Family making me feel worse

[molkogirl]

Just need some advice. My family are making me feel totally worse, well all of them apart from my mum.
My sister and her husband are the worst. Always putting me down and taking advantage of me. They had me look after there kids on saturday and they had a gas leak. I rang transco and they cut the gas off. Im the bad guy cos it cost them loads for the repair. They shout at me like im a child and say nasty things about the way i look or my child & partner.
My brother is constantly loading me with his personal problems. My gran has me go do her shopping every week and just tells me all her problems too, telling me she wants to die all the time and she only eats toast, crisps etc cos she wants to be out the way quicker. Its just a total nightmare, i dont feel like i can cope anymore.
Any advice as to how i can get myself out of this situation. I just need to get on with trying to get better but instead its making me worse.
Its not that i dont care about my family, i reallly do, its just that i cant cope with all this extra stress at the moment. I just feel like crying sometimes cos im totally trapped.
Thanks
Sarah

[Jjeni]

Hiya hun !!
You are not alone - i have the constant battle of tryign to convince my family that although they cant see me poorly doesnt mean i dont have a problem !! i constantly get told - "its in ya head" or "your a hypocondriact" or get a grip - ooo that bugs me lol !! I think sometimes we have to step back a little from some people - not ignore them by any means but put up our boundrys - easy for me i suppose because i never had a close relationship with my family - although i crave it now as an adult so it is hard - your not alone thoguh chick promise xxx

[jacq]

My husband is always telling me to stick up for myself and say NO! but i don't want to cause an argument. I looked after my sisters kids every monday, thursday and friday from birth till school for her first and then her second till he was 2 even though it was getting harder for me to go out, just because my sister was bored at home being a full time mum. In the end my husband put his foot down and told them i couldn't do it anymore and instead of understanding at my situation, they went balistic shouting how i was ruining my sisters chances of a job and making me feel totally guilty. In the end my mum went part time at a well paid job just so my sister could earn minimum wage in a supermarket 3 days a week. I understand she wanted her own money and a bit of company but it shouldn't have been my responsibility. My mom still picks my sisters kids up 3 days from school even if my sister is home yet i have agoraphobia and she has picked mine up less than a dozen times in 9 years. My husband is always saying ask them for help, but i don't feel i should have to and if they haven't offered so far they are obviously not bothered enough.

Jacq x

[kate]

Sarah, your family can only make you feel worse if you let them!

If necessary, distance yourself from them and explain exactly why you are doing this. If you don't want to do something then say no. You don't have to take on the responsibility of anyone elses lives if you don't want to.

[chalky]

Hi Sara,

I think it's maybe time for you to have some "me" time.
Let your family know that for health reasons you are having to reduce your commitments to them-if necessary,a little white lie:-"doing this on doctor's orders".
You must focus on your own health.Spend as little time as possible with those who cause you problems,until you are a bit stronger.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Pink Panic]

Hi Sara,

I have lost count of the many, many times i have discussed my "family dynamics" with my CPN ..... you are definitely not alone in this!
Chalky and the others have given you some real good advice in that you need to reduce your commitments and take some time for yourself until you feel stronger and more able to cope with their demands.

Love
Pink
xxx:hugs:

[molkogirl]

Hi, Thank you all for replies.
I know your right about keeping my distance but its never that easy i guess. I will def make effort to distance myself but they will ring me etc..
I s'pose nows the time to be strong and just tell them no otherwise they will just walk over me forever.
Just helps to get it out and talk to people who understand the anxiety.
Thanks again
Sarah