doomed_angel
26-02-08, 12:10
Hi all, I've just joined after someone reccomended this site to me. I suffer from M.E/CFS and have live-in carers at present. Last June I was assaulted by a carer and it went to court (she was charged with battery) but the whole court case was a shambles and she got off completely scot free despite all the evidence (including photographs of injuries I'd suffered.)
Anyway, since then I've just fell apart. At first I couldn't cope with being alone for 10 minutes and just became horribly depressed. I tried to commit suicide but my boyfriend stopped me on my second attempt. Things started to get better in a big way but then it was the court case (which was just horrific.) The defence accussed ME of assaulting the carer! She tried to make me out to be aggressive and frustrated and confused. It was just awful. Then she got found not guilty because they couldn't prove she'd done it 100%. Since then I've been suffering from PTSD. I FINALLY managed to get in to see a pyschiatrist a few months ago, after asking for pyscholoigcal help since the incident occured! They've got me on a high does on anti-d's but it really doesn't help. I've suffered depression in the past, but never anxiety and I really don't understand whats happening to me. I'm scared of everything, I can't rationalise and sometimes I get hit with a paralysing fear (of nothing in particular) and I can hardly breathe or move. My boyfriend and parents are great, but I get so worked up over stupid little things that I'm worried its going to end up as a "boy who called wolf" situation, and if I keep going to them when barely anything is wrong they wont be there when something really is. My boyfriend assures me thats not a rational thought... but I really dont know what is.
My illness (M.E/CFS) makes me extremly tired and weak and combined with anxiety is even harder, as I have very little energy anyway without all the emotional stuff going off.
I cry a lot for no reason and can never relax. I get scared to go out because I'm terrified of black women (the carer who assaulted me was black) and I have horrific nightmares night after night. I feel so vulnerable with only being able to walk a few steps (I use a wheelchair indoors and out.) People struggle to see why an "assault" affected me so badly, but as I can hardly walk and am weak, I couldn't fight her back and I'm just so scared the same thing could happen again.
I used to be such a confident and happy person. I still try my best to keep up this appearance but its hard, and then I feel like a fraud when I'm telling people how bad things are because its not how I act and I really don't think people believe me.
As I said before, I can never relax. If I lie here and try to take deep breaths I'm just plagued by horrible thoughts. I was wondering if anyone knew of any good relaxing techniques?
I'm sorry for the huge post, I just want to know if theres anyway out there who is going through a similar thing, I feel sooooo alone with this
Thanks for reading
Anyway, since then I've just fell apart. At first I couldn't cope with being alone for 10 minutes and just became horribly depressed. I tried to commit suicide but my boyfriend stopped me on my second attempt. Things started to get better in a big way but then it was the court case (which was just horrific.) The defence accussed ME of assaulting the carer! She tried to make me out to be aggressive and frustrated and confused. It was just awful. Then she got found not guilty because they couldn't prove she'd done it 100%. Since then I've been suffering from PTSD. I FINALLY managed to get in to see a pyschiatrist a few months ago, after asking for pyscholoigcal help since the incident occured! They've got me on a high does on anti-d's but it really doesn't help. I've suffered depression in the past, but never anxiety and I really don't understand whats happening to me. I'm scared of everything, I can't rationalise and sometimes I get hit with a paralysing fear (of nothing in particular) and I can hardly breathe or move. My boyfriend and parents are great, but I get so worked up over stupid little things that I'm worried its going to end up as a "boy who called wolf" situation, and if I keep going to them when barely anything is wrong they wont be there when something really is. My boyfriend assures me thats not a rational thought... but I really dont know what is.
My illness (M.E/CFS) makes me extremly tired and weak and combined with anxiety is even harder, as I have very little energy anyway without all the emotional stuff going off.
I cry a lot for no reason and can never relax. I get scared to go out because I'm terrified of black women (the carer who assaulted me was black) and I have horrific nightmares night after night. I feel so vulnerable with only being able to walk a few steps (I use a wheelchair indoors and out.) People struggle to see why an "assault" affected me so badly, but as I can hardly walk and am weak, I couldn't fight her back and I'm just so scared the same thing could happen again.
I used to be such a confident and happy person. I still try my best to keep up this appearance but its hard, and then I feel like a fraud when I'm telling people how bad things are because its not how I act and I really don't think people believe me.
As I said before, I can never relax. If I lie here and try to take deep breaths I'm just plagued by horrible thoughts. I was wondering if anyone knew of any good relaxing techniques?
I'm sorry for the huge post, I just want to know if theres anyway out there who is going through a similar thing, I feel sooooo alone with this
Thanks for reading