missy_c
22-02-08, 10:27
Well last night I felt like I had hit rock bottom again. I was hospitalised with depression last year (in May) and was in a psychiatric unit for two weeks. They changed my medication, which worked wonders, so I thought, until recently. Seven weeks ago my panic attacks returned. After trying to link it to triggers, I couldn’t really find one, and they have become more frequent and imposing on my day-to-day life than ever. And now the depression has kicked in, which I’m sure is only because the panics have returned. Last night I truly thought I was going crazy, to the extent that after calling my mum in tears, I had to contact the out of hours community mental health team, who advised that I take a diazepam “to see me through the night” and then contact my GP in the morning. Reluctantly I took it, had a good night’s sleep, and have managed to drag myself into work. I feel lost, like how long is this going to last, am I losing my mind, does my medication not work anymore, is this just a blip etc etc. I have done all the right things like give up alcohol, cut down on tea and cigarettes, and I just want help. Its affecting my life, intruding on my thoughts and I worry in case I really do go mad again and end up in hospital. I’d give my right arm to just feel normal again. I’ve suffered panic attacks and depression since about the age of ten, and I just don’t know how much more I can take of it. I’m right off my food again and just don’t want to be on this slippery slope again. Things have been going really well in my life, and now I can’t enjoy anything because this is taking over. I’ve had prozac, amytriptiline, St Johns Wort, sertraline, citalopram and now I’m on 45mg/day of mirtazipine. I have 2mg diazepam to take “as and when required” which I feel is all the time now because it stops the mad thoughts temporarily, but I am concerned about becoming dependent on them. I don’t want a sticking plaster, I’d be happy to have a piece of my brain removed if I thought it would help!! Sorry to go on. Any thoughts or advice?? I feel like I don’t want to go home, which used to be my safe place, because I’ll be alone with my thoughts. I have a big function tomorrow which I don’t know if I can make because I’m feeling like this. I really want to go, I want to fight this, but I feel like it’s not letting me. L