Feeling alone.........

[plazz34]

I'm in a situation that i'm struggling with....
My long term partner left me about 6 months ago!!! After 20 years!!!
I've suffered with panic attacks since i was a child and still have many situations i avoid.
I met someone on an online dating site and we have been seeing each other for around 3 months.
She has no idea that i have anxiety problems.
I'm so good at getting out of situations where i know i would not cope.
I have several friends who have no idea as well.
My whole life seems to be false......i'm so very scared of losing everything i have........
I feel like a freak and i just want the whole world to know how much i have suffered!!!!
Ok, i can do many things, but without the car i would be house bound.......
I'm sorry about this message, maybe i feel sorry for myself......
Maybe i just want to be with someone that will understand, but that very person has left now and i feel so alone it's almost unbearable............


Pete

[Wendie j]

Hi Pete

just wanted to say you surrounded by people here that do understand and can really help support you so dont feel alone.

I had similar things myself having suffered from panic attacks for 2 years now, I found it really really hard to tell family and friends about how I was feeling.Most of the time I still "choose" who I tell and the others I just pretend that everythings ok.I worried that I would lose all those close to me and they wouldnt want to know the "real me" anymore.

Those who I have talked to have been a real help for me, but looking at it now if they had walked away were they true friends to me. . .probably not.

Wendie j xxxx

[mirry]

Pete , im so sorry you are feeling like this , I think firstly you must know that you are not false , ok you try to get out of events in life ( i do too) but it doesnt make us false, it just means we have a phobia of some sort .

Maybe you should be honest with this other person because i am a firm believer that you should start of as you mean to go on . If they dont understand then they are not the right person for you im afraid.But you must remember there are people who understand , there are people who care .
You have come to the right place :hugs: .

[groovygranny]

Hi Pete - long time my friend! :)


Please don't apologise for this message - you've made the first step of facing your fears by posting here.

Even if you didn't have anx issues, you'd still be suffering pretty bad with the repurcussions of the break up of such a long relationship - so don't put yourself down.

I'm going to say the same as Mirry, you must be up front and honest with your new lady - if you aren't, then she's not going to get a very real impression of who you really are is she?

It won't be easy - the first time I was honest about my issues I immediately thought 'oh gawd, I wish I hadn't mentioned it' !! But it wasn't long before I realised how relieved - and free - I felt. And that paved the way for those issues to be tackled.

Honesty with your new lady, and indeed everyone eventually, is the way to go. And don't forget honesty to yourself....don't try and be something you're not, after all how do we know what goes on in other people's minds when they're portaying a strong personality? They might also be doing what you've admitted to - avoiding things that they can't cope with.


I hope you'll soon be able to celebrate your new relationship, along with your other achievements, and recall the old one without it causing you pain.

Take care xx

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[bluesparkle]

hi pete...
just thought id leave you a :hugs:
i have pm`d you...
chat soon
rach
x

[Lilith1980]

Hi Pete

Sorry for how things are for you at the moment. I agree that you should be honest with your new lady.

Things are bound to be emotional for you right now, but you will cope Pete. We are strong people who deal with anx everyday, to live with this only proves that we are strong people.

I know its very cliched, but time will heal the hurt of your past relationship ending. It will take time though so don't beat yourself up if some days arent as good as others.

Sending you some :hugs::hugs::hugs: Pete.

Jo xxxxx

[nikita]

hi Pete. yes what we go through is a very lonely thing but thank God for this site where we can be among those who DO UNDERSTAND so keep posting here anytime you feel crap - i have never been honest with any of my relationships re my panic attacks, anxiety etc, just with one when i ended up in hospital after it, but thing is afterwards I never felt same with him. He was great, and he just felt closer to me but i started to back off because now he'd seen the REAL me and i didnt like it, my guard was down and i broke up with him a few months later. I have promised myself that next time im gonna be honest and if they leg it, then im better knowing at the start rather than later. people need to realise too that someone living with what we do are actually very strong people, and more supportive and understanding to others because we empathise with others better because of what we go through. So, she'll be lucky to have you :hugs:

[Jaco45er]

Pete chap.

Sorry you're having a downer of a time man.

You know, when I 1st got anxiety bad, I was desperate not to let anyone know. In the end it all got too much, and I arrived at work one day, burst into tears (not something I am known for, crying lol), and legged it to the toilet. I then waited until I could get out the building and in the car to get home.

I got on the phone in the car and explained to the boss (when I had calmed down) that I needed some time. He had already been told I acted a "little strange" and he was worried that there was some major crisis.

In the end, I told them. I just said it. I had been to the docs, and was diagnosed with panic attacks and acute anxiety (as the anxiety was really constant at that time).

This actually lifted a weight off my mind. I then told all my mates too. To my amazement, everyone was cool about it, and some people actually told me in confidence that they too, had had some sort of depression/anxiety problem.

I now see it as no big deal, anxiety problems are as common as the flu, and I wouldn't lie about having man flu ;)

TC chap

Jaco

[chalky]

Hi Pete,

Look at your post as the start of your new life-your first step on the road to recovery.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Life can and will improve.
Best wishes,
chalky

[plazz34]

Thank you so very much for all your replies!!!
Reading your words makes me relize that you all understand and above all i'm not alone at all!
The best thing is, i told my new partner last night about all my dark secrets (phobias/panic attacks) and she was amazing.......
She told me she never wants to here me talk bad about myself.
To stop bringing myself down and to accept myself for who i am.
I cannot tell you what a weight has just be taken off me, almost like i've got a new start.
And yes!! this is a new start.......and i cannot thank you enough for just giving me that push......
If anyone reads this who might be hiding in silence like i was....tell someone...share it...
You don't have to fight this on your own......it's a long road....but so much better to have some company along the way..........
Plenty of :hugs: to you all...........

Pete.....:)

[groovygranny]

What an absolutely fab piece of news Pete!

Loads of love to you and your lovely lady:cupid: - what a catch eh? You clever so-and-so!!:winks:

:bighug1: :bighug1::bighug1:

xxx

[Kim Baker]

Aww! Pete i am really Happy for you!:D

Love and the bestest of wishes,:yesyes:

Kim X:hugs:

[bluebottle]

Pete, I was in the same situation as you, and I too went quickly into a relationship after my marriage of 24 years ended. I wish you all the luck in the world, but please be careful.