense does that make?
I want to panic so I won't be taken off guard or get frightened if I accidentally panic. I think the shock of the first panics I ever had were so great that I've gotten this odd subconcious trigger that thinks its protecting me by panicking before I panic.
Maybe it's some form of subconcious need for control, but I think it's a result of the negative thinking I always do. Ever since I was younger I've always had a penchant for always thinking the worst so I won't be shocked or horrified if the worst actually does happen. Maybe it's a bit of OCD, since I thought this 'thought' the worst didn't happen. I think that's why I have this weird urge to panic sometimes when I logically know I don't need to panic and I'll be fine even if I do! Some kind of weird protection barrier.
The mind is a strange thing, my friends. :doh: My mind, at least. XD
Then I got fed up and tried to dig down deeper, why I felt like I 'should' panic, or I 'had' to panic, or I was 'going to' panic. It was almost like this strange obsessive complusion. I thought waaay back on through what was making me think that way and I think I've found out at least one of the reasons why--
I have this feeling because it's protecting me from panicking! What kind of sense does that make?
I want to panic so I won't be taken off guard or get frightened if I accidentally panic. I think the shock of the first panics I ever had were so great that I've gotten this odd subconcious trigger that thinks its protecting me by panicking before I panic.
Maybe it's some form of subconcious need for control, but I think it's a result of the negative thinking I always do. Ever since I was younger I've always had a penchant for always thinking the worst so I won't be shocked or horrified if the worst actually does happen. Maybe it's a bit of OCD, since I thought this 'thought' the worst didn't happen. I think that's why I have this weird urge to panic sometimes when I logically know I don't need to panic and I'll be fine even if I do! Some kind of weird protection barrier.
The mind is a strange thing, my friends. :doh: My mind, at least. XD