Massive argument with DP about my Health Anxiety

[Emira7]

Hey Guys

I have a really great partner, who I love dearly. I had been a bit out of sorts the last couple of days worrying about my ECg (that came back normal).

Last night things came to a head, he said I had changed, and he wanted his old Emira back. And that he could not understand what my problem was (i told him I didn't either!)
Anyways we had a big argument, and he just wants me to be better, to chill out and take his philosophy on life - he is very laid back by the way - but I explained that at the moment I was going through a sticky patch. And that I am trying through antidepressents and counselling to get better.
He keeps asking me why do I worry all the time, I just don't know why thats all I can say. He also said that I can't expect for him not to be affected.

He also said I am like this all the time, which i didn't think I was, I am aware that I have bad days/good days, but now I am paranoid, I must be a total cow to live with.

My eyes are sore today from crying, he slept downstairs last night. I don't know what to do.

Do you guys have any advice about helping partners understand? I keep trying to tell him its not his fault. its me, and it does not matter who is around, what is happening, it can still be in my head.

I have probably rambled, so thanks if you got this far

Love
Emira
xx:weep:

[JennyW]

Oh Emira - I do feel for you :hugs:

I have a wonderful husband who is also my best friend but he sometimes has trouble accepting my HA issues. I have my bad periods like you and I think sometimes it drives him mad :blush: Sometimes he can handle it and sometimes he cant and may snap at me so we end up having a little row about it. He will always apologise but will also explain how difficult it is for him to see me like this but my argument is always that this is the way I am and that as my husband he has to accept everthing about me - warts an' all.... :)

Life together is all about give and take and my husband knows that there are things he does that I have to put up with.

My only advice would be to talk to your BF, explain that you really cant help the way you feel and are dealing with it the best way you can and that you need him to be supportive (even though you know how hard this is). HA is something that's very hard for other people to understand. Mine drives me up the wall sometimes and the stress of it all really wears me out - I hate it - but I cant help it. My husband always tells me that life is for living and not for worrying about - but easier said than done for people like us eh? :blush:

Talk with your BF. I'm sure everything will be ok :flowers:

[anxious]

Hi (((((hugs))))) i know exactly where you are coming from. To be honest it has caused a lot of problems in my relationship and i actually find myself avoiding talking to my husband about my anxiety. It causes too many arguments.
Have you a friend you can confide in occasionally. If you find yourself talking about health all the time, try to limit it, see if you can arrange to have a chat at a certain time of the day when you are both relaxed.

[frank]

I am a man with health anxieties. I think my fiancee finds it hard to understand and empathise. She doesn't worry about anything which is great but sometimes I just wish she would try and stand in my shoes. I think its really important to share your feelings and for him to listen without trying to fix or adivise, just so you can talk. Also think its a good idea have a friend you can speak to, maybe meet for a coffee or something.

Hope this helps

[Emira7]

I feel so embarrased to talk to anyone about it.

We kind of made up, and then he suggests going away for a few days and now i feel rubbish again. We live together, and there are children involved. I feel a little overwhelmed by everything right now.

I am so upset, I don't know what to do anymore :-(

[fairyloveheart]

You shouldn't feel embarassed, you have nothing to be embarassed about

I am driving my hubbie to distraction with my issues at the moment. He is very laid back and relaxed and doesn't understand why I worry about what might be, and the worst case scenario all the time. It is very hard to explain it, as I don't know why either.

I am so miserable at the moment, I'm not really functioning properly in day to day things and this is getting him down. He's working more overtime to avoid me I think!

All you can do is try and talk things true, maybe not at home, like others have suggested, somewhere neutral...

Hugs xx

[Emira7]

Hey All

Well I cried for England last night. He is not coming home til next week as he needs space. My palpitations have started up again, and my anxiety is worse.

I am dreading the weekend, I really am :-( Need to keep busy, but it will just be a long drawn out time alone.

I guess i can understamd he needs his space, I am a pain in the butt to live with.

god don't I sound like a right misery guts! Woe is me LOL

[Mumto2]

So sorry your going through that, I can totally relate to that though and wish someone would support my husband at times because it is so hard on him too.

I don't think there is much you can do other than ask him to support you, you are trying to get better, your not just giving up and your sorry for the pain your causing but your not causing it on purpose.

I haven't rowed with my husband about it before but I have screamed at him, when he tells me to stop crying (In a nice way) I scream at him that I don't weant to cry I just can't stop myself etc etc.

I really hope you can sort this out between you which I am sure you will, you just need a bit of support.

[Emira7]

I hope so to, I am gutted I will be on my own all weekend (i know millions of people do it)
I am scared as I have butterflies in my tummy and feel uneasy, a few palpitations. I know I am reacting to whats happening at the moment. But scared about my ECG again!

I need to get a grip, just hard managing it hey

xxx

[AtmoLav]

Emira,

My advice (as a bloke), is to let him have his space. ironically, me and my partner have swtiched roles recently. 2 years ago, she was the Health Anxious one: her hair started falling out for no good reason and she went through hell with Anxiety. I found it very hard to understand. I tried to help her - found a specilaist and paid for her to go, but she seemed so distant and started not enjoying the thinkgs she'd always enjoyed. It worried me. In some ways, I wanted my girl back. It was hard coming home every night to her in tears, her constanlty asking me to take her to the docs, which meant time off.

It was hard.

Now, I'm the anxious one, and she's chilled. And guess what - it causes arguments, and she wants the "old me" back. It's hard, but she's the real reason I want to beat it.

[Emira7]

Thanks for the message, good to hear a guys view as well. He does just want the old me back. I mean he has taken me to A & E where I have been panicking, and he has been through alot with my moods, and health obsession.

thanks. I will give him the space, maybe it won't hurt for me to stand on my own two feet for a change instead of expecting him to be there for me hey

xxx:)

[frank]

enjoy your time as well. Do things for yourself as treats and pamper yourself because you deserve it. Make it special

[AtmoLav]

I second that Frank.

[Emira7]

Yeah I will, a friend is making me lunch Saturday and we are going to take the kids for a long walk, then Saturday night, just chill on the sofa I think, get sleep.

Thanks for all of the fab words! means alot
xx:hugs: