Low self esteem has gotten worse again.....

[Lilith1980]

Hi all,

I dont know why I have taken such a nose-dive in terms of my state of mind. It seems to have happened since my counselling stopped although I dont know if this is a coincidence :shrug:

One of my main issues is my low self-esteem and I had kind of gone from "I'm worthless" to "I'm not that bad" thanks to my counselling. Now I feel I have gone back down.

I don't like the way I look. I "feel fat" although I know you cannot "feel fat". I hate looking at myself, I know I think I look fat and ugly because of how I feel inside but it doesnt seem to help alter my way of thinking. I am feeling really insecure right now, I feel so threatened by every single female I come across. I dont feel good enough for my boyfriend in terms of how I look. I feel like he would prefer to be with someone else. I feel like he is looking at everyone else. I'm tempted to say I hate myself, I dont feel comfortable in my skin :weep:

I know you have to try and sit with these feelings but I cant. I tried arguing with them this morning and telling them that what they are saying is rubbish, but I dont really believe it when I say that, so the anxious voice wins.

I was in such a state this morning, crying about things. I came into work and headed for the bathroom as my breathing was quite quick and shallow and I needed to calm down. I'm not wanting to be in work because I dont like it which doesnt help, although sitting at home would be worse.

What should I do? Should I put my name back on the waiting list for counselling? I was told that I could if I felt bad again but I feel stupid because its happened almost instantly.

I am on a waiting list to see a psychologist but I dont know how long that will take - might be 6 months to a year.

I feel like screaming, I want someone to help me. I want someone to take all this away.

I'm sorry for saying this but I feel like I want to hurt myself - as though physical pain would actually make this mental anguish better. I know it wont though, and I'm not "brave" enough to do anything, which in a way frustrates me more as I cant find a release for this at all.

I just want to stop feeling so bad about myself but I dont know how :weep:

Thanks for listening.

Jo xxxxx

[PUGLETMUM]

:) dear lilith, the first thing you need to say to yourself is that this feeling is horrible horrible horrible, but it will pass over the day (it may come back but you deal with it again when it does). also this is not a permanent state - i have been deeply depressed many times - infact im depressed today - but i know that tomorrow is another day and i know you can turn yourself and your life around, if you know how to.

i have been where you are now with regards the other half looking at other women and i cannot tell you how different i feel now, this is a symptom of your problem, how can you feel good about ANYTHING when you HATE yourself??? the problem is you have no perspective right now, you are just bogged down in how you feel? the first thing to do is start focusing on you not on your other half - a strong person with good self-esteem can withstand anything - so i would say thats what you have to aim for. im sure your story is complex like most and your negative image of yourself didnt start over night? so first its not going to happen straight away, and also what you learnt from your counsellor can still be used even though you are not seeing the them anymore. what im trying to say in a long winded way is that we are here for you and we know how you feel, there are books and sites you can go to to help you to deal with these feelings alone, take care and feel free to pm me anytime, emma:flowers:

[Hope 2]

Hi Jo :hugs:

I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling today hun.

I can relate to so much of what you are going through and I really wish I had some brilliant advice .

It can feel like we are back out there on our own when we no longer have any formal support :unsure: and it is okay to feel anxious .
I think its a vicious circle that we get into with our opinion of ourselves and consequently how others view us .
How can anyone possibly love us , even like us , when we have such a low opinion of ourselves ???
Well as you know (on a good day lol ) those around us love us for who we are not just what we look like. I put money on many people tell you that you are a lovely looking girl . We only believe what others say if we have any self worth to begin with . Self worth ,that when we have any ,can be zapped away to zero by the slightest little thing that occurs whether it be a comment or anxiety related episode.

When it comes to partners, we question them frequently and can drive them bonkers with our insecurities . In my case I think I know it will push them away cos they are gonna bog off anyway type of thing . Im guessing yr boyfriend has an idea of how you feel about yourself and he is still very much around, so that, to me says a lot in how he truly feels about You .
I think we can only overcome this cycle if we learn to like ourselves (not pushin it as far as love !) . One step at a time sorta thing . I really hope that you can begin to see what others do very soon , cos as a person you are one of those very special people and deserve to be happy .

Everyone Loves yah hun
Sendin u the best vibes :winks:
Love and Care
Hope xx

[pips]

Hi Jo,

Low self esteem is horrid :mad: and I often think the worst and get so insecure and feel totally pants about myself alot of the time.:shrug:

I think the thing is trying to accept yourself even just a little and practice Positive Thinking and tell yourself you are Special.:hugs:

I have just got a Cd see link

http://www.hypnosisaudio.com/tape7.htm

Hopefully It will help.:whistles:

Feel free to PM if you want to chat hun.

Hope you feel brighter soon.

Take Care,

Love & Wishes,:flowers:

Pip's X X

[chalky]

Hi Jo,

Is this the same Jo who is able to provide such pleasure to others with her beautiful music?
The same Jo who would walk barefoot over broken glass to help and support others here?
The same Jo who is always encouraging others to fight their anxiety?
The loving,caring,funny person I know?
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Along our journey,we are almost guaranteed to have blips-bad days or even weeks.These will pass,as surely as night follows day.
We keep fighting and we get through.
I am very proud to know you.
best wishes,
Chalky

[Lilith1980]

Thanks for all of your replies :)

Pips I do have a self-esteem CD hun, I need to listen to it a bit more methinks :blush: I will make some time this evening to do it.

Chalky - I know. What a change eh? You're right, I'm sure this is a blip although its hard to see that when you're so engrossed in your thoughts and feelings. Thank you :hugs:

I do get reassurance from my other half but it doesnt seem to sink in, I guess I have to believe it within myself really. Just fed up with it hitting me like this :wacko:

Thanks all

Jo xxxxx

[Bill]

What should I do? Should I put my name back on the waiting list for counselling? I was told that I could if I felt bad again but I feel stupid because its happened almost instantly.

Hello Jo:hugs: ,

Don't let feeling "stupid" prevent you from asking for the help you need!

Hmmm, :unsure: I've been thinking what I can say to make you feel better about yourself....

Well, I thought I could try saying that Only you can't see what an attractive woman you are, but I know you won't believe me.:lac:

So I thought, well maybe I should try reminding you how loving, caring and giving you are to others, but I know you won't believe that either.:lac:

I then thought, well, you're always boosting others morales and reminding Them that things will get better, but maybe you can't see that you do that either.:lac:

Ok, maybe I should try saying how unselfish you are and that you ALWAYS do your Best to Help Others without a thought to yourself, but no, you probably can't see that either.:lac:

Hmm, well, how about that you Never do or say anything to deliberately hurt others...oh, you probably don't realise that either.:lac:

So then I thought....try looking in the mirror.....but don't look at yourself with YOUR eyes:weep: .........look at yourself through OUR eyes:) ....then just maybe you'll see what OTHERS see in YOU that you Can't see:shades: .....and then all that would be left is for you to BELIEVE that ALL of US are RIGHT and NOT YOU!!!!!!:winks: ............because all those things I've listed above ARE TRUE :yesyes: and you Really Couldn't be a More Beautiful Person both INSIDE AND OUT no matter what you think!!!:hugs:

As for some practical advice, I've sent you a note regarding "free" counselling provided by MIND. We don't always have to wait or pay for counselling because charities, churches and hospitals often provide "free" counselling which is sometimes unlimited too. It's often a case of looking and asking around.

I know there is alot going on in your mind at present but TRY to remember what I've said above because NO ONE on this forum would think the things you think of yourself. In fact, they'd ALL AGREE you are Wonderful for ALL that you ARE!.....BELIEVE US!!!:hugs:

Hope 2....I think I know it will push them away cos they are gonna bog off anyway type of thing ..............................It's amazing how little we think of ourselves and yet think so highly of others but can't see that these same words apply to "you" too!............I really hope that you can begin to see what others do very soon , cos as a person you are one of those very special people and deserve to be happy...........You're just as deserving as Jo:hugs: ..........just like everyone on here who thinks so little of themselves....and yet "cares" and thinks so highly of others!:winks:

[Lilith1980]

Thank you all again, and also for the supportive PMs I had from people - you know who you are, thank you :hugs:

Bill, you are right, I wouldn't believe a word you said :winks:

Now if you said something negative, that would get soaked up like a sponge lol :lac:

I had a bloomin' good cry when I got home from work yesterday, felt really bad at the time and my eyes are still worse for wear this morning, but I think that the crying helped release some of the feelings.

Not sure what I will do yet, in terms of going back to counselling. I will see if these feelings continue to be so pronounced.

I think I need to find ways of coping when triggering events come my way because at the moment I am not coping very well at all. My counsellor never gave me any coping strategies and I'm not sure if he should have done? :shrug:

I am reading a CBT book on self esteem at the moment so I will see if any of the strategies in there help me.

Thanks again all :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi jo, no i dont think the counsellor would give you coping methods because if youve had person centred counselling then its not about cbt its about helping you to help yourself by working through your problems - some ppl dont beleive in counselling at all - for the very reason you speak of - you dont get taught how to CHANGE anything!!! this is where cbt comes in, but you will have to take what is offered and you may not feel its enough - although you could go private and also the cbt based books can help but you really have to apply them, youll do it when your ready:yesyes: take care emma