View Full Version : Going backwards
Things are just getting worse and worse at the moment, my anxiety included.
I have to put up with my daughters mood swings and OCD on a daily basis, starting at 7 am every morning when she gets up. She is rude, shouts at me, nothing I ever do is right.
My confidence is slowly being reduced, day by day. I don't post on here anymore apart from in the humour section, I don't feel I have anything to say.
I no longer go and chat on msn for the same reason, I have nothing positive to say anymore.
My daughter rarely goes to see the Educational Psychologist anymore. She says she can't talk to him about her problems. She is still on the 12 month waiting list to see the psychiatrist whilst each day she is getting worse.
She is so angry all of the time, so miserable, tearful and her behaviour especially towards me, would try the patience of a saint.
I love her so very much but I don't know how long I will be able to carry on with this. It is affecting the whole family. There is always someone shouting and moaning and nagging, horrible atmosphere.
My anxiety is at a level now that it hasn't been at for a long time. I'm waking up with the butterflies in the stomach. I don't want to get out of bed most of the time, it's too stressful.
I haven't put this down very well, not really described how it is day in and day out.
Just thought I would tell you all why my postings have stopped and sorry to Nic and Su for not being on msn. I still visit the forum everyday and read what everyone has been up to!
Love Kate xx
Hi Kate
You are going through a really hard time at the moment, and your daughter although ill, is taking it out on you. She probably doesnt realise how much it is hurting you and affecting you. You have coped very well up to know, and i am sure lots of people wouldnt have coped as well as you have.
It will put a strain on the family and the atmosphere been awful at home will get you down. You have lots you can talk to us about and we will help you all we can, even if you dont want to talk we can post you and keep in touch to see how it is going.
I really admire how well you are coping and you will come through this again, we have been there and done and we can again.
Thinking of you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sorry you feel your not going along too well but were here for you and dont think you cant post because its not positive we are here for the bad things as well as the good so come on and post share it and im sure you will feel much better
fan x
hi Kate,
Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment. Your daughter is just a kid and doesn't realise how much she is hurting you and what a horrid time she is putting you through. As she won't be able to see the psychologist for ages yet, I'm not sure what you can do about it. Have you tried being honest with her and telling her how she is making you feel?
Sarah :D
nomorepanic
17-03-05, 19:50
Kate
Sorry you are so bad mate. I thought you were just busy so didn't like to hassle you for not being around etc.
I understand how hard it is for you coping with Hannah and still trying to look after yourself as well.
I think what you all need is a break away. What about a day out with Hannah and some mother/daughter bonding. Do you feel up to that?
Can you tell her how much she is upsetting you without shouting or getting too upset about it?
Do you want me to call you for a chat sometime - see if I can bore you into cheering up !!!
Big hug mate and we are here when you need us most and that is now so lean on us and let us help!
xxxx
Nicola
Kate I hope you are feeling a bit better tonight.
I know this isnt easy for you with what you have had to go through at work, but dont forget we are all here to help you and think the world of you.
Dont go it alone hon, lean on us.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hiya Kate,
I'm sorry things aren't going too well at the moment.
anytime u need to sound off u know where we are
Lucky
O Typical self self self ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, you sit there in depression not caring about me having noMATES but nic cough cough ,,, You know what shes like and you leave me alone with her O sigh she wants to CuRe me he he ( as if ? ) keep this private dont want nic thinking no one likes her do we ? ............................ I think nics must have aSYKO bunny like yours kate as she keeps saying how rampant it is, mmmm
Or maybe its just flies i can hear as she types to me ( tart ) hurry back or nic might cure me aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
After the awful morning on Thursday, when we had tears and went off to work and school all upset , Hannah came home and said that she had been depressed all day and that her OCD had been playing her up constantly throughout the day. Because of our row before school she had to keep repeating things twice all day to prevent bad things happening.
Thursday evening and yesterday went a lot better. I think Hannah was trying her hardest to be calm and it seemed to work.
I myself am having very weird thoughts, not sleeping and having bad dreams when I do drop off. Hannah is going to a theme park with the school tomorrow and, as I was lying in bed trying to sleep on Wednesday, a thought flashed into my mind that one of the rides at the theme park would break down and Hannah would be stuck. Looks so bloody stupid when I write it down but it has made me feel really anxious about her going.
I keep thinking that I wont see her again after tomorrow that something awful will happen. I know these are only thoughts but I can't get rid of them :(
She does know how unhappy her behaviour is making us all but it seems that she is unable to stop herself. I spend a lot of time with her and take her out, just us two, quite often. She's the only one who will come with me in my KA!! I also sit and watch telly with her in her bedroom at night, when the males have taken over the sitting room with the footy on Sky!
Nic, thanks a lot for the offer of the phone call, I will speak to you as soon as I can talk without bursting into tears![:I]
Su, I'm dead impressed that you managed to post in the right place! I'll come rescue you on msn tonight, can't have you getting all cured now can I???? :D
Lucky, Sal, Sarah and Fan, thanks for your replies. I know I should continue to post even when things are at their worst, but I find it a bit embarassing to post at such times [:I]
Love Kate x
Hi Kate,
I read your post and felt very sad:( because I know what you and your family are going through. Take comfort in kowing that time passes,
which makes bad times bearable and good times priecious.
When I think back we had alot of bad time, but we also had alot of good times to.
You are a good mother Kate and you are doing all that you can for Hannah.
You may not think it but you are a strong pearson and you WILL get through this.
Have your tried going back to your GP to tell him she is getting worse?
maybe he can hurry things along.
Please keep posting Kate we are all here for you.
TAKE CARE
THINKING OF YOU
LOVE JILLXXX
May your trouble be less
and your blessing be more
and nothing but happiness
come through your door.
Hi Jill,
Lovely to hear from you. The last few days have been a lot better, think things really came to a head on Thursday and made us both realise how bad things had become.
I don't know if it would do any good to go back to the doctors as the psychiatrist told me on the phone that the waiting time is 12 months and that all the kids waiting are as needy as ourselves to receive treatment. However, if things continue to deteriorate I will have no choice but to go back.
Hannah has gone off to the theme park today and I'm trying my best not to worry [:I]. Going to pop to Asda in a minute then watch the Villa v Blues match on telly. Was going to mow the lawn to keep occupied but it's a bit damp and dreary out at the minute. Have been up since 6.30am as the coach was leaving the school at 7.45am and Hannah wanted me to do her makeup! :D
How are things with you and Hannah? Hope everything is going well for you!
Love Kate x
Hi Kate
I am pleased things have calmed down for you after the blow out on Thursday. I hope Hannah has a lovely day today and you have had some quality YOU time which you really deserve.
Take care hon.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal,
Well, the "me" time was spent cleaning the kitchen, mowing the lawn and cooking the dinner!
Funny thing is, I've really missed Hannah being around today, it's been so quiet!
Anyway, peace will be shattered shortly, they are on their way back!!
Love Kate x
Hi Kate
shame you were busy but at least it will have kept you occupied. I am sure Hannah had a brilliant time and will be happy to back home to her mum.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Kate,
Happy to hear that the last few days have been alot better.
How did Hannah's trip go? One of my daughter problems was
trips with the school she would never go, it took me a long time
to teach here that it was ok to feel abit anxious.
I just want to say Kate that my PA anxiaty where not caused by
my daughters illness. When I think back I had alot of high anxiaty and alot of negative thoughts that she would not get better and I would beat myself up about alot of other things as well. I did suffer with a social phobia but since having PA and learning how to deal with that my SA has got alot better.
I have found that having things to look forwared to helps.
I started booking holiday, looking on the net for the cheepest I could find. It got a bit out of had one year kate because we had 6 LOL:D[^]
One of them was going with my mum sisters and friends to paris, time for me, and another was a short break with my husband. The others where me my hubby and my 2 kids.
Please Kate take time out for yourself, I know you want to be there for Hannah like I did with my daughter, but it dose help to have a bit of me time.
I know its hard Kate but when you have your bad days look hard for those happy days, look to the future and see your daughter well, because I know she will get there.
THINKING OF YOU BOTH ALWAYS
TAKE CARE LOVE JILLXXX
Hi Jill,
Hannah had a lovely day out, thanks, spent the whole £20.00 that we gave her!
I do go out every Tuesday night. I'm doing a computer course at night school. This gives me a few hours out on my own, we have a laugh there and I'm learning something as well!
Last night was very bad again. Hannah was freaking cos her hair wouldn't go right :(. This then turned into her going upstairs, slamming every door as she went then sobbing in bed.
I brought her back downstairs we had a cuppa and I told her she must talk to me. She said her so called friends are always being nasty to her, commenting on her weight and also that even kids she doesn't know will comment on her being fat. She was very upset and so was I [:I]
She said her OCD is also getting worse and that she is constantly anxious and depressed.
I phoned the school yesterday to ask why she is only seeing the Ed Psychologist once a fortnight now instead of once a week as previously. Unfortunately, once they get to senior school it becomes almost impossible to speak to anyone in person and I had to leave a message on the answerphone to which no one has replied.
I may have done the wrong thing but I let her have the day off school today. I know this wont solve anything, but she was in such a state that I made the decision and thats it really!
Hope things are well with you, Jill.
Love Kate x
Hi Kate,
Sooo pleased that Hannah had a good day out, if she is anything like my kids you could give them 100 pound and they would find someting to spend it all on LOL
Again your reply touched me, my daughter to is over weight, it seems that she dose not have a cut of switch, she dose not no when to stop.
If I tell her she's had enough to eat all hell breaks, and off she goes screaming and shouting. The kids in school and in the street can be sooo horrible to her at time's:( I am trying my best to teach her about food and you are what you eat, but it is not easy kate.
I know what you mean about the school, I hate talking to those machines. When she first went to senior school I informed them about my daughter and if she had any problems I wanted to know about it.
They have phoned me once. These days she try's to deal with things herself, but always tells me whats going on. Just the other day she came in from school and said " I got the feeling again mum on the way home from school" DP/DR. I asked her what triggerd it, she told me that a girl in school had slapped her in the face[:O] she slapped her back[:O]
so she sorted the problem out for herself[^] I don't like my kids fighting Kate but if that is what it take's, them so be it. I have told her that she has to stand up for herself. I also asked her how long did the feeling last,
she just looked at me with a smile on her face and said " not for long I just sang a song in my head and it went"[^]
One of the hardest time's for my daughter was school, I had to put a time on her, she had to be in school for 8.55, I would get her up at 8.15 and move very quick to get her ready. Talk about anything but school,
if I gave her chance to think about it she would be sick, throwing up everywhere, this went on for a long time. I knew that when she was in school she was ok. It was the thought of going that scared her.
But as we know Kate, facing your fears is all part of PA anxiaty and in the long run it worked for her.
Your daughter is alot older than mine and I wish I could advice you what to do, but I don't know anything about OCD or depression. I wish I could help you kate, because my heart goes out to you and your family.
It must be sooo hard waiting round for her to get help. I hope that Hannah gets the help she needs very soon.
I hope you get to speak to someone in the school, please let me know how you get on.
I am very well thank you, still get a few bits but nothing I can't handle,
we all know just how bad it can get, so I'm 98% better 2% bits, but I've been like that all my life, so I'm back to normal. LOL
TAKE CARE KATE
WISHING YOU AND YOU DAUGHTER WELL
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
Thanks for the reply. It certainly seems that your daughter can stand up for herself, good for her! [^]
Haven't heard anything from the school, so will ring again tomorrow. If still no joy, I will be paying a surprise visit there on Thursday. I NEED to get answers from them and I don't know why they don't return calls.
I was out at night school tonight and Hannah was at drama so I haven't spent much time with her, which I think does us good to be honest. I was driving home from night school already dreading tomorrow morning, knowing what it will be like. Really looking forward to breaking up for 2 weeks, last day on Thursday. I think we all need time just to relax and get away from the everyday pressures.
So glad to hear how well you are doing and thanks for your continued support, Jill.
Love Kate x
Hi Kate
I think it will do you both the world of good to spend time together and not have the added pressure of Hannah at school and you working.
Remember how much you have gone through at work but you still carried on and got there in the end and you will with Hannah.
You enjoy your time of hon and take time for yourself aswell if Hannah goes out with her friends and i dont mean dusting cooking etc. Your time for just you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal,
Thanks for your post.
I know I need time to myself and I will get it during the hols cos Hannah is always out and about then.
She had another mega stress out last night, crying again. It was about 10pm and I hadn't long been home from night school. Had a bit to do and I just couldn't face another night of upset.
BUT, Mark (hubby) took over and sent me downstairs. Usually he is in bed for 9pm as he has to be up for work at the crack of dawn but he is off today so he was able to take over.
He talked to her for a good half an hour and managed to clam her down. Don't know what he said to her but she was golden this morning. No moaning, no crying, she just got ready for school and went!
I'm not faring so well though, unfortunately. Kept feeling light headed and panicky at work and really had to fight it to prevent it turning into full blown panic attack :(
Roll on tomorrow night!
Love Kate x
nomorepanic
23-03-05, 19:24
Kate
I am pleased Mark helped. Maybe he could do this more often if it worked well. Perhaps she wants him to talk to her more and this could be a breakthrough for them both.
Have a lovely 2 weeks off - I am so jealous!
Nicola
Hi Nic,
Yes, it seemed to work well with Mark talking to her.
The main trouble is his working hours. He usually is in bed for about 9pm, before the night time hassles, and is then gone in the morning by about 5am, which is before the morning hassles!
Will try to get him more involved. Hannah tends to tell me things more than him simply cos I'm around more I suppose.
He is off for the first week of the Easter holidays so we will see how it goes. One day at a time, eh?
Love Kate x
Hi Kate
So pleased Mark stepped in and let you get away from the situation. She will talk to you more as you are there with her, but hopefully when he has his time of he can take her out and let you have some time to yourself and maybe then she might start tallking to him more.
Remember it is your holidays aswell as everyone elses.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
I lost it completely this morning.
Hannah was going ice skating for her friends birthday and she asked me to do her makeup for her. I did, but apparently it looked c**p and I'd done it wrong deliberately.
Doors were slammed, makeup thrown around, screaming at me and I LOST IT.
I too screamed, my language was awful, I flipped.
Each day I have to listen to all this, each day I tell myself I'm the parent and shouldn't shout at her. We love each other so much but we dislike each other so much too.
I went and sat in the conservatory, couldn't breathe. Hannah came in and said that she is planning to kill herself cos life would be so much easier for everyone if she was not here. I don't know if she means it, don't know if she is looking to hurt me more, but I can't believe that she is even having these thoughts.
I had an appointment for her at the doctors last night but I cancelled it. Too scared to tell them how bad it has got, how bad she has got, how bad I have got. I'm too worried that they will take her away from me, so not sure where to go from here. Just plod along I suppose, arguing, constant arguing, her feeling that life isn't worth living, the whole family miserable and unable to cope.
My son starts his GCSE's in a weeks time and is trying to study. Hard with all the screaming and slamming going on.
She's gone out now to the party and was all upset telling me how much she loves me. I gave her a half hearted hug. I know that sounds horrible but I really didn't feel like hugging her. She rants and raves so often and then is all sorry for it and feels guilty. I just don't know what is going on in her head anymore. I know that the anxiety and OCD will be making her feel awful, I know that it is her illness not her that is the problem. But it doesn't make it any easier to cope with, day in and day out.
I love her so much but this is driving us apart.
Kate
Hi Kate
Really sorry things are not getting any easier and sorry you two had such a fall out this morning. All you can do is keep trying how you are but remember you need sometime on your own where you use it to relax and totally chill out. Go to the doctors hun and see what if anything more they can do. You need all the support you can get at the moment.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
nomorepanic
14-05-05, 12:33
Hiya Mate
Sorry it got so bad today. Must be such a drain on you all and you don't need Hannah telling you that she is going to kill herself on top of it all.
I would go to the doctors and cry your heart out and tell them what you wrote here - even print this off and take it with you.
Tell them that you need some help for Hannah now and not in 18 months time or whatever stupid timescale they have set.
It is a big strain on all of you at the moment and I know that you are trying to hold it together along with your own anxiety issues as well.
I would also tell Hannah that she has upset you today as she may not realise what she does is really hurting you.
Is Mark helping out atall as well?
Big hug mate and I hope today ends up ok for you. I will give you a call if you want me to.
x
Nicola
Hi Kate
Sorry to hear you and Hannah are both having a tough time at the moment.
I think going back to your doctor and explaining how much worse Hannah is and how bad things are now is probably the best course of action to take. Perhaps the doctor might be able to make an urgent referral and get an appointment sooner than the 12 month wait.
I can understand how worried you are by Hannah telling you she is planning to kill herself. She may have said it in the heat of the moment but if she is feeling that low getting some help sooner rather than later would be best. At least talk to the doctor and see what he suggests.
They are not going to take her away from you because of this, however no one can help if they don't know what is going on.
I doubt she deliberately wants to hurt you but is just struggling to cope with what is happening to her and is taking it out on you because you are closest to her.
Hang on in there Kate. You're coping well in the circumstances.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Nic, Sal and Karen,
Thanks so much for your support, it means a great deal to me at the moment.
Things haven't been too bad since Saturday morning. Hannah enjoyed the skating and then went to the fair over at the park with a friend.
Sunday we went to a car boot sale and then on to a garden center where we bought plants and had lunch.
We came home and did the planting and Hannah went on the trampoline.
She has gone running at the track over the park tonight with my son. She is running for the school on Wednesday night.
All in all a good day yesterday and today has been fine as well.
I know we still need to go to the doctors but I'm scared that they will decide that she needs hospital treatment due to her talking of suicide. I don't really know which way to go on this.
Thanks once again for your replies.
Love kate xx
nomorepanic
16-05-05, 21:40
Kate
I am pleased that things picked up over the weekend.
I am sure they would not take the suicide comment seriously. I have said it loads of times - even to my counsellor and doctor and they never put me away. I used to tell them that I didn't want to live like I was anymore.
They appreciate that it is just a state of mind and a kind of "throwaway" comment. I am sure she doesn't mean it seriously and they will appreciate that.
I think she is just crying out for some help and who can blame her when they tell her they can't do anything for a year!
I should take her back or go on your own and explain what is going on. You need some support and help on this Kate as it drags you down too.
Good luck and let us know what you do.
xxx
Nicola
Hi Kate
I'm glad the last couple of days have been better for you and Hannah.
I realise how worrying it is that Hannah mentioned suicide. Have you been able to talk to her about this further? It might help if you could sit down and have a talk with her to find out if she is feeling that bad, or whether it is something she said in the heat of the moment.
It takes a lot for doctors to decide that someone needs to go into hospital. I spent a lot of my teenage years feeling suicidal and actually made three attempts by the time I was 17 and I was never admitted. There was talk of a possible stay in hospital at one point when it was felt I was having a breakdown but it didn't come to anything.
There would no doubt prefer to treat Hannah as an out patient if at all possible but letting your doctor know how distressed she is could speed up the appointment with the psychiatrist. The college I was attending at the time helped expedite my appointment when I was 16 because I was suicidal. Initially I was told I had to wait about nine months but was seen within a matter of weeks. I know this was a long time ago but surely they cannot ignore that she is getting worse.
Just thought it is something to consider.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Kate
Pleased things have settled down between you both. I cant imagine how hard it must be for you but you are doing really well and you are coping. I am always here if you want to talk and however i can help i will.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Kate,
The word suicide brings up all sorts of reactions from everyone.
Hannahs illness makes it seem more real as you know what a genuinely bad time she has been having - but do keep sight of the fact that she is verging on teens trouble too and just about every teen has a blazing row with parents and screams - I wish I were dead- you don't care about me - at some stage, sometimes regularly.
The fact this was over makeup and not over one of her compulsions also is telling of her age and maturing and her appearance being that much more crucial.
I do think that an appt in Dec is appalling and a phone call to the consults secretary/ GP saying you're getting more concerned about her for various reasons may be worthwhile to try to expedite it.
This is so tough on you Kate, how are you coping day in day out ?
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Thanks again to my 3 mates who are giving me so much support :D !
We have had no rows or bad words at all this evening which is amazing for us at the moment.
It seems that if school has gone well for Hannah then her mood is good for the rest of the evening. If it has gone badly then she lets rip when she gets home, which is understandable as she knows that we are the people who will stand by her no matter what.
Another thing which seems to make her flip is if her hair or make up ( yes I know she's only 13!) aren't "just right". This could of course be part of the OCD. I will keep an eye on this and see if there is a connection.
Karen, I talked to her tonight about the suicidal thoughts and she says that she isn't feeling the same way today, but unfortunately, her mood swings are so unpredictable, that she could wake up tomorrow feeling low again.
I know that we must go back to the doctors, I've been having some panic attacks myself again and could just do with getting it all off my chest to be honest. So I will phone tomorrow and hopefully get an appointment before the end of the week.
Thanks again
Love Kate xx
Hi Meg,
Seems we were posting at the same time.
It wasn't so much that she screamed at me that she wished she were dead. She said it very calmly, said she had been thinking about it for a while and that we would all be better off if she weren't here.
She has mentioned this a few weeks ago as well, so I know I must go back to the doctors and lay down how bad things have really become.
I have been having a few panic attacks lately together with feeling very low last week, not even wanting to start the day really. This seems to have lifted today though but I'm still feeling anxious and as if all this is happening to someone else and not us.
Rows between hubby and myself seem to be cropping up out of nothing as well. I think because of the strained atmosphere and neither of us knowing how to help Hannah or to keep family life on some sort of even keel.
As I mentioned in a previous post, my son has his GCSE's starting next week and I don't want his studying to be affected by all the rows, but it's hard when doors are constantly being slammed and screaming and shouting going on.
On a slightly happier note, he is going to Warwick University for a week from 1st August and he is looking forward to that! He also has his leavers prom on Friday so something else for him to enjoy.
I will ring the doctors tomorrow and make another appointment. I know that we are not going to be able to cope with this alone for much longer.
Hope you are keeping well, Meg
Love Kate x
Kate,
Yes do go back and explain how awful it can be just getting through the day... You need some sort of support, there must be child support workers.
Its not really surprising that new issues are appearing at home between you- its so difficult to cope with this every day Kate
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
nomorepanic
17-05-05, 20:55
Kate
I know you are probably not in the mood but if you want me to call and bore you again - sorry I mean cheer you up then I will. Last time we talked for a whole hour so we must have something to say lol.
I am here if you need me ok?
Nicola
Kate
I am always at the end of the phone if you want to talk and we will all help you through this. Pleased it has settled down a bit but i know you know aswell as me it will flair up as quick as it settles.
I think you are doing a great with Hannah and how you feel that is another bonus to how well you are at keeping it together.
Dont feel afraid to talk to you doctor about how she has being as they will only see a mum who loves her to bits and is prepared to do anything to help her through this and put her own problems to one side.
How many people do you know that could do that. Not many and you do and you need praise and support for that.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
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