Feeling Guilt!

[Bill]

This is a subject that keeps raising its ugly head lately and it's bugging me!:angry:

I can remember how my father always used to feel guilty about going out and enjoying himself because he felt he should stay home to be there for my mother but my mother would feel guilty if she tried to prevent him going out!:wacko: In actual fact, she was Glad to have some time to herself!

I think it's Great to Care about others and to be there for them when we're needed But Everyone is entitled to have some enjoyment in their lives especially when others try to prevent us.

I think sometimes people can take advantage of our caring nature knowing that we can be made to feel guilty if we do what We want by using emotional blackmail against us. That's what bugs me!:mad:

If someone we care about is genuine then they will trust us and allow us freedom to enjoy ourselves but if someone is insincere, they will do everything in their power to make us feel guilt so that they keep control of us.

When someone tries to control us for their own selfish gain then we Shouldn't feel guilty for rebelling against their wishes. Nor should we feel guilt if they force us to look elsewhere for the support etc we need because they have no sense of guilt to provide what we need!

It just makes me So angry when lovely caring people are controlled by others through the guilt they know they can produce in us.

Someone who genuinely cares about us will understand we need our own freedom and enjoyments in life. If not, then DON'T feel guilt towards them for the things they're not providing us or that they're doing for selfish control over us because people like you DON'T deserve to suffer due to people like them!.............otherwise we live our lives for Them and Not US when we're ALL entitled to enjoying life without others using us!!!

Ok, rant over!:D

[domino]

Wow bill lots of anger there, yes we should not feel guilty for doing what we want to do in life, but i feel that this someone you speak of is really getting to you. Can you guys not talk this though, there is so much anger in your post.

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi bill, is this happening to you, or are you just making a general statement about ppl putting on others? coz im tending to feel like domino that this is something that is personally happening to you? maybe not - maybe it is just about your parents - but you very rarely discuss your own situation bill, but if you want and need help there are ppl here willing to support you if you want them to? take care emma:hugs:

[Bill]

Thank you Emma and Domino:hugs: ,

My parents couldn't of had a stronger bond because they cared so much about Each Other.

Some days I just hurt more than on others depending on thoughts and events but I feel there's nothing anyone can really say that will ease them. I just cope with them better than I used to.

Valentines day has past so pretence can continue. Today my wife got up from her bed at 4pm but I left her there because it was peaceful! Tomorrow she'll go out with a helper and I'll get out alone and mix with some OAP's.

What really gets to me though is how caring people in general are hurt and used by others for selfish gain by manipulation and using their own guilt against them because they know how to work them because of their caring nature so that they're never allowed or allow themselves some happiness that they are just as entitled to.

My situation hurts me but I accept it as I'm to blame for that but it just hurts me Much More when others are mistreated and denied happiness by others, especially when they can't see it for themselves because they feel they don't deserve happiness of their own.

If a caring person who only thinks of others Doesn't deserve happiness, then who Does??? I'm NOT talking about me but caring peoples lives are destroyed by others and often they let them because they feel they don't deserve some happiness of their own. That's why I get So annoyed!:mad:

[PUGLETMUM]

:) well so long as your feeling okay - take care emma:flowers:

[lorac]

Hi Bill when I spoke to you about the problem I had in my life with a certain person trying to control and envy everything I was doing you were the person who put me back on to the right road and helped me to regain my life.

Thanks to you I don't feel so guilty now when I do the things I choose to do. Everyone should have their freedom and happiness.

Love
Carol
x

[Richie]

Hi Bill x x x x
yes i know the situation, and you are right that no one should control us physically or emotionally because that is abuse of course
However the person in question may not be able to see what they are doing to others, to yourself because they have gone so far down the line with their illness that they have become totally absorbed in it
Nothing else exists just them and their illness, and when people become like that it can be like a" brick wall":wall: you can't get through, there is no communication access.
yes of course it get's to you year after year with no end in sight, no silver lining. And then you decide, you have to choose if you want to live your life like this anymore???
But of course we all have a conscience, that makes us feel very guilty when we do something that might potentially harm someone or hurt their feelings
We can not see into anothers mind and don't really know what might hurt them by our own actions.
But even so it is every human beings choice to do whatever they feel is best for them. Whatever that may be ............................................! In a way perhaps we all have to be a little bit selfish to stay sane.
But Bill be careful in what you wish for!!! you know the saying of course xxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Richie

[Bill]

Emma, yes, I'm ok and I am feeling brighter again. I just get my days when things get to me too much.:hugs:

Carol, I'm So pleased that I was able to help you and it gives me a huge sense of satisfaction knowing that. :hugs:

Richie, I couldn't have worded how I feel better myself! I feel you just read me like a book! Thank you:hugs: xxxxxx

[PUGLETMUM]

FOR BILL - :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: FROM EMMA XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX