Letting people down?

[bubbleblitt]

Hi, I suffer from panic attacks, or panic disorder the doctor tells me.I have found that part of the problem seems to be the feeling of letting other people down.I was wondering if any of you feel like this?
I used to have panic attacks when faced with a flight (which I am terrified of) but recently I have been waking up in a real panic about something else.I have a special pamper day booked for me and my daughter and I'm dreading it but feel so guilty about letting her down.The prospect of having to either keep this bottled up and go along or talk to my daughter and hope we can postpone it is adding to my anxiety.Any advise?

[willitstop]

Hi please dont feel guilty its a terrible illness we all have and i understand what your feeling try and explain to your daughter and suggest that you try and go but if you feel to bad you will have to come back home.
hopefully when you get there and relax you will say to yourself what was i worried about :).
good luck and keep us updated

[Rennie1989]

Maybe this pamper day will do you good! You will be so relaxed and comfortable.

I do feel guilty as well. With my new meds making me worse at the moment I'm more agoraphobic and anxious and I avoid alot of things. I even skivved off college because I couldn't face it and I was meant to have a counselling appointment and my friend was going to give me something.

Like willitstop said, it is a horrible illness. Your loved ones will understand how disabiling it can be. Just take little steps and you'll be fine :)

[emlou71]

Guilty, i've got a degree in feeling guilty! and I also suffer from anxiety attacks. I know i've no room to talk really but please try to focus on what your daughter wants and you never know, you will probably end up having a lovely day. I always dread things beforehand and don't sleep with worrying but normally end up having a lovely time.:)

[bubbleblitt]

many thanks everyone for your replies.I will let you know how I get on.I really want to go ahead with the spa day and I don't want to avoid anything else.I've spent years trying to beat my panic attacks associated with flying. One of my friends told me that maybe if I'd been treating myself to a spa day in the past I wouldn't be so anxious! I just want to be looking forward to things like most people.

[Little~Fairy]

I can understand where you are coming from i suffer really bad with terrible guilt & it is over something & nothing that i shouldn't feel any guilt towards at all & i know how hard it is to overcome that feeling & think right i'm going to do this for me - I though would force myself to do it even though i know i am putting myself through something i can easily just say "no" too i've to push myself to overcome it & sometimes it isn't always the best thing as it just makes the condition even worse when you have done it - Like for e.g. my friend has invited me out Friday & we will see a group of her friends i am terrified of how i am going to come across, what am i to talk to them about & i just feel like saying no i don't want to go & i am also feeling bad about money when i really don't need to be i work hard so should go out & enjoy myself right? But no i just feel like i can't be around people who are "normal" as they won't understand me & think i am being funny & shy when really when i am comfortable i am not i do come out of myself but on the otherhand i can't be on my own in the house all day & night and not having been anywhere so i can't win really - I hope whatever you decide will work out great for you though

[Bill]

We're very self-conscious. We worry what others think of us. We worry about letting people down. We worry we should be as capable as others. We worry about feeling guilty...........and that's before we've even stepped out of the house!

We beat ourselves up so badly that we prepare ourselves for the panics we expect to occur and when they do happen, we beat ourselves up further thinking how pathetic we are.

We're defeated before we start because we feel certain we're going to fail or at least it's going to be an ordeal because the fear of suffering a panic attack is constantly in our minds.

What we need to learn to do is to press the erase button.

I was watching a programme the other day about hypnotherapy. I've never experienced it but I found it quite interesting. There were 2 main cases of interest whereby one person was helped to overcome IBS and the other was helped to have 2 teeth removed and re-created without any anaesthetic.

Evidently hypnotherapy stimulates a certain part in the mind to overcome fear and to create deep relaxation.

The person remained conscious but their fears were erased.

To me, it seemed as though the hypnotherapist was re-installing self-belief.

I must admit I too suffer from IBS and have had a tooth removed and re-created without anaesthetic but like I say I've never had hypnotherapy.

The mind is very powerful and it can create fear or strength depending on impressions made on it.

Sometimes panic can make such a deep impression because it frightens us so much that it becomes an obsessive thought as we're always fearing the next attack. However, when we no longer fear an attack, the thought is then erased because we no longer worry about it. It's the worrying about having an attack that creates the attacks. Remove the worry and we remove the attacks. We can then go out thinking about enjoying ourselves rather than when we'll experience the next attack and the cycle of beating ourselves up then stops.

I know the question is how do we stop being afraid of them.

Panics occur for different reasons. Often we need to discover what is Really creating the attacks. Sometimes its pressure in our lives, sometimes something from the past or sometimes pressures that have built up to create a "bad day" which we can't forget.

There is always a reason though but sometimes we need help to uncover the causes. Once the causes are discovered, I believe it helps us to understand why we experience panics and then how to become unafraid of them but often the causes are complex so it takes time to heal.:hugs: And yes, I have experienced them so I do understand how terrifying they feel. The first time I had one, I just had no idea what was wrong with me or why!

[bubbleblitt]

Hi Little fairy and Bill, thanks for your replies.I understand what both of you are saying.I know how you are feeling Little Fairy about going out with your friend and facing up to your fears.
Bill, I can identify with everything you have said too.My panic attacks have now become the fear of the fear.
I think what if making me feel so dreadful now is I used to have the panic attacks before a flight-weeks and weeks before but now this has happened because we have a family problem.Of course, I'm now in even more of a state thinking that although I promised myself a year out of flying this year and I am still having a panic attack but now it's ben triggered by something else!
I would love someone to be able to turn off that trigger button for me- I feel like I'm not strong enough to get on top of this.I have thought about hypnotherapy but not sure if that's what would help

[AGraphicPhobia]

Hi Bubbleblitt,
I've only just joined today, and part of the reason was to engage with people who have had similar experiences to me. The difficulty with guilt is the way it buries itself deep and gnaws away at you.
My partner has been very patient with me and has put up with a lot of compromise (flying being one of them), but when I 'fail' by being unable to attend my son's school performance etc. (despite trying) then the guilt gets complex. First you feel guilt and that is compounded by that look of disappointment you're given. She may compromise but does he have to be affected by your problem too?
It's almost as though you 'can't be bothered' and you're thinking "that's ridiculous - it might seem pathetic to you, but how can I be less anxious and not panic when the person affected is considered MORE important. If anything, that just makes me feel like I've let the side down even more!"
I'll bet you're feeling that you simply can't let her down. I find that preparing the ground so that you can be a spectator rather than a participant may take the pressure of you enough for you to change your mind on the day and, at least, visualize yourself enjoying the experience. It's only the pressure we feel from feeling compelled to be in a situation that feeds our anxiety about the situation.
I know it's easy to say but a counsellor used to say to every scenario I described "What's the worst that could happen to you in that situation. If you do it, you will live, and you will get strength from it, you will improve your self esteem rating and you may just do it again."
This happened with me and flying.
Know that we understand you and also know the cost to you of this predicament. Whatever you decide - you're not weak; you love your daughter very much and if you could, you would. She needs to understand it's because she's so special that you've worked yourself up like this.
Good Luck Girl

[mlondon]

Hi

I see you have lots of advice. I think the best thing to do is talk to your aughter, explain how you feel and that you'll give it a go but may need to leave. I reckon once you are there you will be ok and feel great for going. Also on the journey try to think of the nice things about the destination but remind yourself you can leave at anytime. This is what i do, it helps

[chalky]

Hi Bubbleblitt,

Low self-esteem is a very common feature amongst us.
Time is a great healer though and as you face and overcome your Anxiety issues,your self-esteem will rise and you will no longer feel this way.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Don't self-criticize like this-you do not deserve it.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[bubbleblitt]

thanks again for your replies.I am wide awake and feeling really scared again.I have camomile tea and had rescue remedy and I'm still worried about tomorrow.The anxiety feels oevrwhelming.

[bubbleblitt]

just an update-I ended up cancelling and although I did feel guilty it wasn't as bad as the strong panic attack.Yesterday I did feel a lot better and managed to get to my daughter's surprsie birthday party.
This morning I am high alert again worrying about the next event! I know it's ridiculous but just need to calm down.It's as if I have a panic button in my head which I somehow can't switch off.