feelfine
06-03-08, 10:11
This morning quite unexpectedly, I have some old familiar feelings. I have discomfort in my left arm and from time to time in my chest. I feel jittery and the adrenaline is pumping through me.
Im posting because I need to write, and I might as well share it.
I suffer from generalised anxiety, or at least thats what I think, and I do tend to worry about a lot of things that are important to me or have a chance of going wrong. People label me "a worrier". It feels like I have to be vigilant against the worst things happening and I find others cavalier or just outright reckless with their own lives. Mostly, I am preoccupied with the condition of my heart. I have had the tests and all is well, but its just so difficult to relax and trust the professionals when its something vitally important to you.
Like all of you brave and wonderful people, I do my best.
But Im so fed up of these sorts of sensations and all the worrying I do about them, I want to take action and fight to take my life back. I am tired of spending so much mental energy keeping my negative thoughts in check, scanning my body for physical sensations, and I am tired of it limiting my life.
Writing is one of the things thatworks for me. But I have to be honest with myself and really bring those deepest fears up from the depths and put them down on paper for it to work. Once out, I can look at them from different perspectives. As far as all this goes I have two main worries:
a) I am going to have a heart attack and die, or
b) I wont have a heart attack and die
If the worst does happen, it will be down to my lifestyle and perhaps something genetic. One thing for sure – I wont have a heart attack because I havn’t spent enough time and energy worrying enough to keep it at bay.
If the worst doesn’t happen, then I am sqandering the best years of my life! Will I be looking back on this time when I am 70 with real sorrow and regret that I didnt live my life whilst I was young??? Yes.
So I will keep looking for answers because nobody else can give them to me. I am responsible for how I feel and how I got here, and I am the only one who can make me feel better. I can choose to listen to others and accept what they say if it feels right, or not.
I confided in someone a while back about this, and they said “so what if you have a heart attack?”. It's true. So what if I get run over by a bus? I don’t worry about driving 35 miles down a motorway each moring? Why is that? Worry about it when it happens, if you even know about it. Keep yourself safe but learn the difference between this and worrying. And finally my favourite saying : the coward dies a thousand deaths, and the brave only one.
Take care All.
Im posting because I need to write, and I might as well share it.
I suffer from generalised anxiety, or at least thats what I think, and I do tend to worry about a lot of things that are important to me or have a chance of going wrong. People label me "a worrier". It feels like I have to be vigilant against the worst things happening and I find others cavalier or just outright reckless with their own lives. Mostly, I am preoccupied with the condition of my heart. I have had the tests and all is well, but its just so difficult to relax and trust the professionals when its something vitally important to you.
Like all of you brave and wonderful people, I do my best.
But Im so fed up of these sorts of sensations and all the worrying I do about them, I want to take action and fight to take my life back. I am tired of spending so much mental energy keeping my negative thoughts in check, scanning my body for physical sensations, and I am tired of it limiting my life.
Writing is one of the things thatworks for me. But I have to be honest with myself and really bring those deepest fears up from the depths and put them down on paper for it to work. Once out, I can look at them from different perspectives. As far as all this goes I have two main worries:
a) I am going to have a heart attack and die, or
b) I wont have a heart attack and die
If the worst does happen, it will be down to my lifestyle and perhaps something genetic. One thing for sure – I wont have a heart attack because I havn’t spent enough time and energy worrying enough to keep it at bay.
If the worst doesn’t happen, then I am sqandering the best years of my life! Will I be looking back on this time when I am 70 with real sorrow and regret that I didnt live my life whilst I was young??? Yes.
So I will keep looking for answers because nobody else can give them to me. I am responsible for how I feel and how I got here, and I am the only one who can make me feel better. I can choose to listen to others and accept what they say if it feels right, or not.
I confided in someone a while back about this, and they said “so what if you have a heart attack?”. It's true. So what if I get run over by a bus? I don’t worry about driving 35 miles down a motorway each moring? Why is that? Worry about it when it happens, if you even know about it. Keep yourself safe but learn the difference between this and worrying. And finally my favourite saying : the coward dies a thousand deaths, and the brave only one.
Take care All.