tcecere78
14-02-08, 16:07
hi my names tracy
i am a 29 year old mother of 3 wounderfull children and been married to my hubby for 11 years .
my panic attacks started around 2 years ago just after i lost my best friend in the whole world my nan doreen , she was everything to me she bought me up from being 8 years old when my mum and dad split up my dad had a drink prob and my nan steped in to look afater me she trully was amazing but sadly nearly 2 years ago i lost this special lady to cancer i nursed her for 6 weeks myself with no help i just would not let any1 near her , she never knew she had cancer has her mind had started to go she i just got on with it and did wot i could to make the time she had left better than having lots of strangers fussing over her and making her scared has she had noidea wot was up with her , i mean 10 weeks b4 she died she was still working she was 76 and has fit as a fiddle .
anyway since then i started getting these attacks and i truly thought i was dieing to i was so scared my day was taken over of constance fear of leave my kids behind has my nan left me , so i went to the docs and he told me not to worrie it was just panic attacks "just i thought " .
he gave me lost of stuff to read and i found this site that helped me loads but my hubby was very unsure what was going on with me has night times were my worst times he used to get so uptight with me not understanding wot i was going through and kept blaming my nans death on what was now going on in my life but it's not just my nan i know its not , you see when i first met my hubby again after leaving school i fell preggy with our first son , 4 months into the pregnacy my dad died he was 43 i was gutted i slept with the light on for months , then in may 96 i had my little boy and 3 days after having him my grandads brother died and i i remeber thing is this ever gonna stop well 22 days later i found it was'nt i woke up on the 31st of my and found my liitle had died in his sleep i later found out it was of cot death thats was the worst thing to have ever happend to me i was so devostated it torn me apart but nothing i could do would of brought him back and then another blow just 6 weeks later i lost my cousion to a brain tumor he was 26 , my life was going from bad to worse every time i opened my eyes it was horrid , then when i thought things were getting alittle better my grandad pastway in the december so there i was agin trying to keep everything together and be there forevery1 eles has i have always been the one to lean on in my familt but now nearly all my family have gone and left me but i knuckle down and try and pecice it all back togheter again .
and then in bettween my grandad dieing to my nan passing away me and my hubby went on to have 3 more children we have argued forght he had an affair with my best mate and i just getting up and getting on with it , but when my nan died i feel like everything from b4 has happened all over again and its seams to have hit me badly .
i know people have said to me in the past why are u getting panic attacks now after your nan has died and not when my little boy died and do you know what i dont know i honestly dont know they have made me feel such a bad mum which i know i'm not the only thing i can think of whilst i was being every1s tower of streanth b4 my nan was being mine and now she has gone i dont feel like i have got any 1 for me to turn to .
deep down i know i have got support but it scares me to get close now even with the kids at times suspose i am scared who gonna leave me next .
i must tell you all even after all this i do feel a little better my panic atacks aint has bad has they was but i still get them , but i do have an amazing friend she called sheryl and without her over the years i have no idea wot i would of done is has stood by me every inch been there to cry with and laugh with and just talked me through everything and i know she is only at the end of the phone no matter wot time day or night to help me out of an attack or just to talk to she really is amazing and i know i am lucky to have her i sometime dont know how to tell her or show her how much she means to me , at times i can be grummpy and hardly talk to her or any1 i just always seam to be waiting for the next attack coming along , but i dont wanna be like this forever i expect no one does , this is why i have sat and wrote all this and i am sorry if i have talked your heads off , its the only way i know how to let other people out there know they are not alone with all these panic attacks and things no matter of your age there is millions of other out there that are going through the same has you and i ,so please no that this site to me is amazing and there are some great people out there to talk to and help you through things .
thank you all so much for listerning to me going on lol i wish you all all the hope and luck in the world and my best advise from my own experiances is talk to some1 it always help me to talk to some 1 coz there is more people out there with this than just me and you xxxxx
tracy c xx
i am a 29 year old mother of 3 wounderfull children and been married to my hubby for 11 years .
my panic attacks started around 2 years ago just after i lost my best friend in the whole world my nan doreen , she was everything to me she bought me up from being 8 years old when my mum and dad split up my dad had a drink prob and my nan steped in to look afater me she trully was amazing but sadly nearly 2 years ago i lost this special lady to cancer i nursed her for 6 weeks myself with no help i just would not let any1 near her , she never knew she had cancer has her mind had started to go she i just got on with it and did wot i could to make the time she had left better than having lots of strangers fussing over her and making her scared has she had noidea wot was up with her , i mean 10 weeks b4 she died she was still working she was 76 and has fit as a fiddle .
anyway since then i started getting these attacks and i truly thought i was dieing to i was so scared my day was taken over of constance fear of leave my kids behind has my nan left me , so i went to the docs and he told me not to worrie it was just panic attacks "just i thought " .
he gave me lost of stuff to read and i found this site that helped me loads but my hubby was very unsure what was going on with me has night times were my worst times he used to get so uptight with me not understanding wot i was going through and kept blaming my nans death on what was now going on in my life but it's not just my nan i know its not , you see when i first met my hubby again after leaving school i fell preggy with our first son , 4 months into the pregnacy my dad died he was 43 i was gutted i slept with the light on for months , then in may 96 i had my little boy and 3 days after having him my grandads brother died and i i remeber thing is this ever gonna stop well 22 days later i found it was'nt i woke up on the 31st of my and found my liitle had died in his sleep i later found out it was of cot death thats was the worst thing to have ever happend to me i was so devostated it torn me apart but nothing i could do would of brought him back and then another blow just 6 weeks later i lost my cousion to a brain tumor he was 26 , my life was going from bad to worse every time i opened my eyes it was horrid , then when i thought things were getting alittle better my grandad pastway in the december so there i was agin trying to keep everything together and be there forevery1 eles has i have always been the one to lean on in my familt but now nearly all my family have gone and left me but i knuckle down and try and pecice it all back togheter again .
and then in bettween my grandad dieing to my nan passing away me and my hubby went on to have 3 more children we have argued forght he had an affair with my best mate and i just getting up and getting on with it , but when my nan died i feel like everything from b4 has happened all over again and its seams to have hit me badly .
i know people have said to me in the past why are u getting panic attacks now after your nan has died and not when my little boy died and do you know what i dont know i honestly dont know they have made me feel such a bad mum which i know i'm not the only thing i can think of whilst i was being every1s tower of streanth b4 my nan was being mine and now she has gone i dont feel like i have got any 1 for me to turn to .
deep down i know i have got support but it scares me to get close now even with the kids at times suspose i am scared who gonna leave me next .
i must tell you all even after all this i do feel a little better my panic atacks aint has bad has they was but i still get them , but i do have an amazing friend she called sheryl and without her over the years i have no idea wot i would of done is has stood by me every inch been there to cry with and laugh with and just talked me through everything and i know she is only at the end of the phone no matter wot time day or night to help me out of an attack or just to talk to she really is amazing and i know i am lucky to have her i sometime dont know how to tell her or show her how much she means to me , at times i can be grummpy and hardly talk to her or any1 i just always seam to be waiting for the next attack coming along , but i dont wanna be like this forever i expect no one does , this is why i have sat and wrote all this and i am sorry if i have talked your heads off , its the only way i know how to let other people out there know they are not alone with all these panic attacks and things no matter of your age there is millions of other out there that are going through the same has you and i ,so please no that this site to me is amazing and there are some great people out there to talk to and help you through things .
thank you all so much for listerning to me going on lol i wish you all all the hope and luck in the world and my best advise from my own experiances is talk to some1 it always help me to talk to some 1 coz there is more people out there with this than just me and you xxxxx
tracy c xx