what to tell my neighbour?

[sagey]

I like gardening and growing vegetables and often the only time I meet my neighbour to speak to is either on the front garden when I'm mowing/weeding, or in our back adjoining veg plots. I haven't spoken to him in months and months 'cos I've barely been outside and usually too depressed to give a toss about the state of the garden.
I have to start some work outside soon and I know he'll be around and ask me over the fence why he hasn't seen me for so long. what shall I say? It worries me that he may well ask and I don't know how to explain my absence and also why I look pretty rough and careworn due to anxiety and weight loss. I thought of saying I've had a virus and some kind of allergy to medication which has left me with something like fatigue syndrome. do you think this would work?
Might sound rather feeble and self-centred but as I say, I feel a need to explain myself if he asks because he's such a nice bloke and I don't want him to think I've turned into a lazy so-and-so who doesn't give a damn about their garden, themselves or life in general.

[trac67]

Hi mate,

If i were you I would just be honest about it. I used to make excuses all the time, but then decided if people asked I would say I was suffering with anxiety and panic attacks, and I was so suprised at the number of people who then said, Oh I totally understand because I have had that too.

Love

Trac xxx

[sheba2]

Couldn't agree more trac. I think one of the biggest factors in my almost recovered state has been being honest and up front about what is wrong. I tell all and sundry that I suffer with panic attacks and agorophobia. It has helped so much as people have been so interested and helpful and kind and understanding. That is family and friends. Neighbours. my daughters school even the checkout people in tescos and the salesgirls in a clothes shop I visited recently. There are so many of us suffering from anxiety in all its many forms the response I've had has been amazing.

[Bill]

You say he's a nice bloke so if you think he'll understand, just be honest. He may offer to help and support you!:hugs:

If you feel you'd rather not, just say that you've been busy sorting things indoors that you've left because you've always been in the garden lately and you thought you'd catch up before spring arrives!:hugs:

[jill]

Hi there

I agree with Trac too, I would be honest. When I was acute, I told everyone, even my neighbours. My neihgbours are nice people, always have been, so when I told the lady next door, she said, "" ohh I have had them," and told me all about hers. Which she recovered from I must add. Like Trac, I found the more people I told, the more I came to uderstand that there ARE people out there who have been like me and recovered, by knowing this, this helped me a little to programme by mind that is was possible for me to recover too,

What I felt, at that time was, if I hide things then I am not being honest with myself. The hardest part of this emotional illness is believing that it IS anxiety related, thats hard enough, without putting more presure on yourself feeling that you have to hide and not tell the truth. There is no shame AT ALL, having this emontional illness, again, by me thnking this way, helped me move on a little.

Hun, only you can decide what is best for YOU, at this moment in time, try dame hard to look at this deccison carfully, what do YOU think would put more presure on you and what do YOU think will take presure off.

If you feel telling a lttle white fib, will help, then go for it, there is no harm at ALL with this action, none at all.

When we are trying to recover, we are looking to take presure off ourselves, we need to learn and understand how to do this, no matter what we do in life.

Not sure if I've helped at all, but I do know how you feel.

Please let us know how you get on

TAKE CARE

wshing you well

LOVE JILLXXX

[sagey]

Thank you all very much. you've given me different things to consider and I think now that if the right opportunity arises, I will be truthful and matter-of-fact about it- and say that I'm coping with it (sort of). I'll have to wait and see and go with how the conversation progresses. Thanks again .Sagey

[freakedout]

Hi Sagey

Oh it was familiar, reading your post. I have a bit of a weird paranoia about my neighbours. Its all in my head, but sometimes I cant go in my back garden if I think I might bump into them, other times I am ok. I once read a letter in our local newspaper from 'anonymous' complaining about the state of a neighbours garden. I was convinced it was my neighbour writing about me. I am still not so sure. Good luck with the gardening, maybe just do a little bit at a time. When I feel like this I could do with that cloak of Harry Potter's that makes you invisible!

Take care
Freaky

[chalky]

Hi Sagey,

I agree.Honesty is the best and easiest option-you won't have to tell further white lies to keep a "cover story" going.
best wishes,
Chalky

[sagey]

Thanks Freaky and chalky (by the way Chalky, good to read about your job), it needs to warm up a bit before I get round to doing serious work out there, but having advice from you guys has helped me feel it is probably less of an issue than it need be . Thanks again.