shakygirl
06-03-08, 13:25
Had a revelation moment this morning thinking about what has caused my anxiety. Boring background info first....
I trained as a teacher 13 years ago but lost all confidence after an awful teaching practice so decided not to go into the profession. When my son was born 7 years ago my husband lost his job and I had to find one as I had resigned from my previous horrible office job.
I got a job as a Teaching Assistant which I took to like a duck to water. Absolutely loved my job, ended up doing loads of teaching and supply days but this just made it even better (even at £6 per hour).
Last year the school needed to employ a new Y5 teacher and I was asked if I would like to do it part time with another teacher in school and to make up full time hours by TAing. I jumped at the chance.
So last term I was teaching 2 thirds of the time and TAing for 1 third. My symptoms of anxiety started after half term and basically developed from then until Christmas and since then I have been signed off work.
Today I have realised that as much as I love teaching I still do not have the confidence that I am good enough (despite my Head Teacher saying I am a 'fantastic' teacher) and that I do not want the responsibility and the work. I cannot switch off from work for 1 minute and it is not fair on my son and OH.
SO (sorry for waffling on) I have been to see HT today to find out if it is possible to go back to doing just my TA job. The teaching post was temporary for a year initially, so she seems to think that it won't be a problem as my TA job was permanent. We are an independent school so she has to sort things out with the bursary but with everything crossed I will hopefully be able to go back to the job I love.
Feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me.
(sorry for the long post - needed to splurt it all out!)
I trained as a teacher 13 years ago but lost all confidence after an awful teaching practice so decided not to go into the profession. When my son was born 7 years ago my husband lost his job and I had to find one as I had resigned from my previous horrible office job.
I got a job as a Teaching Assistant which I took to like a duck to water. Absolutely loved my job, ended up doing loads of teaching and supply days but this just made it even better (even at £6 per hour).
Last year the school needed to employ a new Y5 teacher and I was asked if I would like to do it part time with another teacher in school and to make up full time hours by TAing. I jumped at the chance.
So last term I was teaching 2 thirds of the time and TAing for 1 third. My symptoms of anxiety started after half term and basically developed from then until Christmas and since then I have been signed off work.
Today I have realised that as much as I love teaching I still do not have the confidence that I am good enough (despite my Head Teacher saying I am a 'fantastic' teacher) and that I do not want the responsibility and the work. I cannot switch off from work for 1 minute and it is not fair on my son and OH.
SO (sorry for waffling on) I have been to see HT today to find out if it is possible to go back to doing just my TA job. The teaching post was temporary for a year initially, so she seems to think that it won't be a problem as my TA job was permanent. We are an independent school so she has to sort things out with the bursary but with everything crossed I will hopefully be able to go back to the job I love.
Feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me.
(sorry for the long post - needed to splurt it all out!)