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View Full Version : Self Belief v Self Doubt



Bill
06-03-08, 03:17
A few things to think about.

We go through our first stages of life playing games and having fun without a care in the world. We have no worries, no pressures and feel free to just enjoy ourselves until one day we become aware of the real world, the stresses within it and then the worry starts when we feel we ought to be standing on our own two feet without support. This is when self-doubt begins.

Have you ever felt that nothing ever goes right? That we're almost but never quite there? We never quite make it? Is this, I wonder, connected to our expectation of failure, that we don't expect things to go right, that we don't have the strength to do things, that we don't deserve good things to happen..............so perhaps, they don't!

What if we started believing in ourselves, that we expect things to go right and that we also deserve good things to happen? What if we had that little bit of self belief to Make things go right?

Have you ever noticed how the more we want something, the less it seems to come to us? How when we want something so desperately, it doesn't seem happen?

I know I do this alot but I always think of sportsmen. When they have just a hint of self-doubt, things don't seem to fall right, their luck is out and yet when they relax and keep a carefree approach, winning becomes easy and a habit.

There's a saying about trying Too hard. Sometimes the more we try to think of a word we can't think of, the more it runs away until we forget about it and then it suddenly comes to us. Sometimes the more we fight for things to turn around, the more we just fall short whereas if we don't add pressure to ourselves then things become easier and self-belief takes over.

Some people say they're accident prone. I wonder if that's because they have no confidence in their own abilities so focus on every time they have an accident rather than the majority of time when they get things right. After all, we All make mistakes!

They also say money attracts money. I wonder if that's because the more you have, the less you worry about losing a little because fear isn't part of the equation determining our decisions.

I always believe that fear breeds fear of failure whereas self-belief breeds confidence to succeed. A positive mind encourages a positive approach and positive things to happen around us. A negative mind keeps us where we are in a dark pit of despair.

Often though we cannot change a habit of a lifetime alone. Often we need help to open the door in our minds to see the light of a "new way" of thinking. However, what we never seem to realise is that it's Already within us. We've just forgotten we ever had it in our childhood days before the responsibilities of life and bad events took our self belief away. :winks:

sarajane
06-03-08, 07:15
I totally agree, positive thoughts manifest themselves into positive outcomes.

If we had all given up learning how to walk the first time we fell over, the whole population would be crawling around on their hands and knees.

We have to keep trying because the more times we fall and pick ourselves up the more experienced we become.

We all know how to read and write, but this took us all a lot of practice, we need to give ourselves more praise for the things we have accomplished in our lives, and not focus on the things we haven't mastered yet.

We have to keep trying because the more practice we get, the better we will become.

Never ever give up, life is one big learning adventure that we all have to participate in.

Everyone has different lessons to learn in life, the people who continue to pick themselves up after every fall continue to learn then become stronger because of it.

To learn is to grow. We need to focus on all the good things in our lives instead of the negative ones.


love
Sarajane

sheba2
06-03-08, 09:18
Wow Bill fantastic post.

It has really hit the spot for me. During my childhood which was secure and outwardly happy, I picked up all the negative comments and have internalized them. Through my teens I was super confident only to crumple in my 20's and stop believing in my self and my abilities and that is how I've stayed really struggling and believing that I can't do this or that. I am working so hard to change these thought processes. Sometimes like you said we try too hard and if we can just accept that we are capable we will succeed and enjoy the ride.

Have you had training in counselling? You're posts are really thought provoking and challenging I read them and feel like I'm getting a free mini counselling session. Thanks so much.

Gryphoenix
06-03-08, 18:54
Ditto for me, that was an awesome post. This fits me to a 'T'! And I'm very, very accident prone. :D

I too had a good childhood but probably somewhere between middle school and early high school I lost my confidence.

I was a pretty confidenct child though I did have health anxiety (once I hit my head and thought I was gonna die four hours later from a concussion cause our teacher told us a horror story about something like that). I wasn't teased during elementary and I think I was fairly confident, I just DID stuff and didn't worry about it. For social anxiety, I didn't care what other people thought about me and I liked myself just the way I was, even if I was loud and obnoxious.
In middle and high school, I was teased but nothing major, I think I too internalized the negativity that the other kids had.

I failed miserably at P.E. and it ate away at my confidence big time.

Time and time again, being the last person running the mile, never being able to do a pull up, never being as strong as the other kids always bothered me underneath. (Even as a little kid, I sucked at P.E. and I felt awkward when I couldn't do stuff but there were more kids back then that weren't good at it either so I was in good company at least, until middle school when eeeveryonnnne could do it except me and the other 'fairly chubby' kids.) So yeah, I felt indadequate.

My P.E. teacher was hardcore and rather unforgiving to us 'slow' folks (I was only a little bit overweight too, I'm just not athletic in the least, and have never been even when I was thinner and little). I place so much confidence in my abilitys at school, I always make straight As or Bs, and to not be GOOD at something to do with school was maddening. I'm a huge grades person and getting a C was just not happening, and guess what he was giving me for trying my hardest? I guess he thought my lack of athletic ability was 'not trying' or something. Anyhoo my parents helped me a lot and even met with him and anyway they managed to help me get my grade to a B but still...

Moving to another school coupled with culture shock did make the first few months of high school a little difficult but I made a few fast friends by the end of the year. Later years of high school was a lot of fun and I felt fairly confident again, but I had social anx bubbling beneath and I always wondered what people were thinking of me and cared soo terribly much about it. I had a lot of doubts underneath even though I had good friends.

In college it was kinda like the first year of high school again, these big intimidating snooty adult college people and me, a tiny little freshie. I made friends but I was always so socially anxious I doubted how good of friends we were. I did click with one except by the time I felt like we were really tight friends I moved again...such is life. :D

So anyway I'm not quite sure how confidence affected me in my twenties cause I was doing much better in my college now but I think the lack of faith in my body really didn't help, cause most of my anxiety has to do with health and my heart.

kaz79
06-03-08, 19:29
I wish I was a kid again with no fears or worries...

Bill
09-03-08, 03:33
It Is possible to Enjoy life again by learning how to come to terms with the past and learning how to accept the future. It just takes time to uncover and treat each layer we've built up over the years. It takes time to re-program a computer so that it produces a better outcome.

I was Very shy. I was bullied. I've been hurt and I've had many fears to cope with but I Am living a better life without restricting fears and I Am accepting life better these days so it Is possible. Never give up!:hugs:

Sheba, I've never trained as a counsellor but becoming a counsellor has been suggested to me because people I've known used to say "that's just what my therapist said!" I'm sorry...I don't mean that to come across as arrogant etc. I'm just repeating what they said. I don't feel I could become a counsellor though because a counsellor needs to keep a distance but I become too involved as I care too much. I also feel I'm no expert as I've still got issues myself. I'm just glad that things I share help people!:hugs:

dlou84
09-03-08, 13:34
You posts link alot to NLP/TFT

Think of yourself as an onion you have many layers to get rid of before you get to the fresh veg hidden inside.

This is key here. We all have many layers and need to treat each separately. Which is why some people get over something then get faced with something else and it all starts all over again.

listing each one and treating them one by one is key.



Dan

chalky
09-03-08, 14:43
Hi Bill,

Budweiser do that advertisement where the word "True" is the key phrase.
I don't want to call your post Budweiser.
I'll settle for "True".
Thank you,
Chalky

p.s As a boy,I have many memories of listening to Alastair Cooke's "Letters from America".His mastery of words produced many memories.I see "Letters from Bill" in a similar vein.Thanks for what you bring us.

PanicsAlot
09-03-08, 23:11
WOW! Well I've already copied and sent this post on to family...thank you.x

sagey
09-03-08, 23:20
Bill, I second what chalky says and value your words, Sagey.

Bill
10-03-08, 03:07
Thank you all. You made me laugh Chalky!:D

I just get huge satisfaction when I feel I've been able to help someone! That's all the thanks I need!....just to help someone smile again!:)

No one should suffer alone with anxiety, especially when they couldn't be nicer people!:hugs: