Hi To All Of You

[Billey]

My name is Billey and I am 64 years old. I am married to a very precious and understanding wife. I have 6 wonderful children (4 boys and 2 girls ) and 19 grandchildren. I am retired and have never been so busy as I am
now with the children and grandchildren. I'm not complaining,I love it.
My problem is, I can't live with myself. I wake up every day around 3 or 4
in the morning feeling worthless and worried about everything. I feel so guilty
about everything. It's as if my life is over and I'm on the outside of life looking
in wishing I could be happy like everyone else. I go to bed feeling better and
pray everything will be allright in the morning. But ,it never is. It is dreadful to wake up and I,m scared to death.
I am taking Effexor xr 75 mg and Ativan 1 mg every day. The Ativan helps in the morning to keep me from climbing the walls. I don't think the Effexor is
doing any good at all. This has been going on for several years now and I
think some time I can't deal with it any more. I have considered suicide , But
it would just hurt my family too much. Some mornings when it,s really bad, I
will drink a pint of vodka and it takes the edge off where I can live with it.
You would think that would knock me out as I don't drink.
I hate doing that and I know i,ts wrong and I try to hide it from my wife, But
she always knows. My children and grandchildren have no idea that I drink
sometimes. I pray they will never find out. We are Christians and don,t drink.
I,m a pretty sorry example for a Christian.
With all that said, thanks for your concern for others and thank for listening to my problem also.
Billey

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Billey,

Welcome to NMP. You haven't stated how long you have been on Effexor so I don't know if you have been on it long enough for it to kick in. If I were you I would go back to your doctor and tell him what you have written, the drinking and all of it. Perhaps you need a different med and counseling too. I have to say that personally the two combined helped me immensely for anxiety.

I also must stress (and you probably already know this) that alcohol is a depressant and one of the worst things you can do when you are already depressed. As for you not being a good Christian for drinking you should not feel that way, you seem pretty down on yourself for no reason. You have many that love you very much!

Many here have felt the way you are feeling and can give the support you need right now. I would still give your doctor a call asap. Please keep us posted on your progress because we care.

Many hugs,

Laura

[chalky]

Hi Billey,

Welcome to the Forum!!

:hugs: :yesyes: :hugs: :yesyes: :hugs: :yesyes:

You will get loads of support and advice here.

It might be worth having a review with your Doctor.Tell him how you feel about the Effexor-maybe your dosage needs changed or another med would prove more productive.
The vodka will not help-especially with the Meds.
Sometimes when we feel this low-and I have been there- it seems there is no way out.That is the very time when you have the opportunity to start your recovery.
One day at a time,you will get better.
Believe in yourself.
Best wishes,
chalky

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends

Take care

Trac xxx

[Lilith1980]

Hi Billey,

Welcome to NMP :)

Jo xxxxx

[Nibbles]

Hi Billey and :welcome:

You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way. Try not to be too hard on yourself because none of us are perfect. Have you tried counselling before as that can work well with medication.

Take care,

Mike :)

[groovygranny]

Hello Billey:welcome: to you!

You don't sound like a sorry example for a Christian at all - God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts!! You're being honest and up front - and that's what counts.

You know, even with a lovely family (such as yours - and also mine) we can still feel isolated and very much guilty as to why we feel as we do - everything in our lives points to us 'having it all' so to speak. But true life isn't like that, and I so understand what you're going through at the moment. Sounds like me two years ago.

But, you've certainly come to the right place for help and support - plenty of that here!

Loads of information on the links over on the left hand side of this page too.

Pleased to meet you!

:)

[ladygrom]

hi billey welcome to nmp youl find loads of info and support on here your certainly not alone we all understand tc xx

[manmoor]

Hi Billey,

A big warm welcome to you. xx

[Paddington]

Hi there Billey :hugs: oh i can feel your hurt from here:weep: Obviously you need to see your dr and spill the beans as it were!Some of us have a tendancy to keep things bottled up,we go the drs take our new meds and not mention we feeel so low and sad.Billey is there an underlying reason as to what started this depression???Some times if we have had a rough ride in our early years no ammont of joy thru chidren,etc can remove that sense of a lack of self worth..if this is the case ..maybe a counsellor would be a better option..or you can tell us here all about it ..it has helped so many folk on here to unburden their sorrow:flowers: God Bless .Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[LucyA]

Hi Billey,
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I hope you can find solace here at NMP.
A big welcome from me :)
Lucy x

[Richie]

:)
Hi Billey to this site:welcome: saying well it looks like you've got alot going for you doesn't help much does it?
On the surface it appears that way but underneath so much emptiness. No it doesn't look as if the antidepresent is working for you much, and the alcohol like other people have said is very much a depressent in itself and will or could harm you physically.
Think you very much need to get to the root of your current feelings? Just having some counselling and exploring your life may help find out what is really bothering you deep down.
Your gp's these days usually have a counselling service attached to the surgery, so you could ask perhaps.
Or if you were prepared to pay privately there are usually huge numbers of counsellors in your local yellow pages.
Hypnotherapy can sometimes work for people bringing out what is deep in the subconcious
Excuse me for saying this but you do sound a little like the guy in "It's a wonderful Life" thinking perhaps you haven't been the person you should have been.
But you are still so young and there is plenty of time. And you have achieved so much already.
You might also have some deep unresolved things in your past that you wish to lay those ghosts to rest so to speak.
Have you spoken to your wife about how you're feeling and the drinking? You said that she is understanding, that could be a start.
But don't ever think that you're not a christian and feel guilty about it, Do you think you could pray about this? or talk to someone you trust from your church?
Anyhow all the best and keep us posted
Lots of love Richie xxx:hugs:

[Lindalou64]

Hey Billey And Welcome...im Sorry To Hear You Go Thru This Every Morning....like Alot Say Here Maybe Ya Can Speak With Ya Doctor Or A Member Of The Church Nothing To Be Ashamed Of ....even The Pastor....i Always Found That To Help Me Out.....i Do Wish You Well.............linda

[weeble40]

Hi welcome to NMP I hope to see you around sometime

Take Care

Emma xx

[nomorepanic]

Hi Billey

A warm welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope we can be of some help.