Angel64
15-03-08, 08:16
At the moment I am trying to achieve a better life for myself, nothing great just the ability to feel 'free' and be able to go places I haven't been for a long time.
I did a deal with a friend on Thursday night that on Friday I would go on the motorway, having agaoraphobia had made me think I didnt like motorways and couldnt drive on one for love for money.
I used to love driving miles on the motorway, the open road, with the radio on, so as I was driving instead of tuning into my 'can't do this, what if ????'
state of mind, I daydreamed back to the days of enjoying it.
I drove along that strip (only did 1 junction there and back) radio blasting, and relaxed, the speed was a bit scary but got up to 60 on the way back. I didnt let the anxiety in, oh it tried the odd blip of a chest pain, but I just smiled, enjoyed the scenery and feeling part of it again.
On my journey to where I would like to be in my life, I am having major setbacks, but it has been part of my life for so long, feeling anxious is just the habit I have adopted.
I know I will never be that person I was before, but I have realised I can not only remember things I used to enjoy doing but the emotions I felt at that time.
I went to Mcdonalds for breakfast after it, which is something else I used to do regularly, and had such a feeling of happiness and achievement it was well worth doing.
The main thing I have noticed is the difference between sitting in the house, running through a situation, and imagination all the 'what if's'. I will never know if those 'what if's' would really happen if I dont get out there.
I am going to look at 'what if' I go on the motorway and enjoy it and want to do it a lot more often cause it isn't half as scary as my mind blows it up to be sitting in my lounge lol.
Christine xx :flowers:
I did a deal with a friend on Thursday night that on Friday I would go on the motorway, having agaoraphobia had made me think I didnt like motorways and couldnt drive on one for love for money.
I used to love driving miles on the motorway, the open road, with the radio on, so as I was driving instead of tuning into my 'can't do this, what if ????'
state of mind, I daydreamed back to the days of enjoying it.
I drove along that strip (only did 1 junction there and back) radio blasting, and relaxed, the speed was a bit scary but got up to 60 on the way back. I didnt let the anxiety in, oh it tried the odd blip of a chest pain, but I just smiled, enjoyed the scenery and feeling part of it again.
On my journey to where I would like to be in my life, I am having major setbacks, but it has been part of my life for so long, feeling anxious is just the habit I have adopted.
I know I will never be that person I was before, but I have realised I can not only remember things I used to enjoy doing but the emotions I felt at that time.
I went to Mcdonalds for breakfast after it, which is something else I used to do regularly, and had such a feeling of happiness and achievement it was well worth doing.
The main thing I have noticed is the difference between sitting in the house, running through a situation, and imagination all the 'what if's'. I will never know if those 'what if's' would really happen if I dont get out there.
I am going to look at 'what if' I go on the motorway and enjoy it and want to do it a lot more often cause it isn't half as scary as my mind blows it up to be sitting in my lounge lol.
Christine xx :flowers: