really need some advice

[louise0501]

hi everyone, i just really need some advice about my life, the thing is i'm 21 and i don't have a boyfriend and i'm stuck in a dead end job that i hate, i go to college 5 hours a week but don't think that will get me anywhere. everyone around seems to be getting boyfriends/girlfriends so i feel really lonely and jealous and even when my sis is talking about her new love interest i have to leave the room. any advice on dealing with these sorts of feelings? i'm also getting really anxious about where my life is going and i feel so alone?
Please reply
Love Louise

[cattttt]

You poor thing Louise, I was just like you at your age, stuck doing something I hated, with no prospect of moving on, no boyfriend when everyone else around was happily pairing off. Dare I make the usual suggestion of joining something? Is there something that you are interested in, if you join the club you would meet people interested in the same thing and have the starting point for a relationship. Often friendship is a better place to start than fancying someone.
I say this from experience too-as I said, I was in the same position as you, I'm an outdoors person, so I went youth hostelling.............and met the man I have now been with for 30 years.
It doesn't have to be that, whatever you are interested in, there will be a club for it, ask in your library for a list of the clubs and societies in your area.

[Joe1981]

You need a hobby :) Find something that interests you and start doing that..

One thing that i have learned is when you go looking for a gf well in your case a bf you dont find anyone it's when you are not looking is when you find someone special so dont worry about being single. Plus your still so young.. So don't worry about that kind if stuff :P I know its easy said then done but good luck! :)

[nok_tok]

dont worry, there are so many 21 year old singles, the right person will come along

you could try next step or a career centre for advice on your career, im still in the same boat but i went to a career centre an they went throght things with me and ive decided to go into nursing

[Jaco45er]

Young and loads of time so try not to stress.

I am no expert on relationships, but I agree with Joe on that one.

As for work? young again you are :) which means, you have loads of time to decide what it is in life you want to do.

Think about a job you might enjoy, office work, work with children, animals or whatever, and start aiming your career towards that. I know so many people around my age (err 30 +10) who have totally changed thier jobs, the latest was a mate who gave up being an electrician to become a driving instructor.

As for those around you, concentrate on you, what you want. If others are finding partners, good for them, you will too in time.

Jealousy can be such a negative thing, try to overcome these feelings, wish others well and be safe in the knowledge that it will be you one day soon.

Good luck

Jaco

[chalky]

Hi Louise,

Back in the last century-when I was your age,lol-I was crippled with low self-esteem.I had an older brother who was better looking,better off and who could talk to women very naturally.It wound me up no end.
Taking on new interests like volunteering with old folks,Conservation volunteering,etc,etc are all great ways of meeting new people in low pressure situations.Volunteering with old people is a great way of building self-esteem as they tend to put you at your ease.
Joining a library or a local club connected to one of your interests can help.
You are still very young!!!!
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Life has so much to offer you and you it.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Lilith1980]

Hi Louise

I'm 28 and I'm still deciding what I want to do - so its never too late!

Dont put unnecessary pressure on yourself hun :hugs:

I agree with finding a hobby or doing some volunteering. I do volunteering once a week and its boosted my confidence and made me feel like I am making a difference which is great :)

There is a site called www.do-it.org (http://www.do-it.org) where you can search for volunteering in your area.

Good luck hun :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[mynameis]

Hi Louise,

It's probably very easy for all of us in here (in hindsight !) to say don't worry, the right bloke will come along etc etc. However, it is true ! Personally, I think it best not to force anything. At 25 years of age, I came out of a 5 year relationship in a dead end job with a mountain of financial worries. I begged my ex to take me back simply because I was afraid of being alone, and thankfully she refused. Within 6 weeks I met my future wife. Within 12 months she'd given me the confidence to pass my driving test & attend college to gain qualifications for the job I'm still doing now. Our meeting was totally by chance & that's the aspect I like most about our relationship. We could have missed one another by seconds, but we didn't, and now, we're approaching our 13th wedding anniversary in 6 weeks. It's understandable that you're envious of your sister, but there will be elements of yourself that she will be jealous of, it's just human nature. With so many career choices about nowadays, look at courses that will be of potential benefit towards a new career that you envisage for yourself, making sure that you don't sell yourself short. The good thing about your original message is the fact that you're aware of your current standing and are prepared to change it. I'm sure that with the guidance of the good people on this forum & your own hard work, your life will soon change for the better. I hope you keep us updated & I wish you the very best of luck.

[Sheenbean000]

wow! we really need to be friends...I have read all of your posts now ( sounds like I am stalking u haha) and everything u write sounds like me...although I have gotten some professional help for my problems and trust me I still have issues and worries but u and i sound soooo much a like! Ive felt that same way too...but, I've decided I need to think of me.

And by the way hun...the fact that u feel lonely and you feel that u might never meet the right guy and u get jealous isn't going to help u find anyone faster. You need to love yourself and be happy for the people around u and u need a clear picture in your head of what YOU really want...u need to control your anxieties first and cannot rely on anybody to make u happy...u need to make u happy first :) if u don't find yourself worthly no one else will find u worthy...u need to find your strengths and go with it