Revelation

[shakygirl]

Had a revelation moment this morning thinking about what has caused my anxiety. Boring background info first....

I trained as a teacher 13 years ago but lost all confidence after an awful teaching practice so decided not to go into the profession. When my son was born 7 years ago my husband lost his job and I had to find one as I had resigned from my previous horrible office job.
I got a job as a Teaching Assistant which I took to like a duck to water. Absolutely loved my job, ended up doing loads of teaching and supply days but this just made it even better (even at £6 per hour).

Last year the school needed to employ a new Y5 teacher and I was asked if I would like to do it part time with another teacher in school and to make up full time hours by TAing. I jumped at the chance.

So last term I was teaching 2 thirds of the time and TAing for 1 third. My symptoms of anxiety started after half term and basically developed from then until Christmas and since then I have been signed off work.

Today I have realised that as much as I love teaching I still do not have the confidence that I am good enough (despite my Head Teacher saying I am a 'fantastic' teacher) and that I do not want the responsibility and the work. I cannot switch off from work for 1 minute and it is not fair on my son and OH.

SO (sorry for waffling on) I have been to see HT today to find out if it is possible to go back to doing just my TA job. The teaching post was temporary for a year initially, so she seems to think that it won't be a problem as my TA job was permanent. We are an independent school so she has to sort things out with the bursary but with everything crossed I will hopefully be able to go back to the job I love.

Feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me.

(sorry for the long post - needed to splurt it all out!)

[Lilith1980]

Hi Shakygirl

Its good that you have found the cause behind your anxiety starting up.

I think its hard to admit sometimes when you dont want the responsibility that comes with some jobs, or the amount of work. You dont want to feel like a failure, when in fact you havent failed at anything - you have just realised that a particular job just isnt what you want to be doing, so its great that you recognise that.

And plus, what's wrong with wanting to be there for your OH and child eh? :shades:

I hope you enjoy being back in your old job hun :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[sheba2]

Hi shakeygirl.

That's a great thing yu have recognised. I was a primary teacher for many years. Loved the kids loved the job but couldn't cope with work work work. I used to call the school my weekend cottage and holiday home as I was never away from it. Of course eventually something gave and I ended up being medically retired. I have come to the conclusion that with my other health probs (nothing serious but very wearing) that working is not for me. This is something we can ill afford but we manage on what I get from my pension and my husbands salary. I am so glad I am at home and able to support my children and husband I am glad for you that you have recognised what yu want to do and have managed to get a work/home perspective.