Withdrawal - need encouragement

[Deluded]

So I was thrown out of my house by my own mom (i'm soon 19) the other day, Long story, personal.
Anyway, she always fixed the picking up of drugs as I cant even go outside wihtout breaking down.
I averagely suffer 20 panic attacks a day, SEVERE derealization/depersonalization and SEVERE OCD delusions about reality and on top off it a stressful life, depression (pretty severe) and been Body Dysmorphic before, I recovered from BDD when I got so bad I no longer cared for my looks...
This all started from smoking weed 2 years ago...

I broke down and took valiums for the last 8 months.
Anyway, so cold turkey I quit sunday afternoon, took my last two 5mg diazepam tablets.
Now around 70-80 hours withdrawal I feel bad.
I can barely sleep, I have this constant stresss feeling and the Obsesive thoughts are just as bad (or worse not sure) almost EVERY THOUGHT ive had the last 2years is OCD. dno wtf happpened.'

I also experience this weird Deja Vu like thing every 5 minute, a thought pop into my head that I've thought before(spent waaay too much time thinking, you wouldnt believe it if i told you honestly).
When the thought pop up its like WOW WTF IS GOING ON!? HAS THIS HAPPENED BEFORE? but its the thought ive thought before, not what I experience in reality. ITS LIKE A NEW "THOUGHT DEJAVU" Thing. It's making me lose it.
Causing excessive anxiety, feels like something is going wrong in my brain.

I'm feeling so down(sitting at my friends house, he asleep right now cuz work tomorrow morning) here i am 1:22 am almost considering to end it all.

so anyway, I was eating around 10-20mg averagely the last 5months. I wonder: what are the chances this will make me delusional/psychotic ?
How long time will it take to get better?
I wasnt going to quit cold turkey but it just happened and I have no f**kn clue what to do to decrease my anxieties.

I just wanna D I E



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[jo61]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. You've really been through the mill. Do you have a sympathetic GP? Maybe he or she could come for a home visit. It's very dangerous to go cold turkey on valium and it's not surprising you are suffering. Keep posting on here and people will support you.

Take care

[decca]

I think the withdrawal regime for valium is something like dropping half a mg per month.
Do you have a drop in centre near you ,or maybe phone the Samaritans for advice 08457 90 90 90 or email jo@samaritans.org.
Decca.

[chalky]

Hi Deluded,

Sorry to hear that things are not so good at the minute.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You need to sort this out with your Doctor.
A proper programme devised by him will help you over this rough time.
With effort on your part,you will soon start to notice a change for the better.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Lilith1980]

Hi Deluded

Maybe you need to go back to your GP and come off the valium in a more structured way. It doesnt sound as though cold turkey is doing any good to be honest.

If you cant go, can you speak to your Mum and ask her to? I'm sure she'd want to help you and even though you might not have been getting on lately.

Jo xxxxx