Somebody to talk to about cot death and suicide

[Loobs]

Hi, I feel like a total waste of space, I've been here so many times, but not with you lot behind me, thanks for all of your help, chat room etc., I've had my cipramil upped to 40mg again!!! I feel so strong, but just wish I could sleep!! I feel lucky if I sleep for 3 hours! I can't switch off!! Even after wine and valium that my doctor gave me!! My head will not switch off!!! I feel like I'm going crazy!!! Where do I go from here??? I feel that it would be good to talk to somebody about my mums suicide, or maybe talk to somebody about my sons cot death. I just can't come to terms with so many things!!

[Loobs]

Please help!! I feel that nobody understands me!! I try so hard, but I keep coming back to square one, why? I'ts so hard to keep going, when you keep getting knocked back!! I really have tried, it was so hard to conquuer agoraphobia, but I did it!! Now I'm back to square one, why? When it wasn't my fault that I was attacked at the school, where I've been working as a volunteer for 2 years!!! Working as a dinner lady, doing my NVQ. I had come to terms with so many things, divorce, cot death, eviction, mums suicide, etc., I thought I was doing fine, then now this, where do I go from here???? Back on valium!!! WHY!!!! The child that attacked me is getting special treatment!!! I was the victim, not him!!!! Please help! It would be so good just to be able to sleep!!! I don't qualify for Incapacity cos I was just a dinner lady, not paying enough stamp, my 6 hours a week voluntary work in year three for the past 2 years has gone unoticed, school trips etc!! It was so good at the time, but where do I go from her? Sorry for moaning, but just in Limbo, going nowhere!! Please help! Thanks. XXX

[Loobs]

Cheers everybody, thanks for your help!!

[Oceanblue]

Hi Loobs,

It sounds like you're going through an extremely tough time at the moment and feeling very lost right now.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and your little boy, this is such ashame.

I have also been through many traumas it seems, having lost family and friends by freak accidents, it's extremely hard to cope with.

Have you been to see your GP regarding some Therapy talk about your loss ? I know there are many support groups out there for mothers that have lost a child through Cot Death. PM me if you are finding it hard to find one.

Everybody is here to support you, you are not alone Loobs.

Feel free to PM, if you would like to talk. I'm happy to chat with you on MSN if you like.

Please take care of yourself.

Sending love xxx

[Lilith1980]

Hi Loobs

I am sorry to hear of both your losses, they must be hard things to come to terms with.

I agree with Kate - why dont you go to your GP and asked to be referred to a therapist. I think it would benefit you to talk about these things. It might help you "come to terms" with them.

Take care of yourself hun :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[willitstop]

Hi
im so sorry for your losses and the terrible things your going through.
I may not be much help but im here if you want to talk im a good listener :)

[kellie]

loobs hun i understand your pain. i myself have suffered the lose of 3 ppl in a year 2 nephews who died 3 wks apart ( 17 and 20) and my uncle. i know that the pain is much greater when it is your own child and mother. i only need to look at my sister to see the pain loseing a child can cause. they have only been dead 2 years and my sister is still deperately trying to cope. talk to your doc loobs and get in touch with crusie the berevment counsellers. i hope hun that you dont feel like you were to blame in any way for the deaths you have suffered. how much are you drinking loobs and is it every night? as drink is a natural depressant and although you may think it helps at the time it is only adding to your depression. im here to talk if you need to ok, pm me or pm your msn address if you have one.
much love and hugs for you loobs.
take care .

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Loobs :hugs:

So sorry to hear you've been through such a terrible time.

Someone mentioned Cruse Bereavement - sounds like a good idea to me.

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

Bereavement counselling won't take away your pain, but it might help you begin to make sense of things and put them in a place that allows you to move forward.

This organisation might also be worth having a look at:

http://www.fsid.org.uk/

They study cot death and provide a lot of support and information to families who have lost a baby.

Big hugs to you :hugs::hugs::hugs:

xxx :flowers:

P.S. Diazepam and Wine together - not a good idea :winks:

[lindadiana]

hello loobs,so sorry your feeling really overwhelmed.i lost my eldest son ten years ago he was 17 he went to bed with a headache then the nest morning his younger brother found him on the floor,he was unable to speak or anything and was pronounced brain dead later that day,he had meningitus.i cant begin to tell you the incredible guilt i felt as i thought i should have known.people will tell you to pull yourself together and come to terms with it,they really do mean well but as a fellow parent who has lost a child ill tell you that you never do come to terms with it,you learn to live around it.they will always be a part of your life your mum and your child,i found it made it easier for me to talk to my son out loud everyday cry shout scream all the emotions,i still talk to him now ten years on hes still with me in my heart noone can take your happy memories of your loved ones away from you they are there for you to keep.i was told when i was finding it hard to cope with that i should be over it by now and that i had five other children.its the worst thing you want to hear not just at the time but forever.i have six children and always will have.i had a lovely lady who used to come to see me she too had lost her son at 24 in a car crash she was the one who told me that it will get better and that one day you will be able to remember the good things and life will be worth living again,at the time i didnt believe her.but i know now she was right she told me what i said above that memories are forever wether they make you cry or not.and that one day you will laugh .ive not lost anyone to suicide so i cant really advise you on that one.but i think no matter how you lose a loved one that feeling of the worlds terrible and nothing will ever be the same again is the same.i have a poem i would like to share with you that i was given by my eldest daughter and my sons young girlfriend at the time of his death...here goes I WILL WAIT FOR YOU,THOUGH WE NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE REMEMBER ME, WHEN WINTER SNOWS ARE FALLING THROUGH A QUIET SKY,ILL REMEMBER YOU.WHEN IN OUR DARKEST HOUR YOU YOU HELD MY HAND AND PRAYED I WOULDNT GO,BUT A SILENT VOICE CALLED OUT TO ME MY TIME HAD COME AND I HAD TO TRAVEL HOME.SINCE THEN I KNOW YOUR LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN THE SAME FOR I VISIT YOU EACH DAY.SO MANY TIMES IVE FELT YOUR PAIN,IVE WATCHED YOU CRY AND IVE HEARD YOU CALL MY NAME.BUT NOW FURTHER ALONG LIFES ROAD I STAND IN A TIMELESS WORLD,JUST BEYOND YOUR SIGHT WAITING FOR THE DAY WHEN I CAN TAKE YOUR HAND AND BRING YOU ACROSS TO THIS LAND OF GOLDEN LIGHT.TILL THEN REMEMBER ME YOU UNDERSTAND AND TRY NOT TO CRY,BUT IF YOU DO LET YOUR TEARS FALL FOR THE HAPPINESS AND THE JOY WE KNEW AND FOR THE SPECIAL LOVE WE SHARED, FOR LOVE CAN NEVER DIE.i know this will make you cry it still does me.but crying is part of grieving and its good to let it out.but i didnt send you this to make you cry but to try to give you some words of comfort.it will get better i promise you,you will still get days that are not so good even years and years after.but believe me ive been there hugs and love to you linda

[kaz79]

F**k!! You have been through so much its no surprise that you are not too good (understatement, sorry).
Dont beat yourself up about the medication, its something to help you through this awful time.
I may not know what it feels like to lose a child to cot death, but I have suffered 2 miscarriages and lost very close people so I can sympathise with your grief, It must have come as a terrible blow to lose your Mum in that awful way.
I too had a failed marriage and I often feel like I drew the short straw as far as life goes.
I know what you have had to endure is much worse but all I can say is keep going, never give up, you never know what is round the corner.
I hope things get easier for you, you are in my thoughts:hugs:

[Kim Baker]

Oh! Loobs so sorry to hear of your pain and anguish.

My Brother Mark would have been 50 tomorrow and died to suicide 5 years ago.

Believe me when i say the pain does get easier and one day you will remember your Mum and Baby with happy memories......

You are in my prayers tonight, take care my lovely.

Love,
Kim X:hugs:

[aliciajane]

I'm so sorry Loobs, you've been through so much, and it's horrible to see how much your suffering right now.
Your in my thoughts, and if you want to talk about it, feel free to PM me, or PM me for my msn address and we can chat there.
Take care darling,

xax

[sheba2]

dear loobs. if anyone is entitled to feel scared and panicky and all those things yu are. I can't imagine what you are going through and I think its great that you have found this site to talk about things. I hope yu get some good advice that helps you and I know that everyone will be thinking of you and will chat when you need it. I noticed when you first posted that yu thought nobody was listening sometimes it is quiet on here but you wont have to wait too long for a friendly ear