I have hit a downer

[BaByBuG]

:emot-crying: Atm im struggling things around me, even tho i went out yesterday( in a diff post) i feel like im being pushed into things with my depression and panic attacks etc being made to do things too fast and im not coping to well.

Im feeling a little wobble and to top it off other halfs brother tried coming around the flat 2day. so i had another attack in the flat. I broke down in tears on the phone to my mum, i feel mean for worrying her and so helpless.
:curse: Other half cant understand why i cant forgive his brother i mean over 2 years of his family picking at me and bullying me has made me like this and i dont want his brother in my flat ever as it is my safe place. So far i had been able to avoid him till today

So im trying really hard to fight how im feeling, i feel crap and to be honest im hurting. Im going to talk to my lady that visist me each week 2mor about this once i get the gutts to call her as im so angry at how im feeling. I have this anger towards other halfs brother :curse:why should i have to forgive him after he treated me like? as it makes me feel like im saying "yes it is ok to be mean" and it not! I have never hated anyone in my life till now.

I have tried hiding how i have been feeling, smiling at all the right times etc. I have tried being strong but sometimes i can't and people can't seem to understand that im not ok. :emot-crying:

I dont have to go out again till friday when i have my meeting with the other lady about my attacks. In a way i dont want to go as i know she is explaining to me what happens to me when i have these attacks but it is soooo scary :wall:
Im Sorry for the rant grrrr just feeling helpless at the moment and need to get it off my chest. xx :emot-crying:

[Pink Panic]

Hiya BabyBug,

Firstly please don't lose sight of the fact that you did some real good things yesterday and you should be proud of yourself.
I know that speaking personally when i started doing things i then felt sort of obligated into doing more when maybe i just wasn't up to it where as when i wasn't going out no-one expected anything of me. You take your time and do things at your own pace hun. You and you alone know how you are feeling and what you can cope with.
:hugs:

As for your other halfs Brother. I think your OH should respect your wishes as to who you have in your flat and who you are comfortable around. His brother has maybe done things and is now looking for you to forgive him and maybe that just isn't possible at the moment or ever and your partner might not be aware of just how you are feeling.
Us anx sufferers often hide how we are feeling and put on a brave face and a smile when inside we feel as if we are falling apart at the seams which makes it hard for others to understand.

I'd say to really try and go to your appt on Friday as when it's explained to you what's happening to you during these attacks it will makes things hopefully a lot clearer and perhaps even a little easier to cope with.

Hope you feel better soon hun. Tomorrow is another day and hopfully a better one for you :hugs:

Love & Hugs
Pink
xxx

[kaz79]

Its o.k to admit that you are not happy.
Sometimes putting a on a brave face isn't always good for you. I really do sympathise. I hope you feel better. Just take things slowly and you will get better.:hugs:

[BaByBuG]

Thank you for your comments, :hugs:i have been hiding away for the past 2 days i have no idea what i have done. Think the depression was getting me but 2day things have got better as i went to my appointment and I have been learning about the Anxiety cycle, which is made up of my thoughts, behaviour and physical symtoms and all effect one another.

SO my running commentary of my thoughts going around in my head about every situation i enter is normal. This can either be helpful or unhelpful to me. The negative thoughts make me anxious and will stop me from doing things.

So for me to feel anxious i am having negative thoughs. I was also told about the differnt types of negative thinging,my main ones are black and white thinking. Seeing things in all or nothing terms and scanning where i am constanly searching for the things i fear most and i do this without thinking.

Hearing all this makes sense to me and has helped me understand it a little more.

So now im understanding things better it is lifting my mood a little and im back to myself a bit more taking little tiny steps at a time.

I wanted to tell you i was ok after the other day and thank you so much for your support and i hope with time i can give you back support as i know atm im a little crap at it and wrapped up in my own world xx

[Pink Panic]

Hi Babybug,

I'm so glad you went to your appointment as i knew that when you had it all explained to you it would make things easier to understand and deal with having been in your position myself.
I'm glad your mood is lifting too and you are totally right in starting with baby steps and gradually building it up after all Rome wasn't built in a day! Best wishes in your recovery and hope to hear how you are getting on real soon.

Take care
Love & Hugs
Pink
xxx

[margaret911]

Hi BabyBug
Glad your feeling a little better, depression and anxiety is horrid isn't it, I so understand so you are not on your own. Take care.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
love Mags xxx

[Pink Princess]

http://www.zingerbug.com/Comments/hugs/puppy_bear_hug2.gif

hi baby bug, sending you these hugs to say your not alone with how you feel and glad things are a bit better now. xxxx take kare xxxx

[BaByBuG]

Hi BabyBug
Glad your feeling a little better, depression and anxiety is horrid isn't it, I so understand so you are not on your own. Take care.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
love Mags xxx

Thank you Mags. It is so nice knowing im not on my own. I hate the depression every time i feel like im getting somewhere it comes back again. :hugs: xx

[BaByBuG]

http://www.zingerbug.com/Comments/hugs/puppy_bear_hug2.gif

hi baby bug, sending you these hugs to say your not alone with how you feel and glad things are a bit better now. xxxx take kare xxxx

Thank you kara for the hugs :hugs: