View Full Version : Avoidant Personality Disorder
TheGreatPretender
10-03-08, 07:30
Hi
i'm not sure if this is the right place to post but I was woundering if any1 out there has APD or thinks they might have?
I've been treated for anx/depression and panics in the past.
feeling really alone on this,I know very little about it and not quite ready to see doc just yet.
hi miter, i would try to get as much information as you can about personality disorders - i dont think its as clear cut as ppl make out - nobody disputes anxiety/panic/depression/phobias etc and nobody disputes manic depression, shizophrenia, and ppl can be sociopaths and pshycopaths etc and these would probably be classed as being personality disordered as well?, but there is still debate about personality disorders - whether they exist or whether we are all capable of having this type of personality but some just have it stronger than others - some labelling of this type may actually be harmful because you could then beleive that you couldnt change.
many many years ago a phsyciatrist informed me cooly and with no explanation that i had an 'avoidant and dependant' personality - he did not say i had a personality disorder - i am avoidant and dependent, but it doesnt take in the whole picture if you just look at it like that - it doesnt allow for the fact that i didnt avoid taking care of my sick mum for 2 years, it doesnt take into account that i didnt avoid getting pregnant, and it doesnt allow that i havent avoided relationships with men even though i never lived with my dad and was always frightened of men - i mean nervous and shy not actually frightened:winks: so i dont really care much for these kinds of labels, because they dont take into consideration that maybe the person does demonstrate certain behaviours to extremes, but in other behaviour they are totally normal, and also we are capable of change if we want it enough?
btw - why do you think you have this, have you self-diagnosed off the net or have you seen a shrink or somebdy - bearing in mind that when i mentioned it to my therapist she wasnt overly concerned/impressed with the psychiatrist saying what he did to me - i think unless your in mental health (which im not)you tend to think that they are all singing from the same hymm sheet - but from what ive seen over the years they arent? so one person will say something to you and then another person will look at it from a different perspective, so it doesnt seem as scary, id say so long as your not being forced to go into hospital you pretty much dont have what the mental health profession would class as a problem, although obviously anxiety is a problem but not one that you cant tackle yourself - whereas serious mental illness makes you a risk to yourself or somebody else and you woul dneed protection. hope this helps? emma
TheGreatPretender
10-03-08, 22:03
This really helps, greatly appreciated thank you.
ok I haven't officially been diognosed as you quite rightly suspected but more figured it out if that makes sense?
i'm not the type of person checking symptoms and relating to every possible condition,I wasn't even aware of the condition "APD" I read those 3 words somewere and made a connection, I know it's more or atlest different than typical anx/phobia,I wont ever be cured of say a phobia of people or groups etc and thats that "next patient please", thats is my theory anyway.On wiki under "APD" that is me and my life,
but then again thats all i know and believe....
you obviously know far more than i do.
When you said you are "avoidant and dependent" i'd like to hear more about that,if ok?
How did/does it effect you?
I'm actually little worried about the docs,he could end up overlooking it or dismissing it,then where would i be? my hypnotherapist was good no dought he cured my general anx alomost over night well pretty much over night that i had for over 4 years,all the sessions and talking over and over about everything and he didn't pick it up,he told me that the progress i was making he thinks i'd be a 100% b4 long,previous he told me hypno doesn't work on everybody so don't be dissipointed, to that. I guess in some aspects i did get 100% better,maybe he is my direct cure to depression aswell? who knows point is i still have huge difficulty in some areas of life that pretty much all people i know or see breeze through.
anyway thanx again
hope to hear from you. :)
:) hi, i dont know that much more about it, but i know that the therapist that i trust doesnt even acknowledge it - as in she doesn tunderstand why the psychiatrist said that to me. i do avoid and i do depend on ppl but so do almost all the ppl on this site - and nobody has ever mentioned this before - i think your anxiety is making you worry about it.
i wont lie, for a few years i was concerned about what it meant, but id read things that made me not care and also the ppl i spoke to didnt give it any credence - i flicked through a book in borders by raj persau (he is tv psychiatrist?) and he wasnt giving it much credence either - like i said it is questionable whether they actually exist, so i wouldnt worry about it. its not an illness, its just what some ppl think about personalities no more no less. take care emma
TheGreatPretender
04-04-08, 22:42
I went 2 the docs the other day,wasn't to bad really,we had a long talk and as a short term solution i'm back on meds just to take me further than i can achieve on my own,going back in 2 months for a review and possibly or quite probably to see a specialist,apperntly i wont need to go for weekly appointments, anyway he told me what i have is not a mental illness and is rather a personality issue,maybe if my life had taken a different turn of events i may not be as limited but allways gonna have a disadvantage.
I just did a personality test to test on a whole range of possible issues and results came back as APD,
Quick Summary:
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. Avoidants are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidants yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder:
Social inhibition; retreating from others in anticipation of rejection
Preoccupation with being rejected or criticized in social situations
Fear of embarrassment results in avoidance of new activities
Poor self-image; feelings of social ineptitude
Desire for improved social relations
Appear to others as self-involved and unfriendly
Creation of elaborate fantasy livescan any1 else relate to this?
thanx again to emmas
this isn't to prove you wrong,
:yesyes: hi miter, Y-E-S i can relate to this - but i think its then about wha tyou do with this info and whether you ntake it all with a pinch of salt or whether you feel 'damaged' goods in some way and let it colour the whole of your existence? personally before i suffered with anxiety disorders i was not socially troubled so i tend not to see myself as introverted - although with intense anxiety does come the desire to be alone - now this is something i wish to reverse because isolation has created more trouble for me - so there you see we can change these so called 'personality disorders'. i now am interacting much much more, but with greater control than ever before.
i just think you are upset by this stuff and maybe you are at a point where these 'labels' will mean miore to you than they do to me now in my life, i can remember a time when all of this really really upset me - afterall i found nmp a year before i joined because i didnt want to be like this!!! and i didnt wan to talk to other people like this either!!!
but things change and we change - would it be of interest to you to know tha ti have read in an oliver james (pyhchiatrist) book that peopel who take medication ar4e more likely to feel tha tthey cant change and are more likely to feel that the characteristics they are taking medication for are things that they were born with - whereas people who beleive their life circumstances led them to feel the way they do feel more able to change? you said it yourself, if life hadnt dealt you what it did you may not have felt the way you do? this is my point entirely - we are who we are but also life and other peoples actions can change who we are, but we have the intelllectual power to change that back or to change it to something different?
i still feel chronic anxiety at times - but i no longer say to myself ' this is who ia am, and i stink!' - i now BELEIVE that i am who i am and anxiety is part of my make-up, it isnt me any more than say if i feel envy, i would say i am envious and i am bad, or i want expensive things so therfore i am bad - it is just a part of us it doesnt have to BE us!:yesyes:
but i dont know how long you have been suffering and what stage you are at with it all - but i have been suffering on/off for 21 years so i would hope that in all that time i would be able to come to peace with myself - and i have:yesyes: but ive done that with anxiety not without it.
take care, emma:winks:
:D oh yes btw, i did also want to say - i cannot remember ever creating a fantasy world - although my gorgeous husband who has absolutely no history of anx practically lives in a world of his own which revolves around his work - i have heard him have full conversations with himself where he takes on the role of the other person (this happens say when hes pottering around and i creep up on him:shrug: ) but he isnt in the slightest bit worried about this and why should he be? loads of people will do this it doesnt mean there is something wrong with them! they are just crazy normal humans:wacko:
and i also wanted to point out that ive read that introverts are so becasue they take on more of the worlds woes - so if you went to the pub with a group of freinds/aquaintances the introvert would get sick of the company sooner because he/she would be paying more attention to wha twas being said around them and they would feel overloaded sooner and so need to retreat to isolation to cope - wheras the extrovert wouldnt listen and wouldnt actually care anyway, so could go on socialising probqably being to soul of the party but without a care for anyone else or even in the wider world - so another way to look at being introverted maybe tyhat isnt soooo negative?
hope this helps emma:winks: :D
this is what I've got. I know I have without being officially diagnosed.
It's a nightmare for me. starting councelling on Monday so hopefully she can help me break the complete avoidance of social situations. I saw my Mum in the street the other day and even pretended I didn't see her as I knew she hadn't seen me. As soon as I saw her I panicked like she was an axe murderer(which she's not!).It was at that point I really knew I have a serious problem.
Bunty
:) yes bunty, but also your perception of the situation could make it worse? you use the word 'nightmare' and you say you have a 'serious problem'?
well you wont get aken into hospital for the serious problem and nobody will care about your nightmare situation thats even if they notice? ive been with my hub in supermarkets and hes practiaclly killed himself to avoid someone hes seen - but hen on another day he feels able to face ANYONE. its the way you are looking at your issues i feel that makes them actually worse - who is it you wan to be like - someone on the telly? who is toatally confident and would never ever be embarrassed or show any sign of weakness? is this who you wan to be like? but that is only one side of the person - i know some very charming confident people who wouldnt give you the steam off their pee:blush: :ohmy: they are mean mean people with possessions and their feelings and time - im not saying all confident people are like this - but some are - and then some totally introverted, shy people whould do anything ofr anyone and once you got to know them would be a great interseting and loyal friend! maybe your expectations are too high and are not really balanced, bear in mind that extroverts will also potentially make monsy out of their natures - look at peter and katie andre, and any other number of celebs - but also people in business and sales will probably be extroverts too, so their personalities are also their living, it doesnt guarantee a good rounded person, does it? you can overcome these panics when you see people, it just means using the techniques for overcoming panic in any situation:yesyes:
Emma
I don't want to be like anyone and I don't care about being totally confident. This is a nightmare for me as I haven't socialised with anyone in 4 years so I know I have a serious problem as I'm desperate to go out but simply can't(was self harming and suicidal only a few weeks ago). I think to myself, what is the worst thing that can happen? but it's bigger than that. I have a huge mental block about going out. It's not simply nerves or anxiety.
Anyway, hopefully the coucillor can help me.
Thanks
Bunty
:) yes i understand bunty as in my own way ive been there - i dont self-harm bu ti have felt suicidal many mnay times. and i have been isolated froma ll bu tmy immediate familyfor years and years and i have displayed some of the bahavioursthat are in miters post. your counsellor will be able to help you, but we have to help ourselves too, and that can mean getting extra help for ourselves by whatever means - nobody in my life has ever gotten help for me ive had to get it myself, but from talking to professionals i have found that this isnt unusual - its just unfortunate. im not against you bunty, i know how painful this all is, but i also know it can be overcome - from within niot from what anybody else does - i mean they can help and tell you what to do but they cant get inside yo and make you feel different only you can do that? tc, emma:flowers:
:) oh yes also bunty if you have been self-harming and been suicidal only a few weeks ago then you are probably very raw and only at the start of your recovery - i dont think expecting to socialise is helpful right now. we can socialise but when youve been that low your not going to be able to really cope with too much? take it very easy and slowly and ove rtime you will gain confidence. we are not in a suffering competition - its not like well ive felt worse than you, everybodys situation is the same but different - i just want people to know that other people who felt their lives were over, now find themselves with renewed - or even first time with confidence and abilities that they previously didnt have and never felt they could have? you can be who you want to be , but you have to beleive it first?
TheGreatPretender
05-04-08, 19:19
Hi again Emma and Hi Bunty :)
it's a huge relief really 2 know whats "wrong with me" now,to have a label or another description to pinpoint my condition if you like,
thats half the fight over,i can accept i have a personality disorder
and looking back over my whole life it would explain it all,and thats a good thing
:) thats good that you feel that way miter, bu ti would just caution that you have labelled yourself this and that it is only one part of your personality not all of it - you will have many many other traits that may be perfectly okay as in you find yourself lacking in this social aspect but in things like loyalty, dedication, consideration for others, sense of humour etc etc the lsit is endless - you are excelling in those areas - i would just say that if it helps you to know you have a 'personality disorder' - make it work for you - move on from anxiety about it and find ways of dealing with it?
you have your reasons for accepting this potential explanation of your problems, but from wha tive learnt over the years pshychiatry and psychology are not the same, i dont know if you know about the experiment in the 60's that blew the lid of the american pschyciatric world - when ppl wen tinto hospitals and said one word! they were all held as being 'insane' and only when they said they were better would they be released - all this on the basis of saying one word!!! im sure psychiatry has moved on since then, but there are also people out there who are interested in the 'truth' should we say, now im no conspiracy theorist, but prozac isnt all its made out to be and yet at one time almost the whole of america thought they needed it! im not saying i dont beleive in 'personality disorders' but i think they can apply to that many people that it could be like saying in some way everyone has one! i know nobody who is 'perfect' and i also know some very 'normal' people who conduct their lives in very weird and complicated ways.
i hope for you that knowing this about yourself can actually help you to recover and move on? take care emma
milly jones
04-09-08, 09:09
i searched nmp and found this cos i need help
i have been diagnosed with this by my psychiatrist and have had my meds changed
i have some psychosis and am about to start mt meds
are these members still active?
i would appreciate contact from them if they are
milly x
Hiya,
Just a few minor points, things like schizophrenia and bi- polar disorder are in a seperate category to personality disorders. Anxiety, phobias and panic disorders are in a different category psychologically to either personality disorders or organic disorders like schizophrenia. Personality disorders are very very difficult to diagnose as most people would relate to lots of the supposed symptoms even if they are mentally fully well. I'm very concerned if a GP is diagnosing a personality disorder in anyone, they aren't qualified to do so! Only experienced psychiatrists should even be attempting that diagnosis! And Emma I take your point about some of the comments made by psychiatrists, as with any profession, there are good and bad people within it, and the one you saw certainly sounds less than helpful and rather old fashioned in his outlook. A friend of mine was told a while back, by a psychiatrist, that all her problems could be solved by buying a dog!!!! However, there are some very good and very helpful psychiatrists and psychologists out there. If you're not happy with the advice given by anyone ask for a second opinion, it's you right!
milly jones
04-09-08, 11:02
i was diagnosed by my psychiatrist after 6 months of meetings and therapy
i have to trust her
the drugs are the same as used for schizophrenia
milly
Hiya Milly,
Yes you're right, if you are taking medication for psychosis you do have to trust the psychiatrist to do what's right for you. Dealing with psychosis is very different though as it involves the brains chemicals, unlike personality disorders in which subjective opinion on the part of the health care professional plays a large part. I wasn't suggesting anyone should doubt their health workers, especially when they've beeen seen for a long time, but if anyone isn't happy with what is being said or suggested to them, they should feel confident to speak up.
Hope you're doing well
Ros
milly jones
04-09-08, 12:09
when i read info about apd it was such a relief as it was like putting the last piece into a jigsaw and realising that i wasnt mad, other people had these difficulties, esp the relationship problems.
i know it hasnt solved my problems but the label make it feel legitimate and real to me
just to say ive been being treated by the mental health team for 3 years to get this far
milly x
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