can someone talk calm me?

[kimmy]

i had tablets reduced last week, 20mg of cyprimil to 10. have been doing great. was doing my own tarrot cards last night, had a card come up about being anxious and needing rest, got me panicing a bit. had to re-do it (obviously) BUT it came up again. really made me feel down, today im having a bad day, im on aswell (sorry) so im tetchy anyways. my little girl was being a brat, and i just thaught "oh my god can i cope" what if i lash out and hurt her. i just went on one from there, thinking what if i loose cpontrole or something? i was stood in the playground waitingto pick her up and i was thinking, oh my god, im a nutter and they dont know it! my anxiety went loopy., i calmed myself1

please dont think im a weirdo, a few years ago a friend of mind, bruitally killed a baby. i think i stuggle to understand, its made me think anybodys capable of it. now i scare myself ****less, its my biggest fear. i love my kids, and i struggle and think what if i do it!!

i do have a temper thats whats scares me. [Sigh...]:(

[sal]

Hi Kimmy

I have just posted on my post about that. When i get really anxious i am convinced that i might go mad and hurt Sam. Since getting her from school she has pushed and pushed me and i could feel the panic and anxiety rising, then the thoughts started just like you are feeling.

But we have to remember that it is only a thought and although what your friend did was wrong, it doesnt mean you are capable of doing something in anyway like that.

I think at most times most mums have been pushed and feel like we do. Although anxiety suffers take it a step further and believe they are bad people, mad, going to lose it etc. But you are none of those you are just feeling anxious and your little girl has played up which has heightened your feelings.

You are not alone and it is quite comforting for me to be able to help you as i am feeling just the same tonight.

Take care.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[seh1980]

hi Kimmy,

It's natural that you feel the way you do. Our minds work in spirals so as soon as something sets us off - that's it!! The good thing is that you manage to calm yourself down. The fact that you are scared of hurting your kids means that you would never actually do it. Because you are already aware of how horrible it would be if you did do it, your mind would never actually let you do it. Hope this makes sense and helps somewhat.

Sarah :D

[della]

hi kimmy

sorry to hear your feeling so scared ...however if you are afraid of these thought they will just gain momentum...all i can say is DONT GO BY WHAT UYOU FEEL GO BY WHAT YOU KNOW..feelings are like the weather and can change from minute to minute..trust in your love for your daughter and in your self..and you will find the courage to see these thoughts for what they are just thoughts NOT actions...
trust in yourself and your judgement believe in the love that you have ...give your daughter a great big hug...but most of all be good to yourself

:D

take care


della

[nomorepanic]

Kimmy

It is usually the thoughts that get hold of us and make us panic. We get confused feelings and thoughts and can't make sense of them.

I doubt you would be posting on here if you were going to harm anyone.

Hope you feel better soon.

Nicola

[Chaz]

hi kimmy,

Don't worry about it, wot sez you are goin to hurt your children, like you sed u really love them, so you wouldn't hurt them, don't think about it too much, because it will be on your mind constantly, if u do think about it, turn it around and tell your-self "no i won't, i love them"!

I probably don't know that much about having kids as I'm one my-self, but I hope you get over it,

take care mate

chaz xx

p.s hope to see u on MSN

Dont let little thing get you down, make the most of life!

[sal]

Hi Kimmy pleased you sent pm to me however i can help i will and know just how you feel.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Glitter]

Hi Kimmy,

The fact that you recognise your own rising stress towards your little one, is a great thing! You are unlikely to harm her.

Been there... got the T-shirt.... and i'm here to hold your hand. My kid had ADHD, i thought i'd kill her! But shes made it through to age 15!

Our kids, when little, react to the emotional state of their mothers. The atmosphere, when Mom is stressed out, can actually make the little dears 'act out'. Child psychologists would tell you that a small child is playing up, to test the boundaries, because they are feeling unsafe. Its a psychological thing... i could go on... but it wont help knowing the theory.

Try this, when your child is winding you up to the hilt... take the biggest breath you can... and HUG her... you can sit down together and cuddle, tell her over and over that you love her... (you'll be telling yourself really). Its soooo hard to do, when really you feel like throwing them out the door... but it might help. Its what i had to learn to do.
Amazingly enough, my teen remembers those cuddle times!

Youre a great Mom, parents dont get told that... but you are Kimmy!

Blessings,
Glitter x

[leo05]

a few years ago a friend of mine had her baby killed by her boyfriend which hurt me to as i loved the baby and i blame my self for getting them both together so i can relate to how you are feeling a little bit but if you feel like you want to talk bout i feel free to pm me anytime

lea

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Kimmy, I feel exactly the same about my kids. 3 weeks ago my little boy was involved in a hit & run accident. He's now laid up in bed for 6 weeks with a full leg plaster. When the accident happened I looked at his angelic face & saw the helplessness in his little body & I vowed I would never shout, stress or smack my kids again. I could have throttled him last night!! Because we love our kids more than anyone else & we are with them from the minute we get home, they are the first thing we lash out on. I find it really hard to control myself when the anxiety is at its worst. I don't mean that I batter the living daylights out of them, I just find myself ranting & raving constantly at them. I always seem to be shouting for some reason or another & its not their fault. Its hard being a single parent, you have no-one but your kids to take it out on. Their favourite at the minute is "Take a chill pill mum!" I wouldn't mind, the 2 youngest are only 8 & 5! I have smacked my children in the past, haven't done for a couple of years, but I still seem to raise my hand as if I'm going to smack them & they cringe. It makes me feel so guilty. Saying that, they're too fast for me now lol!! I think we all at some point have thoughts in our minds that we are going to hurt our children when we are at our worst. I just go into another room now and count to 10. My youngest is really impatient & expects me to do everything he asks instantly i.e. I want a drink, I want something to eat, etc. Can you imagine what he's like with a broken leg! Driving me up the wall I can tell you! But I must admit as they get older they seem to grow out of it. Mine kinda understand that there's something wrong because I have to take tablets. I've tried to explain to them that sometimes I might be poorly (panic attacks must be a horror for children to watch), but it has got easier as time goes on. You're not a bad person for stressing & thinking that you're gonna do something wrong. I think all parents have thought that at some point in their lives, so you're not alone with this & i'm sure you won't do anything to harm them, you just get so stressed out that you say it & think it, but deep down you wouldn't do anything. I can understand you worrying because of your friend. When someone you know does something so tragic you can't help wondering to yourself "god, that could have been me; I could be capable of that", but its just a gut reaction I think. Take care of yourself & have a good read through some of the topics on this site. You'll be amazed at how many people feel similar to yourself.

Les

[jill]

Hi Kimmy,

I can relate to what your saying. When I was acute the thoughts that went through my mind where terrible and very scary.

Our minds are open to any sugestion, all of them negative.
In NO WAY would you harm you kids, Mrs anxiety has found what you fear the most and is playing on that fear.
Don.t give Mr Anxiety this fear Kimmy, these are only thoughts and thoughts CAN be changed.

We would all struggle to understand why anyone would kill a baby. The fact that you are strugling to understand tells me that you would NEVER HARM A FLY let alone a child.

There are many many people who understand what you are going through, but believe me when I say, these thoughts will pass.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[Tomimo]

You are not alone - when I was acute I felt exaclty the same and even when I'm not too bad I still get the fleeting thoughts and they are very scary.

Thoughts are just thoughts and don't mean anything.

I really have been there so PM my any time :)

Annie x