Can't go on much longer like this

[Franz]

At work, I'm just freaked out by having people around me, especially when it's quiet... My stomach is churning constantly, I always have headaches... just been out to sit in my car, talked with a doctor, couldn't string a sentence together, howled like a demented person... This is making me ill - something's got to give... what on earth did I do to deserve this? The only people who care about me can't deal with my problem so I have to pretend I'm OK... I'm losing it, I'm so desperately alone and I'm stuck with this problem, I've tried everything and I mean everything and... My colleagues don't give a s*** about me, they just think I'm a maniac and I am... but if I gave up work there'd be no way back, I have no partner, no support network... this life STINKS.

[groovygranny]

Hello Francis,

You have this support network - although I do know what you mean.

I'm afraid I haven't read any of your other posts because I just wanted to reply to you quickly and offer some reassurance. But I shall do.

Social anxiety can be crippling I know - and pretending can only last so long before even that breaks down.

You haven't done anything to deserve this - none of us have.

Anxiety is no respector of age or sex, way of life or disposition.

But we can all support one another by sometimes just saying " I understand".

Not much help to you at this precise moment I know - but try not to lose hope eh? Never, ever lose hope, because hope is always constant. It is us who choose to turn from it.

big hugs to you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


PS: just looked back on a post you made last month (I actually did reply to that one) - you felt it was pretty pointless and we all assured you it most certainly was not.

And it still isn't Francis - you matter, you are worthy of recovery - but it may take time. Time is excruciatingly slow sometimes but must pass in order for things to happen. Please do not put yourself down so. You are at least going to work and getting through the day albeit with a struggle. Give yourself credit where it is due ok?

more hugs! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[chalky]

Hi Francis,

You will ALWAYS matter here.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
One day you will look back at what you have come through and be stronger for it.
Focus on what you can do and let the "big picture" look after itself.
Eat right,rest right and have a good fluid intake.
Keep things simple.
Keep posting about how you are feeling and start to feel the support you have come through.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Franz]

Thanks for the responses, and sorry for burdening readers with my foul-mouthed expressions of gloom. Have just had 3 days' holiday - feel a little better but I need to do something about work when I get back because basically nothing's changed!

[Allye]

Francis

Sorry I have not read any of your other posts but I felt exactly the same about work for a long time. You are not a maniac just possible suffering from anxiety, social anxiety and possibly a little bit of depression.

Saturday and Sunday I was fine. Monday - Friday I was a wreck, woke up with a sense of impending doom, really strugged to get to work (was always late) and then spent the whole morning stuck to my chair, whilst wave after wave of horrible feelings washed over me (sickness, depersonalisation, feeling faint etc etc). I developed a headache every day too. For some reason I always seemed better after lunch.

How busy are you at work. Part of my problem was I had stress boredom - although quite busy I could do my job standing on my head and was bored - all I could think of was 8 hours until I can go home, 7 hours, 6 hours, etc etc. There was also a lot of disruption with people leaving and job ambiguity which caused stress.

I have had a temporary reprieve with Citalopram, however I have also decided that we are only on this earth once, so why be so miserable at work. I am currently looking for another job - one I enjoy. I have decided that being happier at work is a lot more important than a large salary. I woud rather be broke and happy than have money in the bank and be unhappy.

[Lilith1980]

Thanks for the responses, and sorry for burdening readers with my foul-mouthed expressions of gloom. Have just had 3 days' holiday - feel a little better but I need to do something about work when I get back because basically nothing's changed!

Hi Francis

You're not burdening anyone, we are all here to listen and offer support :hugs:

Do you think changing jobs would be the answer or would this only be running away from the root of the problem?

I cant remember if I asked you this, but have you seen a counsellor/therapist about this? It certainly seems to be having a detrimental effect on your life and its something that needs to be addressed.

Dont give up hope, we're all here to support you :)

Jo xxxxx

[Liverbird67]

Don't ever give up hope Francis, I am in exactly the same position as you, I am currently off work sick hopefully due to be back soon, work are sending me letters asking me to go for meetings etc to see what support they can give me, (its work that has made me like this). I am currently on SEROXAT hoping that they will make a difference and awaiting CBT therapy your work situation sounds exactly like mine, no one give a hoot about anyone else. Keep browsing this websit hun, there are loads of people to talk to and to give you hope.

Keep hanging on sweetheart.

Liverbird
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Franz]

Hi Francis

You're not burdening anyone, we are all here to listen and offer support :hugs:

Do you think changing jobs would be the answer or would this only be running away from the root of the problem?

Hi Jo. Changing jobs wouldn't help really. I actually have a good job with a good company. My work is certainly very solitary, which doesn't help, but really I'm not a gregarious person and, other things being equal, it would suit me well (I write manuals for computer software).


I cant remember if I asked you this, but have you seen a counsellor/therapist about this? It certainly seems to be having a detrimental effect on your life and its something that needs to be addressed.

I've seen more counsellors than I can remember! I was lucky to get free counselling from my workplace insurance, and the counsellor I had was actually the best I've had. Not because she cured me, but because she seemed to have the most insight into my problem - more than a psychiatrist who I paid £240 to see privately for an hour (he wasn't bad, but he didn't tell me anything I didn't know already).

I'm intending to continue to see this counsellor privately when she comes back off holiday - just having someone to talk to is quite a relief.



Dont give up hope, we're all here to support you :)

Jo xxxxx
Thanks :) I'm not AS bad today. If things continue to be bad I'm going to have to move desks, no question about it!

[Franz]

Don't ever give up hope Francis, I am in exactly the same position as you, I am currently off work sick hopefully due to be back soon, work are sending me letters asking me to go for meetings etc to see what support they can give me, (its work that has made me like this). I am currently on SEROXAT hoping that they will make a difference and awaiting CBT therapy your work situation sounds exactly like mine, no one give a hoot about anyone else.

Liverbird,

Sorry to hear you don't have supportive colleagues. I guess like me you need to take things a step at a time: not bailing out of society completely, but not over-exposing yourself before you're ready.

To be honest I was pretty unfair in my previous post: the fact is that most of my colleagues don't know I have a problem; all they see is that I'm often miserable and distant. I'm even nervous about saying hello when I get in, because I'm worried about staring at them. So it's hardly surprising if they don't warm to me! That said I have better days when I'm bordering on sociable, insofar as I'm able to be.


Keep browsing this websit hun, there are loads of people to talk to and to give you hope.

Keep hanging on sweetheart.

Liverbird
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Thanks for the reply and your kind words :)

Best wishes,

Francis