sotonstuart
22-02-08, 13:08
Hello everyone,
I thought i had better introduce my self.. firstly i would like to say i was given details from this website though a dizzy support forum.. *better not say which.. i dont want you all thinking i am spamming* :hugs:
Anyway... my name is Stuart, i live in southampton UK, i am 30 years old.. single gay man.. *a good friend of mine calls it's a "happy Man"*
I have suffered with depression from a very early age... so i am decades into this.. urggg
Found personally that doctors are limited in their support, but the reason for joining this forum today is i have been struggling for months now with everything... and last night found my self saying out loud.. i cant take anymore... dont panic i am not saying i am going to do anything silly.. as i dont think i would.. i do have a lot to live for..
But forgive this long post.. but if i give you a brief history to my life, it gets it all out in the open..
Childhood was moderate at best... father was in the navy and away at sea ALL the time. my mum, who i do love to bits has been agoraphobic all of my life time so we * me and my 2 brothers and sister* never really got out much.. but it all started to go down hill a few years back..
I was with my ex partner for 8 years *not a great relationship* but i loved him none the less.. we had everything together, house, business.. dog... everything lol but he out of the blue one new years morning went.. packed his bags while i was sleeping and went without me knowing.. only to phone me a few days later to tell me it was over... after months of legals battles it was all sorted .. the house, the company... the dog... *poor rosie*
Anyway... year and a bit later.. over coming that, i met a really nice guy.. who for me was perfect.. ok it had it's up's and downs.. but on the whole it was right for me.. for the 1st time someone treated me right and i was happy.. *rose colour glasses i know* anyway suddenly and out of the blue he died of a mass brain bleed one morning.. next to me in bed... :weep:
That was nearly 3 years ago now... which i do admit i did struggle.. did the best i could... gave him the best funeral i could afford... said nice things in the eulogy..
September last year i started feeling woozy and dizzy all the time.. my gp is has no idea why.. not treatment... for the last few weeks i feel sick all the time.. i hardly go out.. i dont see anyone.. the only time i do go out is get some milk and bread from the shops *living alone* but thats run there as quick as i can.. and run home again..
So now, i am feeling like my limits are way behind me and surviving on luck, and luck alone... every night i go to bed.. i am scared, worried will tomorrow be worse.. like huh.. can it be?! lol
Anyway.. sorry long winded.. i am not asking for answers or help in this post.. just wanted to introduce my self.. but me being me.. i have to do it the long winded way! lol
I hope i get to speak to you all... and the coffee is on me.. :)
Stu x
I thought i had better introduce my self.. firstly i would like to say i was given details from this website though a dizzy support forum.. *better not say which.. i dont want you all thinking i am spamming* :hugs:
Anyway... my name is Stuart, i live in southampton UK, i am 30 years old.. single gay man.. *a good friend of mine calls it's a "happy Man"*
I have suffered with depression from a very early age... so i am decades into this.. urggg
Found personally that doctors are limited in their support, but the reason for joining this forum today is i have been struggling for months now with everything... and last night found my self saying out loud.. i cant take anymore... dont panic i am not saying i am going to do anything silly.. as i dont think i would.. i do have a lot to live for..
But forgive this long post.. but if i give you a brief history to my life, it gets it all out in the open..
Childhood was moderate at best... father was in the navy and away at sea ALL the time. my mum, who i do love to bits has been agoraphobic all of my life time so we * me and my 2 brothers and sister* never really got out much.. but it all started to go down hill a few years back..
I was with my ex partner for 8 years *not a great relationship* but i loved him none the less.. we had everything together, house, business.. dog... everything lol but he out of the blue one new years morning went.. packed his bags while i was sleeping and went without me knowing.. only to phone me a few days later to tell me it was over... after months of legals battles it was all sorted .. the house, the company... the dog... *poor rosie*
Anyway... year and a bit later.. over coming that, i met a really nice guy.. who for me was perfect.. ok it had it's up's and downs.. but on the whole it was right for me.. for the 1st time someone treated me right and i was happy.. *rose colour glasses i know* anyway suddenly and out of the blue he died of a mass brain bleed one morning.. next to me in bed... :weep:
That was nearly 3 years ago now... which i do admit i did struggle.. did the best i could... gave him the best funeral i could afford... said nice things in the eulogy..
September last year i started feeling woozy and dizzy all the time.. my gp is has no idea why.. not treatment... for the last few weeks i feel sick all the time.. i hardly go out.. i dont see anyone.. the only time i do go out is get some milk and bread from the shops *living alone* but thats run there as quick as i can.. and run home again..
So now, i am feeling like my limits are way behind me and surviving on luck, and luck alone... every night i go to bed.. i am scared, worried will tomorrow be worse.. like huh.. can it be?! lol
Anyway.. sorry long winded.. i am not asking for answers or help in this post.. just wanted to introduce my self.. but me being me.. i have to do it the long winded way! lol
I hope i get to speak to you all... and the coffee is on me.. :)
Stu x