OMG>

[kaz79]

Im dreading tomorrow. My Grandad is dying and he is hospital in Dartford. About an hour drive from where I am.
I cant bear the thought of the car journey as I know I will start panicking and I dont even know if I will manage to get there.
I know this will probably be the last time I see him but the thought of the journey is making me physically sick.
Ive got propranolol but sometimes they make me feel worse.
Im despairing!!:ohmy: :ohmy:

[Lilith1980]

Hi Kaz

Sorry to hear about your Grandad hun :hugs:

Have you got anyone to go with you or will you be driving?

It seems you are putting too much pressure on yourself - you are worried about the journey but at the same time you feel you will let your Grandad down if you dont go. So this is probaly what is making you feel even more anxious

I think you are doubting how capable you are hun. How about breaking the journey down into 30 minute segments or even 20 minute segments? You could stop off at a service station and grab a coffee/some food or something?

Have you tried taking Kalms or Bach Rescue Remedy? Not sure if Kalms makes you drowsy so just check.

You can do this hun, you are stronger than you think ;)

Jo xxxxx

[kaz79]

My partner will be driving. I wouldn't mind so much its just that the motorways get to me as there isnt an easy escape route:weep:

[Lilith1980]

Hey hun,

I know you will probably feel like you are trapped but if you feel like you need to pull over let your partner know and you will find somewhere to pull in after a few minutes I am sure.

You just need to keep reassuring yourself that if you feel the need to stop, then you will be able to do this, just not straight away. But you will be able to, so you dont need to feel trapped.

Would opening the window of the car help you to get some air hun?

Jo xxxxx

[kaz79]

Im going to try my best, Ive got some Valerina to see if that helps and I can always jump in the back seat (I feel safer there for some reason).
Thanks for the advice.:)

[sheba2]

Hi Kaz really sorry to hear about your grandad. This is naturally an anxious time for you so any feelings of panic that you normally have may well feel magnified. When my father died nearly 2 years ago I had to drive for 3 hours and then walk what seemed miles at the hospital. I did what lilith suggested and stopped regualarly. It was hard but I managed and I'm sure you will to. I think it is very important to be as kind to yourself as possible over the coming days. Have as much rest as you can. I wish you much inner strength to get through a sad time.

[chalky]

Hi Kaz,

I hope this works out for you.
You and your Grandad will be in my thoughts and prayers
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Best wishes,
Chalky

[kaz79]

I received a call from my Dad this morning to say that my Grandad passed away last night. I felt guilty for feeling relieved that I didnt have to make the journey. Am I wrong to feel this way?? I will have to attend the funeral which will be in the same area I have that playing on my mind. I feel so awful that Im preoccupied with myself because of this f**king anxiety!! I should be thinking about my Dad and the family at this time...

[dianes]

Hi Kaz

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad, my heart goes out to you. I know it is easy to say but don't feel guilty for feeling relieved. My uncle died a couple of weeks ago and like you the first thing I thought about when my sister told me how ill he was, was my God I can't make all that way to Bristol. My family travelled to the funeral last Wednesday and I couldn't make it. What helped me to cope was my daughter suggesting I go over to the church instead to say some prayers and my own 'goodbye'.

I was extemely anxious even doing this little thing, but with the help and support of my hubby I managed it. I arrived at the church the same time that the funeral was being held so I felt I was with them all in spirit if not in body. Hope this helps you. I will say some prayers for you at this sad time.

God bless

Diane

[kaz79]

Thanks. Its reassuring to know Im not alone in this. Im also sorry to hear about your uncle. Things are hard to deal with anyway wiyhout grief to suffer aswell.

[kazzie]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Kaz

You are in my thoughts:hugs:

Kazzie:hugs:

[sheba2]

When my dad died I was going through the worst panic and agorophobia attacks. I did make it to the funeral but I was such a wreck not because of the funeral but because I was so worried that I was going to die too. It was a dreadful experience for the wrong reasons and looking back I think I was mad to put myself through the trauma of that day and angry with my family who all loaded on the pressure for me to be there. I sat at the back of the church and my mother hasn't really forgiven me. I have told everyone that that was the last thing I am going to if I don't feel ready. I hope you can go if YOU want to but if you feel that it will just be too much for you then don't beat yourself up about it. Im sure your grandad would much rather you got better than be the cause of such anguish. Best of luck

[Dying_Swan]

So sorry to read about your Grandad :hugs:

I just wanted to say, please don't feel guilty. Think of it like this - if you didn't care, you wouldn't be so worried about it. The very fact you've been getting in such a state shows just how much you do care.

Anxiety can be a selfish illness, but you are not a selfish person, and you remember that.

My sincere condolences

xxx

[Dying_Swan]

And just to add, I completely agree with Sheba.

Funerals are an optional thing for people to go to if they want to or feel able to.

A few years ago I was at Uni and living with some friends. One of them died very suddenly and the funeral was in Northern Ireland (we lived in London). After a lot of grief, several of my friends just decided they didn't want to go. They really beat themselves up over it. I did go and it was one of the worst experiences of my life, for several reasons. That said, I've been to other funerals where I have felt glad I've gone because it's given me a chance to say Goodbye. And yes, I've also sat through a funeral thinking I was going to faint because I was panicking every few minutes - and I felt so relieved to get out of that church and into the graveyard. Sounds awful doesn't it? Just the nature of anxiety.

It's always a personal decision, and no-one should ever feel under pressure to attend. Your Grandpa knows you loved him and that is all that matters. In my opinion, funerals are simply for the people left behind.

Sorry for rambling on. I just really don't want you to feel guilty because you shouldn't. You have enough emotions to be dealing with at the moment without guilt on top! :blush:

Take care xxx :flowers:

[Karen]

Kaz, so sorry to read about your grandad.

There is no need to feel bad for the anxiety you feel about travelling to the funeral. I think most of us on here can empathise.

Other distractions that could help for the journey are listening to a talking book of music, crosswords or puzzle books, reading, talking to your partner. Do you have a Nintendo Lite Trainer or similar? They are good for occupying thoughts.

I will be thinking of you :hugs:

Karen xx