View Full Version : It's all my fault
[V] So much ... where to start.
As many of you know I have been in hospital having my gallstones removed - (which went well, apart from the mother of all bruises and an amount of blue string stiches.)
My mum (who is 74) decided to come and stay with us to help me look after the children until I was back on my feet and a bit less sore.
On the 11th of march, She was due to get the train home to Durham.
I caught her getting up in the middle of the night. She said she felt unwell, and was suffering with an upset tummy.
I asked her if she wanted me to call a doctor, but she said no.
I helped her back to bed, and told me to call if she needed anything.
I said if she still felt ill, She should rest and not get the train home and I would ring for the doctor.
The children left for school at 8.30 and as my mum was still resting I watched tv and checked for E-mail.
I heard her get up, and could hear her being sick.
I called the doctor, but couldn't get her seen until 12pm.
I tried to get her in a taxi, to take her to the doctors, but she was just too unwell.
I cancelled the appointment and called an ambulance instead.
She was taken into hospital and at 6pm was admitted to a ward.
The doctor said she was suffering with gastroenteritis and should be allowed home in the morning if she felt better.
I stayed with her until 8pm and left her to get some rest, as she looked exhausted.
My telephone rang at 3am on the 12th and I was told to go the hospital as "mum had taken a turn for the worse".
Before I could ring for a taxi to take me there, the phone rang again.
This time I was told that she had died.
I feel so dreadful. I was meant to be looking after her.
I was meant to get her home safely.
How can the family ever forgive me?
How could some one with an upset tummy die of a "dissected abdominal aortic aneurysm". How could a hosptial miss something like that?
It's all my fault. If she hadn't of come here to look after me, she would have been at home, and not stuck in a horrid hosptial.
I just don't understand it.
Sorry for the eye strain, but I needed someone to talk to.
Thanks for listening.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
hi, im really sorry to hear about your mum
but please dont blame yourself for this, it was not a direct result of anything you did and you could have done nothing to prevent it
you say if she had not have come here ........but she would still have been ill and at least you had time with her the way it was
take care and keep in touch
fan x
Liz I'm sooo sorry to hear about the loss of your mum,
Please don't blame yourself, you done all you can and you
where there for her.
TAKE CARE
THINKING OF YOU
LOVE JILLXXX
Liz,
I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. You must be reeling from the suddeness of it all.
None of what has happened is your fault, though. When your mum was taken ill you did all you could & sensibly got her to hospital. Sadly, the hospital may have misread the symptoms--but I believe (from my nursing days) that violent stomach problems & dissected aortic aneurysms can present in similar fashion, initially. Also, it is possible that they may not have been able to treat such an aneurysm. (Meg will be able to tell you far better than I can---& my nursing days were a long time ago).
Having said all that--the guilt feelings can be overwhelming.
(My mum died suddenly 10 years ago. She was in hospital for something minor & had a major MI from which they were unable to resuscitate her). I understand, from how I felt, the shock & guilt that are at the forefront of the grief you are going through. I hadn't seen my mum for several weeks, we were living at opposite ends of the country, yet I still felt great guilt, as if I could have done something to prevent it.
Looking back I think the guilt was me trying to make sense of the shock & suddeness. We find it very hard to take such sudden & devastating events on board &, in the abscence of logical answers, we blame ourselves because we can't find an answer elsewhere. We don't want to accept what has happened so we start searching for the 'if & buts', could it have been different if we had done something differently etc.
It will get easier though it's probably far too soon for me to say that--but it will--&, in time, you will make some sense of it. I really feel for you with this.
For now, take care & try not to blame yourself. (I know that is very difficult right now). PM me, if I can help at all.
Love Linda. x
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Hi Liz
So sorry to hear about your mum. This was in no way your fault so please don't feel guilty about it. You did what you could to get help as soon as you realised it was serious. There is nothing more you could have done.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
17-03-05, 08:26
Liz
I am so sorry to read this post this morning :(
It must be a devastating time for you right now and I know that words can only offer some comfort.
You did all you could to help her and you got her some treatment as soon as you knew it was getting worse. No-one could have done anymore than that.
Please don't take this upon yourself as it wasn't your fault. She could have been on the way home when it happened or at home alone (don't know if your dad is still alive or not, sorry).
You acted promptly and you got her to the hospital as soon as you could.
Sending you a big hug and I sincerely offer my sympathy to you and all the family.
We are all here if you need us ok?
xxxx
Nicola
Hi Liz
Thinking about you during this hard time. You did all you could for your mum and acted promtly by getting her to hospital. I am so sorry that she has passed away and i know you will be totally devestated.
I am offering my deepest sympathy for you and your family. If there is anything we can do to support you, just let us know.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
jollywalrus
17-03-05, 09:37
Hi Liz,
When I read the words "Your Mum has taken a turn for the worse" my heart sank because I heard those words myself nearly four years ago. I had left my Mum in hospital having a blood transfusion and only left to get her a clean nightie. As I got back towards the ward the crash call went out for her and a nurse grabbed me and stuffed me into a side room. I waited for 6 hours alone in that room until I finally saw my Mum in intensive care. She died two days later.
My life from that point was filled with "if onlys" - If only I hadn't left to get that nightie, if only I had told the nurse she had been ill for so long....and on and on and on it went for years. Then one day someone said something to me. It wont help you now because the pain of your loss is too raw, but they said to me "Your Mum would be really cross if she knew you were punishing yourself like this!".
And that person was right. Time does heal although I still cry at the drop of a hat for my Mum, but it wasn't my fault my Mum died any more than it was yours that your Mum died. It was just her time, and she loved you, so don't blame yourself.
My thoughts are with you,
Christine
Hi Liz
When something like this happens, it's natural for us to blame ourselves. But you really didn't do anything wrong at all. As the others have said, you managed to spend some time with your mum that you wouldn't have had if she hadn't come to stay with you.
You have my deepest sympathy and I know that your mind will be in a great turmoil. Losing a parent, is so difficult. I beat my stuff up over things I hadn't done, or had done, when my Dad died, but at the end of the day, I know that he, just like your mum wouldn't want you to be being this hard on yourself.
We're all here if you need us.
Take care of yourself
Lots of love
Jules
Hi Liz.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, you did everything you could for her, and just think of the time you had with her whilst she stayed with you, I am sure she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
There is nothing more you could have done for your Mum as symptoms of Aortic Aneurysms present very often far too late for anything to be done, I know this as I used to be a theatre scrub nurse pre-kids, rest assured that everything possible will have been done to help your Mum.
I know how you are feeeling as I lost my Mum 8 years ago very suddenly and I can honestly say that time is a great healer although it won't feel like that right now.
I am sure the family feel they have nothing to forgive you for, it's just your feelings of guilt which come along with the grief and are perfectly natural during this time.
My deepest sympathy goes to you and all your family and we are all here for you. if you need us.
You take care
Elaine x
Liz,
I am so sorry to read your post this morning and hear about the sudden loss of you mum.
You must still be in terrible shock. Please try and not blame yourself as it seems you done everything you could.
Thinking of you - Look after yourself
lucky
Oh Liz - my heart goes out to you, if I could reach in and give you a huge hug I really would.
You cannot possibly blame yourself, remember it is a mums job to care for her children and that is what your mum just wanted to do for you.
Please do not beat yourself up, you did everything that you could for your mum under the very sad circumstances.
Please accept my heart fely sympathies.
Take care...Angie
I am so sorry to hear about ur mum. My mum died last year from cancer and she was only 50 and i still get upset.
There was nothing u could have done to help her.
My gran died from a anerisym but hers started in her head.
Hi Liz
Just want to say that i'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Like everyone has said this certainly wasn't your fault by any means. We are all here for you.
Thinking of you.
Take care
Tracy
x
I am so very sorry to hear about your mum, am thinking of you take care x
Thankyou everyone for your wonderful replies.
I keep telling myself it could have been a lot worse.
She had only got back from Turkey a week before she came to stay with me. So I thank my lucky stars that she was at least somewhere near home where she could be looked after.
I guess the next thing to deal with a talk to the vicar as the funeral is on Tuesday at 11.
Then I'll have a little break for a few days before even thinking about dealing with all the things she has in the house.
(My dad died 10 years ago, but my cuz is staying at my mam's house until her house is ready to move in to.)
At least I have my brother, cuz and Steve with me. So I am not alone.
I'm thankful for the last days we had together.
We had a lovely meal out, went shopping and had some lovely chats.
Thank you everyone.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Hi Liz
You have done so well and you never have to blame yourself. You have suffered a dreadful loss and we all are with you on this. It was sudden and that makes it all the more harder to bear. Dont forget she spent her last few days with you and she was happy and you were to, you were with her at the end and let that comfort you. I am pleased you have people about you to help you get through this but we will be thinking of you so much on Tuesday.
Life has thrown you a hard one to cope with and you need all our support and we will be here for you.
Thinking of you loads and will be thinking of you on tuesday. It will be hard but never think you let her down you had no control over that. Say your good byes and let out how you feel and remember you are never alone.
Take care and my deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Liz
I'm so glad that you can take comfort in the last few days you had with your Mum, sounds like you have a lot of strong support around you.
I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday, we are all here for you.
Take care
Elaine x
Liz
I'm sending you great big hugs and will be thinking of you tomorrow. Take care
Jules
nomorepanic
21-03-05, 18:03
Liz
Thinking of you for tomorrow and hope it all goes ok.
Big hug to you.
xx
Nicola
Hello Liz,
I am so sorry for your sad news.
I lost my mom suddenly nearly nine years ago, whilst pregnant with my first child. Please take my advice and grieve for your mom and if you want to cry, cry. It will take you ages to get over this but please don't feel you are to blame. She was doing what she wanted to do and was with you and you did everything you could to help. She has had lots of lovely time with you and her grandchildren, which is my biggest regret, that my mom never got to see my children.
Everyone on here is so kind and supportive and I too am also here if you want to talk (or PM me) as I know what you are going through. If I can give you any help or advice please just ask.
Take good care of yourself and your family at this very sad time.
Lots of love,
Linda.x
Liz,
Will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Linda. x
Hi Liz
I know today will be a hard day for you, but we are all thinking of you and are thoughts are with you and your family.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Thinking of you Liz
Lucky
Hi Liz, i have only just read this post and just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss, I can't imagine what you must be going through. I will be thinking of you today.
Take care
Love Lisaxx
Hi Liz
We have all been thinking of you today. I hope you got through it aswell as can be expected.
You take care of yourself.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Thankyou everyone.
It was a lovely service, just the kind of day she would have wanted.
The flowers were fantastic.
I had a few moments with her, to say goodbye, and that I was sorry I couldn't have done more to help, if only she had actually told me how ill she felt, then maybe I could have got her to hospital sooner.
I told her that I hoped she was in a peaceful place with no wars or fighting. She was with family and friends that she loves. Somewhere where the water is crystal clear, the flowers are beautiful, and the sky is bright blue. Somewhere where she will want for nothing and there is no pain or suffering.
We sang "all things bright and beautiful" and "make me a channel of your peace".
The vicar read out a prayer that she used to keep in her passport that has been around the world and back many times.
I wrote her a poem, and read it out to everyone.
I have tackled the house, slowly...
Got together a few things I wanted to take with me.
So I guess for now that is all I can do.
Thankyou everyone for your kind words.
A few little wobbles here and there. But over all I am doing okay.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Hi Liz,
It sounds like yesterday went well for you and your family and you sound like you're being very strong. You must try to stop blaming yourself and I really think your mom was happy with how her last days were spent with you and your children.
It will be 10years on 11th April, that I lost my mom, but you never get over them although it does become easier to live with. You have lots of lovely memories to keep with you forever and to know she is now at peace in the beautiful place you describe is lovely. That is how I like to think of my parents, up there, happy and free of pain and with my little boy, Cory, who I lost nearly three years ago now.
I hope you can get through this, but please allow yourself time to grieve. You obviously had a wonderful relationship with your mom and you can treasure that, and your memories for always.
Take good care of yourself and if you ever need to talk I am here for you.
Love, Linda.x
Hi Liz
The service sounded beautiful and bought a lump to my throat.
You take good care of yourself. It's horrible losing a parent. I lost my Dad suddenly nearly seven years ago and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. In fact that was part of the reason that I first started to suffer with anxiety and that wasn't until three years later. But that was because I suppressed how I was feeling and had loads of other stuff going on.
Remember we are all here for you
Hugs
Jules
Hi Liz, Glad to hear everything went well, i think you are being really strong and I really admire you for how you seem to be coping with this. The service sounded beautiful and I am sure your mum is looking down on you feeling very proud of you.
Take care and we are all here for you when you need us.
Love Lisaxx
nomorepanic
24-03-05, 19:48
Liz
I shed a little tear when I read this as I really felt for you.
Glad it went well and we are here if you need any help or support over the next few weeks.
If you would like to post the poem then I can add it to the others you did for the website - that would be a tribute to your mum.
Nicola
Hi Liz
Pleased the day went as well as can be expected and you had your time to say goodbye to her.
You did so well writing her a poem and reading out for her and i am so touched by how well you have coped.
We have all been thinking of you loads and you know we are here to support you whenever you need us.
I am sure your mum will be in a peaceful place and will watch over you.
You take care and if you ever need us you know we are all here.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Mum's Poem
Vera loved without condition
With all her heart and soul
Always light hearted and never complaining
Wise, strong, brave and bold
Remembered always with affection
Cherished memories ever more
Greatly missed and loved forever
A mother, grandmother and a friend
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Liz
That is lovely and you got me crying more now!! You have handled this really well and i know how hard it must have been. But you stood there and told your mum how it was and is, you couldnt have done anything more than that.
You have been brave and gave your mum the final goodbye she would have loved and now you need the support and we are all here for you and thinking of you.
Lean on us and you promise to take care of yourself and if i can help in anyway you know i will.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
nomorepanic
26-03-05, 12:15
Oh Liz
That was lovely, I will put it on the poems page with your others.
Thanks
x
Nicola
Hi Liz
How are you getting on hon?
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
I seem to be okay as long as I don't think, if that makes sense.
I've thrown myself headlong in to my gardening.
I've up rooted old tree trunks, planted flowers, re-arranged rocks...
Anything really just to keep my mind on something else.
Sorting out some of her house was awful.
I cried and cried.
It felt like I was saying goodbye to my childhood.
My head felt heavy and my chest ached. As if someone had ripped out my heart, squished it up and put it back in all wrong.
Every photo, orniment and house plant with a memory.
I've got enough cosmetics to keep Boots in stock for 6 months!
Books, CD's, Videos, clothes and I haven't even started on the knick-knacks yet.
But at least I have brother and Cuz to help sort all that out.
And there is no real hurry as Cuz is living there until her house is sorted out and ready to move into.
Some part of me is waiting for the phone to ring, and wondering if it is her, checking up on me.
Another part of me is waiting for someone to slap me and tell me to wake up.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Liz
You are doing really well and we all start keeping ourselves busy to pre occupy our thoughts. Clearing out her house must have been so hard for you and i know how it feels, all those memories from your childhood will have come back as that was your home for many years and all that went with it.
You will still be in shock as it was sudden, but slowly you will grieve, there will be lots of tears but that is a good thing, that is letting the process take its natural cause.
Try to keep yourself busy if that helps but dont over do it hon and do take some time out for yourself.
Here whenever you need us.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi liz
so sorry to hear about your mum...something similar happened to me and all i can say is that if you stop and think for a min you will see that you did all that anyone possible could do.....
take care
della[8D]
nomorepanic
28-03-05, 17:46
Liz
I can really feel for you as I had to sort my dad's things out.
He lived with my nan (his mum) when he died and I just called round to see how she was and she asked me to clear all his things out as she couldn't face it.
It was hard for me too as I found old letters that I had written him etc.
Take your time to do it and remember that you are still grieving and it will take some time before you feel back to your old self again.
Thinking of you at this time
x
Nicola
Hi Liz,
How are you doing? You are doing really well but as Sal said, you will still be in shock. I'm sure you know I have lost both my parents, it will 10years on 11th April, for my mom and I think only now, am I beginning to realise that I didn't grieve properly and still miss her terribly. It is one of the hardest things we have to go through and just writing this makes me feel so alone and wish she could be here......Please take one day at a time and when you feel yourself thinking of your mom, give in to your feelings and cry for her. I haven't visited anyones graves for three years, as I lost a baby also, three years ago, but have now decided that I must go and visit them. I am going in May, when it will be three years for Cory, my little one.
Your poem for your mom was lovely. I wrote the verse for my mom and dads headstone and for my nan and grandad. At least that way they know how much we care for them and will always miss them and never forget.
Take care of yourself.
Love, Linda.xx
Hi Liz
Thinking about you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
I wish I knew what I was doing ...
Lately I have felt a wee bit unsettled. It feels as if I am waiting for a starting pistol.
We went to Barmouth for a few days break and I found myself twitching about. Walking down the beach at 12 at night just to watch the tide come in.
Becoming jumpy when sitting in the car, even though I conquered that one months ago.
I'd been in the house less than 5 mins (not even sat down for a cup of tea - not like me at all.) and I was outside messing about in the garden.
I just can't seem to switch off.
I keep telling myself I will not go down this road again.
So far in the last 4 days, my deep breathing practice has saved me from making a total spanner of myself.
I have to admit tho, just holding it together is proving difficult.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Liz
You have done so well and you havw been through such a hard time and coped so well. I know you miss your mum so much and how you are coping is great hon.
Admiration to you hon.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi, for what its worth I think you are doing so well after what you have been through. You are bound to feel a bit unsettled just now,you won't go backwards I am sure. Just accept that you are twitchy for now but it won't last.
Have been where you are and I too thought I was going backwards but you never quite lose coping skills you have learned.
love kiz xxxxxxxx
Liz,
To feel completely and utterly drained and completely on edge is absolutely fine for the moment .
Its the huge shock and trauma of it all coming out. Let it take its course and don't suppress it as it we all know how it may present itself next.
Do though encourage tears and sorrow but do not allow your totally unfounded guilt to prevail.
There is very little that can be done to diagnose or treat silent AAA's and if already leaking as it seems your Mum's was from what you described - emergency surgery is very often unsuccessful.
If you think it would help to talk through any details let me know.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hello Liz,
Please listen to Meg's advice it is perfect. I have been through what you're experiencing and I think you are coping wonderfully. It is so early on in the bereavement process at the moment...It will take time and you will never forget your mom but things eventually get easier to live with and cope with.
Please take care we are all here for you.
Love,
Linda.xx
Thanks Guys :D
I feel the need to cry and wail, but my medication is doing such a good job it feels like it is preventing it - if that makes sense?
Something will happen and I will think to myself - oh I must tell Mum ...
Then I realise that I can't.
My poor garden has had a real pounding - 8 hours worth today. [xx(]
No seed left unplanted, all water features cleaned, froggies croaking with happiness, weeds removed, flowers planted & watered - just general cleaning, weather coating, tree trunk removal and tidying up to do now.
Still if nothing else it is putting this excess twitching to good use.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Hello, stimpy
My own mother died four and a half years ago now. She was 51. A lot of blame and unrestrained feelings and thoughts circulate when a loved one (and focus on the word "loved") dies. You did everything you could. Your mother knows that. She also knows you loved her - and love her still and that you will be missing her. If you suffer from anxiety then she knows that too and will be rooting for you, because she's in a place right now where she knows everything. You will feel her close in the next while and she will look after you, just as you looked after her in live. Don't feel bad, honey. Life has a way of making you do that. You are a good person and your mother knew that too. Trust me.
Sue
Liz
How you are is only natural mate after the shock of losing her so quickly. You probably wont be able to settle and yes the meds do block out some emotion but when it is ready to come out hon it will.
You take care and dont forget we are all here for you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Liz
Have being thinking of you so thought i would post you to see how things are going for you.
Take care hun.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sorry I haven't been in touch for awhile.
I've been coping with my children smashing my computer :( and trying to sort myself out.
I'm still trying to get my head around everything, and trying to find answers to the questions that are flying around my head, (to the point where I have actually tormented my doctor. ) [:I]
I'm trying to hang in there - honest [^]
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
I think we have all tormented our doctors at some point!! Hang in there hun..:D
Hi Liz
Good to hear from you and yes you are bound to have loads of questions you need answers to.
You take care of yourself and keep in touch.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
nomorepanic
14-05-05, 12:35
Liz
Good to see you back. We have been thinking about you so it is nice to hear from you again.
I know that the pain will still be there but I hope you are doing ok and not too much anxiety etc.
Nicola
Thanks everyone. :D
At the moment I seem to be suffering that heavy, pounding heart beat thing. I have to admit that is driving me nuts.
My beloved doctor sent me for blood tests and x rays, just to be on the safe side and gave me nasal spray to stop the dizziness, turns out I had a bit of conjestion in my ears.
Over all I guess I am not too bad. Once I can get rid of the physical anxiety symptoms I will feel a lot better.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Liz,
Under the circumstances what you're feeling is normal ...
You do need to take time for youself to relax and tune out to relaxation Cd and use some lovely visualization for 20 mins.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
am so sorry for your loss but really, it was something that u had no control over. I have a similar story about my mother and my nan. My nan suffered from sever ocd, washing her hands constantly and she had ulcers on her legs, she was also abit of a hypercondriact and would spend hours moaning that she 'felt ill'. xmas 4 years ago she said she felt unwell and as this was a regular line of hers we sort of dismissed it thinking she was attention seeking @as she often was lol' , then on boxing day my mum went mad becasue becasue my nan had appernetly been sick and pood in the toilet, adn instead of telling my mum she just smeered it inot the floor'. I know this sounds disgusting but she was very old and not altogether there. MY MUM WAS FURIOUS THAT MY NAN HADNT JUST TOLD HER SO She could clear it up but she didnt and by that time my mum was at her wits end. My nan said she still felt unwell but seemed not too bad and went back to the home on new year. we got a phone call 2 days later saying my nan had had a stoke, she was admitted to hospital where they told us she had had a blood clot in her bowels some point over xmas and they had died'her bowels', the blood had been blocked and it was basically a waiting game, she had another stroke the next day and died 4 days later. u can imagine how awful wer all felt, we had been moaning about my nan all xmas becasue she had been so awful and we didnt realise she was seriously ill. my mum was mortified but the truth is, we couldnt have done anything, she spent so much of her time mopaning that u never knew what was real and what was for attention!! we all loved her to death but while we feel guilt sometimes there is and wouldnt have been anythign more u could ahve done. at least you were close by her and you were the last person she saw xx
beth xx
Oh Beth
That is such a sad story.
But what can you do? Family members either say nothing and don't tell you they're ill or they moan constantly that they feel ill.
It's only when something really serious happens that realise just how ill they were.
We all blame ourselves, I guess it is only natural.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Hi Liz
Pleased you are feeling a bit better. You have had a hard time recently and it is no wonder you feel anxious. I think you have coped with it all really well.
Take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
I've got 5 appointments with a counsillor. [^]
Who knows maybe a bit of talking therapy might do the trick or at least help to sort me out a bit.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
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