More about me (sorry!)

[jasemb]

Hi again everyone,

Sorry to bombard (which I feel like I’m doing at the moment, questions, questions)!

But just need some input into ways of dealing with things.

I’m sure if you’ve read the first post I put on the site, you can see that my particular anxiety is a bit of a weird (specific) one. That’s not to say that I don’t have a lot of other issues (low self esteem being a particular one).

I have a great wife, who tries to understand were my head is at, but ultimately I think it’s one of those things, were if you’ve never suffered with anxiety, it’s hard to truly understand. She’s better with me now, (after she sat in on a counselling session with me) but she did use to be a bit ‘pull your socks up’.’it’s all in your head’ (which to an extent is right, but she always says I should do it without medication; which I’m not personally convinced about). However, I think my constant fear cycle I’m in does begin to grate on her (which, as I’ve said I can understand, her having never suffered with it).

I’m finding it very difficult to cope. When I get home, my wife will ask me – ‘how are you?’ and I answer with ‘not too bad’, knowing full well, that I’m just trying to put on this brave front and my mind is in a dark place. I need to figure out how to relax, how to get my mind onto happy thoughts, and to stop the constant panic, and how to deal with this with a partner, who is trying to help, but doesn’t truly empathise due to lack of understanding.

I’m having CBT, on meds (again), try to question myself and trying to do written exercises – to questioning my faulty thinking (i.e. why is this going to happen to me, why am I going to be a victim, why tonight, etc), and also 5 step charts - The situation, automatic thoughts, feelings, rational response (to counteract the automatic thought). Taking Kalms, rescue remedy, drinking lots of camomile tea. I’m even doing EFT (hiding myself in the bathroom because it looks weird). But none of these things seen to take away the enormous sense of anxiety, fear and panic.

Every night I go to bed in a state of hyper awareness and fear.:unsure:

Is there anything else I can try? Relaxation? Or anything?

Just need to take my mind away from things, so I’d appreciate any input anyone can offer.

[jodie]

hiya

well firstly i think you are doing ok right now i mean you are getting the help you need (cbt ec) so well done for that :yesyes:
as for your wife well as you have sead it can be very hard for our partners to understand what we go through and hard for them to know what to say and when to say it ,i find myself saying im ok or im not bad when realy i want to say omg i am so not good today, but dont want to seem such a misery all the time or for my hubby to think (oh off we go agane )
when i was at my worst i made a point of doing what you have done took hubby along to things with me and that did help ,now if i am having a realy bad day i do tell him how i feel i dont expect to much from him but at least he knows how i feel .
i also tryed to do more to take my mind away from how i was feeling ...started the gym,long walks ect it helped me to relax and burn off adrenalin .
jodie xxx

[sarajane]

Its really hard for our partners to ever fully understand the inner emotions we struggle with.

I start to think my friends switch off when I carry on all the time or once again become depressed.

The best thing I ever did was join this site. Because I can now come here to talk and discuss my problems, and I know everyone else understands and doesn't judge me.

By coming on here you will be able to communicate and talk with people who understand what you go through.

One of the best therapies recommended for any illness is group therapy, I suppose that's why Alcoholics anonymous is so successful.

The great thing about living in todays society is we now have access to this form of support over the INTERNET.

So make yourself at home here and never think you are bombarding us with your problems, thats why we all come on here, for the support and understanding we receive from each other.

The chat room is also a good place to talk, and if you have a problem that you need to discuss privately there is always pm or the help room.

So a very warm welcome from me, and make yourself at home OK

Love
Sarajane

[sarajane]

Hi, yeah its me again,

I only just read your introduction post. You mentioned you believe your fears etc started at a young age when you were mugged.

(Before you read any further please understand these opinions and suggestions are only my thoughts.)

Firstly, I think the panic and anxiety that you now suffer sounds totally normal for someone who experienced such a traumatic experience at a young age and didn't receive any emotional support at the time.


Maybe if you had received help and support while you were young when this happened, these feelings might not have progressed and deepened further.

I remember a time when I was 9 years old and I got out of the bath and there was a man looking through the window. I will never forget the feeling of absolute terror and fear that over came me. I totally froze and couldn't move for what seemed like ages.

I was lucky because I received support and understanding from my mum at the time. But for many years I couldn't leave my curtains open at night.

I think next time you see your counselor you should address the fears and feelings you felt at the time when this happened.

You still have young fight and flight responses inside of you that have never been addressed or explained.

As you have grown older you have retained the old fight and flight responses of your youth that you felt when you got mugged.

If you had received support and understanding at the time you would have learnt how to deal with what had happened, then you would have acquired knowledge of how to handle any future situations of this sort.

Then as you got older every time something frightening happened you would then have been able to respond to that situation with the knowledge you learnt from the first bad experience. And so on and so on.

Throughout our lives we learn and grow because of the different situations we encounter. You haven't been able to learn and grow regarding frightening events because you didn't receive advise or understanding when you had your first one all those years ago.

You were taught how to become a more experienced reader, cook, etc etc, but never how to handle frightening events.

I'm not sure if what I've said makes any sense, I just thought I'd share my perspective on your situation.

Look after yourself

Sarajane

[jasemb]

Hi Sarajane

I think you are definately right in what you say.

I don't think I had the emotional maturity to deal with the situation at that age, and because it was never dealt with, it's almost turned into a worn thought process that my mind automatically goes down (albeit faulty thinking).

I know that they key to it is to retrain my thinking, and stop the negative selftalk and catastrophising.

My councellor is very much looking to do this, and to explore my past to see if there are any other deep set reasons other than this obvious event (my family are also worriers/nervy people, so it may be hereditory; I also have quite low self esteem, which may be another contributory factor).

It's a long process, with no immediate solution, which is the thing that makes it hard. I'm trying to question myself more, but still find the anxiety rearing it's ugly head. It's just hard to live in the here and now, when all your mind does is look to the future with anxious eyes.

I know there is no quick fix, I just need some peace from it all really, because it effects the way I live my life (I.e. not to the full), and also gets me down immensely. And as we all know anxiety is bad enough without depression joining the party.